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I don't know why I'm typing this. I don't know what the significance of today, of all days, is. I don't know what my point even is, or what the point of anything is. I guess my problem is a certain amalgamation of shit that's probably insignificant to everyone.

Vegan Gains. Fuck Vegan Gains. He's just fucking terrible. And I know this is very counterintuitive to everything I'm trying to say, but he's everything I'm speaking out against in the first place. I'm sorry, I just had to say that. Just... Don't ever be Vegan Gains. You can be the most militant dietician bodybuilder all you want, but... For the love of god don't be Vegan Gains. He’s a cruel sociopath with no sense of anything. Please don't ever do that. Consider finishing this paragraph a solemn silent oath to never, ever be Vegan Gains. Just say no. Please.

On an unrelated note, I've been having conversations with a few really sad people lately, who've just had the unwired ass of life handed to them over and over again, and I feel so bad about it, and I feel like a dick, and I wish there were things that I said, or articulated better, and I hope they're feeling better and I wish them the best. They were benevolent and wonderful and I just wish the world would stop sucking.

On another unrelated note, what is nostalgia? I keep getting told it's a happy feeling, but I've never felt anything happy about it. Nostalgia's always been sad for me. I remember my grandparents, I remember when I was a more normal person, I remember the days when I was still young enough to enjoy certain things, like Roblox and the latter days of CYS freeform. It's all sad, I'll never experience that again. Just this week I watched the last episode of Eddsworld, a weird little Web animation that I liked since I was a kid. I never laughed at the show since Edd died. It didn't stop being funny, although the randomness wasn't really humorous to me anymore, but I just realized over the years I was watching this, I watched a guy grow up and die, and it was weird, and the last episode just filled me with nostalgia. Horrible, heart-wrenching nostalgia. There's a certain solemn morbidity I feel when I'm alone in a room playing a game I have childhood memories of, especially on an old save file. I feel reminders of so many good feelings that are gone forever. They remind me of days I've had that just don't happen anymore. And it's happy, and sad. Usually creepingly sad. I don’t know why people enjoy feeling it.

On yet another unrelated note, I’ve been struggling for a long time to deal with being inherently wrong and disgusting as a person in general, and how it’s something that I won't be able to change without drastic measures, and whether or not I’ll be able to deal with being sick for the rest of my life.

 

Just one more unrelated note before I finish this off, in a few weeks or some shit, I’ll legally be an adult. And everything’s going to change, and I have no idea how I’ll live or what will happen. And that sucks. And it’s just an uncertain horror looming over me with every second that passes, just under the skin of every happy occurrence,  and it’s inevitable and sad for some reason.

 

I don’t know why everything feels sick and bad all of a sudden. I don’t know why I’m whining to people on the internet. I have no idea what’s happening right now, and I hate it… If I’ve ever done anything on this site that's hurt any of you guys, I'm sorry. If I’ve ever done anything needlessly cruel, I’m sorry, and I know for a fact that I have, and I know for a fact that I’ll do it again at some point, and I’m sorry. And if any of you guys intended to slight me in some way for real, it’s okay, I honestly don't even remember. I don’t know if this is a phase or something, but I hurt a little right now, all these unrelated notes have just really put me off things. Just have a good life. Try to be happy, and be good to other people. I know you won’t uphold this all the time, I don’t really think I’ll be able to uphold this period, but… The world needs it, and I probably need this text wall more than you do… Just don’t give up on things, or whatever….

maybe you could lower the font size next time

y'know

don't give up on good looking inspirational speeches

that's what the speech was about right

not giving up?

so maybe

just maybe

next time

you can lower the size.

Maybe you can try to manage whatever the fuck kind of formatting that comes with Google Docs whenever you use a phone.

I do.

Just go into source and delete the font size bit.

“Never give in. Never give in. Never, never, never, never—in nothing, great or small, large or petty—never give in, except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force. Never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy.” 

-Winston Churchill

*hugs sent* It'll be alright.

The Internet continues to baffle me and I have no idea what is serious or not :) Just do what I do and don't take anything too seriously, just try lots of different little things and stick with the ones you like :D And don't get extreme about anything, extremism in any form is bad :D

Extremist Jainists

I also feel the same way when I'm nostalgic. I don't think most people feel 'happy' when they're nostalgic, but maybe more so that they were happy that that moment had happened. When I'm feeling nostalgic, mainly I feel like I miss that moment, or that I could have done something differently. I think most people find nostalgia to be a good thing, mainly because you feel nostalgic about the significant moments in your life you know? And it's good to reflect on those moments every now and again to see how it shaped you and how you could do better in the future if it ever happens again.

Also, you'll be alright. I believe in you. Have faith.

I have to agree with you about the Nostalgia. And if people ever get you down and make you feel bad, I have a special trick for that. You lean in close to them and say "FUCK OFF!". Trust me, it works every time.

If you're really feeling down, I'm sorry to say, but this will not work. A cure for sadness is not as easy as wishing the problems away. I wish it were, but yelling at someone isn't going to make you feel any better (personally, I would feel terrible for yelling 'fuck off!' to someone, and it certainly wouldn't make any of my problems magically go away), and for the majority of the time, feeling down isn't a result of someone else bullying you. You can't yell 'fuck off!' to yourself, you can't yell 'fuck off!' to your boss, you can't yell 'fuck off!' at a loved one's grave. I'm not sure if you were being serious or not, but I really can't think of any situations were this would actually work. If someone's being a bitch to you, the solution is not to be a bitch back. I guarantee you, just because you insult them, they will not run away to their mothers and never hurt your feelings again. They'll just hurt you even more - and you gave them legitimate reason to. You can't blame them when you yelled 'fuck off!' at them after all.

All you can really do in these situations is surround yourself with people who care about you and work hard to get yourself to feel better. And it's ok to feel terrible and break down and cry. Eventually though, you have to pull yourself together again and move on with your life. If it takes you a week, that's fine. If it takes you a month, that's fine. If it takes you a year or more, that's fine too. As long as you believe that you'll be alright, you'll be fine.

One day you'll feel nostalgic about this thread.

Favorite quote - "Suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain. That's all it's about. You are not a bad person, or crazy, or weak, or flawed, because you feel suicidal. It doesn't even mean that you really want to die - it only means that you have more pain than you can cope with right now. If I start piling weights on your shoulders, you will eventually collapse if I add enough weights... no matter how much you want to remain standing. Willpower has nothing to do with it. Of course you would cheer yourself up, if you could. Don't accept it if someone tells you, "That's not enough to be suicidal about." There are many kinds of pain that may lead to suicide. Whether or not the pain is bearable may differ from person to person. What might be bearable to someone else, may not be bearable to you. The point at which the pain becomes unbearable depends on what kinds of coping resources you have. Individuals vary greatly in their capacity to withstand pain. When pain exceeds pain-coping resources, suicidal feelings are the result. Suicide is neither wrong nor right; it is not a defect of character; it is morally neutral. It is simply an imbalance of pain versus coping resources. Some people will react badly to your suicidal feelings, either because they are frightened, or angry; they may actually increase your pain instead of helping you, despite their intentions, by saying or doing thoughtless things. You have to understand that their bad reactions are about their fears, not about you. We did not choose the conditions that made it more difficult for us to grieve. Although grievers are often negatively judged - Whats wrong with you? Why cant you snap out of it and get on with your life? - these judgments are invalid and abusive. As children and as adults, our culture and most of our families bombard us with the message, Dont grieve. You didn't choose this and I'm not going to tell you not to grieve. All I want you to remember is that I'll be here for you." - Seto. I would say the above is my favorite speech of all time and has also saved my life. So yeah, never give up!

The large font size in OP makes regular font size in the rest of the thread look weird.

Aww, Sent. That...that really made me tear up a little bit. Honestly people like you really make me love humanity. Just going to say that everyone here, who's ever responded to me or whoever decided to be a good person to me, I really have to say thank you. And Sent...man, Sent...why did I even dislike you in the first place? It brings me sadness to think that I used to hate you. Earlier I invited one of my friends over and when we got tired from playing Pokemon Go around the neighborhood we crashed and read your Randomly Walk or whatever. We laughed so hard we woke up my mother from her nap and I just have to big you a big thank you. Funny things on this site or nice people or just people who even bother to speak to me keep me moving in this world. Sometimes you just gotta suck in your gut and hide the sadness, but when that smile...when that smile's got real gratitude, that's when you know. That's when you know why you're still living.

You're really special, dude. Really.

Wait a second, when did you dislike me in the first place!? That's quite a subject to pass by offhandedly!

I dislike you too! :)

I dislike you too! :)

Well, I don't exactly care about you guys, and it's no real surprise anyway sonce you sem to dislike all the best shit. I've barely spoken with AYT, which makes it odd.

When I was younger and still on this site there were people who commented constructive criticism on my games and I thought y'all were haters or something. I just seemed to dislike everyone who didn't like Warriors, which was stupid and ridiculous. 

*GASP*

... Even Tim? D:

Not you, I actually thought you were pretty chill. 

:D

Fuck Vegan Gains

Verily.

Is that a person or something? I'm worried that if I google that, I'd lose something precious.

Vegan Gains is a stereotypical loud-mouthed vegan who has arguably the most obnoxious voice and behavior on YouTube (besides Keemstar). 

https://m.youtube.com/#/channel/UCr2eKhGzPhN5RPVk5dd5o3g

Nah, he's great.

I watch his videos whenever I'm too happy for my own good

That's stupid. Vegan Gains is always entertaining. There's something I have to respect about someone admitting they're a sociopath who doesn't care for anyone, and threatening to slit people's throats.

He seems mildly disturbed, from the video that I did watch.

I don't know what his problem is, he could be disturbed, or maybe he has a condition or something, but... I really, really hate him. He's bad news.

He might just have the same condition lemons has.

Condition or not, I hope he gets his head chopped off by Heavy Metal Vegan Chef.

So, the Heavy Metal Vegan Chef plays heavy metal while cooking vegan food?

 

He cooks vegan food like a cooking show, and it's a heavy metal music video, the lyrics are the recipe. You should look him up, he's hilarious, and afaik, really chill and non-judgemental about everyone's eating choices. Unless you're eating something like giraffes or human children, presumably.

Well, he already sounds more pleasant than that other person. ^^

Seems like you're feeling a good heap of different feelings about some pretty different things.

I don't know if I'll be much help, but I always liked you Sent. You're probably the funniest guy I've ever known. I look up to you in a way. I'm sure other people here look up to you as well.

We're here for you. Rooting for you, we believe in you, no matter what you face in life. You can do it. We're here to listen to you Sent. I personally love reading your writing, whether it's a forum post, or a story.

Anyways, we're here, and ready to listen.

Thanjs, guys. Your support in this endeavour helped me get to the bottom of some pretty nebulous shit.

I heart you.

I heart him more.

I heart him most!

Oh. Okay.

Nope, I heart you even more than that.

what's with all the ♥'s?

 I know this might sound odd. But I got slightly emotional from reading this. Mainly from the part of nostalgia. I just can really relate to what you were saying. Nostalgia for me is really just a reminder that life was much better and happier before. And it's only going to get shittier from now on.

My main childhood nostalgia is this not so popular and, frankly, underrated ds game that my grandpa bought me called "Drawn to life." I mean, I could never get past the second boss because the game is hard as fuck, even for me now. But the music and characters in it brought me to tears when I revisited it.

I hope you feel less like shit, Sent. And... apology accepted. ( ;