A Night In The Forest

So I decided to look at this story that Thara had one of her simps write for her.

>>>You're trashing about

Typo in the second sentence, tsk tsk, Thara's simp. How basic. (Do the kids still say basic?)

But this is a simple and reasonably entertaining story about things happening in the woods, so as far as what the prompt was designed for it's just about perfect. Funnily enough this would almost have fit in the recently removed School category too.

The detached air of the protagonist as what seem like some pretty alarming things are happening can be amusing in places and gives the story a unique narrative voice. Although there were two logic issues that are exactly the sort of thing that turn me all autistic though:

1) If you can drive a car into the woods at all, that means you're driving on some form of road, even if only a dirt one. It makes sense that backtracking is the easiest way out, but it also doesn't make sense to go in the opposite direction at all in that case, and yet that's where the main part of the story is.

2) The forgiveness ending was very sweet and wholesome, BUT, having obviously chosen to give vent to my holy fury first, I couldn't help but be aware that the claims of 'hey we were totally about to leave and go find you' were false, or worse, inconsistent. Because they contradict what went on the first time when I was able to record them.

There were some minor punctuation issues, and the backtracking path could've been longer or had a couple more meaningful choices. That one wasn't bad or anything, it just didn't seem to have much point compared to the other side of the story. But overall this was a pleasant way to spend ten minutes, and obviously passed the challenge with flying colors.

Not bad, Thara's simp. I just hope you weren't expecting any reward. But maybe you can also buy Thara a new phone, like that bitch Rosemary better have done for me immediately after every ending, even (ESPECIALLY) the one where I died.

This was actually really fun.

Maybe it's my mood, but honestly I laughed my way through this.

"Now where were you to even go?"

Is it a typo? God I hope not. That phrasing cracks me up, and I don't care what Mizal says about "trashing about" because I love that. You *are* trashing about.

I played through the whole thing, and enjoyed getting some revenge, such as it was. Look, I know that asking whether I go to buzzing or water is not dynamite choice structure, let alone "walk straight or crooked" or whatever that was. But read this game for the funny turns of phrase.

I could hear Thara's distinctive tone of voice in a lot of it, which is weird, since I have never heard her speak.

It's okay but it could be longer.

This was fun and well written, but much more could have been made of this. The author clearly has an understanding of how storytelling works. There are a few typos, but they don't distract from the story. The protagonist is introduced well, but then it goes through some quick and relatively random events before it is wrapped up in a hurry. In some ways the protagonist still gets some development, but not necessarily as a result of the choices made. In particular making what I think of as the most reasonable choices leads to a boring anticlimactic ending.

In summary, if it would be longer this could be brilliant. In its present form it feels cut short, but still a worthwhile use of 10 minutes of your time.

This is really not bad for such a short word count (definitely better than the original). The plot makes sense, and while there isn't a resolution to the main plot of getting abducted, at least you can make your way out of the forest, and you can leave the rest up to your imagination. There's a few typos, but the writing is fine overall.