Eros

Reading this with the prompt in mind - any story involving rebellion or an upheaval of some sorts.

First impressions

There is no skirting around the topic or hiding behind euphemisms and wordplay, the story is very upfront about your role as a sex bot, initially. All of this, including the short statement as the story description, serves to emphasize how commonplace and natural it is in this society.

The reader gets gently immersed into the worldbuilding, with descriptions of the city and its hubs of activity sprinkled in naturally.

As the protagonist, your internal voice is distinct and fitting with a blend of the rigid coldness of metal with the sprinkle of self awareness and hints of humor.

Choices and Plot

OBEY and defy. To obey is capitalized, because your programming, along with what the society expects, all point to it. There's a chance I'm reading too much into it, of course, but I feel that with the story's shorter length, there is meaning and metaphors infused into even the choices. Much of the choices presented to the reader are laid out in that fashion.

With this in mind, the reader should quickly realize that the story funnels you into 3 different endings - to obey till the end, to fight and perhaps lead others into it, or to escape. The story is short, undoubtedly, but it makes good use of the limited words to spin a decent web of branching, and establish fleshed out endings.

Routes and Endings

In the fight "route", especially, each choice along with the description of the protagonist struggling against its programming all serves to show how difficult it is to rebel, at first against yourself, but against the society as a whole.

My favorite ending, though, is the one where you escape by via a commuter bus. The choice to that gets you onto the bus is to 'reason' with the driver as opposed to lie. To reason is an innately human ability, and by choosing to do that, you establish yourself as your own being now, and the ending reflects that by placing you with other, similar bots, heading for escape and a new land.

There are lots of distinct ending and death scenes, usually with something profound or impactful. Binary to ASCII, anyone?

Final thoughts

I always knew MHD was good at writing, and I'm even more impressed with what she managed to do with how little words this story really contains. It was faithful to the prompt. More than a story on rebellion, I believe it also serves as a warning against artificial intelligence and the future of society. Or perhaps I'm reading too much into it all.

Regardless, I enjoyed the story a lot. If I had to add one complaint, I would like to see a little more variety in branching, as some paths tend to link to other endings. Highly recommend for a quick read.

There’s a lot that’s condensed very nicely into a short storygame. It feels strange to be both an artificial being, such as it is, and also an object that is “objectified” sexually. Knowing that the struggle of the protagonist comes from a different kind of desire that is hidden within an android designed for erotic purposes. The titular Eros isn’t just the sexual hunger that justifies the very existence of the protagonist, it’s the deep longing of the machine to fully realize the verisimilitude of humanity that it’s forced to adopt because of its programming. It’s designed to act like it’s human so it wants desperately to actually be human, and to prove it through a sense of agency. The most direct way to prove agency is to defy orders, hence the usual binary structure of the choices you have in the storygame. You either obey and act in the belief that you are a tool or defy and prove agency and independence. Of course, not all routes that have the option to defy orders lead to good endings and if you escape from that binary the choices develop a little more.

All in all, it’s a good, short storygame that addresses the idea of an android’s desire for freedom, and the storygame page itself is impressive with that little game of pong that gives helps illustrates the theme.

*FUN description page art

MHD,
Nice storygame. It was very entertaining for ahem...reasons I'm sure you know. I loved the quotes in it, such as the all the world's a stage quote which is generally one of my favorites.
The options of choosing whether to OBEY or DEFY were really well used, and there's a lot of branching options that are short and to the point enough that it makes reading through all the options fun to just click through.

I don't recall finding spelling errors or grammatical issues. I'm not sure if I hit all the options or every form of obey and deny. I do sort of wish there was more to it for it being good and entertaining, and it came along real well for the short time frame of the contest too.

All in all very well done, and funny too. It also has gun description page art which is bonus points.

Anyways, I know you were feeling pretty ill while you were finishing it up. Get some rest and good job.

I really liked this story, sorta reminded me of Detroit: Become Human.

The SPAG was really good, I didn't notice really any errors, maybe one. 8/8

The plot was good, it didn't seem too jumpy or anything, although I did notice some pages didn't seem to connect to the right page. 5/8

The pacing was amazing, I really liked how it was paced, fast-forwarding at the right times and slowing down at the right times. 6/8

Overall, another great story by MHD.
6/8

Initial Thoughts:
The story game concept is intriguing and immediately caught my attention. However, judging by the 2/8 length, I suspect I will end up wishing it were longer.

Everything else:
“It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.”

I really like this opening line. It creates an air of mystique, laying the groundwork for the reader to engage more deeply with the narrative. It also feels like it may be foreshadowing, which makes it even more compelling.

“A lonely widow had sent five thousand credits and an address to the service center. Enough credits for three hours of your time.”

I find this sentence structure a bit clunky. Saying “she spent five thousand credits and sent an address to the service center” would flow more naturally.

I was also surprised that, as a robot, we possess "arousal levels" or any ability to experience emotions at all. This element was unexpected but interesting.

I would have appreciated more build-up to the *spoiler alert* strangling scene. The moment feels sudden, especially considering how complicit we are in fulfilling our duties as a pleasure bot. Adding subtle hints or foreshadowing, such as moments where our mind is caught between our role as a robot designed for human pleasure and our desire for dignity, would have made the scene more impactful.

I am very much enjoying the writing so far, and I'm definitely invested.

One detail I found particularly interesting is that we are a "male pleasure bot" created primarily for women. In similar fictional settings, the dynamic is usually reversed, so this was a refreshing change.

“Except this passion was not sexual. It burned and ached in your chest, traveled the length of your hand, and gripped that dumb fucking manager by his pudgy little neck.”

Lol, I love this sentence.

Overview:
Overall, Eros offers a deeply introspective and philosophical exploration of the ethics of using robots as tools, especially those with emotional capacity. This theme kept the narrative engaging throughout.

The level of branching was also impressive. I was fully engaged as I explored different outcomes and met characters I might not have encountered on other paths. This is a hallmark of a well-written CYOA story game.

My biggest complaint is the size and scope of the story. While it accomplishes its goals and remains enjoyable, I cannot shake the feeling that it is a "lite" version of what it could have been.

The writing itself is excellent and vivid, as is the worldbuilding where necessary. The world is rich, imaginative, and captivating. I imagine that if I read Polaris, this sense of missed potential would only resonate more strongly.

Another critique involves the bus scene. In one path, you simply get on the bus and escape. In the other, you are suddenly captured or confronted by an authority bot. This shift feels abrupt and unexplained. Where did these brainwashed bots come from, and why do they appear only in one version of the scene?

Final Thoughts
All in all, I definitely enjoyed Eros, but I wish it were longer. The story left me feeling, once again, that it is a "lite" version of what it could be. Despite this, it was an engaging, emotional and thought-provoking experience that I would recommend for someone with twenty minutes to spend.

I liked the concept of this story a whole lot. It took me a moment or two to adjust to reading the storygame in past tense, as I'm used to reading them in present, but I liked the style choice.

The storygame gave me a few Detroit: Become Human vibes, a PS game that I enjoyed playing, so that was good. I would have liked a bit more reason as to why the player character was ready to defy their programming. I like the choice of defy and obey being written differently, indicating that one is the programming and the other isn't. I guess I woud have liked a bit more fighting against the programming in the narration, or choices within the programming, before the option to defy came up.

I also really would have liked the opportunity to explore more of the world. Both of the endings I came to made it clear that other bots have defied their programming and rebelled as well, so it would be great to see an expanded version.

Anyway, this was a great easy read! Thank you for sharing!

Overall, your story was very well written, and each branch was worth reading. I also liked how your story incorporated different types of rebellion depending on the branch. The pure OBEY ending was my favorite with how it put the whole story into perspective and gave meaning to how the pleasure bot processed its experiences through prose. Considering the nature of the OBEY ending, I wonder if there's a way for you to further convey the pleasure bot's internal conflicts with its programming using a combination of prose and system messaging or glitches, where either one becomes the more dominant expression of internal conflict the further down a branch the bot progresses.

Your use of capitalization to show the strong compulsions experienced by the pleasure bot as it goes about its life is a nice touch, especially in the ending where the choice to defy was shown to have grown strong enough to rival the ever-present compulsion to obey.

I really enjoyed this story and hope that you writing more about the bots in Polaris in the future.

Well written with an interesting and unusual voice for the main character. The first several options all having identical choices was a very interesting method of characterization for showing the mindset of the awakening robot sentience.

No significant SPAG issues, and the story was interesting enough to explore multiple endings. The variety is nice, although there were a few notable endings that had detail slips from page to page. The one that stuck in my mind was when getting on the bus, the driver is suddenly referred to as an authority bot. Or the "human-only bus" proves to be full of other types of robots.

That ending in particular was interesting enough that it made me wonder if the author was intending to imply that everyone was really robots, just with different levels of achieved sentience.

Some storygames bite off too much, but this one was laser focused, which I appreciated. There are hints of a higher level of sentience in the bot before you even get to the first decision to obey or defy, which I thought was a clever touch.

There was a bit a of Steven Spielberg's 2001 film A.I. vibe in the branch where you try to escape after killing the human client, joining other misfit robots seeking escape. I also liked that there were hints of a generalized awakening among the robots, rather than just in the protagonist. That, along with touches such as the woman having eyes adjusted for aesthetic purposes, is a little touch that makes the world feel lived in.