a Modern Adventure by AzBaz

Commended by BerkaZerka on 9/24/2017 5:43:28 PM

Player Rating6.50/8

"#99 overall, #11 for 2017"
based on 76 ratings since 07/05/2019
played 2,097 times (finished 103)

Story Difficulty5/8

"run through the jungle"

Play Length7/8

"It keeps going and going"

Maturity Level7/8

"anything goes"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 18. If this were a movie, it would probably be R.

.-- .... -.-- / -... . / .- / .... . .-. --- ..--..

When all that's desired is to do good in a cruel World with so little power, what measures might be taken to create change? Afflicted by something more than just psychosis, one rogue hero seeks a path of getting that power to help people in need. Henle's getting rougher by the day and it's starting to look like Bast isn't the only problem on the streets. In the end, it all comes down to Frameshift.

Parts of this tie into my main project, though they're only minor things that are neither particularly easy to find nor important to the plot. In context of the main story, however, anything you might feel is left unexplained can be understood from the information coming to a CYS near you sometime in the sort-of-near future.

Thanks to all of those who patiently helped me as I stumbled around the merciless world of scripting, especially BradinDvorak.
NOTE FOR READERS: Any number works to unlock the passcode at the start; I originally added this to prevent people accessing the story while editing and kept it because it ties into other stories I'm working on.

hAha sozry, 4 eny m¡§keš this my fist storey pleas   r8 ni5ely!!1

Player Comments

NOTE: This review contains light spoilers. Nothing too bad, but still. Also note that this is only after one playthrough, so it's less a thorough review of the entirety of the story, and more a first impression. I intend to read this again one day and do things differently.

I've always meant to get around to reading this story when it was first published, and then when it was finally republished. Honestly? I'm kind of ashamed of how long it's taken me, because this is a damn fine story and one of the best additions to the site.

I'll start by saying the idea of a mentally unstable vigilante has always been really fascinating to me. Characters like Rorschach and Moon Knight are among my favorite comic characters of all time, and the protagonist definitely had shades (no pun intended) of them. The fact that Shade is more than just a voice in the protagonist's head, but practically another person entirely, is a nice touch.

All the characters were pretty likeable, with Claire and the aforementioned Shade being chief among them. Claire was well-developed as the protagonist's only true confidant. (Side note: I liked that the player wasn't forced into romancing Claire, the idea of them just being close friends is wholesome.) Meanwhile, Shade is an absolute asshole, but one with understandable motivations: he just wants to keep himself, and by extension the protagonist, alive. The idea of an enemy within type character is just so Goddamn cool, as I said before. Kinda reminds me of Fight Club a bit.

The actual story itself is also pretty strong, if not as EBIC as I was expecting. An underdog hero trying to rise up and become the greatest in a world that couldn't give less of a shit about them? Sign me the fuck up!

The consequences of the player's actions are well-rounded and make sense. I liked a certain moment in the first chapter. Honestly, THAT scene is one of my favorite moments of any CYS story, or any story at all for that matter. If you've read the story, you know what it is. That was fucking awesome.

The scripting and variable usage was top-notch, though I did notice one error (on the page muscle-bound) involving the SEX variable; you forgot to put a 1 for if the player was male. Other than that? I didn't notice any errors in the scripting or variables.

Regarding writing, the descriptions and imagery are some of the best I've seen on this site. There was one or two typos (par the course for a story this big) but nothing that bad. Nothing to bitch about in the grammar department either.

Overall, my only complaint is that the story didn't feel that EBIC, but then again that's just me. You obviously put a lot of time and effort into this, and I commend you for that. In my opinion, you've made not just an amazing storygame, but an amazing experience.

-- Chris113022 on 9/10/2019 3:16:47 PM with a score of 5740
I think this is my favorite game that I've played on CYS so far. I don't want to talk about spoiler stuff here, because there are a *lot* of things that could be spoiled, but I do want to talk about how much time and attention was paid to prose style.

"Nervously, you search behind the swirling abyss of its body to look for a drink. There are only three, but they stand out like blazing suns."

It's a nice description. But one of the blazing sun drinks is *water*! That was funny at first, and then it made me think about how dream-like this moment was.

There is a terrific mislead at one point that I feel like I don't even want to get into except that it was absolutely brilliant and reminded me of one of my favorite parts of Planescape: Torment.

Clair and Shade are well done, interesting characters, and this story has a real flair for the way dialogue actually sounds.

I played it six times, the last two just to appreciate the language and the attention to detail.
-- Gower on 8/31/2019 5:13:51 PM with a score of -980
This is a really well written story, and I've always liked the concept of a split-personality superhero. In a way the dichotomy between Shade and the protagonist reminded me of Venom, at first. SPOILERS: The foreshadowed fallout between the two halves is expected, but hits hard nonetheless because it comes with the death of the protagonist's grandmother, who was well established early on. The impact of that death was so profound in fact, that I didn't hesitate at all in killing Shade during our reunion six years later.

In fact, Shade and his commentary are the best part about this story and he shines especially in dream sequences. His mood swings took me off-guard when selecting a drink at the beginning of the story, and had me paying attention to his mannerisms from that point forward.

I felt like the interactions with Claire were pretty serviceable, relatively. What I could've personally used was more world-building, and more incentive to care about the protagonist's goal of becoming a hero. The exact properties of "frameshift" eluded me as well, but this could've been by intention or just a lack of my understanding. And the fake death was pretty awesome. Any sort of typos I came across I gave not a fat shit about, because the quality of this story is really, really high.

Thanks for writing this AzBaz, it was great.
-- TheChef on 8/15/2019 12:15:48 AM with a score of 9190
I'll forever love this gam3
-- Kytty on 6/10/2020 3:32:18 PM with a score of 4760

Great work. I deem this writing to be even better than Reese's Cups. I would highly recommend you, yes you, to stop reading this comment and play right now. However, if you do insist on reading the whole comment, then below I have some of my obser ations from reading the story.

???? Incredible writing coupled with (sometimes terrifying) visceral descriptions makes me feel as if I am living the story.

???? The excellent way the story handles the psychological struggles of a man with a primordial entity bent on chaos and destruction living in his head.

???? The surprisingly natural way the protagonist's actions lead to whatever conclusion received.

???? The great replay value of the book to those readers who like to experience all the endings.
-- Ytterbius on 5/20/2020 8:00:05 PM with a score of 7270
Some choices don't seem to matter whatsoever, and it appears that its either fight or no option
-- PoptartProdigy on 5/6/2020 1:35:07 PM with a score of 10100
Very well-written and an interesting read.

To be honest, I would've liked to see more story beyond Bast and killing Shade because it felt more like I was being forced to achieve the same goal every time I restarted the game just in different ways rather than being allowed to make my own decisions in the game. Other than that, a decent storygame.
-- SmileForTheCamera on 1/2/2020 9:09:07 PM with a score of 4360
So, after achieving many, many endings here is my final review: 7.89/8! Apart from a small need of polishing and a tiny bit of clarification on a few parts this has to be my favourite story on cys so far. Not awesome plot in particular and the results of my actions felt slightly unfair or plain silly at times but the beautiful writing style, the precise depiction of this unique world and the range between outcomes was nearly enough to make up for it.
Will definitely consider re-reviewing this after a few mistaeks here and there are corrected and if I discover any secrets (I hope there are secrets, anyway)

Mistakes I found:
In 'Justice is a dish best served loudly' - "Shit, I don't have time ->for<- this
In 'Initiation' - "...your choice so ->who<- cares" - One dayh <-
In 'Muscle-bound' - The desires you felt as a younger ???

That's all for now. Shady, out!

P.S. Needless to say, I freaked out when while trying to name myself Shade I found out that the name was already taken. Loved that sassy, murdery piece of vantablack :]
-- Lord_of_Shades on 12/26/2019 9:40:21 PM with a score of 9500
I got confused with anything.
-- BigTimeRush on 12/11/2019 10:06:13 AM with a score of 1840
Rather than a lengthy dailogue on the specific mechanics of Frameshift, a shorter review is appropriate. I.E, a rant.

I like the authors style, I've yet to find a spelling or gramatical error, and I love the premise. The beginning is an examplary piece, and only portrays the authors aptitude for captivating the reader.

Not really a player choice experience. There are simply to few choices, and I felt powerless to stop my character from making their own decisions, which is annoying when you're trying to play as you, yourself, would act. One decision can carry you through multiple important events, and fight scenes are dictated by choosing to be a "superhero" or attempting to fist murderers, rather than tazing or shooting them, or being in any way wise in your actions.. Only proper fight scene against another superhuman is done well, but the person is subdued and you move on, not knowing truly who the person was, why they did anything, what their hair color was, and wether they've been actually defeated.
The Mid to End of the "novel" was decent, but short, and tied only a few ends out of the presented Man'O'War's worth of rigging, making your actions feel worthless.
The setting is never explored appropriately, and I still have no idea whether I'm in Oregon or Egypt. Characters are never explored thuroughly, no little to no description, little to no backstory.

Stupid, oh cheezes, deliver me from this fury:
Biggest dissapointment of a premise I've ever seen. The characters powers have a subtle message to them, of identity and power, and could've been explored. The origins of the characters powers, their mecahnics, their limits, why the heck you have bone armor, THESE ARE NEVER EXPLAINED!!! The coolest idea of superpowers with "personalities", never explained. Why your powers inexplicably revive you, heal you, change the very composition of the characters body permanantly, Never explained, Never explored, Thrown to the bin. Hands down, just a pile of bullcrap.
The antagonist. Who is he. Why is he. When did he appear. What are his powers. You can turn into a frikin bulldozer, and its presented as a mental health thing. Early in the novel its told that he has powers, super strength, enhanced awarness, and he uses it in the beginning. Wher did it go? was the author just lazy enough to write him of as schitz so he didn't have to think about making an actual ethical message? Seriously, its not presented as just a mental health thing, it is autonomous, it has motives. And the "betrayl" bullcrap makes so little sense. Yes, he has been presented as voilent, but he shouldn't spontaneously jump into his own bloody "falls into black sand" piece of bull body. He has no depth in his character, has no conscience, and he dies like a wimp.
The other characters aren't worth mentioning.
The Novel feels boring when being smart. If you think logically about what your doing, and choose the logical solution, things are boring. You do nothing with your powers with a decent number of endings, and its just boring.

Biggest gripe is still the tifanic waste of an premise.
The characters are shallow.
I don't know what anything is doing.
I barely know where I am, or what the time is.
Continuity is an issue.
Hooks you in, then beats you to death with an dissapointing, sad little rubber chicken that barely squeaks after a while.

5\8. nothing special.
-- Pancake the Eviscerator on 12/4/2019 2:59:26 PM with a score of -2900
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