I could not read the story... looks like the preview was turned off?
To provide an example of what Mizal is saying: in your description of the story you change point of view. You start by saying the story is about a 15 year old and his friends, but later say something like “with the help of your friends” So am I the kid? Or am I in a third party perspective?
proofread things out loud if that helps! Things will feel weird to say if the grammar is off.