Adventure for the Strong-Hearted Pt-1

Only a couple of people are good enough to get a high rating on a game with less than 2000 words. You are not one of them and this is not the way. 2/8

Pretty fun should be longer

So the first choice, picking the background is meaningless, the game didn't track them in any way and also as the identical story goes on it offers you options for other classes regardless of what you picked.

There really is no need to release a 2/8 length game as a "Pt. 1" regardless. Can't really give this much of a rating when there's really just not much here and it isn't even finished.

First of all grammar is also important in the description, and second of all this feels less like a story with options to me and more like a crude game.

There's also more to critique on but I don't want to spend a long time typing this and you can probably ask people to proofread.

Ah, another D and D adventure published in parts - it really is not necessary to publish this in parts when this consists mostly of a single fight to get something shiny. You might as well write a whole adventure and publish the completed thing that something short and unfinished (also you mention this story is a collection of your left-over notes, which isn’t a great beginning!). I don’t know much about gaming but the characters sound pretty cliché and random – I do like it that my character is described as having “lust but not immense lust”. Personally, I think it would be more fun to have a character with “uncontrollable lust”.

I have no idea where I am and my companions are not given names, just descriptions. I like that the bad guy is described as “having a voice you’ve never heard in your life” – well clearly, I’ve only just met him! He also seems a bit unfamiliar with the grammatical complexities of the English language (“you've never heard me no but you will or not, either way,”). The fight seems ok but it’s a bit confusing (if only my companions were given names when they were born!) and it also seems unfair that four of us are ganging up on one monster guy just trying to do his thing.

Like I said, this should be rewritten as an adventure (instead of this one fight there should be maybe ten to twenty encounters of diverse nature), the setting is unexplained, the plot is basic and the characters are a bunch of randomly generated dudes (no girls) without names or personalities, just roles. The SPAG was mostly ok, a few choices (many of which didn’t seem to make a difference) and a kind of push-over villain who is easy to defeat when there are several of you ganging up on him.