Why I left you

I understand you based this on your real life, so I'll resist the urge to laugh, mock or scold on that front. Also not a fan of "playing as the writer" since I hate author insertion, but that's not what I'm going to complain about either...

The story probably would have been better had you actually had several "what if" branches that didn't result in the same exact result. This was a perfect opportunity to be creative and change what you REALLY wanted to happen.

It's already a "what if" scenario, you could have easily just wrote whatever you liked rather than just "Whoops, suicide, now I'm a terrible person."

A more interesting possibility for example would have been if instead of committing suicide, she became a homicidal stalker and tried to kill you and/or Mary.

You could have even had a whole branch with that happening and you somehow saving Mary from crazy psycho girl which magically solved all your problems and you lived happily ever after.

Or she could have just gruesomely killed Mary (or even you).

Hell, you could have even had a scenario where things turned out so well that you wound up in a threesome with both of them OR they decided that they were both great big lesbians the whole time and didn't need your dick anymore and ran off together, leaving you face down in the gutter bleeding from every orifice.

Well anyway, that's like just my opinion man.

This was certainly moving... I'm not sure I should comment on this in anything except describing the writing style because it was so personal but hopefully the act of writing this has helped clarify a difficult situation somewhat. Personally I like to think I'd be able to get out of relationships with manipulative and self-destructive girlfriends and tell Mary how I felt but I appreciate these situations are impossible downward spirals of ever-changing feelings so it's a million times more easy for the guy outside the tornado to shout advice than for the guy who's inside the tornado to get out of it. Ultimately the situation will resolve itself.

That said the writing was relatively error-free and interesting. I appreciate the advantages of writing down difficult situations to try to make them clearer but by posting them on the Internet you might need to be ready to accept strong or abusive opinions that might not match with yours. Perhaps if you used the third person (the narrator calls himself Jake or something and talks about his life) rather than admit at the beginning it is autobiographical you might get some anonymity that might make it easier when publishing the story? You seem ok with people knowing the story is autobiographical to the author though.

Hopefully the sequel to this story in a few years will have a happy ending :)

Well the story was interesting and the writing was very good considering English isn't your first language, but I really didn't like the morals and logic behind the story at all.
The first time I left the abusive girl, self-harming girl, it said it was wrong to do that because she killed herself and it was all my fault... This is an absolutely horrible message. If a girl is using self-harm as a way to try and force a guy to stay in a relationship with her, then leaving her is the absolute best thing you can do! If you stay, it's teaching the girl that self-harm is a very useful and effective way to control and manipulate people to do what she wants, and she'll carry on using it. The girl won't stop self-harming until she learns that it's not going to get her what she wants.
As for the main girl Mary, you claim that this is based on true events and if this is all true then it sucks that you lost a good friend but to be honest, I don't blame her for not wanting to talk to you anymore. It didn't seem like she did anything wrong and you kind of treated her like crap in the story. Honestly, it really didn't sound like you cared about her very much at all.
You claim that you were in love with Mary, but all it took was for your girlfriends to say "I don't like her." and you cut off contact with her altogether. You can't blame that on the girlfriends, you could've just told them "No. Mary is my friend and she's been my friend for years, and I'm not going to stop being friends with her just because you're jealous. If you don't like that, you can leave."
To be honest, I don't think there's even much point in this girl becoming friends with you again, because that friendship would only last until you got a new girlfriend, and then you'd stop talking to her again.
(Maybe I'm being a bit mean here, but I suppose my opinion's biased, since it's coming from the point of view of a woman who's lost male friends in the past because their girlfriends didn't like me. >.< )

Very stupid.

incredibly moving, reminds me of my first real relationship...

Made me cry inside. Reminded me of my own experiences in my mid-life crisis. I'm a mother of 3 in a mid-life crisis. It made me realise I still have hope. Loved reading this!!!!

no

Was this ment to be a poem?

I don't really feel like posting about your personal life on a public forum is the healthiest way to talk about this because you're opening yourself up to criticism to a story that's very personal to you but hey that's my opinion.

As for the story itself, I feel it could have benefitted more from branching, and a better ending in the What If branching path or paths if you were to make more.

"We used to tell each other that we loved us"

Hmm.. i don't want to kinkshame anyone, but I feel that there's something wrong with this sentence