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Heyo to my fellow Potterheads. I have an important bit of speculation to discuss with you all. What are the bad parts about attending Hogwarts? We all know the pros, but what about the cons? 

SuCh As ThE cOlOnY oF gIaNt SpIdErS lIvInG oN sChOoL gRoUnDs *ahem*

Any thoughts? Opinions? Just random facts ya want to inform someone about?

Not really into the series but here’s one:

If you’re a slytherin wouldn’t make more sense to hang out with hufflefaggots and manipulate their trusting friendly nature rather than hang out with another group of snake assholes planning to backstab each other?

An interesting thought. Thank you for your wise contribution.

And truly, as a Hufflepuff myself, I am inclined to say that I, at least, would certainly be susceptible to that trickery.

You would come out of Hogwarts prepped to make a living in the wizarding world, but understand nothing about the natural world, unless you picked up some tidbits in muggle studies or something. What about language, math, and sex ed?

There's not enough teachers and moving staircases are a hazard.

True, true, true. Something I thought of recently is the ridiculous, often-overlooked lack of privacy in the books and movies. Moaning Myrtle (although I do know she is a ghost), can just float right into the boy's bathroom while Harry is taking a feckin bath, naked. And the old girl's bathroom where Harry, Hermione, and Ron brew the polyjuice potion their second year? Albeit being abandoned, yes, the boys can just waltz right in. And, of course, there's the issue of hygiene. Showers are never mentioned. Are there even showers in the school??? There's baths, yes, we know that, but what about showers? Are there bathrooms in the dorms, and if not, do students have to trek to the nearest bathroom to take a shit/piss? That would cause many complaints, I'm sure. Imagine living in the Slytherin dorm and having to climb two flights of stairs or something just to find a bathroom. AND AND is there a shop in Hogsmeade where students can by basic hygenic products? Because if there is, it's never talked about.

Just a few additions of my own.

I bet a wizard would just be floored by a cellphone.

Btw I know nothing about the children's series Harry Potter and have little interest.

True. Mr. Weasley, the father of one of the main characters, literally needs the protagonists' assistance to count out normal British paper money.

abortion spells allow your slut roomie to have orgies every night so you gotta listen and cringe every morning before class when you hear her cast fetus deletus in the bathroom like the absolute wench whore she is

Well, can't argue with that.

Also, bahjazus that's dark.

just like the wizards she had over last night

...

I'll admit I gave a sharp chuckle there

The big con of attending Hogwarts is that you have degenerate Potterhead faggots writing cringey fap-fic about you.

An undeniable truth, unfortunately, yes.

It means that you're so blind with your "MAGIC WOW" that you fail to see that Voldemort could have easily been killed by much more efficient means, such as a carefully placed shot with a scoped bolt-action rifle from one of Hogwarts' many towers.

Or better yet, all Voldemort needed to do was get one of those dumbass Death Eater wannabes to rig the school to explode with high proximity explosives during Harry's fifth or sixth year while the school's is mostly down.

"Oh but they don't need guns, they have Avada Kedavra!" I hear you say. Well let me say that I don't know how accurate or powerful the spell is, but it's not more accurate than a scoped rifle, it's not more powerful than a rocket launcher or something to that accord, and it certainly takes longer to cast than it would to fire a gun.

There might be some dumb justification for it that I don't know about since it's been ages since I've read the books and wasn't that big of a fan to begin with, but this has always irked me.

Either way, Dumbledore was an idiot for not keeping a shotgun beneath his desk.

Establishing the existence of some kind of magically enforced rule, like some kind of ancient foundation of the world maygyckkks thing even the most powerful characters don't want to fuck with that doesn't allow explosives and modern weapons or technology on the sacred wizard school grounds would have to be Rule #1 for any kind of setting where these questions aren't going to be constantly asked. (If created by a competent author who put any thought in.)

That, or they're all just British and scared of guns.

The reason they don't use ballistics is because they can be easily tracked by forensic analysts. The whole Wizarding World is secret because they live in fear of muggle militaries.

If that were true, Voldemort would use ballistics. Voldemort doesn't care about being secret from muggles, he wants to rule over them.

They needed to destroy his horcruxes first, or else Voldemort would just come back. Granted, it's unclear how fast he would come back or if killing his body would actually damage his soul. Considering how long it took for him to come back the first time, you would think they could afford to invest in trying to kill him the conventional way.

Thinking back, Dumbledore's reasoning was probably that he wanted to keep their goal of destroying the horcruxes secret from Voldemort, and if they killed Voldemort's body, it could be discovered by his followers that some of the horcruxes were destroyed. Then they would be better hidden and protected, and this would be a major loss because Voldemort's biggest weakness is that he likes to make his horcruxes out of obvious objects and hide them in conspicious places.

I'm scared of heights

It's been mentioned before, but let's face it:

If you live in a world where you can cast Instantaneous Death on someone, not only that, but tie people's tongues in literal knots, wipe people's memories, move things out of your reach on command, turn people's snot into giant bats that attack them, and your real power is 'friendship', then you've pretty much fucked up. Schools can have enough problems when only about 5% of students, are special needs intergrating in a public school system but when an entire 1/5 of a boarding school are shortbus kids, imagine the inconvenience for everybody involved.

Also not flying around on a fucking broomstick like some bitch. I’ll be taking one of those flying carpets they use in the middle eastern magic schools.

An interesting topic :) Off the top of my head some of the cons are...

Everyone has to go around dressed like its Halloween.
There seems to be a distinct lack of disabled facilities.
You have a distinct chance of being killed by one of Hagrid's pets.
Whatever you do you're going to be overshadowed by Harry Potter and friends.
There's too much homework.

The benefits kinda offset these though. Some of the pros I can think of:

Cheating on exams magically should be really easy.
Sex with magic must be phenomenal. Just saying.
The food looks pretty good. The house elves are like the poster boys for slavery.

Will wants phenomenal sex with food and house slaves, check.

Well, it would be nice :)

You got spoiled by the cheap slaves you had over in China.

... agreed :)

I've only gotten around to the first Harry Potter book in the form of an audiobook on youtube. The reader had a nice, deep British voice so he sounded really smart but also the volume kept going up and down at random times so now my eardrums are nada. Also he was def over 60, as the description WAS ALL IN BLARING CAPSLOCK WITH NO PUNCTUATION WHATSOEVER I LOVE MY GRANDKIDS

  Oh wait, the actual stuff. Racism. Or classism? There sure is a lotta housisms going on! It really bothered me somthin' else! Like, if you're being a nasty rat, ya might as well just say Slytherin. Or you'd totally do anything to not be like one of those dopey Hufflepuffs, would you? Ravenclaw is kinda left out. They're probs like a hipster subculture that you probably wouldn't know about. Or maybe it's just like that with Griffindore, and everyone else is actually cool about it.

  Also Harry should've been swept outta that terrible house. They could have done it, but they didn't. I don't care what you say. Them bitches be magic....

You should get the Stephen Fry audiotapes :D I listened to them so much when I was a little Will11 I memorised basically the entire first chapter of the first book and could recite it verbatim to be the coolest kid in chess club :D J.K. should really write another series of something, she's like the James Cameron of writing :)

Fun drinking game: As you read, count the number of times Rowling informs you that someone feels like stretching their legs.

Gonna have to drink butterbeer for this one.

Curses.

Maybe literally.

Well there’s going to be death eaters trying to attack the school many, many times, and many of the good teachers are not there anymore. 

If you're in Slytherin, you're automatically assumed to be a power hungry jerk.  (Spoiler), ever notice how in the final book, there's not a SINGLE Slytherin who stays to help Harry fight?  (Unless you count Snape, but still).  And apparently, there's not one person in any of the other houses with the urge to join the dark side?  And then they made a sorting hat test in the real world.  Am I to assume that all my Slytherin friends are gonna backstab me at some point, just because they think it's funny?  Because I've met some pretty cool Slytherins.  Trying to cram people into categories, especially when one seems to be associated with evil, is kind of a jerky thing to do, IMO.

(But then again, no-one's making them take the test.  And the Slytherins I know seem pretty proud of their placement).