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How Do You Make Friends?

6 days ago

I'm bored and am in a ranting mood so why not post here? How do you make friends? Genuinely, I have no idea! You don't just walk up to someone and go, "wanna be friends?" It's a slow process right? But how slow are we talking? Are we talking weeks, months, YEARS??

 

I don't know but this has always been a question of mine. Okay, maybe I shouldn't make it so obvious I don't have friends, but you get the point. I never really considered myself an introvert but honestly at this point I know I'm not exactly extroverted lol. I don't know, making connections with people was never my strong suit and it continues to not be. 

 

So how do you do it? I'm all out of ideas and I need help lol. Also, how does friendship come easy to some people? There's people out there that can meet a total stranger and within a month they're like family to each other. It's all frustrating and rather annoying to be this bad at forming connections lol.

 

Anyways, this was just a rant to get this off my chest lol

How Do You Make Friends?

6 days ago

Yikes, I just realized I wrote "lol" a lot in this post

How Do You Make Friends?

6 days ago

How Do You Make Friends?

6 days ago

That was actually pretty funny lol

How Do You Make Friends?

6 days ago

What our friend End here is trying to say is that a good way of making friends is through joining community based social groups like the boy scouts. There you will learn many useful skills, including how to tie up to ten different essential knots, including the Jack Ketch knot, as demonstrated by this nice gentleman. ^_^

How Do You Make Friends?

6 days ago

That's a great idea, End can be so supportive sometimes lol

How Do You Make Friends?

6 days ago

He's just a big, cuddly teddy bear. ^_^

How Do You Make Friends?

6 days ago
I think it helps if they have interests in common with you, and possess no personality traits you find especially unendurable.

I don't know anyone like this though so I can only be of limited guidance here. Wait till things reopen and try volunteering somewhere maybe.

How Do You Make Friends?

6 days ago

Common interests are a big one, but depending on where you are with Covid-19 there might not be a lot of events for you to find people with said interest. Social networking sites can be helpful but not aways. Multiplayer video games and discord are ways to to find online friends as there's pretty much a discord server for every and any fandom or interest (Currently in one for Chainmail making.)

 Also just learning to insert yourself into social circles is a big one. Can't just expect people to be your friends right away. It takes time. Just being able to talk to strangers is the first and biggest step.

How Do You Make Friends?

5 days ago

Nonsense! I personally prefer the fast track approach.

"Greetings stranger. Today's your lucky day. I have just decided that you are now my best friend... Can I borrow $20?"

How Do You Make Friends?

5 days ago

I think part of the answer is to just go do what you find fun.  People who are having fun are going to attract others, in person, or online. 

I suspect looking like you really really want to make friends may turn off potentials.  Being content with yourself is probably an essential quality for attracting high-quality friends.

Also being rich, attractive, and powerful helps.

How Do You Make Friends?

5 days ago

Watch them through the windows. Observe, analyze. Ask yourself: is this candidate worthy of friendship? Will I be initiating dialog only to hide the evidence later? Place yourself innocuously near them, edging closer over the course of many days. This helps you scrutinize and overhear everything they say. For example, if they're in the park, wear a ghillie suit and hang out in the bushes. After a few days or weeks, introduce yourself and immediately state all the things you have in common that you overheard, then express surprise when they say they like those things too.

Boom, friends.

How Do You Make Friends?

5 days ago

Breaking into their houses while they're out is also a great idea, as you'll be able to find out what their hobbies and interests are. ^_^

How Do You Make Friends?

5 days ago

Seriously though, a good place to start is joining some kind of community, like a book club or a drama group or whatever you happen to be into. Unfortunately, with covid, social stuff like that seems to have gone to shit, so social media is probably the way to go. Just talk about stuff you like with other people who like the same stuff. ^_^

How Do You Make Friends?

5 days ago

Find a time consuming hobby, or try really talking to your clasmates / coworkers. 

Or just shitpost on an obscure writing forum 

How Do You Make Friends?

5 days ago

Personally, I try not to. Through many painful years of experience, I've come to the conclusion that anyone that tries to be my friend is only wanting free labor or something. I don't mind helping someone out once in awhile when it's my choice, but I don't want to feel beholden to someone because they're a "friend".

A good and true friend once told me that at the end of your life, if you can fill up one hand when you count your friends, then you're truly lucky. So far, I've got four fingers left to go.

If you just want someone to hang around with, I'd suggest introducing yourself to people you see when out doing the things you enjoy doing. I wouldn't just up and greet them out of the blue, but more subtly after chatting a minute or two so you get a feel for whether you even want to know them or not.

If all else fails, you can always find a chatbot online and pretend it's your friend. There are loads of people out there doing just that. Or else spend a few bucks on whatever equipment you need and literally make yourself a friend. I'm sure there are plenty out there for sale if you're not a really creative person. And then there are imaginary friends, too. Those are probably the easiest and cheapest to make. Though, imaginary enemies are much more fun. Not as fun as real enemies nor quite so rewarding, but nothing in life is perfect.

If nothing else works, then just get a dog.

Hope this helps.

How Do You Make Friends?

5 days ago

No offense, but that's grim as fuck. 

Hope you're doing well man

How Do You Make Friends?

5 days ago

Is it? I guess I could've gone off on a friend vs. acquaintance tangent, but I thought I'd try to be helpful.

And not too awfully bad, thanks. ...other than the mind-numbing boredom of countless hours catching up on decades of TV shows and movies that I'd neglected over the decades.

How Do You Make Friends?

5 days ago

other than the mind-numbing boredom of countless hours catching up on decades of TV shows and movies that I'd neglected over the decades.

Yeah, quarantine's boring. :(

How Do You Make Friends?

5 days ago

Yes it is. Luckily, I have a dog that I can sic on almost anything. Lately, it's been imaginary squirrels and rabbits. He goes absolutely nuts at their very mention. One of these times, he's probably going to catch one and drop it in my lap to get even with me.

How Do You Make Friends?

5 days ago

Oh, sorry. Forgot to add something to my post:
Hope you're doing well, too. 

How Do You Make Friends?

5 days ago

You can't friend people, like on Instagram or Discord, but you certainly can play an active role in the community by rating storygames, doing duels, leaving comments, or sharing something in the forums!

Edit: Waaaaait a minute, they're talking about irl friends, aren't they. >.>

How Do You Make Friends?

5 days ago

Well here's a good example of doing it wrong.

How Do You Make Friends?

5 days ago

Plus there's the loot! Just think of all that oil, just ripe for the picking! ^_^

How Do You Make Friends?

5 days ago
Just fyi, we can mark sending a bunch of random semi copy and pasted questions to random people down as a failure in this area.

I mean, we could've told you that to begin with, but I guess you needed to directly rule it out, for science.

P.S. lol is not a punctuation mark.

How Do You Make Friends?

5 days ago

I got a different random question... Yey! I'm special! ^_^

How Do You Make Friends?

5 days ago
Commended by mizal on 10/16/2020 4:46:14 AM

How Do You Make Friends?

5 days ago
This is what I'll be sitting in a basement doing in the event of an apocalypse denying me internet.

How Do You Make Friends?

5 days ago

So much cute! <3

How Do You Make Friends?

5 days ago
Are you bored or just lonely? Either way, the problem is solved with yourself rather than other people. In terms of connecting with strangers, asking questions with genuine curiosity is a good way. People generally like talking about themselves or their interests. You also can't expect others to initiate, something that is difficult for introverts to put into action. Also, it's rare you just walk outside and meet random people. Often the people that become your friends share a main portion of your life, i.e. "work friends," "school friends," "gym friends," "hometown friends," etc.

How Do You Make Friends?

5 days ago
I guess as long as we've got a Q&A thread like this (Questions & Autism) I'll confess I have no idea how 'hanging out' is supposed to work or what possible benefit people are supposed to get from it.

If everyone is gathered together to work or accomplish some goal, okay fine, the presence of other people is a slightly annoying but necessary part of that and not a big deal. If it's something like a family gathering for a holiday, there's always plenty to do to help with prepping and clean up and probably somebody puts a movie on and I at least know these people. So this is also fine. It's mildly stressful and I'd rather not, but it's just something like a dentist's appointment you have to get through a couple times a year and there's no sense in whining about it.

Even with people I find pleasant to talk to I just see zero reason for face to face interaction and will never seek it out. But basically if it's a planned encounter with other humoids where there's things to do and I know what to expect there is no issue, I can even enjoy it once I'm there and have accepted there's no getting out of. (*yes yes go ahead and insert your LOL RAEP joke here, I know at least one of you is thinking it*)

But where I have a problem is when family or coworkers are like "well I know you just worked all day/all week but now instead of finally relaxing and getting some space to breathe and think, you should come to X location and sit around in awkward misery while people you barely know are loud and alcoholic and talk about things you don't care about....oh and if you don't want to waste your time and be miserable for no reason then YOU are rude and weird and a bad friend."

And I don't even want to get into the emotions I possess if someone takes it upon themselves to just SHOW UP at my home without calling ahead. Due to a series of unfortunate events I've got a cousin living with me now a couple years after his 'temporary' stay was supposed to be up, and I will never adjust to the way he's just in and out of the house constantly and will be accompanied at random by the kind of people who voluntarily are around him. Quarantine is just a funny joke to him that hasn't slowed this down at all.

Actually, last night he just showed up with his kid who will be staying over the weekend. He didn't bother to inform me or anything and well let's just say I am sooooo glad that in a couple of months I'll be moving, by myself, back out to the country where no one can just randomly be in my house without it being okay to shoot them.

How Do You Make Friends?

5 days ago

... Going to the cinema can be nice? ^_^

How Do You Make Friends?

5 days ago
I only vaguely recall such a thing as 'cinema'.

But actually yes that was one of my favored ways to get the necessary social interactions with others in. There's a movie to look at and then afterwards the movie can be talked about while eating somewhere and it's all pretty painless.

How Do You Make Friends?

5 days ago

Eating is also nice. ^_^

How Do You Make Friends?

5 days ago

The funny thing is I probably would have just scrolled by over something like this but I noticed "LOL RAEP" and that caught my attention.
 

(So basically you walked down a dark alley wearing skimpy clothing.)

How Do You Make Friends?

4 days ago
Many methods exist that might secure you some friends. Being an introvert i tend to be more selective by putting up some qualifiers.

1 morally decent
2 highly intelligent . This does not strictly mean problem solving. But also having a functioning brain and actually being able to think and reflect ,being able to self critique themselves. Etc
3 they must show a great amount of loyalty and trust plus honesty.
4 they must have the necessary skills to take care of themselves, be an adult that can take on responsibility. Makes them reliable not only to themselves but to me also.
5 should have some things in common with me. But its not that important.
6 generally is more of a pragmatist than an idealist.

7 can take a joke. Comprehends the fact that life is sometimes tuff. Understands that fears are meant to be confronted. Helps others overcome their own.

As such, is not one of those triggered and frightened individuals prowling the lands. Defileing it with their meir existence.
You know who i'm talking about.

Can you believe we live in a time where some people are scared of words literally and go on about how you should keep them safe from set words? So weird.

There are more but this is the bare minimum.

I had a friend with many of those qualities once . But unfortunately he got into the drugs business and hooked up with a few low iq individuals. He's chasing the money. Making a decent amount. Knows how to cover his tracks Since he won't change his ways. I left him to his own devices. Could I have reported him to the local authorities.? Of course but a strong friendship to a friend makes such a decision difficult to carry out.


And by now he has moved out to god knows where.

Just because you have found a friend. Doesn't mean they will stay as your friend. Keep that in mind too as you search for one.


Too many have failed the 2nd of my qualifiers these days so i stick to myself




How Do You Make Friends?

4 days ago
I hope you find a friend intelligent enough to show you how punctuation works and how to reply to the right post someday.

How Do You Make Friends?

4 days ago

Also how to spell "tough"

How Do You Make Friends?

4 days ago

I think my neck grew some hairs while I read this. 

How Do You Make Friends?

4 days ago
Mine too!

How Do You Make Friends?

4 days ago

8. Must be an atheist. (I can't be friends with someone who's gullible enough to believe in a magical sky God.)

9. Must be a Rick and Morty fan. (Only a true intellectual appreciates the pure genius that is a human being transforming into a pickle.)

10. Must recognize females as a lesser species who's only purpose is to satisfy and provide for her male counterpart.

Please message me to apply for the coveted position of acquaintance, and we'll see where it goes from there.

(Tendencies towards white supremacy are a plus.)

How Do You Make Friends?

4 days ago

You can make friends fast or slow. What matters is how many experiences you share.

Most people remember "fiends from school". School is in itself a disruptive experience that you share with your classmates and happens during a phase of life when many things are still new and you do many things for the first time. But some people get unlucky and end up in a class of people they don't want to be friend with. That's ok, better no friends than bad friends.

Another great opportunity is when you start university. Again everything is new and you are together with a group of people who share your interests and are in exactly the same situation. So "friends from university" is a thing.

Starting a new job is not quite a good opportunity as starting university. For you everything is new but for your colleagues is the same old. So you many new experiences but they aren't really shared with your colleagues. What may happen is that you get trolled a lot by older colleagues, and the best is to see this as a misguided attempt to create shared experiences. The grinding culture that abounds in tech firms is self-destructive in the long run but also a way to make friends. Working day-and-night together to get a project over the finish line is a great shared experience.

Some people go out drinking to make friends. After all, crashing completely is a shared experience, though rarely a pleasant one, and a great route to addiction.

In adult life we have too few new experiences unless we actually go out of our comfort zone. Everything that provides shared experiences will do. Join the red cross take a language course, go to a demonstration, or play a team-based game such as ingress.