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The Weekly Review - Edition 37

4 months ago
Commended by mizal on 2/22/2019 8:33:59 PM
The Weekly Review – Edition 37


FEATURING:

What's New Section giving the latest info on the Forums

mizal's Blunder: 23 Commendation mitsake

The Featured Picture of the edition

Finally, a special interview with ISentintelPenguinI (aka Sent)


WHAT'S NEW:

In Newbie Central someone probably joined recently-ish!

In the Lounge nothing happened because everyone is on discord!

In News and Updates there is neither news nor updates but instead a contest that will inevitably fail and produce nothing!

In the Parlour Room all is quiet as usual!

In the Creative Corner stuff was moved and there's something happening!

In the Writing Workshop people posted some stuff this year!

In the Reading Corner people posted some stuff last year!

In the Advanced Editor’s Forum the usual scripting noob questions!

In the Feature Well someone threw in a rock instead of a coin!

In the Bugs and Problems section people probably complained about the Server Error in \ Application error as per tradition!

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mizals' Blunder: 23 commendation mitsake!

In the dark early morning of a few days ago mad mod mizal was sifting through the usual cold midnight shit when she came across a wonderful game: How To Date A Middle School Guy by RedWinter. The game, a 0/8 pile of vile shit-stained trash, was ready to be unpublished any minute. Mad-mod mizal, at it again, did the unexpected: commended the story - 23 TIMES! An unprecidented mistake of unbelievable scale. What made her commend it? A brief look at the content:

EVERYONE WHO PLAYS THIS GAME! LISTEN UP PLEASE! (OuO) THIS IS MY FIRST STORYGAME SO PLEASE FORGIVE THE UNREALISTIC CHOICES AND THEIR CONSEQUENCES! THIS IS PROBABLY THE MOST CHEESIEST THING I EVER WROTE! (OwO)

A page from within the storygame.

As seen by the lack of grammar and spelling, the usage of emoji text, and far too much punctuation - any reason mizal had to commend this is beyond anyone. She commended it anyways and RedWinter gained a whopping 23 commendations that morning. mizal reacted accordingly, attempting to fool us by feigning it as an accident - blaming her fellow mods of seniority such as Killa, 3J, and even attempting to pass blame on his majesty BZ. Regardless of these attempts she also immediately "tried" to cover her tracks - proposing to delete the game soon after commending it. She proceded to delete it out of embarassment but this news report believes otherwise.

Commendations cannot be taken away - they are permanent and mizal knows this and had known prior to commending the trash game. Is it possible that a trash game was made by her friend or family member purely to game the commendation system? We asked an expert who decided to remain anonymous what his views were on the situation:

Q: How could this have happened, [redacted]?

A: "As a foremost expert on commendations I can conclude with absolute certainty that mizal pressed the commendation button 23 times."

Q: Could this have been on accident?

A: "It's unlikely, but her technological incompetence is infamous. I must be going now, thanks, love you, bye."

After reading that, what do you think? Was it on purpose? Was it a classic mizal-mistake?

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Featured picture of the edition: Mardox in a dress

Scandalous "man" Mardox revealed his pass-time as cross-dressing and shared a picture with us:



This blurry photo of the estranged lesbian Mardox in a chainmail dress not much longer than the average office pencil-skirt was posted some time ago on his gay catholic discord server.

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Special Member Interview: ISentinelPenguinI (aka Sent)

Q1: How did you first find this site and what made you want to join?

A1: Wtf It's Like There's literally NO other practical purpose for that armor except to look like a huge faggot. Like there's not that much room for a good gambeson, even if we're pretending that's good metal and it's short-sleeved for some reason even though they obviously had enough fucking links to make this giant fucking skirt!

Q2: Why do you write Choose your Own Stories?

A2:It's just, why? It's so gay. This is something elves wear in LOTR fanfics. This is armor so gay Prince Adam on Eternia would've thought it had heavy undertones. This chainmail dress is so fucking gay Loras Tyrell would have found it offensive to wear to a fantasy pride parade.

Q3: Who are your favorite authors and what are your favorite stories on this site?

A3: It's a goddamn cocktail dress! Motherfucker trying to look all badass and historical lookin' like Whitney Houston at the end of that one movie. You wouldn't see armor like this in Final Fantasy. I mean, yeah, it's not nearly overdetailed and impratical enough for that, but you wouldn't see the concept of a man wearing an armored choid boy robe because of how gay it is.

Q4: Your interests are very wide-ranging, do you think playing computer games can provide good inspiration for story writing?

A4: He looks like the knight that was getting swirlies from his fellow crusaders...Under Stephen of Cloyes. Haha, children's crusade joke. It's like when knights are too noble to put in the pillory after they've done something retarded, so you make them wear this dress into battle and the peasants throw tomatoes at him anyway.

Q5: Any advice for other writers?

A5: He looks like Monty Python gave up.

Q6: How about some final thoughts?

A6: This is the kind of armor that's only acceptable in fantasy works such as Eye of Argon; and even then, Jim Theis would go on for several incomprehensible paragraphs about what a ponce he looks like.


==================================

That's all folks!

The Weekly Review - Edition 37

4 months ago
That was fun :D

The Weekly Review - Edition 37

4 months ago

Weekly Review?

More like "Bi-Annual" Review.

At best.

The Weekly Review - Edition 37

4 months ago
Okay this got some laughs, nice job. I feel like I should point out that at least one of those images is doctored*, but I'm fine with this all remaining canon. (And sorry but it took all 22 tries to be sure it wasn't possible to un-commend by pressing the button again...) Those are all authentic Sent quotes too in case anyone is wondering. I for one am supportive of Mardox/Chaelruz/Robert coming out, but I have him on the record as saying he "doesn't care what CYS thinks" because only his weapon understands him. Also I'm a bit disappointed Ford forgot to announce the furry story contest, or the fact that Killa will be making a furry dating category as soon as he's able to start messing with the code, but I suppose that can always wait for the second bi-annual Weekly Review eight months from now.

The Weekly Review - Edition 37

4 months ago
*obviously it was originally me in the dress

The Weekly Review - Edition 37

4 months ago

I'm sure you wore it far better than the mother of the bride did.

The Weekly Review - Edition 37

4 months ago
Hmm... odd picture to be sure.

The Weekly Review - Edition 37

4 months ago
I still would like someone who is learned in the ways of medieval combat to explain what I'm certain are the very the practical and necessary reasons for why the dress is a dress.

Often it's important to protect your hips and thighs but not your arms for instance because....because...well...well come on I'm sure someone can help me out here?

The Weekly Review - Edition 37

4 months ago
When you're attacking someone with a sword, you don't try and hit the tiny arms that are connected to the sword, the sword is in the way. You're not killing someone with a blow to the forearm. As for the dress, well, you have to be able to run, and that's a lot easier to make than pants.

The Weekly Review - Edition 37

4 months ago

I’m pretty sure this it was made for aesthetics only, since there is no way that chain mail dress is old enough to have actually been around when people actually used melee weapons. My best guess is that it is intended as a cosplay knight costume for women.

The Weekly Review - Edition 37

4 months ago
You mean it's not authentic 400 year old medieval armor? Whoa, thanks for this incredible insight, this changes everything.

The Weekly Review - Edition 37

4 months ago

I think the key thing here is Autist said it was a cosplay costume for women, meaning that Mardox is indeed a crossdressing faggot.

Granted we knew that already from the picture, but it's always good to keep pointing these things out.

The Weekly Review - Edition 37

4 months ago

Fine, I did some research on chain mail, in addition to what Mazdark found. After soaking in all Wikipedia can offer, I’ve found out that the chain mail in this thread would be considered large linked chain mail, and “Large-linked mail is occasionally used as a fetish clothing material, with the large links intended to reveal – in part – the body beneath them.” If he did it as the mail was actually intended I think that there shouldn’t be a shirt underneath.

Although I guess I was originally wrong, and the mail is actually in a historically accurate shape, since “according to a study of skeletons found in Visby, Sweden, a majority of the skeletons showed wounds on less well protected legs.” There were chain mail leggings, but they were obviously more expensive, and like poor warriors, it seems like Mardox couldn’t afford the legs.

Also, I looked up chain mail dress, and I’m pretty sure at least a few of the women wearing chain mail were wearing the same top as him.

The Weekly Review - Edition 37

4 months ago
well, I did a bit of research, and found out short sleeved hauberk existed, and I guess that's mostly because the left forearm is protected by the shield and the hands and wrists are protected by the gauntlets. you could even have an long sleeved gambeson underneath it. Or maybe it was also because mail was not cheap and quite heavy.
I'm currently looking at the bayeux tapestry and already saw a bunch of them.

The thing that is the most unsettling is the lack of opening in the middle front and back wich makes it impossible to wear while riding a horse. And that sword seemed fake af because the crossguard is too wide (but I can be wrong, the late medieval ages is not my forte)

some hauberks : http://www.clevelandart.org/art/collection/search?search=Hauberk
the sword is probably a XVII or XVIII-a : https://www.albion-swords.com/articles/oakeshott-typology.htm

The Weekly Review - Edition 37

4 months ago
@AmusedSquid please tell us about the Orthodox LARPing squad.

The Weekly Review - Edition 37

4 months ago
Oh it's @Zealot now right

The Weekly Review - Edition 37

4 months ago

It's pretty much a group of people LARPing as a monarchist Orthodox government with a plan to take over the US through democratic elections. They have laws written out and whatnot, and people who are meant to fill different roles in government. It would be fun but they're pretty serious about it and that weirded me out a bit. I was in the server for like 2 days or so.

The Weekly Review - Edition 37

4 months ago
Wow I only expected cringe, not uh, whatever that is.

...well I bet that awesome selfie will be a ray of sunshine in the life of some NSA agent at some point in the future, better hang on to it.

The Weekly Review - Edition 37

4 months ago

I'm sure they have all my info and know what I look like anyway. I went on coolmathgames.com without my parents permission, so im already wanted in all 50 states and overseas territories.

The Weekly Review - Edition 37

4 months ago

With a felony such as that, I’m surprised that your name and blurry picture isn’t on the FBI’s most wanted website. I hope you’re using a good VPN, and good luck.

The Weekly Review - Edition 37

4 months ago

"In the Lounge nothing happened because everyone is on discord!"

Rip the Lounge. (This message has been sponsored by Ugandan Knuckles: Ugandan Knuckles, making everybody want to kill themselves since 2018.)