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Well, for the first time ever, we almost had a fully unanimous ballot. But Killa voted for a guy that both failed to meet the minimum wordcount and voluntarily DQ'd himself before anyone could DQ him for his lack of words. So Killa joins Will in the band that marches to the beat of their own drums. But they do play an enjoyable tune!

That aside, all the judges were in accord on all other ballot entries. So congratulations to TheNewIAP on winning the EPIC Contest and for being our first unanimous winner!

@TheNewIAP

To Corgi and Digit, congratulations on actually finishing the contest. A nod to Eric and a drunken wave to Fluxion for either submitting something, even if it was an automatic DQ, or otherwise submitting something and jumping into the volcano without so much as a shove. Next we will let loose one lone fart in the wind in honor of Ogre and the few others who worked consistently on a story but were not able to bring it to a conclusion within the timeframe of the contest.

Wibn, if you would like to take the opportunity to point and laugh at Ebon and ask him where the bite is to all his bark, now would be an excellent time.

Finally, let us observe a moment of silence for Romulus, who has almost certainly fallen in Viking combat. He is in either Valhalla or Folkvanger now. But also the Pit of Shame.

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End, I will post a tally of damages late tonight. Lot of stuff to get done today in the meantime.

Congratulation IAP! I hope to see more stories from you in the future, you're an excellent author.

He really is, and I think he just needed a good prodding to get through something to the end.

And I hope everyone, even the people who entered but weren't able to finish, was able to take something away from this contest. This wasn't an easy task. But the process itself can be informative. You don't get better as a writer without writing. And sometimes you have to try new things or take a leap of faith.

Takeaway from the contest: everyone is done entering contests for awhile.

Except for those of us waiting on Berka and a chance to unSHAME ourselves. (Although I may even give that one a miss and focus on actually finishing one of my bigger projects, we'll see.)

Anyway, it was a foregone conclusion but congrats to IAP! Corgi and Digit also should be proud, you guys slaughtered a lot of people who should've put up more of a fight.

His theme is really good.

Thanks!

And congrats again to Corgi and Digit! You both did a bang-up job!

I hope I learned something from this contest. Only time will tell. I'm hoping that my next project will put this one to shame. I haven't decided what to do next, but I've got plenty of time to figure it out now.

Thanks, Mayana! and so do I. Now that I know I can finish something, I plan on working even harder on my next one.

First of all, this is fantastic! It feels great to not only finally see one of my works through to completion, but to have recognition for it.

I'd like to thank Corgi and Digit for actually finishing something on time and submitting. We all worked super hard on our entries. Two of us throughout the contest and Digit at the eleventh hour (which proves that anyone could've done it if they really set their teeth and focused). You guys did an awesome job! Give yourselves a pat on the back.

Eric did a great job, too. It was obvious that he'd worked hard on his story even if he wasn't able to complete it in time. I tip my hat to you.

Next, I wanna thank the judges. And thanks to Bucky for holding this contest. Without you guys, this moment would not have been possible. There will be a little something extra in your Christmas stockings this year that may or may not be from me. You'll just have to wait and see.

Everyone was great throughout the contest. The whole community was fantastic and I'd like to thank everyone for their cheers, jeers and general prodding to keep everything on track, especially the other entrants who went above and beyond to make this not only a great contest, but an EPIC one to boot.

And finally, I wish to thank everyone who entered and then immediately rolled over and died. Without you guys, the rest of us wouldn't be where we are today (pointing and laughing and jabbing at you with pointy sticks).

First off, congratulations to IAP! Really, your storygame is friggen’ awesome and something totally different than what I’ve normally seen on the site. Have fun being a featured author!

Corgi and Digit, you both submitted stuff that was above a 5/8. Heck, if you had the story in a different category, then those kinda rating could’ve gotten you than shiny gold star too. Oh, and Digit, thanks for submitting a good story. You gave us so much to work with for insults to the quitters.

Speaking about quitters, you should be truly ashamed of yourselves for quitting. If Digit and Corgi managed to do it, then not one of you has an excuse (unless you died, so Rom might have that going for him). Most of all, @EbonVasilis should feel bad, super bad. You should feel as though you kicked Samson in the nuts only to have the ever loving crap beat outa you for the unprovoked assault. I even made a (super) short story for you.

Once in the kingdom of CYStia, there was a paladin of noble heritage. All throughout the land knew of his conquests. Dethroner of the Banisher’s prized jewel, smiter of the droves of unwashed heathens, and teacher of the ancient Greek arts. His reputation proceeded him, but he sang songs about his triumphs to all anyway. He even hired a bard to write poetry, in the style of the Psalms no less.

One fateful day, the soft-spoken but wise Metallic Executioner hosted a tournament. With his faithful bard singing out his poetic praise, the mighty paladin signed his name on the contract, the largest signature of all no less. After picking a fight with the annoying one who pitched his tent next to the paladin’s, the conqueror sat down to write his glorious tale. Then, the man shook his head. He had time to spare, and there were more important things to do. His talents, not hard work, will carry him to victory.

Therefore, he spent those days doing all but writing. He indulged himself with gluttony, slices of cow worth eighty pieces of silver no less. He fought with his annoying neighbor, vowing to trample the persistent fool during the tournament. He fired his faithful editor without a week’s warning to find other employment. She was female, so he knew her rights were less than that of a male. Oh, misguided fool!

One the eve of the tournament, the paladin looked at all the writing he had done. There were only two words on his parchment. “In the”. Realizing his foolhardy ways cost him a chance at victory, he resigned himself to winning the next tournament. He is the best in the land, is he not?

Nevertheless, his annoying rival did put in effort, for the fool was a persistent one. The great paladin had been beaten, his reputation tarnished. He refused to believe such words and his loyal still bard sang the verses of praise. Though his waist had grown due to the excessive meat consumption and his hand had all but forgotten how to hold a quill, he remained convinced of his own abilities.

Soon, the Spiked One hosted another tournament, so the paladin leapt at the chance to win again. He had learned from his mistakes and came out a better soul. This is his moment to prove that he is not a pathetic copy of Narcissus.

He put all his effort into writing. “Will anyone be able to smite me?” he said to himself. “No, I am who I am. Let them assay. I shalt triumph!” He gave a public challenge to the kingdom’s most powerful paladin, Lady M, to prove that he is the greatest paladin of them all. He wagered a fortune on his efforts, convinced that he will win.

For the next three months, he did nothing but write, burn his work, and rewrite.

One the eve of the contest, he sat in his chair flabbergasted. How could he have failed yet again? He had the time. He had the skill. What went wrong? He shook his head surmising that the rules must have been too steep. All will fail, like his fellow paladin. Due to her duties, she selflessly withdrew from the contest and fairly offered the paladin victory, only if he submits his tale.

The paladin stood at the gates of the tournament and wondered if any will submit. First came the Pioneer, covered in the blood of the thirty bears that attacked him while journeying to show his story. Living in the wilderness has its dangers for more feeble life, so the Pioneer gave each bear weapons and armor before they fought. He killed all with his bare hands. His tale glistened in the light. Within moments, the story rose to great prominence.

Then, came the Dog-Man. Though his entire diction consisted of rape and gay, he followed through with the contest. His story, while not glistening, was of quality. The Dog-Man no longer stood among the nameless masses, for he had made a name for himself.

Lastly, the paladin heard a single sound. “Reeeee!” The warrior’s knees trembled, and his bard killed himself by his sword to rid his ears of the screech. The self-described Kawaii Weeb skipped past the paladin. The crowd of onlookers pointed and laughed. How could someone with so much skill be bested by the Kawaii Weeb? He had the attention span of a toddler with ADHD, yet he could finish a story while the paladin could not?

The man hung his head low and wandered back to his tent. He will complete the next tournament. He has to. His reputation has been destroyed. Moreover, the Dark Lord will take his soul and banish him from the kingdom of CYStia if he fails again.

At the very least, he has to get rid of the symbol branded onto his forehead. DOUBLE SHAMED is meant for the laziest in all the land. How can he, once at the top of the world, have fallen to the chasm of shame?

IAP congratulations on your SUPREME VICTORY.

You earned it my friend.

Congratulations IAP!

Congrats! Well done from all that actually entered. :)

Congrats @TheNewIAP that was well done, I had confidence that you would finish throughout! Sorry I wasn't there to join you at the finish line, but keeping up with updates and progress with you was fun!