First Adventure!

Not the best...

I noticed a lot of randomness in this storygame, suck as arguing with the narrator, killing the narrator, etc. I understand that kind of humor can be funny sometimes, but it can only take you so far when it comes to writing.

I spotted a few grammar issues as I played, but nothing that can't be fixed with a little bit of proofreading. Remember to spend time on your storygames checking grammar and spelling, because that'll mark down your ratings a bit.

There wasn't very much character development here, but here and there I spotted a little bit of personality developing in the characters, but the storygame was too short for it to be completely fleshed out and let me feel emotion for the characters.

In this storygame, humor seemed to be a replacement for detail and plot development, which I didn't like :(

I'll say 3/8, please spend more time on storygames and understand that random humor can only take you a few steps in the miles of land to cover in story writing.

This is pretty good despite the lack or sense in the story. It's really easy to win/lose/end game, but if you go through the story knowing its supposed to be funny and light-hearted, it's quite enjoyable.

Again, there's some grammar issues, but I didn't really notice them because I was more focused the humor.

There are little fantasy elements, and I think that could be more expanded, as it is a "fantasy storygame". Other than that, the story is good to go as a humor one.

Ah, yes. For a first attempt at a storygame, especially for someone whose mother language isn't English, this game was far better than what I went in expecting. There are, admittedly, several blips with grammar and spelling sprinkled throughout, but the story was coherent and readable enough.

What really saves this is the humor. There's a lot of fourth wall breaking, lampshading the limitations of the basic editor, poking fun at CYOA conventions, and a dry sarcasm that made the narration quite fun to read.

Although this game still has a lot of flaws, I was thoroughly amused. I would love to see what you can do with more time, more experience, and the advanced editor (which has variables and whatnot). If this is what you can do in a day, while you're still learning the ropes, I'll be looking forward to what you can produce if you really put your all into it.

This is really funny especially the part we're you killed the granny . This is not bad but not the best it is better 5han all the other ones !

Fantastic! SHORT AND SWEET HACK N SLASH! OF COURSE I DIDNT CHEAT. IM A DM I HAD A MODIFIER WROTE DOWN SOMEWHERE, I JUST CANT FIND IT RIGHT NOW.

On page talk to child there is a misspelling of the word “mister”.

I liked the humor. Your language barrier didn't seem to get in the way much at all! You stuck to keeping it simple which worked in your favor.

Problem...what is with your insistence on saying your stuck with the basic editor and can't use variables? Guess what...there's no reason you can't take the time to use an advanced editor. Literately nothing! You seem to know about restrictions so what gives? Joking about it in the story doesn't get rid of the problem...

Speaking of self aware jokes...I was fine with most of them...some I even liked...but there was one that was off putting...

The part where you ask me to roll a d100 so I have a 1/100 chance of getting the "good ending" only to be scolded for not cheating...then I cheat and get scolded for...cheating...

Its not the biggest thing in the world. But scolding the player works much better if your consistent with your standards. Its one thing to make jokes...but jokes tend to be better when they are consistent you know? (Especially if it involves player choice...its one thing if you want to be inconsistent with your own logic...but to put that blame onto me when you told me to do something different...idk chief...that seems more like a you problem than me...lol :P)

Anyways I rated it a 5 just so it doesn't get taken down...since its pretty close to it...otherwise I'd easily give it a lower rating.

The humor saved it though so...good job I guess! lol :P

No idea what I just did. Didn't feel like I was the character. A couple grammar mistakes. Definitely for humor and can tell that the athor had a lot of fun writing it. Literally had me laughing out loud, partially becuase it was so outlandish yet simple at the same time. Also, I only killed the grandma because the your mom joke was so striking; if you play this game, you won't hold that against me.

I thought it was pretty funny. Good job.

I mean it seems like you were mocking the fantasy genre of adventures more than actually trying to make a fantasy adventure.

I felt no investment in the game or it’s character once you had a decision to go to work as a blacksmith and decided to not write an alternate path for that. The other paths weren’t really interesting either, you just help some poor kid and his aunt and for some reason a dragon shows up randomly.

Also links in with all caps in them are annoying. I guess I’m just not a fan of fantasy stories that try to be funny then horribly fail.