Day 6209

Do:
Break down your paragraphs;
Write dialogue correctly;
Spell correctly;
Make a legitimate reason for the confusion that I just read (explain how anything could've happened instead of it just happening. I was so confused :<).

Good:
Grammar;
Writing ability.

It wasn't exactly a bad first try at making a game, but it was ... kinda random, it requires polishing, and I can also say that my suspension of disbelief was broken pretty easily.

You had some formatting issues and errors: You need to break up your chunks of text into paragraphs and in the future, please spell-check your work (for example, it is spelled "immediately" not "imediatly" and "whisper" not "wisper." The editor did tell you this because it spell-checks your work, but I'm assuming you didn't notice.)

As for breaking my suspension of disbelief ... there are a lot of real-life, logical ways a person can be driven to commit murder. I have yet to see one that solely involves injecting someone with a serum. =\ Still, it's interesting.

Okay, but only one ending?

This is borderline 3/4 out of 8 but I rated it a 4 to make up for its average of 2.82.

I really enjoyed it, but it's a little bit too short for my liking. Maybe with more elaboration, this story would be 8/8, but for now it's 4/8.

Your story is eh on the nomnom scale. You almost count for a yuk! Your story seems like a prologue and isn't a polished piece of granite yet... Oh also it's seems kind of random? But good effort.
Conversion Chart:
yuk!=0-1 stars
eh!=1-1.9 stars
meh...=2-2.9 stars
nom=3-3.9 stars
nomnom=4-4.9
nomnomnom!=5-5.9

This story was ok but it wasn't very long. It didn't have very many choices or much plot. I would like to see a longer version with more story and more choices.

I did not understand any of this. Not even good to poop on. Just please, don't play

What the hell is happening?

interesting but rather disturbing but i like it though

Why not continue the story? I would like to read more. :)