Hungry

I have very mixed feelings about this.

The story itself had a lot of choices, but little detail. The branching was pretty good, but a storygame just doesn't feel like a storygame when you don't provide a lot of detail and plot development.

This storygame certainly had quite a bit of lolrandom humor, but I did smile a few times. Some of this was funny, but some parts were rather cringy.

The storygame isn't something i'd really want to read again. I mean, yeah, it's entertaining, but only for the first few clicks before it just becomes stale.

The characters had no development at all, and pretty much every single one seemed to be thrown in for plot convenience. We don't get any details on them, and they just have no personality.

I did like the writing style. I'd want to read more from this author if they were a little more careful with the lolrandom humor and provided more development for the setting, characters, and plot.

The situations were very illogical, and the "artwork" seemed pretty lazy. All in all, a good way to pass five minutes I suppose, but nothing too special.

3/8

This wasn't a bad storygame. The artwork was interesting. The story was random but sort of funny and entertaining. You did a pretty good job with branching paths, but there were some issues. It was short but it told a story.

There was a loop where you could go to the church, walk away, and go back to the church again. It didn't feel like that was intentional. The links that you weren't "allowed" to choose unless you chose a certain path could have been solved with variables. I agree with others in the comments that the page numbers and letters for choices were distracting and felt unnecessary.

pretty intense but chill

This made me think about my life, I'm a better person now. I realize that I've done some mean things.

This was a religious experience. If you need something to get your life back on track this is it. It got me off of methemphetamine being sold to me by heiseberg.

this was our first one and we didnt really like it. it was pretty aussie which was funny lol

Those O.G cunts really pulled through for me in my darkest hour.

While this wasn't an epic length game by any means, it was still dope as hell with all the alternate paths and options and such.

I will say though, do away with the "if you picked this earlier pick this option" bullshit, my friend.

There are variables, and scripting, and page restriction stuff that you can do to alter this stuff to make it flow more naturally based on the readers decisions. Just take a look at the Articles section.

I don't remember seeing too many grammatical mistakes or typos, so that's pretty sweet.

What I liked, was that there was plenty of adventure leading up to the events of the store, action packed, full of very brief but somehow well defined characters. Plenty of options for you and for me.

My complaint is how the ex's boyfriend is like "pew pew pew" and all you have to do is click something about an option you clicked earlier (the nonsense aspect). And it is alluded to the boyfriend dude's defeat.

We need tension, action, suspense, boobs! (Maybe not so much the last one) but ya' know what I mean.

Also the ending was a bit anticlimactic. It's, you shanked the dude and on the very next page you buy this, this, this, and this.

See, I thought all of this was a cool set up to all of the adventures to be had WITHIN the store. But it kind of ended abruptly and left me with reader's blue balls.

I would say, actually write and script out a whole adventure inside the store then republish. Who knows, it could even rival the Walmart game!

Good stuff and good luck.

So I really enjoyed this one. It was silly and I can appreciate some good silly nonsense. Not to mention the art is impeccable. I made it through every path of this game in under 10 min just so I could find all the pictures, like a scavenger hunt!
Two downsides: #1 There were a lot of wording and punctuation errors. Some editing would definitely serve this story well.
#2 The part where all the stories lead to the roof and each link tells you if you should pick it based on what choices you made before broke the illusion (I can't really think of any other way to put it) for me. But I get it and frankly I didn't mind that part because it allowed me know what I was looking for when I went back and played again 4 more times.

I think that dog/cat fight picture is going to be my new screensaver hope that's okay with you Razer105.

Interesting.

Not the best, not the worst. Exquisite sense of humor.

There were a few grammar mistakes and overall the story could have been better.