Boobs!!!

I honestly thought this was going to be ridiculously immature, and I was mostly right, but for some reason I did enjoy the humor in this storygame.

It was written in a very childlike manor. Almost like a fourth grader had taken your laptop hostage and had decided to write a goofy short story about their recent discovery and love for all things boobs after sniffing through their dad's or older brother's old playboys, but had to write it in a way that their mom wouldn't be too mad (or mad at all) if she had found out and read it. It would have passed the mom test, and I would like to think that dad would be proud of his son's artistic abilities as well.

The grammar is obviously horrendous, but hey, the fourth grade is a tough year for all of us. Lots of spelling and punctuation errors, but I'm sure your teacher (or your dad) would be more than willing to help you out there.

I did enjoy all of the actual facts about bees though, and thank you for so kindly pointing out that if I did not like their color options that I was then indeed a racist. I was unaware of that, and I shall work very quickly and diligently to correct that.

Honorable mention, of course, would be the fun fact about bees mating at 30mph. That's some crazy skills! I wonder what else they can do at 30mph (hint- everything your dad can't).

Overall, a very enjoyable, cutesy, and easy storygame. Thanks for the brain break, and keep up the good work, buddy!

I was actually very surprised that this wasn’t just some kind of troll post, especially with the name, and the depth and detail contained with such few pages is just mind blowing to me.

The sheer amount of figurative language and symbols is very impressive. The way that the ending caused such an amazing chain reaction that gave the reader a mind blowing realization, and forced them to reread was similar to that of Life of Pi, but the way that you did it completely blew the insignificant title out of the water. The way that you used the bees to show so much surpasses any that of Ray Bradbury and George Orwell tenfold.

I like how this was open to all genders, which provided for not only multiple playthroughs, but also for an insight into the other character’s lives. Allowing the readers to see what it’s like for a female bee growing up during this time period is crucial to the overall theme of the story, which I’m not going to spoil, and the way that it is done certainly shows what a great author you are.

The character interaction and growth is unprecedented, and I absolutely loved how much I got to know them as I continued to read. I feel that it is difficult to create a specific personality and keep it consistent throughout a story, but the way that certain events changed the characters in such a realistic way, and in such a flawless one at that, takes the story to a whole new level.

The setting couldn’t have been more perfect. The change in the surroundings of the characters from when they were little, to when they finally grow up gives the readers not only the backstory, but also creates a connection between the story and real life. I love how much of a direct correlation there is between the change in setting and the change in character.

I felt such a deep connection with the characters, and I think that this reason alone is what makes the love in this story so much more than what most people believe to be love in real life. The way that you condensed a lifetime of love, pain, fear, anger and every other emotion imaginable in a story is mind boggling. This story has opened my eyes to what real love is, and its absolutely amazing how I could feel the passion between the characters through my screen.

While romance is an important part of what makes a story, I certainly wouldn’t have loved this as much if it was all sunshine and rainbows. You mixed in the inner conflicts with the outer ones perfectly. Most stories focus on either the thoughts and feelings of a character, or the details of the setting, but you have once again blended these two components better than most, if not all, best sellers. The action that you created actually had my heart racing, and I found myself unable to look away at all while reading this masterpiece.

I feel like this alone is going to change CYOAs forever, due to the perfect detail in which I could picture in my mind at any given point, I think that there really isn’t a choice in making the first ever CYOA inspired movie series. With the amazing detail, there probably won’t be a need for a director, and after reading this for themselves, I’m sure that actors and actresses will be fighting for roles so much that they wouldn’t even need to be paid. After the world sees what a magnificent read this is, everyone will immediately drop whatever they are doing to help speed along the process of bringing this to the big screens. I can’t wait until the movie is finished.

While there were a few grammatical and spelling errors here and there, it didn’t take away from the flow, and it definitely didn’t take away from the overall experience of reading such an amazing and unique CYOA type book.

I haven’t read that many of your stories, but this certainly has persuaded me to check them all out. I wish that other authors on this site could learn from you, becuase it is sad how infrequent stories of this caliber are on this site.

I don’t give many, but this has definitely deserved it.

8/8

I would say this was better than about 70% of all of the research papers I receive. First of all, you used some punctuation in the right places. I noticed commas, and I noticed periods, and when you used periods, they were at the end of sentences.

Furthermore, you often paragraphed, and you recognized that when you have a new idea or turn of thought, you have to paragraph. Right there, you are way ahead of my first-year students. I'm not kidding at all.

You used letters for words, like "u" and "r" but that is totally the norm for freshman essays, and you also didn't cite your research. But you didn't paste in the actual internet links into your paper like an incompetent cheater, so I think that's a wash.

You actually had an idea that you could reasonably call the thesis, and I knew what it was from first paragraph or so. That is better than most sophomores. You also had a catchy title, which I require for all papers, but probably well over 2/3 of my students still title their essays "ESSAY #1." This semester, and I am not making this up, a student spelled her *own name wrong* on her essay and when I pointed it out, she just said, "oh, yeah." You did not spell your name wrong, so I gave you points for that as well.

Then, when you were done, you stopped, instead of padding it out with pointless content. And you didn't write to me asking me when I was going to grade it.

I am more than half tempted to link this to my syllabi and say "if you can write as well as this I will pass you and I am not joking."

Hope more people read this and are inspired to actually go read the great stories on this site. Start with Endmaster's stories and go through Will11's, Malk's, Mizal's, Avery's and literally the entire catalogue of storygames rated higher than 4. Leave reviews.

No mention of actual boobs. 1/8.

"bees mate twenty feet off the ground doing thirty miles per hr. Fact"

Damn, I never would have guessed.

Well, this is obviously low to moderate effort satire, but what it lacks in effort it makes up for in making me LMAO. So, I'll rate this one disproportionately higher than it deserves in terms of hours spent creating it.

That said, I had no idea honey bees are members of the mile high club. That they get it on while flying is even more impressive than Superman. I don't recall reading about Superman doing it in the air, do you?

I can't exactly say it was a horror game, but I do enjoy the bee facts, Ogre11. Thanks for the recommendation.

Recenzja wolna od spoilerów

Muszę się przyznać, że na początku nie byłem w pełni przekonany czy Boobs!!! jest grą dla mnie. Pomiędzy tytułem przywołującym na myśl żarciki na poziomie przedszkolaka, kompletnym brakiem opisu lub jakiejkolwiek innej formy wprowadzenia do fabuły przed rozpoczęciem i dość nie imponującą średnią ocen nie ma tutaj niczego, co by zachęciło przeciętnego czytelnika do wybrania akurat tej pozycji z licznych innych na stronie jako partnera do spędzenia wieczoru. A jednak po pierwszym przejściu przez główną fabułę byłem szczerze i bardzo pozytywnie zaskoczony.

Fabuła sama w sobie nie jest niczym niesamowitym, ale w pełni spełnia swoją funkcję narzędzia do prowadzenia czytelnika przez świat aby ten mógł nauczyć się więcej o niezwykle ważnych tematach poruszonych w opowiadaniu. Jest trochę problemów z tempem, zwłaszcza w drugim akcie, ale są one odczuwalne dopiero przy kolejnych sesjach kiedy początkowy efekt zdumienia nie jest tak duży jak przy pierwszym czytaniu.

Elementy edukacyjne opowiadania są zdecydowanie jego najmocniejszym punktem. W szczególności dzięki mistrzowskiemu dostosowaniu prozy do poziomu przeciętnego czytelnika. Tak imponujące opanowanie języka pospolitego sprawia wrażenia czytania nowoczesnej pracy odrodzonego Sienkiewicza, a w szczególności tego jak niczym w Quo Vadis zwykłe, wręcz niemal potoczne słowa i zdania opisują tematy trudne i obce dla większości ludzi.

Niestety postacie nie utrzymują tego samego poziomu. Pomijając głównego bohatera, który jest celowo pozostawiony jako pusty awatar dla czytelnika, nie ma nic godnego pochwały. Postacie poboczne są dość mocno jednowymiarowe i nie przedstawiają żadnych cech charakteru ponad te wymagane przez fabułę. Jest do zrozumiała decyzja ze względu na naturę tej gry, ale trochę więcej subtelnie zamieszczonych szczegółów z pewnością podniosłoby jakość całości.

Pomimo tych kilku niewielkich problemów jestem zmuszony przyznać, że Boobs!!! jako dzieło literackie zdecydowanie nie zasługuje na tak niską ocenę i z pewnością zachęciło mnie do zaczerpnięcia z innych prac autora.

Ostateczna ocena: 6/8

Well, this story isn’t what I expected for sure.

SPOILERS FOLLOW

I was expecting a story something along the lines of a kid starting to like the girls in his grade because they had started growing boobs, so this was quite a twist.
It was nice to include the link to bee information, plus the little facts about bees were cute. I don’t know why you felt like writing a story with some little bee facts but ok. Congrats on getting enough ratings to be rated, it’s a nice little story with a bit of humor.

I know this game is a joke game, but the point it was trying to prove did make me a little sad.

Makes me further understand and truly appreciate initiatives like admins featuring comments and Will11's review competition.

After reading the thread that inspired "Ogre's boobs", I realize that this is actually a really good time for authors. Within a few days, you can expect to see good quality feedback and reviews for games that you worked hard to create. Sure it's slow at times, but based on that thread, it's better than it used to be. Thank you to those who came before us.

This game has inspired me to leave quality comments for as many well-made games as I can.

As for the game itself, it was funny and concise. Ogre made a good joke game without stretching the joke and wearing out the reader's interest by making it too long. I also learned some interesting facts about bees. The last part where the ending was the same regardless of choosing to mate with the girl bee or the boy bee was a nice touch in parody.

Definetly going to check out more of Will11 and Ogre's games after this.