Paradise Violated

General Recommendation: This is definitely one of EndMaster’s most underrated games. I strongly recommend it, particularly for those looking for a more traditionally branching cave-of-time experience.
Preview: As the captain of a unit in the human empire, how you react to the possibility of discovering ancient alien technology will affect your future, and possibly that of the entire galaxy.

=SPOILERS BELOW=

Plot & character notes:
-Salo and LaFleur are characterized quickly and effectively with their opening paragraphs. Their informational links certainly help, but we learn a lot about them just from their initial description, which is good economy of storytelling.
-I’m not a big fan of extra informational links, but I know that many people do prefer them, and this story certainly utilizes them well. It provides the necessary background information without going overboard, and the information is conveyed in an entertaining way.
-The selection of names for the various races is also excellent. Each name perfectly captures the intended nature of each race, particularly the Xont and Elojin.
-“Elojin are cowardly and run at the first sign of danger.” “You mean like now?” Lol.
-Trying to show that the narrator is steadily falling under alien influence is tough to do in a show-don’t-tell way (particularly in an interactive format where players don’t like being told how to feel) but EndMaster pulls if off in a way that feels natural. The “Feeling different” device seems built to help with this, but it doesn’t really work, the necessary information is already conveyed through the writing itself in a neater way.
-Ah, too bad the Elojin had to be killed. I like trying to play nice in these games, but in a work of this tone, allowing the Elojin to survive would only undermine the narrative. As it is, the inevitability of his death contributes to the building theme.
-Alyssa is well characterized, and stays consistent throughout the various branches. It’s interesting to see the different directions her character can go in depending on the narrator’s actions. Her presence as a genuinely likeable side character helps too, especially in a game like this where so many of the side characters are just untrustworthy, or obstacles, or both.
-I like the Gequek hologram, he’s a fun and intriguing character, and in the mechanical sense, a good interactive way to deliver the necessary plot exposition in an entertaining way.
-The idea of the loyalty-inducing germ weapon is also intriguing, and a good explanation for the Xont’s disappearance. Can’t imagine what could go wrong in designing a weapon that increases xenophobic tendencies. On an unrelated note, one could theorize that some mutated form of the virus is actually prevalent in the galaxy at large; all four major nations are xenophobic and expansionist, so an outbreak of Xont germ might explain this inclination.
-The game’s longest path has a surprisingly hopeful and optimistic ending, which makes the entire work feel a little more significant. In a world as bleak as the one presented here, the possibility of future improvement for the galaxy is quite unexpected and meaningful.
-This story does a perfect job balancing political intrigue with adventure. Obviously the planet itself serves the adventure factor; dealing with natives, rival conquerors, and exploring ancient ruins. Meanwhile, your team members, especially Indoctrinator Salo, serve as a microcosm for the political tensions throughout the empire. At the end of the main path, the broadening of the scope to larger political consequence feels both natural and expansive; it works well due to the political groundwork laid early in the story, and expands the scope of the story to a larger view.
-I like that the player is allowed to turn off the main path and end the story prematurely without immediately dying. This is a realistic outcome of the player’s actions. The wide variety of mundane endings that are neither victorious nor deadly makes the positive victory endings feel more special and earned. This is also true of the endings that mostly focus on your relationship with Alyssa, this story allows the narrator victory and failure on both a personal and galactic scale.
-The path where you shoot Alyssa fall further under Xont influence is handled equally well, and forms a nice narrative parrallel to the path in which you let her shoot Salo.
-The ending where you conquor the galaxy was handled well. Often endings like this either emphasize the positives of galactic rule too much, or try to scold the player for being bad. This one does neither; instead presenting the facts of the situation and the narrator’s new outlook, and allowing the player to decide for themselves how they feel about their choices.
-I like that we get to see what the Elojin do with Xont technology, it makes them a legitimate threat rather than just a plot device.
-The plot where you fall under the influence of Xont technology and try to “seize your destiny” shows the dangers of Xont influence, in contrast to other pathes, in which is is possibly to use Xont technology for positive ends.
-I found the open nature of the ending where the narrator says “Who’s with me?” compelling, despite ending abruptly, the story feels neatly finished and a natural narrative conclusion to the events told.
-Dealing with the Mazatt commander who has also fallen under Xont influence is an interesting turn, and it contrasts well with the narrator’s own arc. This arc ends predictably and fittingly. It reminded me a bit of apocalypse now (good movie). Actually, there’s a lot in this story that reminds me of apocalypse now. EDIT: Heh, after reading further, that line seems like it’s a direct reference to apocalypose now.
-It’s weirdly gratifying to see the ending where LaFleur gets his desk job. Poor guy just wanted to push paper in peace.
-The path with the Krik isn’t as fleshed out, but that makes sense, the main story here is about the Xont. Nevertheless, the mission with the Krik does a good job illustrating what a “typical” empire scouting assignment might be like.
-It’s nice that change can be made to the empire’s policies in a variety of ways, such as through Alyssa’s personal success.

Grammar & Mastery of Language
The grammar is fine. The technical aspects of the writing could be better, there are many misued words and grammatical issues that could be fixed with a single editing round. The repeat clauses especially jumped out.
This game’s conversational tone strikes a delicate balance of sympathizing with the reader while not coming on too strong, but after the first few pages, the game settles into a consistent voice that works well with the plot.
A oft-undervalued aspect of setting the tone of a setting comes down the writing style. This story does an excellent job in this respect. The narrator’s bitter, cautious, and disillusioned attitude towards his own life and empire frames the dangerous and frustrating nature of the challenges he will face on the planet itself.

Branching
Particularly good. Most of EndMaster’s games follow the format of having pivotal plot choices at key moments, interspersed with save-or-die choices. In this game, there’s a wide variety of different endings that can be achieved, even when the player strays from the main branch. This storygame has one of the best distributions of width and depth I’ve read. Though EndMaster’s usual strategy allows his later games to dive much deeper into the arcs the story does follow, it’s nice to see this level of attention devoted to player agency and choice.

Player Options/fair choice
Pretty good. There are a few deaths that seem random, but for the most part, actions have logical consequences.

Nitpicks:
-The death link on the first page seems completely random and weird. It does make sense, given what we learn later of the other character’s movements, but it would be smoother just to cut out that pointless first choice and get on with the story.

Endings: This story has an unusually wide variety of endings that can be considered “official”. Games on this site usually tend to follow a couple specific pathes, so it’s nice every now and then to run into a game like this with a broader approach.

PERSONAL EXPERIENCE: I played this game first a few years ago, before I had an account. After dying a few times, I got the ending where you use the hologram to change the empire’s policies.

CONCLUSION: An excellent game!

It has a terrible lacklustre beginning that reminds many fanfics of Warhammer and normally If were not compose by Endmaster I will stop reading right there.

Character is portrayed as a non-descript whatever individual bored and dehumanised. Very nice and believable with the story, but making impossible to get any attachment or giving a fuck about him or about anything else really.

Then we are told not showing via meaningful dialogue or choices how the interaction between Character and main teammates Salo and Lefleur; once again, mere stereotypes who were written purposely to not be liked or cared about them and it shows.

You are left at the beginning of game With a bunch of characters you will never care about in a story background you have heard millions of times.

I should find it bad, right?

Well, Endmaster is a genius in how to intertwine scenes flow and character development in general. There is this scene where you can kill torture or just follow one prisoner and the depth he achieves with such a simple in appearance choices is astounding. Choices really matter, but still, it feels railroad and hopeless, what I think goes well with the theme and approach of the story.

Lore is well thought and familiar with normal fantasy and political history with abundant lore bits throughout the story.

And violent wonderful twists and turns inside apparently dead ends that are realistic and well planned.

But the thing Is I don't know if I really like the story. It is well thought and written, is as solid as an example of Endmaster working. However, the fact characters are so distant and there is not real immersion or meaningful dialogue reinforced my alienation from the story and from my character what I know is intended but still makes my enjoyment of the game less appealing.

Still, is a solid 7 for me and I will like more games in that lore

Having played four of End's games so far, this one is the odd one out so far. The structure branches a great deal, but fully half of the branches don't feel that rich or interesting or have as much love given to them. Once you get on the main track, the writing perks up, the choices get more interesting, and the characters get more to do. Only grim determination kept me going until I figured out where the actual story was.

However, once I *got* on that main track, I was more interested. But I don't mean to suggest the other track is pointless. Actually, I got to know the main characters better in the less interesting half of the game, which made my exploration of the other half richer. I had seen these characters and been with them on other, smaller, more low-stakes (usually) adventures, and that made me care more about them.

So I'm sort of torn. I see the point of the less-main-branch section of the game, but it was less fun to read.
As for the characters, I feel like Alyssa is the one I will remember. She has a real personality, and she's well-written, with snappy dialogue and cool epilogue actions. The other characters are really two-dimension--funny, vivid, but totally cartoons. And that's fine, because this is a 40K/Avatar/Heinlein action-packed adventure, and I don't necessarily need super vivid characters for everyone.
Pacing-wise, the beginning was slow, and there were a few slow chunks at the end which really hurt the tempo where I really just wanted to get on with it and not make choices like "explore this area further" or "explore elsewhere." The middle of the game was the very best, especially the journey to and around the ruins, before I even knew what the ruins were. The hologram bit was...ok. It was fine. But the parts where the game makes you explore different versions of mind control--being meglomaniacal, all-id, paranoid--that bit, and allowing you to dive into the madness--that was by *far* the best part.

It was a mixed bag for me. It has some parts that I will be thinking about for a long time--the "Embrace Destiny" ending, for example, or Alyssa's "Final Link to Humanity Severed" ending (my two favorites)--but there was a lot of bits that I deeply wanted to tell End to rewrite, because I know he could do more with some of the paths. (the invisible being, for example, in the caves.)

All in all, it was very cool to see End do a different type of game, in a new genre, with a larger, branchier structure than his earlier games.

a well-written story, though bloody and intricate in the plot twists. Great concept with having the protag's mood and thoughts influenced, at first by the choices he makes, then more obviously it's the [redacted]
I followed most or all of the endings I think. Good job!

Good

nice

I was good a bit to short, but amazing!

Now this story is really good. There is no other way to put it besides that. Sci-Fi isn't my favorite genre, but even so this was a pretty good story. It is good in almost ever aspect, and if you haven't read it, then I emplore you to go and do so. Same goes with any of EndMaster's works. I'm still making my way through the catalog myself, but so far ever single one of his stories is worthy of praise. So before you read my review, go read this story.

Now the first thing that that I loved about this story is it's characters. The captain has this sense of personality to him, and I love it. It is all too easy to create a protag that is generic, and bland so that your reader can project theirself onto them. While I'm not say that is a bad idea, and for some games it is even favorable, I like it when the character is his own person.

As for the other characters, there are also amazing. Salo is one that I hated and loved at the same path. In fact, the ending where you become an indoctrinator is my favorite. He is my favorite character in this story, though not my most liked. Alyssa is also really good. Her backstory is a little gernic, but that isn't too bad. The character who I didn't really like was LaFluer, who I had to look at his name since I forgot. He kind of irks me, and I never really liked him at all. His backstory was good though, and overall he isn't badly written

The branching was pretty good. It had a lot of paths, and it was spread out well. They helped to really establish the world, and the state of everything. The only gripe is that a lot of the endings where you live are pretty simlar, though that is to be expected since all you did was survive and not tell the empire anything

To sum everything up, this story was pretty good. I enjoyed it a lot, and that is saying something since I didn't think I would with the premise. I am going to have to rate it a 6 though. 6 is a big catagory, and for me it is for the stories that are great, and that enjoyed, but to get into 7 it has to be one of the best. Though I do recommend this story to anyone who is stupid enough to have read through my review without reading the game.

6/8

Best.Thing.Ever

Paradise Violated by End Master was a home run in my opinion. I didn't give it a ten, because that is perfection, an nothing is perfect in life.
***Spoiler**
The story is reminiscent of one of my favorite films, Ghost of Mars featuring rapper Ice Cube. Ghost of Mars was made in the '90s and its premise was that of a colony on mars that locate and an ancient artifact that turns everyone into bloodthirsty zombie warriors. It was an instant cult classic complete with edgy music.
I read thru Paradise Violated several times to see several different version's and endings. I'm a typical female, so my favorite ending involved sex and death. I can't say that it was incredibly romantic, but it was certainly raw and pure animal lust and instinct.
The premise was that of a human general over his army scouting and unknown alien planet. His party captures a prisoner who has important information about the planet and a lost civilization. He is aided by his 2nd in command, an indoctrinator, and a sexy female alien that doesn't take any crap.
The locals are lizard people with base function intelligence. They are easily controlled and utilized to plunder for riches. However, they are maybe mentally slow but not necessarily docile.
The tale will take you to insanity; incompetence; a homeward bound journey in shame with a cover-up; and into a lover's eternal embrace. The spectrum of journeys was inviting and kept me going back to the beginning to try again.
In summary, it had sex, violence, and intrigue. In my opinion, key ingredients to make you want to turn the page and keep turning the page.
I intended to rate this as a 9. It may have gone thru wrong, but my intent was a 9. I considered 7 and 8, but I read thru it again and decided that nine was the best choice.
Thanks, End for a superb story yet again.
Oracle