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Ok so I'm new on this website, and trying to write a story.  I want it to be about a dystopian future where you are a spy that goes on a mission to save the world.  You wake up in a hospital without the ability to recollect anything.  You're built up, and finally go on your mission.  There is however a dramatic twist.  **Twist removed for spoilers** Sound any good?

Sounds good apart from the spoiler you've just given for this story you haven't even finished yet. If it's supposed to be a 'dramatic twist' I guess it's meant to be a surprise? Well, not any more.

Like I said I'm new to this, but does it sound like an interesting story?

I think it's a potentially good start, it just depends on how it's executed. It feels like you haven't given us enough detail on the story in general for us to really form an opinion, but too much detail with the plot twists...

Thank you.  Also, do you know how to delete a post?

You'd have to get a mod to do it. Either get their attention by private messaging or tagging them, like so:

@Kiel_Farren

It's probably too late anyway. Thanks though!

This thread has only been up one hour at a quiet time, so I doubt that many people have seen it yet.

Who are the moderators?

There are a lot of inactive ones, but the most active ones are:

Kiel_Farren
Sethaniel
Berkazerka
madglee

I haven't seen Berka in a while :(

He was here a few days ago when he banned Brennon.

Whoops, yeah, you probably shouldn't have given away the twist there. But by the time you finish the story people may have forgotten about this thread.

I'm not sure more than a couple of people got to see what you had before you unpublished it, you can post a link here for a better way to give people an idea of your writing style. Besides that, I'd suggest taking what you have and pasting it over into a fresh story. Once you're finished, that one won't show up on the main stories page since you published it already.

And of course, planning is everything. If the player always winds up at that 'dramatic reveal' it'll take some work to get them there while still making sure they don't feel like they're being railroaded.

How does this sound as an opening:

You slowly open your eyes to a blinding light.  Your entire body aches and there is a throbbing in the back of your head.  As your eyes adjust to the light you realize you are in a hospital room.  You try to remember how you got here, but cannot come up with anything.  As a matter and fact, you can't seem to remember anything at all.  A wave of panic begins to wash over you.  You can't even remember your own name.  You try to remain calm, there must be some explanation.  While you're trying to figure out what's going on, a man in a white lab coat with dark features walks into the room.  He is carrying a pad of paper and a very serious expression.

I've been reading around on this site and they say to post to forums to get advice.  This isn't for validation, but rather constructive criticism.

It's the story 'Treachery' and you have it set up so anyone can read it. Is there some reason you're not just posting a link?

I thought it could use some work but it was a promising start with more potential than many new stories here. If it's your first CYOA you might find actually finishing it a daunting task though, it seems pretty ambitious. Sitting down and mapping out each branch is important, if you just jump in and start writing it'll start to sprawl all over the place and get away from you quickly.

And again, I'll stress that before you write any more on it you need to create a new story and copy over what you have so far. Otherwise when you do finish and republish it no one will ever see it, it's stuck with that 4/30 publishing date and won't show up with the new storygames.

How would I do that?

The beginning sounds like MGSV's hospital intro, with the exception that you're going to save the world, not hunting for revenge, isn't it.

It depends...

This is what I have so far if anyone wants to give any suggestions.

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/treachery

Clickable:

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/treachery