A Magical Tale

I don't recommend this story to anyone above the age of four for reading practice, but this review will be me judging it based on the standard of the stories I've read around here.

The start is promising (the grammar leaves much to be desired though) and the plot is as simple as they come: The protagonist, namely you, pass through a portal (forcibly) and fall in the middle of nowhere aka "magical world". You have no idea or map of this place, but one thing you know is this: you HAVE to find your sister and go back home.

The various wondrous creatures and characters you are presented with, are almost the exact same as their fairytale counterpart, but with a tiny twist to them. The witches are bad, the goblins are playful but not maliciously mischievous while the fairy encountered is a malevolent one unfortunately for the protagonist.

There are two essential branches here, ditching your sister and saving yourself or rescuing her and both going to your own world. The plot twist or essentially the secret behind falling from the sky into this world, is similar to the royal family's ability in Attack On Titan for those who have watched/read it, though the reason behind the "purpose" is never given.

There literally is no information given to the reader on the "why" of things encountered or the action behind the characters, neither are any flashbacks used to make you even remotely care about the sister. If the most developed branch, with an actual epilogue and not an abrupt ending, is the one where you save the sister and both go back to your world, then it is expected for the writer to make the reader form an attachment to this character.

As for the grammar, there are plenty of grammar errors, in around at least 30% of the story and the pacing... well as good as it can be for a story of this size. I'd actually recommend slowing down and letting the reader explore more of the characters and world around them on the quest to save the sister.

Rating overall 2/8. Would've given it less, but the story seems promising if heavily revised and republished in the future.

The pages were very short and not all to descriptive. I never felt really captivated by the story or the world around me.
I also never felt any connection to my character because there was no real build up. For my sister I also never had a emotional connection that told me "I need to free her" other than the fact she is my sister.

Everything from now on contains spoilers so be warned.

At the cabin you are told a witch comes to you and she asks you to trust her. Is there any reason why I should? I mean she is with the witches that captured me after all.

The fairy is a trickster I get that. I mean I even get told I can't trust her by the witch. But her riddle makes no sense at all. Any of those three things could kill you. Why would one be the right way when the others aren't?

The goblins are quite nice I guess. Maybe feel sympathy with you, as long as you speak the truth. But how would they know? Why would they trust a stranger you did nothing to prove you're telling the truth.

The king and the whole ceremony at the end also feel quite rushed, but again every page is like 2-3 lines of text.

It was rather boring in my taste. No way to get really into the story. Also found some mistakes in grammar (which is new since I'm no pro at that as a non native speaker).
All in all a cute little story that could be one of those small children picture books but nothing I would deem the work of a great writer.
3/8 from me

Nice start – I like that it started out with action, things moving, and excitement. And in this case the single option on the first page makes sense because it is going to lead from the current scene to another place. My only minor quibble on this page is that the way it is written, I can’t tell if the cloaked figure took my sister. It just says he is holding her, then he jumped into the portal. It might work better if it was more clear that he grabbed and took her, or if he let her go and escaped.

Minor typo on the second page, I believe “vert” should be “very.” I like the arrival in the strange area, it would have been even better if it had much more description of the forest here. This could involve all the senses: what else do I see? What do I smell? Is there a wind blowing? Are there other sounds from the forest or animals in the forest? I do like that the different options actually take different directions in the story.

This was really a fun little story. There appeared to be a lot of different options that take the reader in different directions. I’m not sure why “tigers” was the right answer to the riddle, but that’s fine. I like how the story developed in different directions with the witches and goblins as well. While many of the paths rejoined one another, I really did feel like I had control of the story and what happened in the story – a key part of CYOA stories! Other authors can learn from this – despite the story being quite short, it does have excellent use of the CYOA paths. It would be even better with more expanded descriptions and details throughout, I would think.

Cool

Yay! My "sister" and me in the game survived! It took me 5 turns to even win that game.. I rate it 9 stars out of 10!

Fun and sparadic. Could use more work...like not having paths so obviously link into one another. I don't expect perfect grammer from these "joke" games...but making the choices made actually believable would go a long way to making the game stick out more I'm not gonna lie...

At least you bothered to tie up each path properly...so while you bottlenecked too much...you at least bothered to cap off each ending accorindly...

Cool I guess...idk it was fun enough! lol :P

i would try more stories

A little better this time, didn't die, not so bad living in a castle.

Tried again and died. One more time and then I quit

Very short guess I made wrong choices wound up back in my room minus one sister.