The Time Machine Episode 2: The Dino World

The introduction to this story makes it sound quite exciting. But well, after that it kind of went downhill. The first page only has a few sentences, and then asks me to click to go on. There’s no option there, so why is there a link? Why not just include those few sentences on the next page with the next few sentences?

Then there’s the text itself. Well, there’s not a lot there. There is a real potential here for quite an exciting and rich story that was really missed. There could be a lot more description about what the reader is seeing: you’ve put the reader in a prehistoric world! You could spend pages and pages describing all the new sounds and smells they are encountering. You could describe individual animals in detail as the reader learns and explores the new world around them! But instead we get “several furry animals.”

I do like the item use and the link with the item. It is nice to include the different options, but in this case, as another commenter has mentioned – the different options aren’t actually different choices. Instead, it is pick the right choice or die. And worse, there’s no clue at all as to which one might be the right choice. Authors, if you’re going to have a link lead to an ending, it is almost always more effective to have some kind of hint that it’s going to lead to death!

Basically a pick the correct choice or die game, really. I mean, about half the "choices" just kill me, and I don't think i'm exaggerating. If I am, not by much.

The first one was a lot better, because the plot was introduced less sloppily and the setting had enough detail for me to actually have a picture in my mind of what it was like. I'd say this is quite a drop in quality from part one to be completely honest.

There were a few grammar/spelling errors, I mean, even in the description. Before you make a storygame about dinosaurs, please learn how "pteranodon" is spelt.

I played multiple times, and no matter which "path" I chose, I died. It goes to show how many death links there are here, and how illogical the storygame was. The situations seemed completely random.

I think it's quite clear you didn't study about the dinosaurs very well, since you couldn't even get a bunch of the names correct.

2/8.

I actually kind of liked it in a weird, childish, nostalgic kind of way... Who the fuck doesn't want to explore a world with dinosaurs? ^_^

awesome

Fab!!!!

The plot made more sense than the previous game, and I can tell this is a setting you're interested in. However, it lost the game element that you'd been successful with in the first game. This felt like it was just 50/50 guesses on whether I'd die or not a lot of the time, and other times it was just clicking through the links. There were also a few spelling errors that suggested you hadn't proof-read the story e.g. baerly, thte, cames, stalagtites, veloceraptors.
I'm looking forward to continuing reading this series. I'd advise you to take the good game mechanics from the first story, and combine them with the more logical plot of this story. If you can do that, I think you'd be looking at a vastly improved game.

this is a very exciting game and people will really enjoy it

Thanks for the free point!

I thought this was written decent, but I was basically only running around the whole time. 4/8

Not bad.