Anaria: The Demon Necromancer

*MANY SPOILERS AHEAD*

Overall, it was ok. Certainly not the worst thing I have read on this site. However, as is true for many stories here, it was too short. Something like this requires more effort and more elaboration. It's also very linear. There are choices, but as Mizal said, they're mostly fake. There's only three different endings, and you can get two through several of the same paths. It has potential, but there are several flaws with the writing.

The first page was interesting, and it had a lot of proper nouns that made me want to keep reading. I was waiting to see if they would be explained, but they never really were. I will note that I didn't read "Anaria," but this story should be able to stand alone without having a lot of necessary unanswered questions. Overall, the overuse of capitalized nouns creates a less powerful connotation to them. With the addition of each Sword of Power, each sword becomes less powerful from a reader's perspective. Also, you mention that the Sword of the Sky is given to every dragon rider, yet throughout the rest of the story, it acts as if there's only one. I'd cut down on the proper nouns next time, or explain them more thoroughly.

As the story went on, the characters themselves were noticeably hyperbole. They were somewhat believable, but all of the characters were very exaggerated. I get what you were going for with the line "Aercaena will kill me if I die when it's just a practice round," but it just doesn't really work. The interactions between the characters and their dialogue is just not believable. Also, you mention that the main character lost a hand at one point due to a training accident, which is reasonable. Then out of nowhere he lost an arm to the Blade of Shadows or whatever it was called and it's played down way too much. You'd think something that severe would cause more complications for him, but it's only mentioned two or three times.

Also, the pacing is way too fast. On the first two pages, you're training with your brother, then BAM a village was raided. Then you go to see your wife and BAM the king tells you that you need to go fight this guy. This is way too short for the story you're going for. There's no time to develop character and create dynamics between the characters except for the protagonist and the main villain.

As for grammar and spelling, you had a few issues. First, you had a few spelling errors such as misspelling lightning as lightening and knock as nock. You also had a few sentence issues where words were in the wrong order and didn't make sense. You often used the same sentence structure over and over again, making the narration choppy and slow to read. You occasionally also spliced independent clauses together with a comma, which you can't do. Use semicolons or conjunctions.

Same as the first story, but worse branching

Actually pretty solid fantasy fair. There could have been more choice though and the outcomes of actions seemed a bit random at times.

More branches, so that's an improvement from the prequel. Not all of the endings are equally satisfying though, though the ones that aren't leave me wanting an epic conclusion to make this a trilogy.

The quality of writing is still pretty consistent - good and serviceable, with an interesting world and a clear central conflict that fits right in with the most iconic of high fantasy conflicts.

Not a bad way to spend another twenty minutes, all in all, but not something I'm going to be raring to play if I've got a Brandon Sanderson story waiting on my bookshelf to be read.

it's not much of a choose your own story book

The most notable issue here of course is what was already made obvious in the description; it's very linear with pages and pages with only one link to click, and of the few choices you do have, most of them are fake.

Other than that, it's got it's good points and bad points, but given the overdramatic reaction to reviews on the first story I have little interest in getting into either here.

Despite some parts that just scream that the author is very young, they do seem to have a lot of promise. I'm just not sure how much of it can ever be realized until they grow a thicker skin.