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Well it took me long enough, but it's finally all done. Here is the remade and updated version of The Price of Freedom; Innocence Lost for all who want to play!

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/the-price-of-freedom

The game includes:

1. More stats to build on and use throughout the game, (Intelligence, Stealth and Accuracy)

2. A choice of names for the main character (yes, I know you don't care what his name is, but screw it, you get to pick anyway.)

3. More back story for you and other characters.

4. Lots of new added scenes.

5. A few important changes to the original story.

6. ... I can't even remember half the stuff I changed, but it's a lot longer. It has loads of words and stuff.

But while you guys are playing, it would be a great help if you could point out any mistakes you find along the way. The game has a shit-ton of variables so there's bound to be some glitches I need to fix. So if you notice, please could you bring to my attention any of the following:

1. Any spelling, grammar or punctuation mistakes.

2. Any scripting that's gone wrong, (like if you see a bunch of % symbols along with a load of random words thrown together.)

3. Any instances where the stats didn't change correctly, (like you were supposed to gain strength but instead you gained stealth.)

4. Any pages that don't have a link to the stats page.

5. Any pages where you have no way of progressing (except the end of game page.)

6. Any pages where you get more than one link saying the same thing (like two links that say "Next".)

7. And any other mistakes that you might notice.

... So, that's the game. Hope you like it. Please let me know what you think, particularly if you've played the original. Let me know what you like about the new game or if there was anything you preferred about the old one... And have fun. ^_^

Woo!  Been looking forward to this since finished the original. Cheers Briar.

Awesome! :D *goes off to play*

Huzzah!

*squeeing intensifies*

Anyway, just finished the first part of the game. Had a heroic BSOD moment when Brasus died and I killed the dude who killed him. I'm sure there's a way to save him but Chris dun fucked up, so... Meh.

I noticed a few typos and grammar mistakes, none I can really remember. But I do remember early on that, in one of the pages where you first encounter Lula (either the page you meet her or the page after the choice of telling Alexius to stop crying, telling Lula that men do cry sometimes, or telling her to stop bossing Alexius around), the narration uses 'to' when it should have been 'too'.

Didn't find any scripting errors, but then again that might just be on the pages I read.

So, there's Chris' pointless report. Now to get some sleep considering I've been reading since three in the morning (MST, that is) and it's five thirty and I don't have any coffee and I've pulled two all-nighters in a row and god I need help.

Are you sure? Are you really, really sure? 

And I'll have a look for that "to." Thanks for pointing it out. ^_^

I haven't found too many grammatical errors, save for one towards the beginning. When the Roman man comes and takes Alexius (on the Listen page), the second choice says "Aleius" instead of "Alexius."

Ah, thanks for noticing ^_^

The last 2 relationship stats are allways unknown, even at the end of the game when you already know their names for some time.
And for everyone that's trying to: You can't save Brasus. There's no way. All you can do is help him, in whichever way you prefer.

I noticed the last two relationship stats issue as well

Oh, okay. Thanks for pointing that out, I'll fix that right now. ^_^

FINALLYYYYYY

On the lula page that begins. 

“She’s right,” you tell your brother firmly. “You need to stop crying now. You’re going to get us both in trouble if you keep making all that noise.”

The colors are reversed for the stat changes. As in the gain is in red and the loss is in blue. It seems to have applied correctly to the stat sheet though.

Oh, okay. I'll go fix that. Thanks for pointing it out. ^_^

Congratulations!

I held off on playing the original because you were going to update it, so I'm looking forward to this. ^_^

Another bug I noticed. after you already come to the arena and get to choose which weapon to take, you also get a link that only shows if you have high enough intelligence. If you choose that link, then if you go for the bigger sword (how was it called? gladius? can't remember), your speed will allways be to low, even though if you choose gladius after any of the other options, you're fast enough. I had 25 speed and was able to get the sword if I first picked up the spear, threw it, then went for the sword, not with the intelligence check though.
I'm sorry if that's not understandable enough, I will go check the names of the options to copy them here.

Hmm, that is strange. Maybe I put the variables in wrong. I'll check.

Found the problem... Don't even know how I managed that. I need to do a really thorough check of this game. There's so many variables to keep track of and sometimes I end up using the wrong ones. >.<

I really enjoyed the original so this makes me very happy! I finished hours before finally sleeping. :p I liked how there were more stats to improve on. My new favorite skills became something like stealth and intelligence. 

In the future if it's possible,  I would like more scenes with Gerda! She's one of my favorites,  besides well... Rhode. 

 

Glad you enjoyed it. (Intelligence is definitely my favorite stat, since there are some choices that only appear if you're smart enough. I'm going to try and do stuff like that with some of the other stats too.)

And don't worry, Gerda's still around for the next game... Assuming she didn't die in the first game of course. 

Oh no worries there! I made sure she lived in both of my playthroughs. (In this and the one that's currently featured.) As for the other two...

I found keeping everyone alive a much more difficult task this time around. c: Won't say much more on that since I wouldn't want to spoils ennething. 

I'm curious about how complicated variables are though. It can't be easy to make a sequel when there's so many variables relying on certain characters whose fates are determinant as well as their opinion on the player. 

I only have two variables for each character, one that keeps track of their approval and another that follows whether they're alive or dead. If the character's dead, you don't get anymore scenes with them. That part should be easy enough. (It's all the random little variables that make things tricky.) 

Is that so? Well I'm glad that tracking those two aren't a added problem for you. Umm, random noobie question.. but all of this variable talk means this was made in the advanced story editor right?

Yep ^_^

I love you, Briar! WOOOOO! Whimpering little boys!

Nice! I remember reading the original back when I was around here more often (I've always been quiet, I don't expect you to remember me). Anyways, one of the pages during the fight was really messed up. It looked like a copy/paste mistake, the first half of the page repeated itself. I think it was where Lula saves you from the big guy and your sword breaks. Also, when you get whipped instead of Alexius it says you get a bunch of stat decreases but I don't think they went down. Apart from that though, it was almost flawless albeit with typos and I can't wait for the rest of it!

Thanks for mentioning the problems, I'll have a look at them.

So, does this mean you're done writing it?  It looks really formidable. Good job, Briar. 

Hell no, Im done writing the first part. Still need to write the other 2 

On the page "Titus (not friends)", at nearly the end of the game, there's no link to continue, just the link to check stats.

Thank you, I'll fix that. ^_^

Just remembered something I need an opinion on. When playing the game, did anybody find that it really difficult to survive at the end? Like, did it take you more than two attempts to win the final battle?

No problems guaranteeing my own survival in that part, but is it possible for everyone to be able to survive or is that simply impossible. There's always that one person who dies even when the two strong ones of the group survive.  c:

Nope, sorry. With the other two, you can save one or both of them, but one person always dies no matter what. I kind of didn't see where I was going with that character, and I thought the "let them suffer or put them out of their misery" choice would be even harder if it was someone the main character knew.

Aww, that actually sorta makes me just a teenie bit sad. I would've liked everyone to survive just like before but I don't mind some tragedy as well. 

The first time I played I didn't level the right stats (forgot which one it was) so it made it impossible to win. Also the only way I have found of saving everyone is with intelligence, but maybe I just haven't tried the right things yet. But no I didn't find it too difficult to survive.

There's three stats you can use to win the last fight (with the Gaul you fight at the end.) To do that, you need at least a 15 in either Strength, Speed or Intelligence. Before that when you're trying to save either Gerda or Zeru, you need at least a 10 in Strength, Speed or Accuracy, (unless the person you're helping has the spear, then they'll end up saving you.) So in that final battle, I think Strength would probably be the most useful stat to have.

That said, if you want to save both Gerda and Zeru, you'll need either a 10 in Intelligence (to get Lula to throw Gerda the spear) or a 10 in Accuracy (to throw the spear to Zeru or Gerda yourself.) Also, if you throw the spear yourself, you'll need at least a 5 in Speed to get the short sword, or a 10 in Speed to get the long sword.

So... Yeah, to sum up, it's a good idea to spread the stats out pretty evenly, with maybe one or two to specialize in.

The only time I used the 'go back' button in the battle was when I tried throwing the spear to Zeru but I screwed up because I had low accuracy. So, then I went back to the training before the battle and then trained my accuracy so I wouldn't miss.

You cheater-cheater-pumpkin-eater.

Nope. 5 people survive out of the six (and due to your comments here, one of them always dies no matter what, so I believe I did well in that regard), and I got it on my first try. 15 speed, intel, sneak, and to hell with the rest of the stats. :b

Well it's about fucking time!  Can't wait to play this tomorrow.

It's about two years past fucking time, but sometimes stupid things like work and boyfriends and family and social life get in the way... Don't they understand I've got a fucking game to make here? 

Thanks. You just need to make a few more sequels and I'll be happy. 20 should be enough.

Thank you! I LOVED this story! I can't wait to read the updated version!

If you're happy to wait 40 years, then sure! 20 it is. 

.

Everything I loved about the original is cranked up to a whole new level in this remake. I felt there was more space to carve out the kind of personality I wanted for the MC. I was a bit nervous about the new stats but Intelligence is now my favorite. It felt so awesome being this clever slave holding general knowledge of so many areas.

It was an interesting change from the original to see the MC's father turn into a more sympathetic figure, it definitely fleshed out his character. Alexius was kind of annoying at first (so much so I purposely went through certain walkthroughs to make him as miserable as possible) but to his credit he was young and experiencing so much trauma, I think he grew on me over time in the remake. 

Even Septimus (not sure I spelt that right) who made me think of Joffrey in the original game became somewhat more likable in the remake, as we learnt he admired gladiators and honorable combat. He really did feel like an actual child from an upper-class upbringing. I'm really curious to see where the story goes next with him. 

I think I might even like Gerda now, in the original I thought she was absolutely psychotic but the remake does a good job in explaining who she is and why she acts the way she does. 

Every character feels so natural and believable, each one of them is quite memorable.  In fact I really like the team the children made in the arena - Lula, Zeru, Alexius, Gerda and the MC - it was fun to kind of bond over the battlefield. Working together they would make for a formidable unit - comrades in arms. 

Poor Brasus, I couldn't save him, though I don't really think I'm going to feel the loss in the long-term. I wish there was some way he could have proven useful as a gladiator but it seems he just wasn't made for it.   

Awh, thanks. I'm really glad you enjoyed the update. I did struggle to make the main character more of a blank slate so that the player can decide his personality pretty much completely, but I think I made it work. (And Intelligence is my favourite stat too.) ^_^

The father I felt I had to give a more of a definite reason why he would sell the two boys. I was in a massive rush when I wrote the original story, so I didn't think too much about it, but when I re-wrote the story I figured... This guy's raised the boys for 10 years, he's going to have an emotional attachment to the boys.

And yeah, I did worry that Alexius's character wouldn't be likeable because he's too whiny, but then reminded myself that he's only 7 and he's going to cry a lot. I plan on making his character a lot more laid back and less dependent on his brother as he gets older.

And I did try to make Septimus less Joffreyish. I figured if he's too hateable then nobody's going to make the effort to gain approval with him. The main thing I was going for is, while he's still a twat, he doesn't see himself as being a twat. Even in the beginning when he starts a fight with the main character, it's because he thinks he's defending a helpless girl and being really chivalrous. I plan on making him even easier to get along with in the next game. (But still a twat.) And Gerda too. I've found her a really fun character to write in the update. She's still pretty much the exact same character, just with more of a reason behind the bitchiness.

And yeah, I really didn't know what I was going to do with Brasus in the next story. He was kind of a more whiny version of Alexius, so the character didn't really add anything to the game. (Also I thought the decision of killing him or leaving him alive when he's suffering would be a more difficult decision to make if it was someone the main character knew.)

One thing I worry though, I don't know if I made it clear enough in the game that Brasus and Alexius were friends. Did I get that across well enough?

More of an RPG than Fallout 4. 

Psh.

Fallout 4 isn't an RPG.

Well, it was still an RPG.

But it was more of a G than an RP.

Y'know what, it was just a G.

Exactly.

Fallout 3? RPG.

Fallout: NV? RPG.

Fallout 4?

FPS.

And a crappy FPS at that. I mean the gunplay was a lot smoother than 3 and NV, but compared to games like COD and Battlefield the shooting was choppy and slow.

Shoulda just made New Vegas 2.

Eh, Fallout 3 was more of an rpG. The roleplay was fairly weak.

I think that's about as much a compliment as, "Still a better love story than Twilight." 

Still a compliment. :-) 

Good job, Friar.

Thanks ^_^

Great game, I am eagerly awaiting the sequel(s), however long it may take.... :)

 

But concerning the whipping - why does that affect stealth and intelligence? I understand strength and to some extent accuracy and speed, but getting dumber because of a whipping isn't really plausible. Furthermore, shouldn't the penalty be only temporary? It doesn't affect the game right now, but if the stats are going to be carried over to part 2 I figure that the stats should revert to normal after the first battle.

 

Lastly, there seems to be a small bug at the festival, as I was able to gift my candle to three different people.

Pain can make you clumsy and forgetful, perhaps? (It can, but I wouldn't know if that's the actual logic here.)

The idea wasn't that you lost all your skills there and then, but that, because of the time you spent recovering, you missed out on a lot of training that you would've otherwise received. So anything you would've learned during that training, you didn't learn, hence why you're dumber. 

And thanks for pointing out the candle thing. I'll look into it. ^_^

I was planning on replaying it again but the story seems to have reverted back to the original. Is the remake being edited?

EDIT: Oh never mind, I just realized Price of Freedom: Innocence Lost shown on the homepage and Price of Innocence through the link above are actually two seperate games.

“It’s okay.” You reassure him. You’ll do better next time.”  page titled 'Alexius' on the ship after Alexius loses the bread. You're missing a " mark.

Thank you! ^_^

Really excellent story. Loved the first one and this is even better. The only thing I noticed that was slightly off was that you show the final stats page, but it doesn't have any links on it, so there's no way to rate and review the story. Other than that, really good job. I am eagerly awaiting sequels.

Oh yeah, that's deliberate. The story's not finished yet, that's why I posted the link on the forum instead of just publishing the game. ^_^

make part 2 plez, I became very invested in this story and now my friends are aswell. We need a part 2

http://chooseyourstory.com/forums/the-lounge/message/20209http://chooseyourstory.com/forums/the-lounge/message/20209