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Why the hell is there no thread on this yet?

Hey everybody, welcome to the easter thread, we've got bunnies and chocolate and cavities.

This Easter I have nothing to do :( other then eat chocolate

What are all you CYStians doing for easter? Nothing? Going on easter egg hunts like five year olds? Getting drunk?

Sitting around at home drinking hot tea and not breathing through my nose, coughing up gross stuff, feeling like I swallowed sandpaper and praying for the sweet release of death.

Probably nothing,

Playing Civ Revolution.

I'm doing nothing special and being boring. Just like every other day of the year. We made some tasty food, so at least that's something.

I already did Easter, but I woke up early, hid eggs forr the thirteen kids running around my house and drank.

I watched a Spanish horror movie about demon possession.

Highlights include:

Two lesbians tribbing with each other for ten minutes or so in the very beginning.

Psycho stabs one of the lesbians to death and chops off her fingers soon after.

Psycho runs to the hills, strips naked and drops a big ass box full of severed fingers.

Family stops at a gas station where the sister gets perved on by some pedo who keeps looking at her period blood panties.

Father and Mother later kill the pedo by slashing his throat and ripping it out.

Parents then take a shower together covered in blood and make out a bit.

Brother and sister start acting weird and the baby sitter finds them fucking each other. (Baby sitter is the lesbian who didn't get killed earlier)

Lesbian suddenly shows her tits up close to the mom

Mom starts trying to figure out what's going on and she gets attacked by demons in the process. Up close shot of her tits for no apparent reason.

Mom finally convinces the dad to help her, they go back to the demon hill, and turns out the kids were dead the whole time and the things masquerading as them were demons, he ends up freaking out and shoots the mother and himself.

Roll credits.

you're obligated to share the title of this glorious filmographic work

Here Comes the Devil

(Yeah, not a very good name)

Despite the spoilers, I feel the urge to watch this.

I spent my Easter eating chocolate and starting spring cleaning. Once I went through my clothes, I discovered that I should probably lay off the Easter chocolate. Many of you may be wondering, "Orange, you're a Jew, why are you celebrating Easter like a five year old?" Honestly, that questions stumps me and I have no idea. Would it help if I said I'm not a particularly religious Jew?

I devoured a chocolate rabbit and sacrificed its soul to the seven realms of Easter Hell, whilst breaking my teeth upon its hard exterior.

Oh, and then I watched Big Hero 6.

My parents didn't get us any actual eggs so we may have to buy them ourselves, which I'm not really bothered about. Christmas is the only holiday that gets my attention anymore.

I went to church and was asked to hide eggs for kids. They gave us about 50 of the fucking things because there were a lot of kids, so I figured nobody would notice if 8 or 9 were hidden in places that were never meant to be found. There's nothing in them, they just do it for fun and then evenly distribute candy among the kids like a bunch of communists, but I still hear about church staff randomly stumbling on dusty old eggs in places I hid last year and the year before that, and I'd like to keep tht going.

2 of those eggs were found, though, so either children are getting less shit or I'm running out of good places.

Fuck, so it was one of those, "give everyone a prize," things. When I was younger, my parents would send me to an island full of insane people with torches and riflemen with broken glass as sand with eggs ten feet deep in the water surrounded by sharks and if you didn't find at least thirty eggs you'd get one lashing for each egg you didn't find! Pampered brats.

You had it easy! I was sent to a similar island except they would only hide three eggs and I had to find 43. The kids who didn't find any eggs were covered in honey and tied up on top of a fire ant hill.

At least your feet weren't literally bloody nubs of flesh when you got home.

At least you had feet when you got home.

At least you had legs when you came home.

At least you had a home.

You took the cake, I'm done.

There was no cake either. Just the one egg. The one survivor on the island had to eat it. Raw. After killing the diseased baby chick inside. And then eating that. Boy, grocery shopping without my parents was hard in those days.

 

Oh wait this is an Easter thread? Nevermind then. I usually have leftover chocolates around the house for that. Screw egg hunts.

At least you were allowed to leave the egg hunt.

At least you had an egg hunt.

At least you didn't have to harvest your eggs from the surgically-implanted baboon ovaries from within the fellow children you disemboweled.

At least you disemboweled them.

Hey, just because you were shit at egg hunting doesn't mean you went through a worse egg hunt than I did. Sheesh, pampered millenials these days...

At least you had a home when you came hom-FUCK YOU T-COUNT

Ha.

When I was growing up, they didn't even hide the eggs. There was only one egg in plain sight, and if you didn't have the egg, you weren't allowed to go back home to your family. You had to find the knife before some other kid got to it and basically won the game.

I still have bullet wounds in my back from easter when I was two.

I still have nightmares about Little Timmy from Easter when I was five. He was the first knife-wielding toddler I'd ever shoved into an exposed nail.

You guys are all exaggerating but my grandma would put a five dollar bill in exactly one golden egg and hide it with the candy ones and between me, my brother, and five cousins this was almost exactly the situation we wound up in.

It makes me kind of sad in the nostalgic sort of way Sent wrote an long block of text about that one time. My Aunt and older cousins would put a few bucks in a few of the eggs.

Needless to say, my cousins are pretty good at hiding those eggs.