SPIDER-MAN:Rise of carnage part II

Well ... http://i222.photobucket.com/albums/dd206/EternalNightshade/tombstone_zpsceejjusr.jpg

... Same song, second verse, huh? I would just say "this is more of the same" and I would be right about that (there is indeed "more" here in terms of pages, but the quality is certainly the same,) but let's just launch into the gems I found while I was reading, shall we?

>>spiderman:"i have defeated green goblin now i better get back to business !"

1: ... Oh, finally, the continuation of that thrilling conversation with myself--wait, come back!

>>Spiderman was swinging throught the NYC he kept stopping thugs and he was appreciated by the police

1: 'throught'? Isn't that one of the sounds Gollum makes?

2: Oh. It's THE New York City. Phew. Thanks for clarifying. This way we won't get it confused for that other one that Spiderman frequents over in Beijing.

3: So, he WAS doing all that, but he isn't anymore? Damn, superhero retirements come early, can't even last out a whole sequel.

>>(Note:Next page you will be fighting thugs.)

1: Best. Foreshadowing. Ever. @.@

2: I'm sure this advice prevents a lot of heart attacks. I mean... who knows how people would react if stuff just happened in stories, you know, like normal plot progression?

>>The street thugs are attempting to pick lock the empty business building spiderman arrives at this scene

1: "Pick lock"? You mean these guys are just out innocently lock shopping and I'm going to beat them up for it? Geez, Spidey, what do you have against well protected doors? >_> Did a deadbolt kill your mother?

2: "Spiderman arrives at this scene"? Ah, but did he enter from stage left or right?

>> "Spiderman we're not going to get captured by the police!

Well, considering you're talking to Spiderman (a superhero who's well known for capturing people for the apparently totally incompetent NYPD,) I'd say that statement is correct. :D

>>Thug #2 tries to knock you off with his baseball bad

1: Knock me off of what? o.0

2: "Baseball bad"? Hey! I may not be a fan, but it's America's past time, man!

>>spiderman managed to defeat 1 out of 4 thugs there are 3 more left !

Whoa, whoa, slow down, professor! Is this going to be on the test?

>>one of them shoots you with his pistol What will you do ?

Uh ... stand there and bleed, I guess? Poke the bullet hole? Limp around and act out a glorious one-man re-telling of A Christmas Carol as Tiny Tim? You said he shot me, what more do you want? xD ... >_>' Oh. I can dodge the bullets that he already shot me with, but it kills me anyway. Alright. Damn time-traveling glitches.

>>you have disarmed his weapon successfully

Oh. So, I disarmed the weapon, not the guy? Well, great. Don't want any pistols going around shanking people.

>> oh no he's going to perform flying kick on you ! what would you do ?

1: He's going to "perform" on me, huh? Dammit, I hate when thugs pretend I'm a dojo floor.

2: What -would- I do? A fat thug is about to get on top of me to 'perform' a flying kick and you're asking me philosophical questions?

>>you suffer a face injury now you can't do superhero stuff

xD NO! Not my beautiful face, now how will my adoring fans recognize m--wait. Masked superhero. >_> Uh ...?

>>Thug #1 "haha spiderman get ready for my special weapon

OH MY GOD, NO! AVERT YOUR EYES!

>>Thug #1 removes his machine gun !

1: Oh. He meant his gun.

2: Or ... wait, is that just what he calls it?

3: o.0 "removes" his machine gun? Well, just as long as the ONLY thing you take off are those weapons, buster.

>>you kept evading his bullets but then one bullet hits your leg and the rest of your body...

Wow, that's a big bullet.

Directly after that : >>well who needs spiderman toast ?

... Aww. Look, it's a little lost punchline. Poor fella. He must've gotten separated from the scene that was supposed to help him make sense. :(

>>you have disarmed his 'special' weapon

xD This is why I'm not entirely sure that my innuendo jokes are unwarranted.

>>police arrives in this scene

Seriously, am I reading a story or a script?

>>these thugs are arrested the police thanks spiderman for help

1: These thugs. As opposed to ... some other ones over there in the corner of the lock store, I guess.

2: "help"? "Help," my ass, I'm doing ALL the work AND missing out on quality conversations with myself.

>>spiderman appears in front of rhino

When did spiderman learn to teleport? o.o

>>rhino: "Spidey ! stop coming in my way !"

Yes! Stop slinging your white, sticky fluid all over the streets of New York! Damn teenage boys. >_>

>>spiderman: rise of carnage part 2 will be right back after these commercials !
>>after the events of spiderman 3

You're ... talking about the events of a sequel to the sequel of the game that I'm currently playing. This is some inception level shit right here. (Mind you, knowing Spiderman will survive both this game and the next takes all the suspense out of it.)

>>you play as harry osborn the new goblin as he help's spiderman after he realises when to use his power in part 2 after spiderman tells him his story

This is like, if the Sixth Sense had a couple of sequels and, in the middle of the movie, it suddenly had a bathroom break where a narrator said "after the ghost protagonist of the sixth sense found out he was totally dead the whole time, he met up with Citizen Kane and they discussed how they should kick ass together in the spirit world to get back Kane's long lost sled, Rosebud."

>>Rhino is dashing on you !

First some thugs use me as a dojo floor, now Rhino is running on top of me? Ugh. Rude.

>>you somehow dodged his dash attack

Somehow? You're just as confused as I am, huh? Well, at least I don't feel left out.

>>he is trying to come out

WHOA now, I wasn't prepared for that kind of conversation, I just met the guy...

>>rhino comes out and he attacks you and throws you somewhere by his great and massive force you are somewhere on a space well ...

1: His "great" and "massive" "force"? You'd think he'd buy me dinner first.

2: Is a "space well" where you get "space water"?

>>(Note:he's the same new goblin from spiderman 3.)

Oh, right, from that game I haven't played yet that's "coming soon" according to your commercial break.

>>dodge them then get on his skystick

Hey, hey! I thought Harry and I were just friends!

>>you're on his skystick he's attacking you with his armed blades

1: Kinky.

2: First the guns were armed, then the machine gun was armed, now these blades? Is NYC really so dangerous that now even all the weapons have to carry weapons?

>>harry:"you have killed my father ! but you're right you didn't kill him."

>_> Make up your mind, man.

>>spiderman:"oh man harry is recovering and wait is this doc ock ?"

1: "oh man"? >_> Why do you sound so disappointed? <_< Did you find Harry's will in a deleted scene or something?

2: "wait"? Quit flaking out on our quality time. Supervillains are no excuse for super rudeness.

3: "is this doc ock"? Gee, I don't know, man. Is it? I have no scene descriptions to go off of! xD

>>blah blah blah

... Alright, now THAT is the laziest thing I've ever seen in a story. (Please, God, don't let the WC fans prove me wrong again. >_<) I seriously can't believe you used that in place of the entire villain monologue. A DOC OCK monologue! What a waste of perfectly good ham.

>>now you're behind him what will you do ?

Bow chika wow wow? Oh. You meant "to defeat him," ok.

... *sigh* This story had both me and my spouse in stitches, but it and its prequel are the main reasons that I must decline your request to be added as a co-author on my stories. I, uh ... do enjoy making people laugh, but not like this.

You're a wizard Harry

Kiel's review made me laugh so hard!

Nice I stood there just without using my head like "Uhhh...I'll just stand here."

Nice

This was some funny shit.

I actually enjoyed Keil's review more then the actual story, which is really saying something

Hmm... Not as funny as the first one. I mean, writing blah blah blah instead of actual dialogue and then pretend you actually wrote some dialogue is pretty funny, but the commercial break in the middle of a storygame for the sequel of the storygame I'm currently reading got me to suspect you intend this to be bad. At that point it stops being like the Room and becomes more like Sharknado, it just doesn't work if it's supposed to be bad.

Out of all the poor attention to detail in this storygame, the thing that bothers me the most is that you can just keep clicking on the top choice to get through. Maybe it makes no difference when the wrong choice is "stand there like a moron while you get attacked" 80% of the time.

It could use some cleaning up, then it could be a decent story... But this sucked really hard.
Just put a little more effort into this or ask somebody to help you with it. I don't think you know about story telling and how to make a good non-canon comic book adaption.