Player Comments on Love or Magic

Despite the other comments, I actually expected this to be longer. I really did. I actually, being a typical (dreamy, lonely) teenage girl, really looked forward to reading it when I read the description, but it was very short. The first two pictures set a sweet, dreamy, magical feeling (like the title suggests), and I found it very endearing.

However, grammar, character, setting, plot--basically the story in general--need major working-on. The idea of the story can actually attract quite a few readers (again, mostly teenage girls), which is very good, but the story is a letdown.

It's not the best "first story" I've read, but just improve and you'll find much more pleasant results!

... Listen, I won't be harsh since this is your first try. The pictures were nice and the story was... cute? But it's shallow, flat. It lacked detail and -sorely- lacked depth to the characters, the world, the goal, so on. Sure, the idea of "pick your magical monster" and "jump into their world to save it" is actually a _great_ idea. I think it has lots of potential. If you had -expanded- on that idea here? It would've been good. Also, you could use a writing mentor or a beta reader to help you with spelling and fleshing things out since it's too short, and again, needs detail. On that note...if you can't find anyone, I've been a beta for my friends for years and I've mentored a couple people, so you can message me if need be.

Well,there were some spelling mistakes,butttttt......it was good,buuttttttttt too short. <3

please build on going with torch

Much promise, needs editing and needs to be take more the 45 seconds to complete, but I have to admit, spelling errors and all, I was hooked, wish it was longer.

I'm generally not a big fan of 'this is my first time, please don't be harsh' descriptions, because I feel that if you want to publish something you can be proud of, you should put the effort in to become familiar with the editor and put a lot of effort into writing. However, you clearly put some effort in, though watch out for some spelling and grammar issues. There were a couple even on the first page, which detracts from the whole story immediately. With a little more effort and slightly more build up and realistic dialogue, you might make a good story. I did like the different colours for different people speaking. 2/8

awsome game

i kind of wish it were longer so that i could experience all the adventures. Overall, though, it was a really good start that you can build off of! :)

May i be honest?

This is poorly written, the story is horribly boring, and it has NO depth. If this was a demo, I would understand the shortness, But since it's a FULL storygame? It's far too short and i think this should be taken off the site.

THIS IS PAINFUL FOR ME TO PLAY

That was really short.

The portals actually seemed interesting and then it ended...

I did enjoy the two endings, though it was kinda short and lacked an actual "plot".

That was a terrible story, probably one of the shortest and worst I have ever played. You need to make it more of a challenge to get the magic and stuff, when it is only 30 seconds long to finish the whole entire story.

i love this game, and torch is soooooooo cute. by the way whens the sequal being publushed?

Is there more?

Cute pictures and love how each caricter has a colored voice

Wait, I created a rapist? That probably shouldn't happen. WHY THE HELL DID I CONJURE A RAPIST!?!?!?

Well, it is small, but great. Maybe you could make it bigger?

Good but way too short! I wanted more!

"I'll go with you but make shure to explain your self.

A portal aperas. I tak one last look around before I venture into the unknown."
It's like a horror story except worse. (the spelling)

Is there a second part?

nice

This is a little strange....

It was okay. I think it was a little matter-of-fact though.

Okay, so she conjured a rapist with her mind...

0_O

this sucked

GRAMMAR
PLOT WAS COOL
GRAMMAR
COULD'VE BEEN LONGER
GRAMMAR

It needs to be longer and the grammar was poor. 1/8

It's good, but it could've been longer

Do more plz! And also I love the blue magic dragon/mammal it's adorable!

o.O
I got an ending where the protagonist is raped by her dream guy?!

It's a little short...

This is a little weird lol but fun too

An interesting start of an idea that was, unfortunately, poorly executed.

Part of the issue is little errors, such as when does Sophie turn into Jaiden? Acward, mosters etc... Spelling and grammar needs a little work.

Ok

It was cute. Very, very cute. So cute, I'm not sure cute is a strong enugh word. (In a good way. ;) )

It was interesting enough but it feels like its just the intro to a real story rather then a full fledged one itself

It would've been better if you add more story because it's far too short. And the grammatical errors are abundant. But the pictures are nice :)

Would've liked to know what happened after she stepped into the portals

Good ideas and pictures brought the story to life. However, spelling was a problem and the story was too short, with few events happening. Maybe you could write a sequel to further the story.

It has some spelling errors, but aside that, I thought the plotline was good. You should make a remake this but with the story longer.

One of the worst storygames I've played. Too many grammer and spelling errors. And why did she change her name? :D

ID SAY BORING CUZ IT'S FAR TOO SHORT!

Anyone else notice that the girl's name randomly changes to Jaiden if you talk to the guy? Just saying. :p

It's really short. Maybe you should keep working on this.

A bit of a let down. I was exited when thorn lead me to the portal and then... that's it. That. Is. It. Honestly, next time, when you send a character on a magical adventure, you may want to continue the story.

can you add more story

Hang on. So I shell out an entire year's worth of cash so I can wish for to meet this hot guy I've been fantasizing about for three years, then I DON'T want to have sex with him? Why not?!

Also, if you're getting paid $40 a year, you need to renegotiate your contract.

Grammar and spelling issues really detract from this story. Clean it up a bit and it could be a strong addition to CYS.

You got me really excited with the magic path and then suddenly it just drops off, very annoying.

I hate games which are full with images!

i enjoyed this game but it was very short which i found kind of disappointing this could have made a great story

Its ok but it could be longer

It's really good so far. Just try to make the pages longer.

The story was okay, it would have been better if you used better grammar and if the story didn't fly by so fast.

Pretty pictures and formatting don't make up for the short and rather lacking amount of plot, choices, and reading material overall. I've use dmore words in a single paragraph than you did this entire story. It does have potential though, and it can become a great story one day. I suggest you write out a simple plotline and then add onto the structure that you have chosen. I'd suggest you make this a long story with few choices in it since you already narrowed it down to love or magic. good job and keep up with the improvements.

Short :)

This actually had an interesting premise, as well as some serious potential. However, the writing is flawed and the way that the story is presented seems to be quite haphazard.

I was dissapointed when it just ended as I went through the portal, the magic part felt kinda like the beginning of a pretty nice fantasy story.

I gave it a 4. It's an interesting premise (at least the magic part was), but your spelling is quite bad, and most pages are only a few lines long. Not to mention that the story seems to end before it even begins.

The love part was a little to short and I don't think you should create a sequal for the magic part, you can easily expand it in this story.

Like I said, My first story, not so good, tons of spelling ereors. But I plan to make a sequal for the magic part.