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Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago

As always, anyone is free to join, and there is no time limit. Remember to edit lock your writing when you're done.

Last week's rankings are as follows; 

1) Jep 2) Seib 3) Mayana 4) Ogre 5) Zag 6) Minnie

And Matthias is not ranked because he never finished his story :/

Again, I'll willing to provide criticism, however I don't have much time so it's a little iffy on when I'll get around to doing it.

This week we have a lot of Valentine's Day related stuff.
Prompt #1:
Write a story from the perspective of Cupid during Valentine's Day.

Prompt #2: To be honest, finding a love picture on deviantart that isn't disturbing is hard. So have this picture, which is disturbing for different reasons.

Prompt #3: "When I said she/he would rip out my heart, I never thought it would be literal."

Stealing the tagging list from Axiom. Please inform me if you don't wish to be tagged to this anymore.

@WouldntItBeNice @Steve24833 @JJJ-thebanisher @bbshark @Bucky @mizal @FrankIevatus @TheNewIAP @Romulus @TacocaT @Crescentstar @Mayana @Zulutrader @MasonJarGuzzi @Ogre11 @malkalack @Charaxes @eshspoyeofdoom @RoyalGhost_007 @StillWatersRunDeep @temporaryaccount @ISentinelPenguinI @Drew8521 @Orange @LickReborn @ZagHero

Good luck to you all ^-^

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago
Yay! I'm third on the rankings! You don't believe how ... oh wait, I'm third, and there were 6 people. I'll have to do better this time. Except I have no idea what to write.

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago

I thought you did well xD

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago

Wow... that picture...

I'll get to my story soon, I'm doing number 3, I hope no one minds the fact that I like Pokemon... and I'm using that to my advantage in writing this...

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago

Like I said, rather disturbing :P

And I don't mind if you use Pokémon ^_^ rather interested in how you'll do this.

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago

Thanks, and if you haven't checked my Profile, It's me, B101! My first, and hopefully only Alt.

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago

I win! I eagerly await my drawing. 

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago
I should add, that the winners should PM me their requests! ^_^

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago

James had known that a Pokemon and a Human relationship was looked down upon, and even illegal in most Regions. He'd always loved his Zoroark, dearly, at least he thought so. He'd gone to lengths with her, even going as far as... well, we won't go into detail.

The thing is, James used the excuse when they did things that if she illusioned herself like a Human, they wouldn't get caught and get in trouble when in public. She made herself believe that he loved her. He didn't. He lusted for the illusions she could create, and soon, she saw this.

James noticed the decline in depression in his Zoroark, and didn't like it very much. He lusted for more of the attention she could deliver, and he even forced her to do it several times. The relationship turned from an adorable love story, to an almost abusive relationship, and Zoroark would have none of it after so long.

She left him. He found the shards of her Pokeball on his Porch, and cried for her to come back. It didn't take him long to forget about her as his mind turned from the innocent, childish goof he used to be, into an angry, lustful asshole. She intended never to cross paths with her Ex-Trainer again. Fate decided against it.

James had found substitutes over the years, but none proved to work as well as his Zoroark, and so, he embarked on a Journey to find one. Little did he know, that it was her, the same from before, hiding in the Cave he entered. She didn't feel his presence or hear him enter, just a Wild Zoroark now, living life free. It was a feeling she was not used to. But she'd been adapting.

"There's one." James whispers to himself, eagerly. He pulls out an empty Great Ball from his bag, and a Pokeball with a Pokemon inside from his belt. "Raticate! Hyper Fang!" James yells, throwing the Pokeball, and his Raticate flew out, charging towards Zoroark. She turned in surprise to the sound, and the Raticate stopped his advance. He recognized her, and remembered her. "What the hell are you doing? HYPER FANG!" James yells. Zoroark looks behind Raticate to see her old Trainer. "Wait... Zoroark?" James squints at her, and her eyes widen as she turns to run, but he tackles her to the ground. "I've waited too fuckin' long for this." He growls, his voice full of lust. She struggles, but he holds her down as she can hear his Pants unbuckle.

Zoroark puts up with it no longer, as she flips them over, and she gets to her feet. Using her razor sharp Claws, she slashes three deep cuts into his face. His eyes boil with rage, and he begins to yell and try to hit her, how he used to control her, but she's mature now. She isn't going to put up with this. She grabs his arm and twists. He groans in pain as she pulls back her other arm, and thrusts it through his Chest. She gribs the first thing she finds. The Organ of life that James has. She grips it, and yanks it out.

James falls to his knees and coughs up blood. Now, he will never hurt any one ever again...

(Sorry if that went a little, er... overboard... I tried. Sorry it sucks XD)

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago

Edit lock... I suppose...

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago
My god, what is this? Why? Question mark?

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago

Me too. Just... just ignore this! Gah! Terrible entry! I assure you, my writing isn't usual this... horrible... please forgive me and let me redeem myself of my sins!

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago

To be completely honest, your writing isn't "bad". It's the story itself... >_>

 

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago

I suppose. I'll try better next time.

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago
I came?

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago

Sure.

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago

I really hope you're Kain and not some genuine Gardevoir-waifu loving degenrate...

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago

No, not at all. It's just a very well drawn picture that I found impressive. It's a rather beautiful picture.

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago

Oh you're that B101 chick.

Ugh, just go back to your other account.

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago

Nonono bucko. I made this alt, and I'm transitioning to it. 

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago
Why? What was old with your old one? If it works, don't fix it.

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago

The name. Personally, I prefer my actual name over my internet name.

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago

It went a bit...overboard, yeah >~>

At least you didn't go too overboard with graphic details of the...you know. *cough*

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago

All the psuedolegendary furry waifus available on the internet... And you had to choose the one with herpes!

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago

@Taylor_Boulet

....What in Jeremy Clarkson's name is this degeneracy?

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago

idk, something off the top of my head...

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago

@Taylor_Boulet

I've read stories about Pokemon before. They were generally terrible, but I could tolerate them.

I've read stories about rape before. They were generally terrible, but I could tolerate them.

But when you combine the two, well... don't be surprised when people start getting out their ropes and chairs. The topic is extremely cringeworthy, and the interactions between the characters and the writing do not help. Here’s an example:

“James noticed the decline in depression in his Zoroark, and didn't like it very much.”

This is bad for two reasons, one being the awkward use of “decline in depression” when a simpler alternative could have been used such as “James noticed his beloved Zoroark becoming more and more depressed”. The other one is how weak the sentence sounds. If you want readers to feel strongly about something (feeling empathy for the Zoroark and hate for James), then you have to use better words that stir up that kind of emotion. “…didn’t like it very much” sounds mechanical and devoid of emotion, and is just lazy writing. Speaking of emotion, why did you not name the Zoroark? Naming characters can help the audience identify and emphasize with the character more, especially when it’s a main character.

Speaking of the Zoroark, she didn’t seem to have much, if any personality. She doesn’t want to be abused, and she could turn angry and violent, but that’s it. Why did she suspect that James didn’t love her? What did she think of James before she found out he didn’t love her? What does she think of James’ Raticate? What kind of relationship did she and the Raticate have that the Raticate didn’t attack her despite being years since they saw each other? What’s her ambitions? What does she like to do? How does she act around people? Asking questions is one of the ways you can build up a believable personality. Speaking of the Raticate, where was he when James and the Zoroark were fighting? Why didn’t he step in to help whoever? What happened to him after the Zoroark kills James? Why doesn’t he have any personality either aside from not wanting to kill the Zoroark?

There were also some capitalization errors, (using her razor sharp Claws) spelling errors, (she gribs the first thing she finds.) and some grammar errors (It didn't take him long to forget about her as his mind turned from the innocent, childish goof he used to be >,< into an angry, lustful asshole.).

Also, I highly doubt that someone could find someone after years have passed in a random cave they checked out. Especially when the Zoroark would’ve probably tried to cover as much distance as possible in order to never be found by her trainer again.

And please, for the love of god, pick a better subject matter the next time you write a story. Write about anything, ANYTHING other than… this.

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago

Yeah, I cringed when I posted this. It felt generally.... terrible. I wasn't impressed with my work, and I didn't expect anyone else to be. Like I said before, this just came off the top of my head. And about the whole distance thing...

(Just let it happen. It's called; 'Hollywood Magic' XD)

Thank you for your very descriptive review, I enjoy it when others point out my mishaps (No seriously, I do), and let's just say, that this was a terrible entry for this. To conclude what I'm saying, I'm a terrible writer with a messed up mind and an unhealthy obsession with Pokemon.

End my life please.

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago
If you knew it was terrible, why did you post it? You have the intire week to write something you are at least sorte of happy with. Something that isn't this. Why post this if you knew yourself how bad it was? Whenever you write something, allways sleep on it before you post it.
I'm not saying I'm all that better at writing, I'm not. Just asking, because I can't understand humanity.

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago

I'm taking your advice.

I... I can't even look at my entry up there...

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago

Pssh, this isn’t Hollywood, this is CYS! That magic can’t penetrate our iron clad walls of quality literature writing!

Also, I forgot to add this to my review:

You don't really describe the places that the characters are in. You also don't tell us what the characters look like. Ask these questions: What does Zoroark look like? What does the place where James and Zoroark lived look/feel/smell/sound like? What does James look like? What does the cave look/feel/smell/sound like? Asking questions is one way to create thrilling descriptions.

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago

I'll let you rewrite my story then. Make it actually readable, because I'm done with it.

Have fun!

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago

As far as Deviantart pics go, that one's pretty tame.

Kinda comforting actually.

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago

Cupid sighed as he looked down on the silly children whispering to their friends about what they’d do for their crushes. Why did Venus have to get him stuck with this job? What use was there for these shallow stirrings of attraction? Cupid fingered the string of his bow, which was taut but relaxedly slung over his shoulder with his quiver of golden arrows. He just wanted to get this job over with so he can return home to Psyche and have a decent day (and night) with her.

The west wind blew softly against his wings, and he muttered, “Anything worthwhile here, Favonius?”

The wind seemed to sigh at Cupid’s bored tone. Before him, wisps of clouds collected quickly before dissipating to reveal his sworn helper.

“You really should have more faith in these people; we have centuries to go before they change mindsets again,” the auburn-haired god remarked.

“Just answer the question.”

“Eh. A few promising ones, but I don’t know if Venus would approve.”

“Why in the name of the gods would she disapprove? She doesn’t give horseshit for them. She only cares for ‘unique’ lovers. I’m stuck with the boring ones,” Cupid complained.

“They’re all… so normal. Nothing like Medea and Jason.”

Cupid sighed at the memory. He really wanted that shiny ball. “That story was tragic.”

“Don’t you ever think you should make their lives happy? They may be mere mortals, but they still feel. Remember when your beloved Psyche was still mortal?” Favonius replied, hands on his hips as he raised an eyebrow at Cupid. “Besides where were you when I was in love with Apollo?”

“I’m pretty sure you’re the one who promised to help me. And you’re still in love with him, and you still got revenge for that.” Cupid groaned as he sat up on his cloud. He winced at the soft giggling noises that sounded from the clouds. “Alright. Lead the way.” Might as well get it over with.

Favonius grinned and merged with the wind again, and Cupid rode on the gentle breeze. It was nice to stretch his wings after laying sprawled on those insufferably damp clouds. They spiraled downwards toward the school’s backyard. They even had a banner with gods-damned hearts on it—for a chocolate fair, no less. How these mortals ruin romance.

“There.” A gust of wind blew at a trio of mortal boys. “The blonde one.”

Cupid narrowed his eyes at the boy as he descended, unseen by mortal eyes. Hmm… He had harbored feelings for a girl for a few years already. Cupid looked through the windows to his soul. Those green eyes revealed much about his emotions…

“Good, huh?” Favonius whistled.

Whistling was pleasant sound when it came from the gentlest of winds. Despite that, Cupid snapped, “Shut up. I need to focus.”

The wind stopped blowing for a moment, and Cupid found it suddenly harder to fly.

The boy had tried to subtly gain the girl’s attention and affections for a while now. Loyalty, check.

The group moved on, and Cupid followed them. As they neared the doors, a girl walked out. The girl. She wasn’t beautiful, and Cupid was surprised. Well, these people are mortals. The most beautiful are reserved for the gods. Perhaps this guy was more interesting than he thought. And more likely to keep in his own pants unlike some mighty, immortal beings he knew.

Cupid readied his bow and continued watching the scene unfold.

The girl looked over at boy; his efforts had not been wasted, the immortal supposed.

He greeted her, and she greeted him back. His companions were walking away, snickering. A blush made its way up her neck. Cupid paused and lowered his bow.

Favonius, though it was unnecessary, whispered into his ear, “Which one are you going to shoot?”

She was already in love with him, and he with her. They did not need his blessing, and he did not want to bind one to the other. He couldn’t shoot both because only the first one would go into effect. Or he could—

“Don’t even think about it. Remember what happened to Daphne? And don’t ruin these rare little moments.” The wind stilled as if it could lash out at any mo—was he actually thinking about thwarting Cupid if he shot a revulsion arrow?

He sighed. “I wasn’t going to anyway.”

Favonius sounded baffled when he asked, “Why not?”

Cupid’s gaze fell to the now linked hands of the boy and girl. “They don’t need my intervention.”

The wind sighed. “They don’t need us anymore.”

“With love like that, they never will.”

---

“Cupid?”

Oh. He had been dying to hear that voice after his trip around the world. How he hated Romans—why in the name of the gods had they invented Valentine’s Day?

He flapped down to the window and slipped through into the marble bedroom. He had been using this entrance lately. He grabbed Psyche and kissed her perfect sheet of blonde hair.

“Was it that bad?” Her voice was like rippling water.

“I didn’t use a single arrow.” Cupid stepped away from his wife and folded back his wings.

She looked at her with those big, brown eyes that looked so much like… like… chocolate.

Cupid averted his gaze.

“What’s wrong, love?” Psyche padded closer to him, her sky blue dress rippling along.

“Most of the mortals don’t deserve love, and the few who do don’t need it,” he blurted, returning his focus to her face. That perfect, perfect face.

Psyche smiled at him. Gods, it got to him every time. “Mortals need more love. I think… I think that they’ve lost meaning in love in the recent decades.”

“Damn right.”

Unbothered, Psyche continued, “They all deserve love. I think that mortals have hope left.”

“I thought Pandora left that in her box,” Cupid muttered.

She glared at him. “The problem is… I know that the gods and goddesses are losing power. I know that mortals need… help. But you are not the one to give it.”

Cupid raised an eyebrow, and with that silent communication, asked, Are you doubting my abilities?

No. She smirked at him and said, “It’s beyond your power. Besides, Valentine’s Day is only one day.” Then, she added, “You’ll live.”

He snorted and tossed his bow and quiver into some corner of the room. “Your mortal jokes tired out a couple millenniums ago.”

“I know you still love me,” Psyche retorted and sat on the soft sheets.

Cupid sat down next to her. “How can you be sure?”

She grabbed a pillow—it had a freaking heart on it—with immortal speed and threw it at him. “Don’t you dare!”

They had a pillow fight for a few more moments before Cupid toppled down onto the bed, dragging her down on top of him.

Her eyes, dark chocolate, stared deep into his. “Really, Cupid. Don’t worry about it.”

He seemed to ignore her, but the light had started to return to his eyes. “I’m going to get you back for that first pillow.”

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago

Edit Locked :)

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago

Ah. Beautiful, Cres. I enjoy cringing at my writing and I enjoy yours ever more. (I should stick with acting instead of writing)

Finally, my terrible story isn't the only thing here.

I just want to say Cres, this was really good. I may be a terrible Writer, but I'm a critic, and I don't have anything bad to say about this (Mainly because It's you XD) other than the spelling mistake here or there. This was good! Love ya always Cres!

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago

^-^ Thank you! (Love you too xD)

Hey, we don't like stories to be lonely, now, do we (question mark key does not work on this keyboard... WHY DO I ALWAYS END UP WITH THIS KEYBOARD)

Yay! Spelling mistakes... I blame... uh... >-> (Can you point out a few—normally I don't make spelling mistakes. I know "relaxedly" probably is one though.)

EDIT: I'm going to fix up any errors I can find before I edit lock it. :)

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago

Oh. It appears that my reply didn't have it...

I originally had parenthesis around this;

(But you're Cres. You don't make mistakes XD)

After the spelling mistake thing I said. And relaxedly is a word. Sorry! ^~^

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago

I make mistakes all the time! (*worried face* Certainly I must have made one...)

It's okay. :D *feelshappy*

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago

I'm just going to reply to this for your compliment, Cres :D

I really liked your story.

When I get home, I'll provide longer criticism, but overall I really enjoyed it ^^

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago

"I'll provide longer criticism" - Seto

There wasn't any criticism to begin with. T^T I like criticism - for the most part.

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago

DON'T EDIT LOCK       

"When i said that he would rip my heart out,i never thought that it would be literal."This is how my story begins.      

       I have a crush on this boy,and i told him that i liked him,he told me that he had liked me back,i was so very happy,he seemed happy too.Then one day he asked me to go out with him,and at that time it seemed like a very good idea.So i said yes,and when i said that it seemed like we spent hours together at his house.

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago

I'm going to edit lock, but seriously trust me, I'm doing you a favor.

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago

@Gemini4Ever

Already better than mine XD

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago

Alt, right mods?

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago

Yes. But this is a transition, not just for trolls or some shit, so why do you ask?

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago

@taylor_boulet i just finished it,the rest of it i just posted.

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago

       "When i said he would rip out my heart, i never thought it would be literal."

        I have a crush on this boy,and he had a crush on me.One day he comes up to me and says "Hey,i know that you have a crush on me and you know that i have a crush on you.So will you go out with me?"My heart was stunned but instead of saying no,i said "Yes,i will go out with you."i knew i had made the right choice,he seemed very happy about that too,he would lift me off of my feet and twirl me around.We got so excited that we had kissed,it was amazing and it was awesome.At that moment i knew that i had made the right choice.We always spent hours at his house,doing stuff together,swimming in his pool and doing normal couple stuff.It was awesome.We hardly ever had a argument,but when we did it wasn't that bad,it was mainly on his fashion choices and how he shouldn't wear a orange shirt with camoflage shorts.But we got it worked out to where he would wear a black top with those shorts.I loved him so much,he loved so so much too.Yntil a girl tried to steal him away from me,but he said that he would never go out with her even if she was the last girl on earth.When i smiled and he smiled at me,we just walked off together,i was so proud of him.He stood his ground and he didn't back down.After that,we went everywhere together,i even started to stay the night at his house sometimes,his mom and dad didn't mind and neither did mine.

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago

So uh, you realize 'i' is capitalized, yeah? As in, I don't like this... uh, "story". That's how it should work. Also, there's a space after punctuation. Not just like this sentence.See how weird that is? Yeah. Also, the story doesn't really have anything to do with the title. I mean, not only does the boyfriend not rip out the narrator's heart literally or metaphorically, the exact opposite happens. Hell even without those issues, this is some of the most boring drivel I've ever read. It reads like some teenage girl fantasizing about the perfect guy, but rather than taking place in private, under your sheets with a large hunk of bright pin rubber it's here, on a writing site, instead.

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago

ok that was really harsh steve

 

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago

Dis gon b gud 

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago

Steve, take pity on my friend >~>

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago
If this person is your friend that doesn't make their writing better. Steve's words might have been slightly harsh, but were still true.

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago

Oh, I never said Steve's criticism was too harsh. Just don't hurt them too badly for saying,"ok that was really harsh steve".

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago

I'd imagine I'd receive a similarly harsh reaction if I shit in a bowl and offered to you as stew, but that doesn't make the reaction any less necessary or accurate.

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago

"It reads like some teenage girl fantasizing about the perfect guy, but rather than taking place in private, under your sheets with a large hunk of bright pin rubber it's here, on a writing site, instead."

Lol, can't believe I missed this bit.

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago

I'm waiting for the commendation.

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago

*insert nice criticism* But only cause I know ya >~>

I see that you tried, but as Steve said, your story didn't fit the writing prompt I had; which was literal heart-ripping-out, emotional damage optional.

Besides that, your story read like a fantasy-fulfillment, which is slightly cringey if not written properly.

In terms of grammar, all the lack of spaces in between your sentences, and the lack of capitalization in your "I"s also detracted from the overall story because it was distracting for me to read it as it was.

Lots of improvement could also be made in the way you word your sentences. It seems you wrote all this mostly in past tense, which doesn't work very well. This might have contributed to the overall awkwardness of your sentences.

Another thing you did poorly as well was the pacing and details of the story. A lot of irrelevant information was within the story, but you glossed over of all the important bits; such as when you mentioned that you forced the poor guy to stop wearing an orange shirt with camouflage shorts, and instead changed it to a black top with camouflage shorts(which, btw you spelled wrong ^^ It's "camouflage" instead of "camoflage"), but then glossed over the "someone tried to make him go out with her, but he rejected her for you". Those bits could have benefited from some details (such as who was the girl? Why did she want to go out with your BF so much? etc.)

If I was to grammar check this, this is how I’d change it; (Bold is comments)

“When I said he would rip out my heart, I never thought it would be literal.”

    I have a crush on this boy, and he had a crush on me. One day he came up to me, and said “Hey, I know that you have a crush on me, and you know that I have a crush on you… So...will you go out with me?”

    My heart was stunned(recommended changing this word. Doesn’t quite have the proper feel) but instead of saying no, I said,”Yes, I will go out with you!”

    I knew I had made the right choice, he seemed so happy about it that he lifted me off of my feet and twirled me around(If you wanted to tell the story in past tense, make sure you keep all tenses in past tense, otherwise you’ll confuse the reader, and it’d be grammatically incorrect.) We got so excited we kissed. It was amazing and awesome. At that moment, I knew I had made the right choice.

    We spent hours at his house, doing stuff together, swimming in his pool, and doing normal couple stuff(this entire sentence sounds irrelevant and I would take it out or expand on the “stuff” done. Stuff is also very overused.). It was awesome (Why?). We hardly ever had an argument, but when we did, it wasn’t that bad. It was mainly on his fashion choices, and how he shouldn’t wear an orange shirt with camouflage shorts. Eventually, we got it worked out to where he would wear a black top with those shorts.

    I loved him so much, and he loved me just as much. But then, a girl tried to steal him away from me. In reply, he told her that he would never go out with her, even if she was the last girl on Earth. (As I told you, this should be expanded on since it seems very relevant to the plot. Details ^^)

    I smiled, and he smiled back at me. Then we just walked off together. I was so proud of him! He stood his ground, and didn’t back down. (Makes him sound weak, and someone who is prone to caving in to other’s demands easily...then again, he did change his clothing style for you.)

    After that, we started going everywhere together. I even started to stay the night at his house sometimes. His mom and dad didn’t mind, and neither did mine.

This was overall, short and it felt like it had been put together in a short period of time with no/barely any thought.

The story idea is there, now you just have to work on details :)
I hope this helped.

 

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago
I've got some ideas for the third prompt, so expect an entry from me.

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago

I will eagerly await your entry!

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago

I obviously won't be judged, but I wanted to write for the first prompt 'cause I really like it. (I also didn't mean to make it so much like Crescent's story, so forgive that!) ^_^

~~~

Absolutely everything has falling apart. Nothing went as planned and what should have taken five minutes has taken a whole month. And today is my last day to finally make Susanne fall in love with Max. Valentine is tomorrow and my very name is screwed if it doesn't happen.

Now you might say, "So what? They're just two humans, who don't even really belong together. Why are you wasting your time?"

And to that, I reply, these two people have a relationship so fucked up, that making them fall in love again would be so commendable, that maybe I could finally get my sweet, sweet Mother Nature back. She had decided sometime ago that I should be meeting my quota, and I wasn't. (Although I disagree whole-heartedly. Ahem, who was the one that put Shakespeare so madly in love that he wrote Romeo and Juliet? ...this guy! Of course, that was like a million years ago, but I still stand behind my argument.)

Nature kicked me out of the godly meetings and said I wasn't to come back until I started working again. Also, that we should take a break. Believe me, that it hurt me enough that I actually got off my ass and pursued these two lovebirds and decided to work my magic. If this thing doesn't work, I'm royally under. And I don't want that. I really do love Nature.

Anyway, I'm sitting outside Susanne's apartment on a towering tree branch. She's shouting on the phone at Max. Max is shouting back. All hell has broken loose.

It pains me a little to see tears in her eyes. She's done an awful lot for this guy, and it always comes back to bite her. Now, neither of them are innocent, with all the shit they've done to one-another, but I see the light in their hearts which means that under all the bitterness, they do care about each other.

Susanne puts the phone back in the cradle after a soft goodbye. Her hands are shaking and she's trying not to sob. As soon as she picks up a photo of Max sitting near the telephone, I ready my arrow and launch it.

It flies through the window with the skill only I possess, skims her shoulder and hits her miniature poodle that lays on the couch behind her.

He yips in surprise. I panic. It has happened again. I've missed!

This has been the issue for the past month. Miss after miss! Why can't I just shoot these two?

The poodle looks up at Susanne and whines. She notices him and goes to comfort him. As soon as she sits down, the dog jumps and licks her face. His little tail flies faster than the wind back and forth. It's heartwarming.

Especially once she smiles, and the tears fade.

_

It's ballsy, but I call for Mother Nature. It's only a few minutes before Valentine's Day begins and I have no other options. After visiting Max to try to shoot him, I shattered one of his vases with an arrow. It's terrified the fuck out of him, which was decently hilarious, but it did not land the mark. Either I've lost my aim, or Susanne and Max simply weren't meant to be.

I am frustrated, and exhausted. The last thing I want is to look Nature in the eye and say, "I couldn't do it." I couldn't imagine living without her, and I definitely couldn't imagine me without my wings and without my love spells. This is my everything. I adore my job, even when it got tough.

She summons me to the skies. Her figure is tall and infatuating. Pretty flowers and vines caress her body and her hair flies widely in all directions. Her eyes are bright and she looks down on me, the fat guy with a bow and arrows.

I'm not sure how I won her over in the first place. She is twice the god I am.

I lower my head. "I couldn't do it. I tried, for what seemed like forever on Earth. They just weren't meant to be."

I drop my arrows. They make no sound as they fall onto the soft clouds.

Mother Nature crosses her arms and gives me a hard look. "I know," she finally says.

I move my gaze back upwards, questioning her with my expression. "What?"

"I wanted to get your feathery person working again," she says, and turns with her chin up high. "I knew they would deflect your arrows. Oh c'mon, you didn't know they weren't true loves?"

"You sent me on a wide goose chase?" I shout, but my exhaustion makes me half as angry as I was trying to sound.

Nature looks at me from the corner of her eye, and I see a small smile. The nerve! Then, she nods.

"I oughtta...!" I snatch an arrow from the ground and shove it right into her back. She is startled and leaps.

My arrows don't work on her, but I wanted to make a point. She throws herself into my arms, as if forgiving me, and kisses my cheek.

"Now, you keep this up," she demands, "Valentine is tomorrow!"

"Whatever, I'm taking the day off."

And I did, but kept my sweet, sweet Mother Nature.

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago

It's actually not much like mine. xD Your perspective on Prompt 1 was different entirely.

And... Edit Locked..(?)

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago

Prompt #2

All and any feedback is appreciated. I decided to do a dialogue-heavy story since I'm not comfortable with doing that yet, so feedback on how to improve on dialogue is doubly appreciated.

"Tell me, Mr. Richards, what do you hope to accomplish with this project of yours?"

The question prompts a smile from Michael before he says, "I have been very interested in the capabilities of the human body, Ms. Wicker."

With a cocky grin, he puts the file he was carrying on the smooth, ebony desk.

"This will push those capabilities to the breaking point. This will take a human and maximize their inherent abilities, both mentally and physically. Imagine if every scientist was given this treatment, the production levels would increase tremendously. Imagine if every spy was given this treatment, we wouldn't need to worry about captures or deaths anymore. It will take a lot of time and resources for this project to come to fruition, but it's worth it for the massive spike in production values that it will induce," he says while Wicker silently scans the document, eyes flicking back and forth. Michael waits patiently for a few moments as Wicker continues to read.

Finally, she sets down the file and looks up at Michael. "Yes, yes, it's a very good project. Fantastic, I'd even say. I will catalog this and the team will get to work on it as quick as possible."

Michael beams at the confirmation. "T-Thank you Ms. Wicker, it's a pleasure to be in this organization. I will get back to analyzing that forensic data, I've been making steady progress on that if you did not already know." He turns around and leaves for the door, a little quicker than usual.

"...One last thing before you leave," Wicker says, making Michael stop in his tracks and slowly turn around, a fake though subtle smile on his face.

"Yes Ms. Wicker?" He says with a slight trace of fear in his voice.

"I hope you don't mind when I say the finished product will not be available to you."

Michael blinks a few times before saying "Why of course Ms. Wicker, after all you are my superior. But I must ask why? I am a scientist here, and I would benefit from the product just as much as my fellow resear-"

"Mr. Richards, we both know why you want this to be produced. We both know what would happen if this was modified with dangerous substances. We both know what would happen should the modified product be exposed to a corpse. Drop the facade, you want her back but she is not coming back."

All traces of a smile have completely evaporated from Michael's face. "...Of course, Ms. Wicker. I apologize for my plans to deceive you. It will not happen again." With that, he quickly leaves the office with a sullen expression. Wicker lets out a deep sigh before putting the file in her desk. She then picks up her pen and resumes working on a letter...

Michael, resigning to his non-descript bedroom, pulls a phial out of his dresser. A thick liquid inside the phial sloshes around from the motion, it's contents a dull green.

"Perhaps one will be enough?" Michael thinks out loud.

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago
Edit Lock.

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago

?

The question prompts a smile from Michael before he says "I have been very interested in the capabilities of the human body, Ms. Wicker."


?^In situations like these, comma after "says".


?"...One last thing before you leave." Wicker says, making Michael stop in his tracks and slowly turn around, a fake though subtle smile on his face.


?^And in situations like this, comma instead of period after "leave".

 

Writing Prompts Week #6

7 years ago
Thanks Crescent, I'll keep this in mind the next time I do dialogue.