Escape the Snow Cave

The first thing I noticed was that a multitude of choices were being made for the reader without a chance for us to make our own decisions. Linearity is something that needs to be fixed immediately, to give the storygame a more branching feel. The character shouldn't be doing things and feeling such ways without any input from the reader.

Another things is how pointless the storygame seems. I get that the character is an explorer, but every explorer has a valid reason when exploring an area, be it ruins or something else of historical significance. The "Legendary Artic Bat" needs a story that intrigues the reader, and gives a purpose for the explorer.

It seems highly unlikely that the cave would be found so quickly and easily. I think way too much is occurring on the first page. It should be slower and more descriptive. A nice background sets the mood for the whole rest of the storygame and highly affects the rating given by readers.

It will take a lot of work, but with the right attitude and some persistence, this could much better and leave a nice mark for future storygames of the category to try and reach for.

2/8

The Snow Cave does not hesitate to dive right into the action. Playing the role of a novice explorer, readers must escape a seemingly desolate ice cave...or is it?

The choices are pretty linear in this story, with not a lot of room for exploration. I liked how we got to examine the sign in the beginning. It's minor things like that which really bring out the game and make it come to life. Other than that, however, we just don't get much of that.

I finished the game on my second play through. Overall, it's a good, quick read.

This was a decent story game, and it had a few good elements throughout. Your grammar is good, and you managed to prevent the game from being entirely linear. I have a few things I think you should work on.

Firstly, the story of the game was quite rushed. I felt as if the events of the game were happening so fast, and there wasn't as much detail for each as I think there should have been. Perhaps take the time to add detail and tension as you go; for example, if the yeti is about to appear in a few pages, write something about the character hearing the faint sound of footsteps, or a faint roar.

Secondly, your choices were a little uneventful. The paths were mostly guesswork, and I had to randomly choose paths in order to get through. To improve on this, you should add small hints. Perhaps write about a draft coming from one of the paths, or faint light coming from the other. Of course, you could add tricks; the light could end up being the torches you mentioned in your game, rather than sunlight.

Overall, your story has great potential, and, as it is currently, is not too bad. I wish you luck in your writing!

Was pretty well written, just a little short

It was short, but I enjoyed it.

Too short not enough choices but otherwise a great game.

Spoilers ahead!

The grammar did not have any major mistakes I noticed. I'm no native speaker so I guess there could be some stuff I missed in that regard.

The writing style was quite simple. I noticed no very complex sentences.

The plot of the story, if you may call it plot, was extremely simple as well. You go to the arctic, you find the cave, the entrance is blocked, a yeti is inside and you need to get out. There could have been more depth towards that. The background why you are even exploring that cave is mostly missing. What exactly is a arctic bat? Also you just stumbling over that cave right after landing is hardly believable. there should be more of a background to your reason for exploring and maybe a few pages of searching for the cave. That would also lengthen the story and make the reader more immersed with the plot and the protagonist himself.

The ideas for the different endings of either the frozen crystals or the baby yeti were quite unique and interesting. The way to those endings however was pretty linear though. You gave the player little choice while fighting or escaping the yeti.

The story also lacked in the descriptive manner. At no point was I able to clearly picture the cave in my mind and feel like I am standing right there seeing the crystals. I also never got any idea how you imagine a arctic bat.

The last thing to be said is that I never really experienced any feelings the main character felt. I never felt with him. The protagonist seems to just be a shallow explorer only after money and fame. He has no depth.

From me you get a 3/8 because the idea was very unique and I did not find any logical or grammatical flaws. The story itself and the description and plot are too lacking to receive a better version.

It was ok but it was short there were only two-four moves needed to win.

I enjoyed the game, but I don't like that at certai points there is only 1 option, also, would enjoy if it were a bit longer.

"Three days later, you are rich amd famous! You have proven the existence of the yeti and brought back a live specimen! Congratulations!
In case it wasn't obvious, you won the game. I hope you enjoyed!"

Yay, that was fun! I took the direct route and directly took away the Yeti baby and directly escaped. If only life can be so direct as well. ;)