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Prophecy

6 months ago

Well, I'm publishing something else now. It's a new fantasy game called Prophecy, and so far my longest game. My grander aspirations to fully proofread this for every single spelling mistake have fallen to my lethargic boredom and I'm tossing it out there for the masses. Well, here it is. I hope you enjoy it, masses.

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/prophecy

Prophecy

6 months ago
Commended by JJJ-thebanisher on 2/10/2017 12:55:44 AM

*Sees 131k word count* *Sees time (12:30 am).* Welp, this is going to be a long night.

Review to follow

In short, this was a great journey. Prophecy had well crafted locations, lore, and interesting events to keep your attention and the digital pages turning. There's also a substantial amount of content, and it kept my attention for the whole 3.5 hours it took to go through every route I could find (~12 epilogues). Prophecy has a good number of things going in its favor, and a few that are not.

(minor spoilers)

//Things that work well

  • The substantial and varied locales you visit in order to get the plot coupons are fun to picture in your head
  • The intricate descriptions of a number of settings, the opening is particularly well detailed
  • The backstories and lore are intriguing, though not as prominent as they could have been
  • A couple of the characters (Mira and Dikiz) were well written and had their own depth, which were expanded upon in their routes
  • The ogre side story towards the end

//Things I have mixed feelings about

  • The romances changed a fair bit of the flavor text throughout the latter half of the journey, and they were wittily written. However, one or two of the endings (if you had a romantic partner) came across as a bit jarring
  • The larger story arc driving the adventurers was interesting in its resolution, but perhaps could have had a bit more foreshadowing. The ideas the arc touched on were interesting though.
  • The endings were varied, however I felt that a bit more meat to them would have been appreciated (they often felt more brief than they needed be)


//Things that didn't work

  • It was entirely possible to miss story critical information in situations where you only had time to talk to one party member, leading to confusion as to where a certain choice was hinted at.
  • The linearity - outside of three decision choices, and one boxers vs briefs clothing choice there were very few things that you could do that didn't kill you AND affected the story in a meaningful way down the line. 
  • Decision making - there were a number of occasions where you would have two or three choices, and honestly not much information to help you choose the right decision (the others would usually leave you dead). More information would be appreciated
  • The token minorities - you go around picking up followers like a stamp collector, and always one at a time. That cliche slightly taxed my willing suspension of disbelief
  • Consequentiality from certain actions felt lacking
  • Typos - There were many, however I look forward to them being patched out
  • The voice - this one I take particular issue with. The author often would have his characters engage in tirades or mouth off at something, but the wording used was distinctly modern, and highly unlikely to have been appropriate in the setting it was displayed in. This was a pretty strong immersion breaker, and would benefit from being written with more fantasy contextual insults

(/minor spoilers)

While it may look like there were more negatives than positives, that would not be a correct assessment. The author is a seasoned writer and knows how to build an epic story that keeps you engaged. Prophecy is a great work, perhaps not the greatest, but I'd gladly recommend it as a great experience.

Prophecy

6 months ago

Let it be known that 3J was just tricked into commending the same thing twice.

Prophecy

6 months ago

*Benign laughter* it was entirely unintentional :)

Prophecy

6 months ago

I liked the modern language. It reminded me that this is Steve's world, and I thought it helped the humor. It kinda felt like a DnD session with a bunch of dudes off the street, but better.

Prophecy

6 months ago

The modern language definitely made it Steve's work, but to a reader who doesn't know Steve's persona, the phrasing would seem quite jarring.

Prophecy

6 months ago
I'm still not sure whether the formula for commendations is based on word count or the site assigned lengths, so I guess this will be one mystery solved for science.

Congrats on writing a ridiculous number of words! I've long mourned how little truly quality rat/bug porn there is on the internet. I'm glad someone's finally addressing this imbalance, and I'll eagerly await seeing which popular fantasy author is going to see their story get the boot to make way for Steve coming out as a furry.

Anyway, I guess I better make sure the weekend's clear for this one...

Prophecy

6 months ago
And now Steve rules over the Sages.

And the Architects, Wardens, Marauders...

See this is why I wanted to see him with his own snowflake category. It would've been hilarious to see one guy who hates the whole concept of Orders single-handedly kicking the asses of the combined efforts of the rest of the site.

Prophecy

6 months ago

After having worked fairly hard to have been near the top of the Sages, I can now say I know how it feels to be a human staring down an alien invasion. All those weeks of effort crushed in front of overwhelming force. (For the next two months, atleast) I, for one, welcome our new snake overlord.

Prophecy

6 months ago
Looking at what you managed to write for the contest in like a week and a half, you can make words happen pretty inhumanly fast too. Maybe Steve will have some competition once you get warmed up.

And I mean, just because we're all on the same side doesn't mean we can't bitterly hate each other and fiercely compete! That's half the fun of it all.

Prophecy

6 months ago

If you want, I can send you Bug Reports that double as Captain America references.

Prophecy

6 months ago

Steve, this stuff is good. It's seasoned with errors, but it's good.

"We... uh, eat them,"

Prophecy

6 months ago

I enjoyed the rat-bug intercourse far more than I should have. 

Prophecy

6 months ago

There's rat-bug intercourse? I must read harder!

Prophecy

6 months ago

I think Flynn is a representation of Steve. Mostly a jerk, but he's still lovable.

Prophecy

6 months ago

So Steve wants to kill every living thing on the planet, himself included?

Prophecy

6 months ago
Well yeah.

Prophecy

6 months ago

Obviously. However, he may be under the influence of a powerful deity. I say its either Satan or Cthulu.

Prophecy

6 months ago

Well, I've come to another end that's unsatisfying either way. Yay me. I'll take advantage of that "go back" button and find a better ending.

EDIT: Well, I finished it and my only regret is that my path didn't have rat-bug intercourse.

Prophecy

6 months ago
But you did see rat-human intercourse, that comes clsoe right?

Prophecy

6 months ago

Ah, very true. But, I wanted to see the bugs and rats especially.

Prophecy

6 months ago
Joining before it takes off.

Prophecy

6 months ago
Oh look, Negative is here. Negative, check this story's description. Here you don't take control of anybody, either!

Prophecy

6 months ago
Everyone on this page is red colored.

Prophecy

6 months ago

No one won the commendations challenge yesterday, I think.