The Butter Bear

Spoilers below.


Characters-6/8
The butter bear was well characterized, considering the short length and that fact the intended audience was children. He mixes eccentric behavior with politeness and understanding, making the ideal character for the protagonist to go on an adventure with, and for children to read about.
Charlotte is also well-written. She has a distinct, almost proper, personality in the beginning, characterized by her interactions with the butter bear. As the story progresses and she spends time with the butter bear, she ends up being more adventurous, though still retaining her rule-following personality.

Prose-7/8
The entire story felt exactly like a children’s tale, complete with the non-modern word choice and general calming and sweet atmosphere. The prose flows smoothly, none of the sentences were rushed or clunky. Good work, truly.
I really liked the song. It is formatted well and feels like a song a real child would sing.
The third person POV worked surprisingly well. Charlotte’s emotions were shown in depth through her dialogue and actions, though there were a few places where there was some telling in place of showing, especially when she was talking with the butter bear.
I also liked how the narrator addresses the reader in all the endings, it makes the story feel even more like a nostalgic children’s story.

Plot-6/8
It felt a bit short, I really would have liked to see even more characters and places. It also would have been nice if it was a bit more surprising, especially after the introduction of the butter bear.
I liked the ending where Charlotte is responsible and chooses to go home when she’s tired. It fits well with her personality and sets a good example for children, the intended audience.

In all, 6/8. This story is extremely underrated.

Great story for children. It has some nice relaxing vibes to it.

-Since there is a family friendly section now, maybe it would be nice to move it there. I think that it would make a great fit!

This is a silly childrens story about a young girl meeting odd characters. I thought it would turn dark suddenly like the old cautionary tails I was familiar with, but it never did.

Hi i really loved the story bye i am 5 and my name is annina

This is a great children's story. I think you should make more adventure games with butter bear.

I'm surprised this doesn't have a higher rating. It's short but reads more like an actual story for young children than any other I've come across with that tag. I've tried, it's not necessarily the easiest style to write in, but this was really sweet and sincere. (I always see absolute sincerity from the characters and narrator alike as being necessary for a good children's story, there's a certain age range where cynicism or sarcasm just doesn't belong.)

I did feel like some kind of simple conflict or obstacle was the one thing lacking here, it would've felt more complete if there had been just a bit more to it.

Also, although the story was too polite to acknowledge it, that dang bear absolutely ruined the girl's brand new book when he fell in the stream, didn't he?

I thought this story was actually pretty good. Plenty of good use of words, better-than-expected grammar, and interesting characters.
This was short and sweet (at least the route I took), and a good little read to put under my belt. References to some classic stories made me laugh.
Overall, great work. I'll have to check out that other story game you made as well. Looking forward to more work from you.
Good luck.

I enjoyed it a lot. I liked the sing song style you used throughout. I only wish it was longer.

Butter Bear reminds of Winnie the Pooh! This is an unusual idea for a storygame, but I appreciate that you tried to do something different. I did catch a few typos, but the style was better than a lot of storygames I've read. I found it interesting that you put in in the past tense, since most of these stories are in the present tense. I liked the references to Wordsworth's "Child Roland to the Dark Tower Came" and Poe's "The Raven". Not the most challenging storygame, but I'm assuming that the point of this work wasn't so much to be challenging as just interesting. Intriguing work.

My son loved the story and asked me to help go through all the paths so we could read every bit of it. I very much enjoyed it as well. It's cheerful, whimsical fun!