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When I say realistic, I really just mean interesting visually and conceptually. I need to get back into reading, but all of the books I've found with sapient and diplomatic aliens in them only have humanoid ones or "godlike" aliens with no real form. In a perfect world, I'm looking for something that has multiple distinct and thought out aliens like Becky Chambers' Wayfarer series, but with designs and backstories as fun (or funner) as Animorphs or Space Opera.

But really I just want a story on an alien world that isn't almost completely barren or taken over by humans. Or honestly any book where an interesting, alien species that isn't humanoid or just big evil bugs plays a fairly large role, and we get to see some of their culture and how they work.

Not sure if it's quite what you have in mind, but I picked up a trilogy called Species Imperative, by Julie Czerneda, at a library sale right before the apocalypse happened. I'd only read first one before that, it was several years ago but it still held up pretty well rereading it.

Anyway it does have characters of several species, with a couple of them gone into in quite a bit of detail since their history the key to figuring out the whole mystery of the series. The protagonist is a biologist who has been focused on Earth ecosystems her whole life, with zero interest in the various alien species that humans are allied with, and so that's a big part of how she approaches learning about them when the plot happens and she suddenly has to. (and the author has a biology degree herself so that aspect of the character is done pretty believably)

I really liked the main character, she was pretty grounded with a good sense of humor without going overboard into being some action hero or whatever.

Children of Time and Children of Ruin by Adrian Tchaikovsky would be a good fit. They focus on how an alien society rises influenced by its biological characteristics. They're a really good and insightful read.

I liked H.G.Wells "The Time Machine," wouldn't read unless you like classics, though. And I don't know if they're really considered aliens? I think they're hyper-evolved humans? idk???? Good story either way, lol.

Best ideas about aliens I ever saw is in some eastern European cold war era SciFi. For an easy start (available in English) check out Stanislaw Lem, Solaris. There should also be English translations of some books by the Strugatzky brothers.

I know this post is pretty old, but I just saw it and have a great book or you. Its titled "Brigador" by Brad Buckmaster. The story takes place on a sci-fi world that is controlled by an isoationist government. Because of this, the technology is growing old and unreliable, and the people are poor and tired of the the way they live. It follows a squadron of mech pilots who are tasked with investagating a checkpoint that has been attacked. While they are heading towards the site, one of their commrads, who is an extreamly skilled pilot, goes rogue when a revolution begins. Thats all I am going to say about the plot because that's just the beginning and it is really worth a read. 

 

P.S. The "aliens" are hostile offworld pilots in mechs that are a lot more advanced than the MC's, and the fight scenes are awesome! I hope you check it out and enjoy it.

The first sci-fi book I read was ‘rendezvous with Rama’. It’s kind of got more realistic aliens in it, but more in the sense that they’re sort of beyond our understanding. Essentially the basic plot is that:
-Alien spaceship comes to earth
-No aliens come out
-Earth sends astronauts to go see what’s inside

It’s got some good characters in it and also worldbuilding, I haven’t read the rest of the series but is definitely a good starter book in my opinion at least. If you like environmental exploration that is coupled with an unnerving sense of dread or misunderstanding this one will definitely work for you.
As I’ve said, not read much so this is definitely a newbie opinion

Rocheworld by Doctor Robert L. Forward. The Flouwen are amorphous shape-changers that breath ammonia and make parts of the blobby bodies into appendages like lenses to see. And the world of the title is a double planet with two small worldlets that share the same atmosphere and ocean and orbit each other. 

Another example would by the tri-sexed gaseous aliens who inhabit an adjacent parallel universe in Isaac Asimov's novel The Gods Themselves.