Inheritance House

Player Rating3.59/8

"Too few ratings to be ranked"
based on 10 ratings since 08/30/2019
played 84 times (finished 16)

Story Difficulty6/8

"wandering through the desert"

Play Length3/8

"A nice jog down the driveway"

Maturity Level6/8

"I'll need to see some identification"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 16. If this were a movie, it would probably between PG-13 and R.

A suspense/horror story. It is about a cabin you inherited from your creepiest uncle (yeah you know the one). There are two possible endings. Good luck.

Tips:  Use the link at the end to go back to the beginning, even if you die you can continue to play. Hit "Drive to cottage" after each play through and look for the room that changed. You will face a choice in that room that will decide if you live or die, again.

Note: A special thanks to Chris113022 and Gower who play tested, and proofread this story.

Player Comments

Overall review:
This is a quickish adventure in a haunted house, written using a room-to-room structure with no inventory (that I found). The house is small. The twist here is that when you escape, you can loop back to the start of the game for a new experience in the same space several times. I thought the loop might have been handled a bit differently--I didn't quite realize that I was looping and got rather confused when I played this later and couldn't find the scratching noise in the kitchen! Granted, that's on me for missing your disclaimer in the intro.
It's a cool concept. The looping is neat, and the ideas for the various hauntings are quite good too. I did wish that the house had compass directional indications within since I tried to draw a map, but it's so small it doesn't really matter.
This is a fun quick game which could benefit from more polishing and more attention/time given in the descriptions. But as I said in the playtest, it has the bones of an impressive game.

Tone:
Might have created a bit more sense of atmosphere on page one with illustrative details rather than narrating the emotion, like " It's hard when family dies. It’s harder when they leave you their ratty old cottage in the woods just south of the middle of nowhere!" Tonally, that tells the reader that this is going to be light because of "ratty old cottage" and "middle of nowhere"--you can get a spookier effect with more emotional description. It's the old "show v. tell" thing--if you say "but where did the knife come from?" that's one thing, but if you show the knife suddenly appearing, the reader will think that same thing, and enjoy the process better. Ditto for "The knife has you concerned. Where the heck did that come from?" If you show us this scary situation, we will *be* concerned and wonder.
My biggest comment is that you lean heavily on cliche here. -- middle of nowhere, the statue "almost looks like it is watching you."; "You stare in disbelief"; "This has to be a bad dream"; " must have been the wind"; "go to the light."
Choice Structure:

I don't like the go left/go right structure of choices that don't have any reason to make that choice. How about some description that give me a reason to go left or right--and that could help me get more "into character" too.
Microlevel stuff:

"You remember your uncle telling you he built a new barn a few years ago, it might be nicer than the house." <-- you never want to connect two sentences with a comma. That's called a comma splice, and it hits reader's ears clumsily sometimes. Try a semicolon there (or make it two different sentences.)
Plural of knife = knives
Change "Running right out the back door" to "You run right out the back door."
The font type changes in some room, like the left and right living room.
-- Gower on 8/30/2019 5:56:52 AM with a score of 4
Note: I wrote this story after getting the first end game link, as I saw all that the story had to offer when I playtested.

This story is a nice and neat little experiment. The death and loop concept isn't an original one, but it's executed very well here. I'd say the concept is what mostly carries it, this almost seems more like a proof of concept for a system than an actual game in some ways.

The writing is good and I respect that you implemented a lot of the suggestions from the thread. A few things you missed, namely Gower's suggestion to include a better reason to go right or left (iirc you included a mention of the barn, but there's no real way to tell where that is), but it's understandable. As for the story itself, it's passable for what it is. Didn't enthrall nor scare me much.

Like I said though, the real good in this story comes from the primary gameplay element: dying/escaping, and then going through again with changes. This keeps things fresh as you don't know what you'll find this go around. Sort of reminded me of Groundhog Day in a way. Still, like I said, this seems like something that would fit nice at home within a longer story. As is, the concept is all that's really carrying the story itself.

Overall, I'd say that for your first shot at a game with various features such as variables and items, it was very good! You didn't have any glitches or bugs or the like, which is more than some of us might be able to say when we first did this sorta thing. I give it a 6/8, would've been a 5/8 but you proved that you cared enough to fix any problems with the story that were pointed out in your thread... Plus, you included me in the special thanks, so I couldn't bare to rate it any lower.
-- Chris113022 on 8/30/2019 5:22:30 AM with a score of 1
There are an interesting set of mechanics framed by pretty good descriptive writing in Inheritance House. My first impression was definitely mixed, as far as introductions to the "Inheritance House" went, I was pretty unintrigued, but maybe that was by design. Each loop through the house brings you to a different bizarre and creepy encounter within one of the rooms and suspense definitely builds up.

One of the things I was hoping for, that didn't really appear, was tweaks in the writing between trips to the cottage that served to give you a sense of progression. Nothing major, but just subtle noticeable changes. What you do get (much appreciated) is a cue as to where the next encounter will take place, so you're not just wandering the cottage.

I like the parts of the story that are engaging, and I think with a little rewriting some of the rooms to give them more intrigue outside of the encounter, this story would be super compelling. Thanks for writing this, I enjoyed it.
-- TheChef on 9/6/2019 12:50:46 AM with a score of 1
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