Friday the 13th

Player Rating3.27/8

"#662 overall, #15 for 2019"
based on 56 ratings since 02/12/2019
played 666 times (finished 91)

Story Difficulty5/8

"run through the jungle"

Play Length2/8

"So short yo' momma thought it was a recipe"

Maturity Level6/8

"I'll need to see some identification"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 16. If this were a movie, it would probably between PG-13 and R.

Tags

Horror

Welcome to Friday The 13th. In this game YOU decide how you die, live, or get involved in your player interactions. Make sure you are ready because this is going to be one bloody ride.

 

 

*Note: language and deaths are gruesome and may not be suitable for children under the age of 13, you have been warned.*

Player Comments

Knowing this a short story, the expectations are not huge going in. At the same time, there have been some very effectively written short stories here on the site. As of this review, this one is #10 for 2019, so hopefully there’s something good here.

The first page pretty much dashed my hopes of finding a short little gem. The third word in the title is misspelled and the fourth word is missing a capital letter. I’m not a grammar Nazi or anything, but those are glaring errors that really take away from the readability of the entire story. And with that kind of error in the very first line, it sort of lower the expectations for the rest of the story and now I’ll be looking even more for additional, similar errors.

The actual text on the page is, as one might expect, a bit brief. Even the simple description of arriving at the lake on the first day: you could probably write 1,000 words describing the sights, sounds, and smells happening on that very first page. Instead there is just a note about a picture on a wall. What wall? A picture on the outside wall? Is the wall connected to a building? Just showing the wall really leaves a hole in the story and could be expanded so much more to create a much better picture of what’s about to happen in the story.

The actions and activities in the story follow this same pattern: very little information and descriptions and just actions. You could really build a lot more suspense into the story with more detailed descriptions of the feelings and sounds in the dark house. There’s also one page that, in the text, asks you if you want to call 911 or go to a car. However, the options at the bottom of the page only allow you to call 911.

There are additional spelling errors, and a weird breaking of the fourth wall as well. This is a nice attempt at a storygame and the idea behind it can work. With a bit more work, proofreading, editing, and adding to the story, this could really be a nice little story. Thank you for sharing it with the site.
-- Ogre11 on 1/7/2020 1:00:57 PM with a score of 0
Fun. Too short.
-- Quorrah on 7/13/2019 8:59:27 PM with a score of 0
it was epic, i just imagined this like the new game
-- will on 6/4/2019 1:28:11 PM with a score of 0
i loved it
-- wilky on 5/20/2019 6:10:19 AM with a score of 0
This is... OK. I guess. I gave it 4/8. Reasons below.

First, the punctuation. You need to put a period, question mark or something after speech- not "Example", do "Example!"

Next, the length. The pages are awfully short, and there are hardly and pages.

However, it is an okay story. The bad things abut the story? Well, it was resolved very quickly, the other people died in seconds, and you didn't even say in the story it was Firday the 13h.
-- BgirlStories on 5/3/2019 1:43:51 PM with a score of 0
Thanks for the suggestion, Jaiden James Samples, and I love horror movies too. Sadly I have never seen any of the Scream movies, I'm missing out, I know. But, I am going to try and see the new one.
-- Unkindcrab on 3/21/2019 4:22:02 PM with a score of 0
I'm a HUGE fan of Friday the 13th! Do you think you can make a story from the movie Scream? P.S. horror movie fan, loved the story, and i'm only ten! No joke!
-- Jaiden James Samples on 3/18/2019 7:52:43 PM with a score of 0
It’s not bad for a first story, though it was rather bland. I didn’t really grow attached to any of the characters, and there really wasn’t enough to keep me interested. You introduce these characters and never give them background or descriptions, so I was more than a bit confused while reading. Mostly, it wasn’t very bad. The content level on each page left a little to be desired, though the layout of the story wasn’t absolutely terrible. The plot was thin and mostly linear, and I have a feeling you didn’t map out the endings. The overall vibe I get from this is that you made the game in a few nights and then published it. I can tell you have potential to hone your skills, so consider unpublishing and working a little harder to make this into a real, breathing story!

There’s always a lot of room to improve! And especially here at CYS we have lots of tools to help you. I wish you well on your writing journey. :)
-- At_Your_Throat on 3/11/2019 10:27:05 AM with a score of 0
I would say this is silly. Firstly everyone dies with no reason and secondly you didn't mention anything about the guy in the hockey mask. Overall it was a story which is about a guy putting everyone to death with no detail. 1/8
-- StoryTurtle on 2/20/2019 4:15:55 AM with a score of 0
I thought it was actually pretty good, and full of potential, but I think you should work on making a longer story. This was like a 15 minute episode to a tv show, though I was expecting a movie. I got the PE ending. It’s fun but you should definetly add on! I look forward to the sequel.
-- CrazyCraz3R on 2/18/2019 2:51:03 PM with a score of 0
Show All Comments