, #53 for
played 428 times (finished 83)
"walk in the park"
"So short yo' momma thought it was a recipe"
"appropriate for all ages"
Stories with this maturity level will not, by design, have any potentially objectionable content. An example of a type story with this rating would be a quiz on mathematics.
My first game. Pretty simple game about meeting a strange girl with a rabbit.
This was quite emotional, I liked it.
Your writing was powerful and despite this being a short story, I wouldn't call the feelings that I felt at the end to be simple :)
Both of the characters had sad stories, and the writing does a good job to portray them both as sympathetic. I liked that despite how short this was overall, you managed to make it both descriptive and engaging. Well done.
But while this is a wonderful little short story, it's not really a cyoa at all. I think that all of the choices do lead to the same destination at the end, so I would've liked that the little choices that were present had a bit more of a impact to the story. I certainly think that such a thing could have been pulled off, because this writing does show some promise.
At the end of the day, this was a very emotional short story. But I would like to see a bit more from you as a writer and how well this can be placed into another storygame.
on 3/25/2017 12:24:04 AM with a score of 0
I think what you have written is good and engaging, but it is basically two short scenes. I think if you expand this story a lot (make it a whole new story as ratings don't go away with unpublishing and republishing), giving more choices and more description of each event, this could blossom into something great.
on 2/29/2016 3:52:28 AM with a score of 0
This is quite a nice story though slightly unusual but refreshingly original which was nice. You have real writing talent here and I think you are good at drawing emotion out of the reader which leads me to suspect a Love and Dating story is out there somewhere waiting for you to write it... :) Overall quite a nice little short story.
on 2/28/2016 6:57:54 PM with a score of 0
I enjoyed this. Even though it's short and very linear, it was a fun little storygame. Somehow, you managed to put emotion into a little girl with a rabbit meeting a man on a hill, and you did a great job.
The writing is pretty good, but I noticed that during one of the last pages you switched from second person to first person. It didn't make the story less enjoyable, but it was a small mistake that it's hard not to notice. Except for the extreme shortness of the storygame, this is one of the only flaws, and the others really aren't worth mentioning.
The main thing that I enjoyed is that this is short and sweet. Like I said at the beginning of this review, you put emotion into this tiny little story of a girl with a rabbit meeting a man on a hill. You told both their stories, and they were sad, but they were also, well, good stories.
I rated this 7/8, probably higher than I should have.
on 1/3/2021 8:04:34 PM with a score of 0
Wow...that story genuinely tugged at my heartstrings. It was a lot better than I was expecting, given the length. The grammar was good, the flow of sentences was decent, and the overall message / tone was brilliant. There were a fair diversity of choices to choose from, as well. One of the better 2/8 length games.
on 1/16/2020 3:20:31 AM with a score of 0
Overall story was cute,but none of the actions had any value as in you could always get the same ending regardless of what you choose.
-- ShiiChan on 6/27/2018 5:45:22 AM with a score of 0
Kind of a snow clone... but it still made me feel a tingle, so that's good! You should try to improve your writing. I know you can do it! :D
on 8/21/2016 11:08:02 PM with a score of 0
on 5/20/2016 9:49:41 AM with a score of 0
The choices don't change anything... It was an alright short story, but this is CYS. You get to make choices that IMPACT the story. The grammar was ok at best, but the story was also extremely short.
on 3/11/2016 10:40:11 AM with a score of 0
I really can't call this a CYOA, the two choices don't effect anything so it's basically just a short story, but still very sweet and sad and creative. I look forward to seeing what you could do with a full length story.
Grammatically this one does need to be cleaned up though, as Steve pointed out there's a lot of problems with random tense and POV switching.
on 3/10/2016 8:14:46 AM with a score of 0
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