Not sure if any of you guys have ever played or heard of The Dark Room by John Robertson, but for those of you who haven't... I suppose the best way I can think to describe it, is that it is either the best or the worst text based adventure game of all time, and I really can't decide which. Either way, I'm going to attempt to recreate it for you! ^_^
... You awake to find yourself in a dark room!
A. Go North
B. Turn on Light Swith
C. Sleep
D. Why?
... Because it's dark. And it's a room. And you're awake in it. ^_^
A. Sleep
B. Turn on Light Switch
You're completely overwhelmed with exhaustion from spending a whole 10 seconds doing FUCKING NOTHING!!! You fall asleep... And when you wake up... Guess what...
You awake to find yourself in a dark room! ^_^
A. Check Pockets
B. Czech Pockets
Congratulations! Your pockets were made in the Czech Republic. This information doesn't help you escape, but it's lovely to know.
A. Will you ever be kind to me?
Hmm... Let me think about it... No. And now you're dead. ^_^
Would you like to play again?
A. Yes
B. No
Yes. Sorry, wish I could help, but I'm afraid the belt just really doesn't like you. It was made in Germany and seems to have some kind of grudge against your Czech pockets... Ah well, what you gonna do?
Then start a new game then!
You awake to find yourself in a dark room!
Can I go south?
No... And just for asking, you're dead.
Would you like to play again? ^_^
Oh, what fun!
A. Go north, I guess...
You proceed in the direction you believe to be north... And walk into a wall. It then occurs to you that you have no idea which direction north is. How can you be sure? You don't have a compass, and even if you did, you wouldn't be able to see it. You're in a dark room!
A. Type
B. Weigh
C. Abandon Hope
D. Find Light Switch
How will you find the light switch? You're in a dark room! You need the light switch to see, do you see? ... Oh, I just got the weirdest sense of deja vu.
A. I see
B. I don't see
Bullshit you see! You're in a dark room!
A. Listen for Light Switch
B. Touch the Wall
You listen for the light switch... It bores you with stories of the great war between electricity and steam.
A. Smell For Light Switch
B. Touch The Wall
The dark room smells of roomy darkness.
A. Touch The Wall
B. That Doesn't Make Sense!
A. And if you say it is too dark to find, screw you. I'll stumble until I do.
You caress the wall... It's indifferent to you.
A. Touch Another Wall
It's just being coy.
A. Touch another wall
Now the first wall's jealous!
A. Apologize
B. Touch Yet Another Wall
B. Touch another wall.
Bitch needs to know that I can have the biggest wall-harem I want.
Oh, I see! You’re just some sort of brick work slut, aren’t you? Now the walls have lost all respect for you. They cannot stand your bizarre brand of brick and mortar molestation. The walls collapse and the ceiling caves in… You die!
A.Yes
B.No
You're just a glutton for punishment, aren't you? ^_^
Ja, pretty much.
How will you find the light switch? You're in a dark room! You need the light switch to see, do you see?
Idk. How dark is the dark room?
... It's dark. ^_^
Edit: Oh shit, that was the wrong reply. Let me fix that...
Well, that's always been your problem. Self esteem too high! Think you can turn on anything. Even inanimate objects. What would you turn the light switch on with?
A. With My Finger
B. Think Outside The Box
Congratulations! Your brain is now free of cardboard. Unfortunately, you're not trying to escape the box, are you? You're trying to escape the dark room!
A. Abandon Hope
B. Kill Self
C. Think Outside The Room
Hey, get your own thread.
Are you high? None of what you just said makes any sense.
You think outside the room. Which means your brain is outside the room! Wonderful! You've done it!!! There's just one problem... Your body is still inside the room. So, if your body is inside the room and your brain is outside the room, that can mean only one thing... You're dead!
Have fun aimlessly floating around in a jar on some mad scientist's bookshelf... Unless of course, you'd like to play again. ^_^
I get the impression that this is an unwinnable game, but A.
What in the world would give you that impression?
Oh yeah, I remember that game. I think I spent a couple of days doing nothing but playing it. ^_^
Do you smell or listen for the light switches?
By groping the poor, unsuspecting walls. ^_^
You sleep. You wake up. I'll give you one guess...
I know what happen with the other one.
Congratulations, you're wearing checked pockets. It's a hideous fashion choice, and you wouldn't have known because the room is so dark... But I decided to tell you anyway. ^_^
A. Really Check Pockets
B. Abandon Hope
C. Weep
I don’t care that I’m in a room, or even that I can’t see, but the fact that I’m wearing checked pockets is just too much.
Oh, lovely. This is you:
"Oh, I'm in a dark room. I guess I'll take a nap... Hmm... I'm still in a dark room... Fuck, my pockets are ugly... Waa!" Remember at school when the teacher said you were unnecessarly dramatic about everything? Well, this is why.
A. Lean On Wall And Weep
This is usually when my mom comes and comforts me, telling me that my pockets aren’t that ugly, even though I know she’s lying.
Awh, poor diddums. You weep against the wall. You weep and you weep and you weep and... Well done! You have found the light switch! Or, at least... Your tears have! Your tears trickle down the wall. Your tears find the light switch. 1000 volts dance up your tears into your face. You die!
Jesus, you're a bunch of lazy bastards, aren't you? You also go to bloody sleep, and when you bloody wake up...
You awake to find yourself in a dark bloody room!
Oh? You have packets? What of?
A. Crisps
B. Cigarettes
C. Condoms
Congratulations, you have a packet of cigarettes... But... Hasn't anybody ever told you that smoking kills? You die!
C. Yes, but only if it isn't rigged.
(And you can't kill us off because we're already dead!)
It's not rigged... But I'm not very good at deviating from the script, so basically, any time somebody picks a non existing option... They die! (Granted, they will probably also die if they pick an existing option, but don't blame me, blame the guy who made the game.)
Well, that's always been your problem too. Self esteem too high! Think you can turn on anything. Even inanimate objects. What would you turn the light switch on with?
Once again, logic has arrived at the dark room! You would turn the light switch on with your finger... There's only one problem with that... You're in a dark room! Your finger doesn't know where the light switch is! Unless of course your finger can see in the dark... Can it?
A. My Finger Can See
B. My Finger Is Normal
C. My Finger Is Flipping You Off
It can? Well, that's extremely impressive. Your body can do some incredible things... Why is that?
A. I'm Radioactive
Expecting the worst...
Lol thanks
Yes! Plot-point unlocked! You are radioactive! You were born in Chernobyl... Oh dear. This isn't going to end well, is it? ^_^
B. Quit
Well, that escalated quickly. You know, if you're going to abandon Hope... Why don't you abandon her sisters too? Faith and Love and Charity. I never said you were alone in the dark room. There were four little girls with you, and you just abandoned them. Now they're dead. Four dead little girls... How does that make you feel?
A. Kill Self
C. Steal Their Stuff
YES!!! Ladies and gentlemen, this is the mark of a true gamer! Killed the children? Loot their corpses! I am so proud. ^_^
Unfortunately, I think you'll find it's difficult to steal from immaterial concepts like Faith and Love and Hope and Charity. There were never any little girls. Sometimes I lie to you! Can we get back to the game now, please?
A. Find the Light Switch
B. Check Pockets
C. Click Heels Together
Good choice! Of you go then. Up you get, Undr, put a nice pair of ruby slippers on. Click your heels together and say, "There's no place like CoG." ^_^
A cruel ending for me. I obviously don't want to visit CoG, but refusing would make me die either way. I suppose there's no "undo" option, right?
*grits teeth, clicks heels and mutters, "tHeRe'S nO pLaCe LiKe CoG"*
Yes there is, it's called Tumblr... But well done! Come on undr, once again! "There's no place like CoG!" Only this time, louder!!! ^_^
"There's no place like CoG!!"
LOUDER!!! ^_^
*Sighs*
THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE COG!
Perfect! You finally did it! You're not in Kansas anymore, baby! You're on the CoG forums! The community are waiting to welcome you with open arms! How doe that make you feel?
A. Happier Than A Fat Kid With Cake
B. More Nervous Than A Black Guy In A Police Line Up
C. Depressed As An SJW Without A Straight White Male To Scream At
D. Uhh... Extremely Excited To Meet All These Lovely People. ^_^
Oh dear... Did you just insult SJWs? On CoG? The motherland of the SJW? Well, congratulations, the entire website is TRIGGERED!!! You are banned for a thousand years for reminding them that straight white males exist.
A. Click heels together for CYS! ^_^
A. Click heels together for CYS!
Huzzah! That's it undr! Come back to the beautiful realm of edge-lord mods, highly dedicated trolls and enthusiastic cat molesters! Click your heels together three times and say, "There's no place like CYS!" ^_^
*Clicks heels together three times and says, "There's no place like CYS!"*
YES!!! Well done, my boy! Well done! You're back in the safe, sweet comfort of your CYS home! And your loyalty to this webiste has been rewarded! You are no longer alone in the dark room... Mizal is in the room with you! Hurray!!! ^_^
... Unfortunately, since she alredy died in here, and as per her request, I'm afraid it's zombie Mizal. She pounces on you and devours you alive. Om nom nom. That's good brain.
B. Please, for the love of God, no!!!
B. I have come back home, it's now time to watch others struggle.
You can't abide the torment anymore! Throwing a hissy fit like a little bitch, you turn off your computer and surrender, knowing that The Dark Room is an opponent that you can never hope to beat. In order to clear your mind and try to forget your shameful defeat, you exit your bedroom and venture into the beautiful, sunny, magical world known as "outside" ... Congratulations, you've escaped! ^_^
And you awake to find yourself in a dark room!
Then
Finally! Fucking finally! Logic has arrived at the dark room! You would turn the light switch on with your finger... There's only one problem with that... You're in a dark room! Your finger doesn't know where the light switch is! Unless of course your finger can see in the dark... Can it?
That's a boring choice! This is you! "Oh... I'm in a dark room... ... Well, that's normal."
A. What is normal?
That I died again?
This is you: "Oh, I'm in a dark room... ... Well, that's normal... But what is normal?"
A. Christmas!
You have selected Christmas. You sleep. You dream...
A. Move to Bethlehem
Yes! You must return to the land of your fathers. The Roman governor is taking a census! ^_^
A. Book An Inn
This is really linear...
A. Book an Inn
Oh, shit! You forgot to book an inn! It's too late now! They're all full!
A. Ask For a Room
Let me guess. This loops back to me being in a dark room.
There's no room at the inn!
A. Look For Another Inn
There's no room at this inn either!
A. Premier Inn!
Lenny Henry hasn't been born yet. He can't help you.
A. Sleep In A Stable
A. Sleep in a stable
How long can this chain go on?
Would I get into copyright trouble If I turned this into a cyoa?
CoG?
It's already a game on Steam ^_^
You sleep in the stables. You sleep. You dream... And when sleep has ended... Come on guys, you know the words! ^_^
I wake up in a dark room!
Close enough... You awake to find yourself in a dark room! ^_^
Perhaps I have some memento from my night spent in the stables?
Austinc
Congratulations, you're also wearing checked pockets! ... Well, this is embarrassing, you and Austinc both showing up at the same place wearing the same thing. But don't worry, I'm sure no one will notice because... You know... You're in a dark room.
Hey man don't question the pockets just do a magic trick. *pulls Dust Bunnies out Czech pockets* hehe lol.
Oh... You really want to stick your hands in your pants and just have a little rummage, don't you? I'm sure it's nothing sordid, you're just a sort of self-adventurer, aren't you? Would you perhaps prefer to check your inventory?
A. Inventory
B. Options
I'm going to regret this won't I? *sighs* A. Inventory?
Serious gamer that you are, you check your inventory... So, what's in there?
A. Gloves
B. Lint
C. Cheese
D. Stop Checking
D- Stop checking
Good! Get those filthy hands out of your pants and get back to work!
A. Find Light Switch
B. Go North
I’m guessing Inventory is just a euphemism for penis.
Lol your loss.
... You need options, don't you? Bloody millennials. You know, back in the 80's, we just played the game as it was, but no! If you can't adjust the height of your character so it looks exactly like the version of you that you always see dressed as a fox in the sex dreams that you no doubt explain in tedious and disgusting length on the Furry-Furry-Yiff-Yiff blog you no doubt maintain, you just can't handle it, can you? Fine! Have some options!
A. Change Language
B. Adjust Brightness
B
What, the screen, or your IQ?
A. My IQ
B. The Screen
B. the screen
Of course... But you may only adjust the brightness down, or else you will defeat the purpose of the game... Congratulations! You have unlocked hard mode!
A. Let's Play Again... But Harder!
Of course... From the top then! ^_^
Definitely A.
Now this is a person who knows what they want. :p
Oh... I guess Cricket wants to have a good little rummage too. Having fun in there? Got anything good?
A this is to answer above ^ on my part I just didn't see it.
Gloves! They're heavy and thick, Cricket... Just like you. ^_^
A. Lint
B. Cheese
C. Stop Checking
Hell yeah
Yea Cricket you can do it I just want at least one person to escape so I know It's possible.
Undr has already escaped.
Yea I guess you're right.
Lint. Wonderful! You have a matted up ball of revolting lint. Great for choking up pulg holes, children or pets. ^_^
A. Cheese
B. Stop Checking
Hmmm...choking up plug holes, you say?
C. Insert lint up the rectum of Coins's mother.
You attempt to shove the lint up the rectum of Coins mother... Unfortunately, Endmaster is in the way. He politely informs you that while he appreciates your enthusiasm, lint doesn't make for a very effective butt-blug, and would you kindly stop cock-blocking him, please? ... Now, where were we?
I guess I'll just...throw this lint out then...Maybe I can use it to plug my nose with if this cheese smells too bad.
Cheese! Wonderful! Delicious on crackers. Disgusting beneath the fore-skin... Cheese. ^_^
A. Okay, I know what I have now.
Excuse you?! I'm circumcised.
B. Keep looking
You keep looking... But you can't see very well... You're in a dark room.
B. Keep feeling
Get your hands out of your pants, you dirty boy!
I take my hands out. Then I put them back in.
C. Okay, I know what I have now, but I am going to keep feeling for more anyway.
I'll take it... And since the thread's way too long, I'm going to start a new one. ^_^
You also awake to find yourself in a dark room!
Because it's still dark. And it's still a room. And you're still awake in it. ^_^
After a bizaree wet dream involving an assortment of short crust pastries and The Jonas Brothers...
Oh shit, you don't have any pockets... Infact, you don't have any clothes at all! You are naked in the dark room! Why the fuck are you naked? What have you been up to, you dirty, dirty boy? I think it's time you started contemplating your life choices... Unfortunately, you don't have much time for that. You catch hypothermia and die!
A. yes
Oh goody! ^_^
D. Why
Because it's dark, Algae! And it's a room, Algae! And you're awake in it, Algae!
B. turn on the light switch
Well, that's always been your problem, Algae! Self esteem too high! Think you can turn on anything. Even inanimate objects. What would you turn the light switch on with?
A. With my FingerS
Yet again, logic has arrived at the dark room! You would turn the light switch on with your fingerS... There's only one problem with that... You're in a dark room! Your fingerS don't know where the light switch is! Unless of course your fingerS can see in the dark... Can they?
A. My FingerS Can See
B. My FingerS Are Normal
C. My FingerS Are Flipping You Off
My normal FingerS flip you off and then feel around until they find the wall the lights attached to.
Hmm... I am curious... What about this game so far has led you to believe that this was a good idea? Still, I don't want to seem unreasonably cruel. There's something I have to admire about a man who commits whole heartedly to a bad chioce. ^_^
You flip me off... Bad news, Algae! I am not in the dark room. You are in the dark room, which means you flip off the shadows, and I don't mean Cliff Richard's opening band, I just mean the darkness... And no, I don't mean them either.
Let me tell you something, Algae... The darkness doesn't care!
A. Weep
B. Refuse To Cry
Be a real goblin and cry my eyes out in the corner.
Hey, guess what... This is you:
"Oh, I'm in a dark room... Fuck you, dark room! ... Oh, the dark room doesn't care... Waa!" Krenko the Mob Boss... More like Krenko the Sob Boss! Am I right? Huh? Huh? High fives? No? Ah well.
You light up the room with your bright smile... But why is your smile so bright? Oh shit, you drank a whole bottle of fluorescent dye. What the fuck did you do that for? Well, you can see as clear as day now, but the bad new is, you also die of poisoning... Would you like to play again?
A. Lean on wall and cry. Then realize that I found a wall and search along wall for light switch.
Your tears electrocute you. I’ve already done this option.
*quickly drys eyes before this happens.*
Watch it say your blind
What?
Oh, you're touching the wall? Okey dokey!
I will tell the wall that I am not interested in them and only finding the light switch for freedom A.
Now the first wall's jealous! ... And extremely offended! Seriously, what's wrong with the wall? Is it because they're too fat?
It doesn't care. It's a wall.
A. Touch Yet Another Wall
B. Find Light Switch
C. Exit
C. exit
Haha... No!
A. Quit The Game
B. Unplug The Computer
C. Haha... No!
Haha, hahaha, hahahaha... No!
D? Haha, hahaha, hahahaha... No!
Hah, hahah, hahahaha, hahahahaha... Yes!
A. Ha!
B. Haha!
C. Hahaha!
Hahaha... No!
B. Unplug the computer
... You awake to find yourself in an ever darker room!
A.
Ehem... What is this "A" you speak of? I believe you mean "A", correct?
A. go along the north.
Oh... Oh Algae, no... No, no, no... It's just too sad. Is this what pop culture has done to you? To your entire generation? You think, "Oh! I'm in a dark room! ... I do hope I'm not fat."
You weigh yourself. You don't like what you find!
Wonderful! And what will you type?
A. 50 Shades of Grey!
B. I very nice latter requesting freedom...
You write a very nice letter requesting freedom. Freedom... From Christian Grey! Hence why your letter is titled "Fifty Shades Freed", the equally terrible sequel to "Fifty Shades of Grey". ^_^
Anyways... You have written the most horrific piece of filth in all of creation! A book that is pure torture to read. Not only a crime against literature, but against bondage itself (which is ironic, since those guys love torture... But even they can't stand this monstrosity!) And as punishment for your crimes, I have no choice but to inform you...
YOU DIE!!!
C. Can I have an inventory too? ^_^
c
You awake to find yourself in a dark room! ... With some gloves. And some cheese. And some lint. ^_^
A. Eat Cheese
B. Eat Gloves
C. Eat Lint
B. Eat gloves. Old animal matter is good.
Hungry, but also stupid, you eat the gloves... And promptly choke to death on them. Would you like to play again? ^_^
OBJECTION!
Crickets cannot choke.
Why not? Too much practice deep-throating?
TAKE THAT!!!
Do you have a problem with that!?
Not at all. Gobbling on goolies is a very productive past time, and a great way to make new friends. ^_^
... You're still dead though. Would you like to play again?
C. Can I at least keep my inventory? I feel like I was making progress.
The only way to make friends.
C. Can I at least keep my inventory? I was killed unjustly and nonsensically, as it is impossible for a cricket to choke.
Once again, you awake to find yourself in a dark room! ... With some gloves. And some cheese. And some lint. ^_^
Looks at gloves longingly
The lint I need to save. So I suppose I'll eat the cheese.
Hungry from your virtual captivity, you tuck into a fine meal of moldy, processed curds. Your stomach grumbles... Oh dear. The cheese doesn't seem to have agreed with you. Too bad. I hear indigestion can give you some weird dreams.
A. Eat Gloves
B. Eat Lint
I should join the weird dream club eventually. I might as well today!
You sleep. You dream. And when sleep is over... You awake to find yourself... On a bizaree and cringey edge-lord internet forum! Everything is controlled by some egotisitcal she-witch who everybody indulges because she wrote a half-decent story about 5 years ago and everybody is silently hoping that if they put up with her crap for long enough, she might actually get around to writing the sequel... But here's the plot twist, Cricket... It'll never happen! NEVAH!!!
A. Fuck this shit, I'm bored now
B. Wait... You're telling me Quest for the Holy Grail isn't getting a sequel?
I love me some suspense-inflicted pain. This forum needs more EndMaster though.
C. Ask someone to call EndMaster three times for me because I lost my phone
Having all the excitement and anticipation of a 12 year old edge-lord attempting the Momo challenge... But also being a complete pussy, you ask someone else to summon Endmaster for you while you hide behind the door, nervously giggling to yourself and occasionally popping your head in to ask if he's here yet.
Anyways... @Endmaster @Endmaster @Endmaster @BEETLEJUICE!!!
I leave this puny cricket's fate in your capable hands. ^_^
The notification never showed up so the summon failed anyway. (Well the banning summon failed I suppose) Only reason why I knew anything at all was due to clicking the thread and glancing through it.
A. Rejoice with exceeding gladness
You rejoice with exceeding gladness... So much so that your poor little cricket heart can't take it. You suffer a cricket heart attack and die. Would you like to play again?
C. Crickets can't have heart attacks!
Open circulatory system, baby.
No choking, no heart attacks... Am I going to have to squish you?
A. Yep
B. Please don't
C. Crickets can't get squished
C. Cricket's can't get squished.
I have an android body that is the reason I can easily type and all that.
Fair enough. Still, let me ask you this... Why is nobody paying attention to the puppy? Did you guys not see the fucking puppy? I demand that somebody plays with the puppy!
I wouldn't want to get in the way of a puppy and his fucking.
What's he fucking?
It's hard to tell from the front here, but it looks like your mom.
A. Politely look away from the scene.
You politely look away from the scene... My Mum is amused by your coyness and invited you to join in.
A. Join in
B. Look away even more politely
B. I am a good cricket I am.
Now my Mum is extremely offended! Is she not good enough for you?
A. Yes, she is, but she needs to remember that our Tuesday is our day. I can only handle her the once a week.
... Well, it's Tuesday. You gonna join in now? ^_^
B. No, I'm too bitter and jealous because now she's screwing a puppy on OUR DAY!
Well, now my mum is furious, and decides to abandon her beastiality for a nice, modern, bug-squishing fetish. Apparently it's all the rage nowadays.
And no, you can't play again until everybody stops fucking around with the thread at the bottom. The light switch is right there! Somebody flip it already.
Kinky. Ah damn.
Already ahead of you, I started about a week ago maybe 2.
You also awake to find yourself in a dark room! ... With some gloves. And some cheese. And some lint. May I recommend the house special, sir? I hear the lint is a local delicacy. ^_^
Hungry... And extremely stupid, you wolf down the ball of lint... Does nobody on this forum listen to me? What did I just say about choking? ... You need to chew your lint, you daft pillock.
A. Chew lint
B. Swallow it whole
You reckless turd! You're choking now! Goodbye Mr Airflow!
You sleep, and when sleep is over... You awake to find yourself in a dark room! ... Oh, and you vomited. Lovely.
... But what's this? Shuffling and snuffling from the darkness... It's a hungry little friend... Oh my... IT'S A PUPPY!!!
I think it wants to eat the vomit.
A. Let him eat the vomit
B. Put gloves on puppy
Let him eat the vomit. If a puppy wants it, there is no force in nature that can stop it.
Awh! He likes it... And he likes you! Making a friend, are you, Llewxam? Well, it's working. It's tail isn't just wagging, all it's little puppy paws are wiggling happily. Why, it's like watching Bill Cosby wave you goodnight as the roofies kick in. ^_^
A. Pat it's head
B. Rub it's belly
C. Scratch behing it's big, fluffy ears!
Awh! You scratch behind it's adorable puppy ears and he rolls onto his belly with glee! You've made a little buddy, Garforj! So, how about it? Shall we give your fuzzy little friend a name?
A. Pup
B. Fido
C. GarforjiTheBastard Junior
D. Shit-head
D
Insult thief. You are the lowest of the lows. You should be ashamed
I’m only stealing what wasn’t originally yours. I don’t know if you have noticed, but a majority of this thread has how many of your responses in it?
Hint: It’s less than 1
Oh but I did.... check my first reply
Got it ;)
Shit-head! Yes, a fine name indeed! Oh, Garforj, what fun you're having! You love puppies! Oh, how you love puppies! It chases you! You chase it! It barks! You bark! Oh, you're having such a wonderful time. Puppies are great, aren't they? It's your little Puppa-wuppa-puppa-wuppa-woowoo! Yes! How you love him so! And I bet... It'll even help you get out of here. ^_^
Because it's dark. And it's a room. And you're awake in it... With the world's most adorable puppy!!! ^_^
C. Throw Shit Head in order to find a wall
(Haha, now I stole your thread)
You throw Shit-head at the wall... He bounces off and wags his tail happily. The wall is delighted by the adorable ball of fluffiness! ^_^
A. Throw Shit-head at another wall
B. Hold Shit-Head hostage until the wall tells me some helpful info
The wall adores the puppy so much that it refuses to let any harm come to it. To appease you, they decide to offer you something... Congratulations! You've found the light switch! You have but to flick it... But right now, your hands are full of puppy.
A. Put the puppy down
B. Forget about escaping and live in peace and harmony with the adorable ball of fluffiness! ^_^
C. I allow the wall some puppy time for showing me where the light switch is, as well as to show the light switch that I’m good on my deals. After the Wall is satisfied, I briefly rub Shit-head against the light switch a couple of times to get it addicted to the feel of the puppy’s soft fur. Then I hold the puppy around it’s midsection with one hand, and put my other on it muzzle threateningly. I then tell the light switch that if it doesn’t turn itself on it will never feel it’s fluff again.
... You threaten the poor, innocent puppy infront of the light switch... It makes no response. It's a light switch. Looks like you're going to have to turn the light switch on yourself.
Cricket, I apologize for my previous remarks about the condition of your feet, and I hope that you can look past my past mistakes in order to help me in a time of need. I would like to tap out to allow someone that has more limbs than me to take over, since I love Shit-head too much to risk holding him/her/it/whatever with only one hand. I believe that you can safely hold Shit-head as well as turn on the light switch. What do you say?
As I am a very forgiving cricket, I shall agree for the sake of Shit-heads everywhere. Just keep your eyes on my face while we do this please.
C. Use multiple legs to grab Shit-head, and turn the light switch on
You attempt to turn the light switch on, but your pathetic Crickety limbs just aren't strong enough... But you might be able to flick the light switch if you use all of your limbs, but to do that you'd need to... You know... Put the puppy down!
C. Call Autistic over to flip the switch while I hold the puppy.
C. My brain may be no good, but I can flip switch real good
Yes, Austinc, I'm sure you're a champ, unfortunately, the wall only revealed itself to the one who is holding the puppy. So, only the person holding the puppy can flip it... After they've put it down, of course.
Weird logic, but okay. I’m going to go for a left, right, left, right, jump, crouch, jump, crouch, A, B, A, B. Now that I’ve activated cheats, I’m going to give my self a diamond pickaxe to break through the wall while cricket hold shit-head.
Holds Shit-head
Ghost rises from body
I'm telling my dad!
/kill GarforjTheBastard
/tp Cricket Austinc
/unpossess Shit-head
/kick GarforjTheBastard
/tp Shit-head Cricket
Wait, what was that? A? I definitely heard A. After jumping around, crouching and doing the cha-cha slide for awhile, you definitely said A first... A it is! You put the puppy down! ^_^
... But wait... No... There's no need to euthanize the dog, Austinc. No, you don't need to twist it's little head like... Oh... ... ... That's... That's okay... It's little tail was probably tired from all that wagging.
I see you selected B next, but... I'm afraid the option to live happily with the puppy is no longer available since... You know... He's gone up to puppy heaven.
B.
C.
MEEEAAAT
You eat shithead... He's delicious ^_^
... And, I think I'm going to end the game there. I'm bored now, and also past any point where I actually know what happens next, so... Yey! That was fun!
You all die horribly... Except for @undr who managed to escape. Congratulations, undr! You win... A flamboyant potato! ^_^
I just want to have reply #301!
