Island Adventure

Here we go...

Alright, first thing I noticed about this game is that the spacing is completely screwed up. There were about 20 blank lines at the end of the very first page.

And, one of the first choices ends the game. You don't want people to click one link, give the story a bad rating, and think nothing of it do you?

I liked the writing for the first few pages, but as I progressed, the quality just got worse and worse. There is absolutely no rush to finish your storygames, put lots of effort into them, so you don't end up with extremely linear scenes and very little-detailed paragraphs.

You did manage to flesh out the setting quite well, but the plot needed a little work. There's not a lot of explanation of why many of the events are triggered.

You also need to work harder in your proofreading, because I found multiple spelling errors and grammatical errors scattered throughout the storygame.

I can see you spent quite some time on the main character's backstory, and that's great and all, but the present story was lacking the detail that the backstory shows you are clearly capable of giving.

I'll give this a 2/8, try harder, because this has potential but just needs to be fleshed out more, and less rushed :D

This games was too rushed and things happend without any real explanation as to why they happened. For example, why was our character selected to go on this adventure, did he have previous experience with tropical islands or something?

The grammar of this game isn't bad, but it was rather... below average and I felt that it really could have made this game more interesting if there was a proper grammar.

All in all, this game is not only lacking any real backstory on the main character(I know it's so that you can place yourself in the character, but still), but it also felt rushed along and the rather poor grammar did not help the cause a lot.

The only reason I'm rating this a 3/8 is because of what it could have been and not what it is.

“ You chose to go West. Sadly, there was a cliff that wasn’t seen so you lead the rest of the group to their doom.”

Really? A random choice?

2/8, didn’t read half of it but it didn’t seem that good anyway.

There are much better storygames out there, this one is easy. It's a good concept but not executed as well as it could be.

this game would be fun if there wasent like only one way to win literally if you make one wrong choice its intant death

Although the sentences were often choppy and monotonous, the writing of the story itself was not too bad. However, the plot was lacking in many ways.
First off, I'm still clearly a child, but some scientist wants me to come with her to some random jungle island to help with research. That is all I know, yet my mother and I agree quite readily and with no further explanation.

I am told things like that I miss Jersey's personality without even knowing anything about Jersey beyond the fact that he exists. There is nothing I learn about the characters through the story except Rico Bad.

As for the winning ending, remember Rico Bad? While, it doesn't make much sense for me to have won by finding some treasure if I cannot even get home because Rico Bad and Rico and his Bad Men will kill me if I try to take the boat.

The main character carries the idiot ball throughout. I die from lava because my shirt is stuck rather than taking off my shirt, and I lead a group off a cliff in the middle of the day. An idiot character one right is great, but this was not done right.
As for the choices, they were all real--even if most lead to an instant death, but most gave me little or no context to make my decision off. I could go left or right, or I could go north, south, east, or west. Then if I chose the wrong direction, I died.
Overall I consider this story a three. It was too decent to be considered for unpublishing, but it could have been so much better had there been better pacing and had there not been so many things that didn't makes sense.

I feel like there was little context and story and things were way too rushed and too the choices could of had more detail and pushed the story more and I didn't like the writing all too much. I did like the idea but you just need to do better.

Nobody seems to act remotely human in this story, and it's mostly just about choosing a random direction and trying not to die.

I really enjoyed this game. It would be nice if the group people didn't disappear. It would also have been cool to be able to use items instead of just making choices.

You received a ehh? on the nomnom scale. If you want to know the true meaning of ehh? then check my profile. So, first issue is that your writing was a little funky in the beginning. Also, I think that you should make your decisions more logical and less random, because then you basically die a lot and you're like really again? Well like I say good try.
Conversion Chart:
yuk!=0-1 stars
eh!=1-1.9 stars
meh...=2-2.9 stars
nom=3-3.9 stars
nomnom=4-4.9 stars
nomnomnom!=5-6 stars