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The Last Jedi (spoilers, obviously)

10 months ago

So, went ahead and saw it. Pretty good. Loved how Luke wasn't just some 2D laser sword wielding fanboy wet dream; they actually made him into an interesting character. Speaking of interesting characters, they went ahead and made Rey less OP, and she actually felt like she was having a believable struggle, and felt like a real person instead of an audience insert. 

The action was great. Lightsaber fights are great. Tie Fighters are great. I love Star Wars. 

Anyway, fanboys have been real fuckin' mad about this one lol. Whinging about not enough worldbuilding or whatever. Honestly,  though, it's about the characters. I'm not reading some shitty fantasy story on Reddit; I don't need to know about how they do their fucking sewage. Also, the prequels did way too much worldbuilding, to the point where they were so up their own ass that it felt like George Lucas was spewing cum all over my face. Coincidentally, the best Star Wars movie (ESB), was neither directed nor written by George. Hmmmm. Fascinating. 

It was long, but, hey, long movies can be entertaining. The length is only a problem if you drink a jumbo soda and / or you're a small child. 

I know this one bitch who is going to be so disappointed Snoke isn't Jorus Fucking C'Baoath. Jesus. 

The Last Jedi (spoilers, obviously)

10 months ago

I still prefer the old movies to the new ones. I mean, I used to love Darth Maul and those old baddies. The new movies don't have that same ol' vibe to it. Also, they fucking got rid of Han Solo, and now Carrie Fisher's dead. It certainly isn't the same. 

The Last Jedi (spoilers, obviously)

9 months ago
Holy fucking shit. How did this sit here unchallenged 24 days. She called the prequels 'the old movies'?

The Last Jedi (spoilers, obviously)

9 months ago

frankly, i think between Disney's torpedoing of the old EU, the utter clusterfuck of luke's changes and the fact that all our hopes and desires don't amount to jack shit in this film ruined it for me. not that i saw it

The Last Jedi (spoilers, obviously)

9 months ago

Hang on, you didn't see it, yet you think it's a shit film?

You're retarded. Please, be less retarded.

The Last Jedi (spoilers, obviously)

10 months ago

The Last Jedi (spoilers, obviously)

10 months ago

Mark Hamill's made his living off of virginal fanboys sucking him off. Batman and fucking Star Wars lol. No wonder he doesn't like having to do something challenging or different from the formula. 

The Last Jedi (spoilers, obviously)

10 months ago

It was shit, and I wrote a review to hate on it.


Well, I finally got around to seeing the Last Jedi, and it was a fuckfest. Awful, awful movie. Barely anything worth liking it, loads to hate.

To begin with, it starts with the First Order showing up at the Resistance Base. Here, we see a cool enough space battle, I suppose, but the first retarded thing of the film. A ship, known as a Dreadnought, shows up. Everyone's terrified, and it's called a "fleet-killer". However, it could be the worst ship in history. It has so few guns on the topside  that a single pilot, albeit a talented one, quickly wipes them out. For a ship that size, that is insane. Then, the bombers arrive, and all of them are destroyed before reaching their target but one. That ONE bomber releases it's load, taking out the entire dreadnought. One bomber manages to take out the whole fucking ship. It's ridiculous. If you only need one bomber to make a successful pass, you either have the best bomber in Star Wars history, or the very worst cruiser. 

Anyhow, that whole thing is fucking confusing. There's a Cold War between the Republic and the First Order, but there's the Resistance who is supported by the Republic, but apparently the Republic has been practically destroyed as no mention is made of their armies or anything, as they lost like five planets, and thus, it's over, I guess? Retarded.

Then, Kylo Ren has an opportunity to kill Leia, but he doesn't, because he's conflicted. This act of mercy annoyed me, because in the film, he's made out to be super dark and evil. Like, Luke is so terrified of his darkness he considers killing him in his sleep, but the dude's not even willing to kill his parents, when Vader was willing to choke his pregnant wife. Anyhow, retarded.

Leia then uses her force powers to fly through space after getting blown out of the ship, because starting her off with a force push is silly, but having her room exploded and sucking her into space isn't enough to knock her out, so now she has that power. Retarded.

The rebel ships then start running, but they're low on fuel, and they can be tracked through hyper-space! WHOA! Well, not really. They say in the movie that no one could track through hyper-space, but that's wrong. In Rebels, they did, and they even built a special ship for pulling rebel vessels OUT of hyper-space. Retarded.

Anyhow, they're unable to jump away or they'd be out of fuel, so they just start flying away. However, they're just out of the range of the enemy, who just follow and wait for them to be out of fuel. It's fucking ridiculous. Fighters have been shown to be faster than cruisers, bombard them with fighters to wipe them out. Or, hyperspace around them, and leave them no escape, you have loads of ships. Just don't fucking follow helplessly after them like a cunt. Retarded.

Anyhow, Luke doesn't want to help, because he wants the Jedi to end because... Sith? He says it's because of their failures, as if that helps. Sure, the Jedi didn't stop Sidious from taking power, but they ended his reign. It's like saying "End the hospitals, because we can't save everyone." Luke's reasoning is nonsensical trash. He seems content to let Sith take over the galaxy, because the Jedi aren't perfect. Retarded.

Also, all of a sudden, even though we didn't see them day one or on all the overviews of the place, there's little sentient maintenance workers on the island. It ruins Luke's exile and hermit type thing and doesn't make sense, just because they wanted to throw in a few cheap gags of them not liking stuff getting destroyed. Retarded.

Luke trains Rey for a while, and she envisions this evil hole on the island where darkness is. Luke points out how easily she is lured to the darkness, and I'm left wondering if she'll turn evil as everyone predicted. I hope so, evil would be fun. Rey eventually visits the hole late at night, and there's a weird dream sequence, where she asks a reflection who her parents are. Nothing comes of this. They don't answer, she doesn't learn anything, she doesn't get corrupted. There's no need for this scene at all. The heart of the Jedi temple has a big evil hole that causes dream sequences, and it's just useless. Retarded.

Some other stuff happens, like a Las Vegas-type planet, and some other bullshit. Anyhow, Rey shows up to convert Kylo, but he captures her. Then, they're brought to Snoke, who has a rip-off of Palpatine's guard. Retarded.

Anyhow, after some bits about getting her there to find out where Luke is, they decide to kill her. I don't remember if they find out where Luke is. She doesn't tell them, but I feel they must've, because they decide to kill her. However, Kylo kills Snoke! And... that's the end of his character? We never get that expanded on, or here his origins, or get any of this shit explained? That's fucking nonsense. Retarded.

Anyhow, Ren tries to take over the galaxy, Rey refuses to join her, they have a fight which... ends with both of them being knocked out. Convenient. However, when Ren wakes up, Rey is gone. Rey just woke up, and didn't kill or capture Ren or anything, just escaped? Retarded.

Captain Phasma then shows up to capture Finn and a group of saboteurs, which is retarded, because she should be dead. They shouldn't have just tossed her down a trash shoot in the last movie. Retarded.

Anyhow, they decide not to shoot them, but instead, execute them with electric axes, because they want them to suffer, or something? Even though they have better methods at that, and there's really no point of the axes. Retarded.

The rebels all regroup on an old rebel base, where the First Order show up and try to take over. A bunch of crystal animals retreat inside, because... reasons. It's necessary for the plot, but they have no reason to run in there. They're not retreating from the First Order, they're animals. Retarded.

The First Order take out this huge cannon, and the rebels try to destroy it and fail. However, Finn ends up flying straight for it, and I thought he was going to suicide bomb it, which would've been a surprise. But no, he gets stopped. However, the worst bit is, he flies inside the beam and his ship is only a little singed. What the fuck? This is a huge, powerful cannon, and it can't even take down a fighter. Retarded.

Finn ends up being saved by an Asian saboteur he knows, and they crash right next to the enemy. There's then a suspenseful scene where they hide among the wreckage and steal a pair of speeders when the enemy inves... what? Oh no, they just get back to base. Even though they're well in fire range of every enemy there, they'd have to traverse a wide, flat, empty field, and it's a really long distance, given how long it took the fighters to cross it.

Then, Luke shows up to save the day, where he fights Ren. The resistance fighters escape out the back with the foxes, which is why the movie added them. Luke fights Kylo, before it's revealed he's only a force projection, because even though that's not a thing that's ever been used on this level, and everyone in the First Order saw him rather than the soul-connection thing between Ren and Rey, and even though Luke was closed off from the force and was able to do something almost no other Jedi could do. Retarded.

Luke then peacefully dies and becomes one with the force. He could've just died fighting Kylo, letting him strike him down like Obi-Wan, following his master's footsteps. But no, this crazy plot twist that makes no sense is instead. Retarded.

Anyhow, that's the movie. It was awful, if you liked it, go die. Thanks. Oh, and a few things I liked:

Things I liked
-Cinematography and that.
-Cool fight against Snoke's Guards
-Cool end scene with little kids
-The red and white on the salt planet
-The Las Vegas place, kinda
-Um... oh, there was this fun bit where as he finds Ren on the ground, Donal Gleeson goes to draw his pistol to kill him and take over, before stopping when Ren wakes up casually.

Yeah, that's it. Fucking waste of my time.

The Last Jedi (spoilers, obviously)

10 months ago

Disney fucked up everything. I mean, the Marvel movies are still decent, but as a SW fan, I am disappointed. Just saw the movie, and I'm pretty sad. ;w; 

The Last Jedi (spoilers, obviously)

9 months ago

yeah, read about it on TV tropes. i am PISSED, so fucking pissed. (Not drunk, UK users, angry) that they used luke in suce a barbaric manner. and worse, we don't get to see the early days of the new republic. i would've loved to see a live action version of jedi academy or maybe a fan film of luke's adventures pose episode 7 but NO. DISNEY SUCKS

The Last Jedi (spoilers, obviously)

10 months ago

The Last Jedi (spoilers, obviously)

9 months ago

So finally saw the new Star Wars movie.

Almost had a facial expression.

The movie was just so mediocre and bland that I just couldn't even be bothered to draw up enough emotion to feel any major way about it.

I mean it had some okay space fights and there was a lot of retarded shit in it, but ultimately it's fucking Star Wars, so I don't really expect much better from it.

The Last Jedi (spoilers, obviously)

9 months ago

Certainly better than The Empire Strikes Back, that's for sure.

The Last Jedi (spoilers, obviously)

9 months ago

Pffh, this is to obviously a trolling comment to refute, and this is coming from the person who is happy to act like Sicarius is a real person.

The Last Jedi (spoilers, obviously)

9 months ago

I'm not even joking. The Empire Strikes Back is my least favorite film. It's full of plot holes.

Okay, so first you have the problem of what happens on Hoth. It's been three years since the last film and yet somehow, Luke has never gotten lost in the snow even once? Never lost a tauntaun, never attacked by a Wampa? These are natural conditions and they make it pretty clear that this isn't the first time Luke has gone out on a patrol, so how is this the first time this has happened in three years? If these are just normal, planetary conditions then how come none of the rebels have prepared for a situation like this?

Second, Obi-Wan tells Luke to go to Dagobah NOW? Now, after THREE YEARS? Obi-Wan is a GHOST. He could have told Luke to train YEARS AGO, maybe before the entire rebel base on Hoth got attacked. Maybe if he had trained earlier, he wouldn't have lost to Darth Vader on Bespin.

You have the convenient hyperdrive malfunction that poses zero relevance to the plot. Its only purpose is to throw this Leia and Han romance out of nowhere, when there wasn't all that much of that in the previous film. It's like they're trying to complete these story arcs that they never even started, all in one film.

Next, Yoda almost refuses to train Luke... why? This is one of the last force-sensitive people willing to train in the light side, in the GALAXY. Why would you refuse? And then Obi-Wan's ghost has to convince him, which, again, makes me confused on why Obi-Wan hasn't been helping Luke in the past three years?

Then when Luke realizes his friends are in danger, Obi-Wan threatens that he won't help Luke if Luke goes. Does he know something we don't? Does he know Luke's friends will be alright anyways? If he does, it would be really helpful for him to dish out some of his ghost future powers to Luke right now, but nope, he doesn't explain himself.

You've also got the problem of Luke having trained with Yoda for apparently a few weeks or maybe a month, and being able to do these insane force push/pull moves during the Vader fight. If it takes that little training for him to learn that much power, it makes me question once again WHY OBI-WAN DIDN'T TELL HIM TO GO TO DAGOBAH SOONER?

After the Vader fight and the pointless twist that wasn't even originally planned until after A New Hope, Obi-Wan refuses to help Luke... AND DOESN'T EXPLAIN HIMSELF. AGAIN. THIS IS THE LAST CHANCE AT SAVING THE GALAXY, WHY ARE YOU NOT HELPING LUKE?! SO WHAT IF HE DIDN'T LISTEN TO YOU?! YOU DIDN'T EVEN GIVE HIM ONE GOOD REASON WHY HE SHOULD HAVE OTHER THAN THAT YOU'RE A GHOST!

There is more continuity between The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi than The Empire Strikes Back and A New Hope. The Empire Strikes Back feels like it was a build-up to a much longer saga, yet A New Hope never established these character arcs, these storylines, which causes a serious disconnect and fills the story with more plotholes.

The Last Jedi (spoilers, obviously)

9 months ago

Yeah, easily explained. Luke's never ventured out into the cold to search for Imperial probes, because they've never deployed, so he would've been doing more than just patrolling. 

Being close to death helped strengthen the ability of Obi-Wan to contact Luke, who still wasn't that strong with the force there. Anyhow, Luke's no doubt been keeping up with practice and that. You'd need a fair deal of that before you're sent to train under Yoda properly. Yoda himself thought that Luke wasn't ready yet for training.

What, malfunctions can't just happen? What's even your point here?

Yoda didn't think Luke was ready. Also, Obi-Wan didn't have much need to convince him, there wasn't any life or death situations that needed his interaction with the real world. 

Luke started his training, he needed to finish it. Jedi training isn't the kind of thing you abandon. Luke wasn't powerful enough to help his friends. He lost his hand trying to do it, as he wasn't ready. Also, don't know if you noticed, it was a trap. Vader was trying to lure Luke in through capturing his friends, he didn't actually care for them. So yeah, Luke shouldn't have gone.

OK, I don't care that the twist wasn't planned, and it's absurd to say it's pointless, as that father-son relationship is important in Return of the Jedi. Not sure how you'd expect Obi-Wan to help, and I'm not sure what you're talking about here, but it seems mostly you're talking nonsense. These all seem like weak, Sicarius level "Gays are evil because nature!" type arguments, and it annoys me that you make them.

The Last Jedi (spoilers, obviously)

9 months ago

My opinion is unpopular, sure, but honestly it feels like people have some social proofing going on in regards to the originals compared to the new trilogy. The Empire Strikes Back was in no way a perfect movie, and I honestly enjoyed The Last Jedi more than it.

Nothing can beat A New Hope, though. Best Star Wars film ever.

The Last Jedi (spoilers, obviously)

9 months ago

Weird, it seems I pointed out how all your complaints were bullshit, and your response was to ignore that and say you enjoyed a piece of shit film more than it. This angers me, and you're less of a person for doing so.

The Last Jedi (spoilers, obviously)

9 months ago

Man, wholesome Steve didn't last long at all 

The Last Jedi (spoilers, obviously)

9 months ago

okay okay fine

"Being close to death helped strengthen the ability of Obi-Wan to contact Luke, who still wasn't that strong with the force there. Anyhow, Luke's no doubt been keeping up with practice and that. You'd need a fair deal of that before you're sent to train under Yoda properly. Yoda himself thought that Luke wasn't ready yet for training."

How did being close to death strengthen Obi-Wan's ability? He seemed to contact Luke just fine when he was blowing up the Death Star,. As for keeping up with practice, who's been teaching him? Obi-Wan has apparently been really quiet those past three years, and Luke doesn't exactly have a lot of options of Jedi reading material. Also, not ready? Obi-Wan knew Vader AND the Emperor had been chasing after him. Considering how fast Luke spontaneously learns the Force, it apparently doesn't take all that much, so I don't know how he'd be any more "ready" by waiting around with the rebels for three years.

"What, malfunctions can't just happen? What's even your point here?"

Convenient plot device that served no point to the story other than to further the romance between Han and Leia, and introduce that giant asteroid worms exist. You wouldn't describe someone going to the store for some extra veg unless it furthered the plot in some meaningful way, of which the asteroid worm scene did not, since they already established the sexual tension between the two characters during the beginning scenes on Hoth when Han was preparing to leave.

"Yoda didn't think Luke was ready. Also, Obi-Wan didn't have much need to convince him, there wasn't any life or death situations that needed his interaction with the real world."

Right, because Yoda thought being "ready" for some telekinesis training mattered more than helping the last hope for the light side in the galaxy. This is one of those "expanded universe clears it up" moments that fails completely without context from supplemental material, which shows a poor understanding of filmmaking. In the Expanded Universe and even in the New Canon supplemental material, it makes more sense, since the Force clearly has far more extensions, but the original trilogy didn't deal with those concepts! The most extensive use of the Force was Force Lightning, and only the Emperor had it! Yoda was essentially just teaching Luke meditation and telekinesis, since that's all he uses in the entire original trilogy, and he learns it really, really quickly (being taught "all [Yoda] has to know" in a little less than a year, if you count the time between ESB and RotJ), so why would he need to be "ready?!"

"Luke started his training, he needed to finish it. Jedi training isn't the kind of thing you abandon. Luke wasn't powerful enough to help his friends. He lost his hand trying to do it, as he wasn't ready. Also, don't know if you noticed, it was a trap. Vader was trying to lure Luke in through capturing his friends, he didn't actually care for them. So yeah, Luke shouldn't have gone."

yeah no it was a trap but his friends were also seriously in danger. If he hadn't showed to fight Vader, Vader would have still been watching the others by the time Lando initiated the escape attempt, and thus would have easily recaptured them. Then they'd be subject to torture after torture, Leia would have been turned to the dark side (because even if Vader didn't realize Leia was his daughter then, he would have been able to sense it eventually, as he did with Luke after their first encounter), and anyone deemed unnecessary would have probably been killed. And Luke wasn't even trying to abandon his Jedi training, just rescue his friends and come back.

"OK, I don't care that the twist wasn't planned, and it's absurd to say it's pointless, as that father-son relationship is important in Return of the Jedi. Not sure how you'd expect Obi-Wan to help, and I'm not sure what you're talking about here, but it seems mostly you're talking nonsense. These all seem like weak, Sicarius level 'Gays are evil because nature!' type arguments, and it annoys me that you make them."

Obi-Wan

IS

A

FUCKING

GHOST.

He communicates fine with Luke in RoTJ. Okay, fine, maybe Luke had better grasp of the Force by then and so it was easier for Luke to talk to him. My point was that he doesn't help Luke right after the fight, when Luke is hanging off the antennae. Yeah, he warned him that he wouldn't help if Luke chose to go down that path, but this is the last hope of the galaxy we're talking about here! He could have at least telepathically told Luke to call for Leia, or something. I know he's a ghost, but come on, clearly he could have given some kind of advice or tried to talk him through getting off the antennae and back to safety.

The Last Jedi (spoilers, obviously)

9 months ago

Yeah, he's a ghost. I'd say it's easier for ghosts to communicate when the living member is near death. Plus, Jedi Ghosts aren't supposed to just be continuing on as living, Obi-Wan's not supposed to be popping in every five seconds. When he needs to, he'll focus and try to help Luke, but that's reserved for when necessary. In regards to training, Luke needs time to meditate, deal with his own issues and all shit like that. Becoming a Jedi is a spiritual journey, it's not just learning skills.

What, developing their sexual tension and characters isn't important? This is a silly point.

The Force was always a more spiritual, mystical idea. If anything, the expanded universe did away with this through trying to explain it away. Skipping ahead in training isn't going to help the last hope of the Galaxy, it's going to lead to a spiritually/emotionally immature Luke with a lot of power, and that dude's just going to fall to the darkside.

Yeah, it was a trap, and Luke nearly got murdered because of it. Luke was rash and emotional, which isn't the Jedi way, and they were all nearly wiped out because of it. He shouldn't have gone.

He didn't need to help Luke after the fight. All Obi-Wan needed to do was sense the Falcon was about to stumble upon him, and that's that. It seems you want to turn the Force from a mystical, strange and mysterious thing to this powerful MacGuffin where it's just used to solve everyone, and that's just silly. Perhaps that's why you liked The Last Jedi, because it catered to the kind of idiocy that thinks the Force is a magic solution to every problem

The Last Jedi (spoilers, obviously)

9 months ago

A spiritual journey that we barely see in the course of three movies. It's shown the best in A New Hope, but Spielberg was involved in that film more-so than the future ones, which is probably why it's better, considering Lucas has no idea how to write a story.

And, not the Jedi way? Funny, the only reason why Luke won against Vader in RotJ is because he lost control of his temper and fought erratically, aggressively. Granted, he won against the Emperor by calming himself and turning Vader to the light, but Luke's primary motivation was his friends. He wasn't being immature, he was just being brash.

The Last Jedi (spoilers, obviously)

9 months ago

Well no, there's clearly a spiritual journey throughout the films. The mentoring, the meditation, it's all there. Anyhow, whether or not it's displayed well isn't a counterpoint, it IS a spiritual journey however well it's portrayed, so your response seems more like a meek "Yeah, but I didn't like that bit!" rather than an argument.

Are you seriously going to argue that the Jedi way isn't brash emotions? It is. It's constantly pointed out that going by your emotions are the way of the Sith. Luke nearly had the last hope of the galaxy snuffed out because he was immature, and thought he could deal with Vader. He lost his hand, and nearly his life because of that. 

Anyhow, you left the other points, so I assumed they're abandoned. Good to know, back to your shitty new films, I hope they'll keep you and the other braindead amused with the pretty lights. At this point, you're not even arguing, you're just disagreeing with canon things because you don't like them.

The Last Jedi (spoilers, obviously)

9 months ago

Nah they broke Luke's character.  No good reason for him not to scour the galaxy for other Jedi in the years that passed or at least continue the Jedi way like his masters have taught him to do (or at least, use the Force for his own perceived good).

But again it's Star Wars so any amount of breaking-character and plothole is about to happen.

Crait was lit tho

The Last Jedi (spoilers, obviously)

9 months ago

I absolutely LOVED this movie. Especially Luke, gotta love pacifist bad-ass Luke. I've seen a lot of "criticism" and I use the word lightly, really people are just upset that it wasn't a copy and paste of one of the old movies like The Force Awakens ended up being -not that I didn't like TFA, I thought it was pretty good. But The Last Jedi certainly stands out by being able to do it's own thing and be a character-driven story.

I have a huge crush on Rey, and I was actually really happy with how they resolved her family issue. I mean it was either she belonged to some family that wasn't that one center of the universe Jesus family, or she did belong to that one center of the universe Jesus family and they left her behind! Can people honestly tell me they would prefer that Luke was her father, and he abandoned her!? Nope. Makes much more sense the way they did it.

The Last Jedi (spoilers, obviously)

9 months ago

As a critic, no, I wasn't upset that it wasn't a copy and paste. That's what I hated about Force Awakens. There's endless flaws with this movie, it makes no sense, it's boring and I'm insulted by the implication I only didn't like it because I wanted another terrible copied over film.

The Last Jedi (spoilers, obviously)

9 months ago

The Last Jedi should be the Last Star Wars movie. Hands down the worst star wars movie I have ever seen. Walked out of the theater extremely disappointed because the whole thing was a piece of garbage with shitty acting and unbelievably bad writing for a big-budget Disney production.

The whole thing was an excuse for Disney to make more toys, anyway. It's disgusting what Disney has done to the franchise. I'm not going to see the next movie, and why should I? Literally all the progress they made in the earlier movies has just been destroyed, it's another copy paste of the "rebellion vs the empire" with no originality or creativity.

The Last Jedi (spoilers, obviously)

9 months ago

A few of my problems with this pretty awful movie:

1. Why do the bombers have to be over the ship when they "drop" the bombs... there is no gravity in space. Why are they falling onto the ship? Makes no sense to me.

2. Snoke - lived and died like a lil bitch. Killed with a terribly lame lightsaber trick. We also get literally ZERO information about who he was, where he came from, why he was motivated to be so evil and destroy everything, etc.

3. Luke Skywalker is a terrible teacher. He tells Rey he will teach her three things: A. The force exists - gee thanks, Luke.  B. The Jedi suck at everything - this is pretty much true.  And C. There is no third lesson.

4. Intergalactic Monte Carlo... JUST WHY GOD, WHY. Let's kill Finn and Rose and remove all of this nonsense. Why are we so worried about these weird horse creatures when we should be worried about SAVING ALL OF OUR FRIENDS IN THE REBELLION. Then Rose takes a saddle off one of these creatures and says, "Now it was all worth it." I puked in my own mouth a little when that happened.

5. Kylo refusing to kill Leia. This makes it completely ridiculous that he kills Han in the previous movie. No reason to kill off Han.

6. Evidently the last movie never happened. This movie starts with the First Order still firmly in control and poised to obliterate the rebellion. Apparently nothing that happened in the prior movie made any impact on anything at all.

7. Luke milking a sea cow. No. Just no.

8. Leia using the force to escape the a space death. She has only ever used the force like once before to call out to Luke, and now she is so powerful that being outside in space can't stop her? No.

 

There are more problems with the film, but you get the general idea.

The Last Jedi (spoilers, obviously)

9 months ago

I've been doing a ton of lore reading (way too much) for my WIP. After learning so much more about this rich, deep universe, SW8 just makes me sad.

First, I see why this movie is loved by the critics. It checks all the boxes of well-received movies. Marvel's comedy, "cool" action, moral ambiguity, feminism, a random cute creature to sell plush toys to five year old girls, et cetera. That's why I don't like the movie. It's not SW. It's a generic Hollywood movie.

I'd have fewer qualms if it is a stand-alone SW story. Those are the ones that I view Disney should experiment with. Their Trilogy should be "Star Wars y'all". 7 was a copy-paste of 4, but it felt like SW.

Here's my qualms that I'd have regardless of whether or not it was 8 or a SW Story:

1. Poe prank calling Mr. evil Scotsman, It felt weird. I wasn't laughing. Instead, I was fearing that the rest of the movie would be that way.
2. The bombing run. The entire sequence was fine except bombs need gravity to fall down. The movie provided no explanation for why the bombers had to drop the bombs down other than to make the visuals pretty.
3. Leia's purple haired replacement just gave Steve-levels of jerkyness, I was very happy to see her dead (though she by car bombing).
4. The whole Canto Bight section was unnecessary. A little bit a script changing could've cut all that out.
5. Save the space ponies! That made me really sad.
6. Wasting Benicio Del Toro. His character didn't do his abilities justice.
7. Leia became Mary Poppins for a few moments. Everyone, I think, wasn't surprised that she has force abilities. Floating through space in a visually weird-looking way then knocking on the airlock like she's delivering a pizza.
8. All of the Resistance died except all of the Resistance members care about. More toys.
9. The Porgs had no contribution to the story.
10. Luke tickled Rey with a leaf. That scene made me think of the #MeToo movement uncomfortably.
11. Green Milk dribbling down Luke's beard.
12. All these out-of-the-blue force abilities like Force-Face-Time.
13. The orphan at the end. Little Orphan Annie was bad. I don't want another.
14. Rey's still a Mary-Sue (to inspire little girls it seems). No explanation for why she's immediately more attuned and powerful than most Jedi (and AoTC Anakin Skywalker).

Honestly, Luke's isolationism wasn't horrible. I would've preferred for the character to go a better direction. The lack of any info on Snoke and the Knights of Ren is excusable if 9 reveals something. Still, I'd like at least something. Some people didn't like Rose, but she was fine to me. The lack of any battle between Rey and Ben is still better than their one in 7.

My little brother loves this movie, but he also loves the Porgs (and he's 11). My mother didn't like it to a point where she no longer wants to see any new SW movies until they come out on dvd. My father views Rey's immediate force abilities as a reflection on society's desire for instant gratification. My other brother and a fellow SW nerd cousin at least have more fun making fun of this movie than watching it.

I'm really hoping that Rey's parents/forefather aren't *Spoilers* nobodies and somebody with a name and important instead*End Spoilers*. That way, it'd destroy a central message of 8. That'd make me very happy. :)

The Last Jedi (spoilers, obviously)

9 months ago

Steve level? Fuck off, you cunt. I'm a doll. I don't know what you're on about. Also, tell your eleven year old brother he's a spastic and push him over.

The Last Jedi (spoilers, obviously)

9 months ago

Given that Luke looked like a crazy hobo and staring at Rey as he drank alien elephant seal milk, I half expected him to agree to train her only if she dressed up like his sister in the slave girl outfit.

The Last Jedi (spoilers, obviously)

9 months ago
Okay I finally saw this last night. Haven't read this thread yet but I'm sure it's full of idiots having slap fights over MUH SPACE WIZZARDS so whatever.

My biggest complaint immediately after seeing it was how the whole casino section was pointless filler and padding to give superfluous characters something (useless and ultimately pointless) to do. And wrecking the pacing of an already overly long movie in the process.

Then as I woke up this morning, I was hit by a sudden realization.

The casino section wasn't useless at all. It had one direct consequence: the thief telling the bad guys about the cloaked transports, resulting in most of the Resistance being killed and later, Luke being killed as well. If they'd just trusted the Admiral knew what she was doing and she'd been able to go ahead with her plan without their 'help', everything would have been fine.

The heroes' big plan and their desire to BE heroes directly led to most of their allies and friends being butchered unnecessarily. This was a continuance of Trigger Happy Flyboy getting the bombers wiped out in the beginning. Those kind of flashy heroics were directly spelled out in dialogue as being the last thing anyone needed right now.

Now I LOVE the redeemed bad guys trope, I've said this before, but have a feeling Rey trying to save Kylo instead of killing him--as Luke and Leia both confirmed needed to be done, even after Luke owned up to his own failings and responsibility in creating him--will lead to terrible consequences.

This is the story of young people fucking up EVERYTHING by not settling their asses down and accepting that their elders know what they're talking about. And I love it.

The Last Jedi (spoilers, obviously)

9 months ago

Oh yeah, that reminds me. What the fuck was that bullshit with the cloaked ships? Like, the First Order has the Resistance in its grasps, and they have a scanner that checks for cloaked ships, but they just don't use it until someone reminds them because...? What the fuck is a point of a scanner if you only use it after you find out there's stealth ships there? Fucking stupid. This was a nonsense film, and you're not even right about the premise, because that's "Old people are shitheads who fuck everything up by terrifying children in their bed and then fuck off to masturbate alone on an island that has other sentient beings no one mentions."

The Last Jedi (spoilers, obviously)

9 months ago
Nah, Kylo was a psychopath who went on to murder all of his classmates (terrifying LOTS of children in their beds) and has slaughtered countless people since. The movie just glosses over that part because you're supposed to want him and Rey to bone or whatever. Luke's major fuck up was in failing to kill him.

The Last Jedi (spoilers, obviously)

9 months ago

Pffh, they probably tried to stop him from burning down the temple, which we know because he apparently didn't even kill them all. Fucker wouldn't even kill Leia, and he's what we're considering more evil than "I'll choke my pregnant wife to death"? Fuck off, bullshit. Luke's a person who wasn't willing to kill Vader, one of the worst villains of the galaxy. He says "I can't kill my own father". And it's not like that bit him in the ass, that saved the galaxy. But you know, fuck it, my nephew who did nothing wrong, yeah, I'll kill him in his sleep.

The Last Jedi (spoilers, obviously)

9 months ago

"If they'd just trusted the Admiral knew what she was doing and she'd been able to go ahead with her plan without their 'help', everything would have been fine."

Thing is though, why was the 'Admiral' being so deceptive to members of her own crew about the plan?  She was all kinds of *mwahaha - wringing hands together* there is a plan I just can't tell you for some reason don't worry though it will be fine, mwahaha.

There was really no substantive reason to be so dodgy about what the actual plan was. Had she just told them the plan from the jump, they would never have run off to Intergalactic Monte Carlo - which was still a completely useless part of the movie, likely included only for SJWs.

The Last Jedi (spoilers, obviously)

9 months ago

What? Why would the Casino bit appeal to SJWs especially?

The Last Jedi (spoilers, obviously)

9 months ago

The whole freeing the poor enslaved weird horse type creatures and Rose taking the saddle off of one and saying, "Now it was all worth it."

Rebellion must be the good guys because we save weird animals.

The Last Jedi (spoilers, obviously)

9 months ago

Is... is that SJW? Being against enslaving creatures and whipping them and treating them cruelly? Hint: it isn't. Normal people should be against those things.

The Last Jedi (spoilers, obviously)

9 months ago

I don't think that most 'normal' people have any problem with modern day horse racing. Seems to be pretty popular, but I guess the definition of normal is subjective.

Or, you know, the mass slaughter of, oh say... chickens and cows - who quite arguably live in horrible conditions until they are butchered.

But you're probably a vegan. I dunno.     ;)

The Last Jedi (spoilers, obviously)

9 months ago

That clearly wasn't normal horse racing. Those creatures were clearly being abused with whips. I'm against people who race horses by whipping them, yeah, but most normal people are.

The Last Jedi (spoilers, obviously)

9 months ago

Considering as racing horses degrade their muscles and spend a good chunk of their lives in debilitating pain, and then end up as dog food, I'd say that anyone who has spent any amount of time around horses is against a huge part of the horse-racing industry. 

The Last Jedi (spoilers, obviously)

9 months ago

I’d say it would be more of a PETA or vegetarian thing than specifically SJW.

Unless you’re saying the space horses were supposed to represent gay black people or something.

The Last Jedi (spoilers, obviously)

9 months ago

Lol.

Nice timing, End.

Yeah, maybe PETA or vegetarian might be more on point than SJWs.

Takeaway: Still a completely useless part of the movie. Devoid of any real significance to the film as a whole.

The Last Jedi (spoilers, obviously)

9 months ago

Honestly they could have at least had Lando make an appearance at the casino. The original black Star Wars dude has completely been forgotten.

The Last Jedi (spoilers, obviously)

9 months ago

Lando's pretty cool in the new Battlefront game, to be fair. You get to play as him, and he's fun. Like, at one point, you go up to a console, and your objective flashes "Hack the console", and then Lando presses a few buttons that do the wrong thing, and the objective just changes to something like "Just shoot the damn thing".

The Last Jedi (spoilers, obviously)

9 months ago
No that casino section was a clumsy screed against the evils of rich people. Look at them, exploiting the poor little kids in the chimney sweep hats and the sad giant alien deerhorses.

Had to laugh though at the declaration that failing their mission (meaning all their friends and allies would die while they were locked up) was Worth It because they trashed a casino and saved a random herd of animals. (The kids meanwhile were left still enslaved and more than likely horribly punished for their part in things...)

It's always interesting to me how utterly shitty life seems to be for your average person in the Star Wars universe. Or at least the ones on desert planets. I can only vaguely recall the prequels, but even back in the golden age of the republic and all that, slavery was just this accepted thing? Not a result of the Empire and not anything the good guys are looking to put an end to afaik.

The Last Jedi (spoilers, obviously)

9 months ago

We never see the golden age of the Republic. We either see it under the pseudo-Nazis, or run by a massive inefficient bureaucracy at a point where the global order of good has abandoned their principles, being corrupt, lazy warmongers.

The Last Jedi (spoilers, obviously)

9 months ago

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xdd0edT-BeE

Billy Dee Williams, we have not forgotten you!

The Last Jedi (spoilers, obviously)

9 months ago

Having thought about it further and after seeing it a second time, I actually kind of changed my opinion. It's not really a bad movie, it's really more of a good attempt to manipulate pathetic fucks to get their money. That's why it's good: it never tried to be a movie, but instead, it was like a global pick-pocket attempt to take advantage of pathetic, weak-minded faggots, like Malkalack, for example.

The Last Jedi (spoilers, obviously)

9 months ago

Don't hold this against me... but I agree with Steve.

;)

Here, here!