Doppenton

The story starts in an obnoxiously chipper tone, making the society seem as perfect as that stupid sexy Flanders. Aside from that, there were so many weird things going on I wasn't sure what I was reading. You had some half men half dogs, cows doing flashmobs, shitting dragons, and that creepy sun that changed colors depending on what was happening, all presented in that damn tone.

But then you met your clone. The story became more interesting and the tone changed into either being menacing, or dark. I liked the contrast between the two halves. I also liked the branching of the whole thing. But I'm still confused, was there (originally) a third person?

“Are you okay?” Max says, putting what appears to be a tiny needle with some kind of sedative back in his coat pocket.

“They all tend to do that, at first,” other Max says, “some go ballistic but you didn’t do too bad.”

Max taps your shoulder, saying he will take you to the rest.

“Wait!” you say.

Yeah wait, I thought there were two Maxes. Also, I was confused at you perfectly knowing stuff at the first option, and not knowing stuff at the second. I feel this story fell in between wanting to do a big branching thing (which it accomplished) and wanting to stay at the 2k mark (which hampered readability) and could really benefit with another 500 words around the big clone reveal.

It is really funny and cheerful in the outside and really creepy in the inside really a great job and I agree with Mizal. Still, for my own taste, There is not enough descriptions and atmosphere. But that is a personal view. The game is really a good read.

Man, this is a WAY better argument against using drugs than that Aussie PSA.


Pretty entertaining, Corgi. However I feel like you *could have* dropped an ending somewhere and trimmed enough words to make it fit the word limit for the Tiny Topia thing, if you had had sufficient gumption.

I also disapprove of your crimes against punctuation, I don't know why there are so many missing apostrophes around, but I assume kidnappings and some kind of shady organization is involved.

A smiling ever watchful sun is actually pretty damn creepy. Although I was assuming it was caused by drugs, it was sticking around even after the drugs were supposed to be gone. Maybe the protagonist is just nuts but the others put up with it because recruits are scarce?

The meeting your doppelganger idea was an interesting one and something I always like in fiction, you should do more with that in a longer more serious story.