City of Fire
"Too few ratings to be ranked"
played times (finished )
"trek through the forest"
"Make sure not to blink"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 18. If this were a movie, it would probably be R.
This is rather short, but I hope you like it. I will work on "City Reborn" soon, which will have two optional romantic subplots to choose from.
What I would criticise with this is being thrown in the deep-end with very little background explanation, without an early mention of a war we'd have no idea that the disturbance in the troops was due to attacking demons. Why were they attacking us? Who was us? Can I do magic? All these things need to be fleshed out.
Having said that I liked this story, it was true fantasy and promising. If you write something about five times longer and put in those romantic subplots you mentioned I think it could be a really good story but as Bucky mentioned you need to re-read to watch for grammar mistakes :)
on 3/18/2015 8:52:12 PM with a score of 0
This was clearly an attempt at a short engaging story, however, it was extremely short and linear.
Try setting the background more and giving other options for progression, I went back through as it really is a case of "This way or death" followed by the good ending being death?
on 11/27/2015 7:05:45 PM with a score of 0
One branch leads you to the "good" ending, the rest end in a "Game Over".
I have NO idea about who I am, what this world is, my kingdom or really about anything.
This feels like a plan for a storygame that you did and then published accidentally. You need to rework this, establish the world, the reader's character and what's going on.
It seems like you had a cool idea of "Unstoppable demon invasion" and then you just jumped straight into it, without any world building or character development. Hell, the only characters I know are Emperor/King whatshisface and Troy. And as much as I love bossing Troy around, I just DON'T CARE about ANYONE!
I know my character has always dreamed of this moment, but I don't know why or for how long! How old am I anyway? Early twenties? Late forties?
You need to rework this story and its flow, have a begging, middle, and end and make sure you do some world building! Do that, and I can see this really great premise driving on a great story game!
P.S. Work on re-doing this story first and really making it fleshed out. THEN work on the sequel. Trust me, those good habits you'll pick up will follow you through and you'll see your ratings rise!
on 9/25/2015 9:07:19 AM with a score of 0
I like the writing, but like Will said, you're thrown into the story without any idea of what is going on. The story is quite linear, so you should try and improve that. Also, how are you going to write a sequel if the main character is dead? Keep up the good work.
on 5/23/2015 5:00:11 PM with a score of 0
Quite brief and if you don't make exactly the right choices, you die instantly.
on 4/24/2015 12:35:32 PM with a score of 0
Hmmm... I don't really know what to say. It wasn't the best but it wasn't the worst. I'd give it a 3.
on 4/4/2015 5:33:31 AM with a score of 0
Wait... You died and that's the "Good Ending?" Not sure how you plan on writing a sequel, since your main character's dead and all, but good luck ^_^
on 3/21/2015 7:15:18 AM with a score of 0
What the heck?! That was too fast to be a story
on 3/21/2015 3:08:11 AM with a score of 0
It was very short from what I have read, also it was quite linear.
on 3/20/2015 3:33:37 AM with a score of 0
Never recommending this. Ever.
on 3/19/2015 5:40:46 PM with a score of 0
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