Hunting the Alphabet Killer
mystery / thriller
Commended by mizal on 9/12/2020 11:52:56 AM
, #6 for
Played 494 times (finished 54)
"March in the swamp"
"Not going to lose any sleep"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 18. If this were a movie, it would probably be R.
Based Off A True Story
The clues are always there, it is just a case of searching and thinking hard enough... Continuing my experimental grim and gritty approach to detective stories I've scribbled this real life mystery. Written in the style of Hunting the Ripper it is worth mentioning this story is based on true events and people (some of whom are still alive) with about 90% accuracy and as it concerns the hunt for a serial child killer and rapist obviously it is not suitable reading for some, though I have tried to deal tactfully with some of the more unpleasant subject matter. Disclaimer over. As always, thankyou for taking the time to read my stories.
As I just watched season one of True Detective, I was mostly interested in the environment around the crimes and not the crimes themselves. So I completely read that as a cop story that would have nothing to do with a whodunnit... and was quite surprised about how the story ended.
nondescript partner Richard? Richard is the character you interact with the most, and he looks like he never argues with you, gets angry, or even evolves in his years working by your side...
I can get the will not to add too much fictional parts when a story is based on real events but the first mother just dumps info on you, without any other exchange and with no change of tone, or any interruption... no real obstacles blocks you, you get no pressure from the outside world. I had to check the true story to find when the story happened.
It really feels like the main character just appears when he needs to act, maybe a bit more subjectivity in the description of the scenes would be nice but again, maybe that's because of the format of this story.
there's a "documentary" feel to it since descriptions give you a lot of pieces of information that are secondary to the story or not used. It does help with giving more flesh to the description but it is very factual. The results of the examinations are reports, more or less; And it would be fine to have a few more sentences just to describe the searches and interactions, etc.
To conclude I liked the mystery and the fact that it feels like you took time to get the data right but the lack of attachment to the main character makes it a bit hard to feel empathy through his experiences... maybe a take that'd be a bit more poetic would have pulled me more into the story?
on 11/18/2020 7:34:56 PM with a score of 0
Man, this story is really good. Not for the faint of heart, but if you can handle reading about dark situations give this one a try. From here on, play the story first cause I'll likely spoil a few things, although I 'll try to keep it to a minimum.
The first two things I'll get out of the way immediately are the criticisms. There are quite a few punctuation errors in this story that are kinda blatant. Secondly, from a storytelling perspective, there are so many signs pointing to the culprit after the first murder that it sort of takes the air out of the other encounters. I guess I do have another complaint in the form of not really having any branching. It's a lot of writing to ask for but perhaps consequences for not doing certain interrogations first or certain investigations first would've added more weight behind your decisions. You know very quickly that you won't miss any clues due to poor choices or time management.
Lots of complaints, but relax because Will11 does a few things really well in this story. Firstly, the dialogue. Very difficult to do ordinarily, even for a small cast of characters, but Will nails his whole cast. He writes for everyone from young girls to serial rapists to determined detectives, and it's all pretty believable. The mannerisms he adds on top of this really sells the interrogation scenes, which is good, cause that's a lot of what you'll be doing here.
Next, the details and actual mystery. Aside from the heavy hints given after the first murder, in the years to come, the hunt is actually quite frustrating. He had me memorizing city names and highways, not because I needed to to actually solve the mystery, but because I was invested enough to think it would help. Ages of victims and the perpetrators play large roles in identifying non-threats. Everything clicks in a very satisfying way.
It's really good. I'm giving it a 6, but I might be back to raise that to a 7. Not quite sure yet.
on 11/18/2020 4:44:42 PM with a score of 0
really good, kept me from falling asleep in class.
— Fae Moon on 5/19/2021 1:39:18 PM with a score of 0
It was realistic and very disturbing. This world is so screwed up. But, I feel like I actually did something good by finding this fake person. Thanks for making me feel that way!
on 5/14/2021 11:58:59 AM with a score of 0
It was a good story with a good plot. It felt flat though and it just seemed like there was little actual interaction. I believe this could be a great story if it just had a little more life to it. Other than that, it really felt like some true story that would happen and it made you feel like you were truly a detective!!
on 9/30/2020 9:23:25 PM with a score of 0
I really liked this story, it's really well written and I really felt immerged in the story, more people should read it.
on 9/30/2020 12:27:38 PM with a score of 0
Although the subject matter of this story game is very grim, I think it was written very well. I really felt like I was a detective trying to solve these murders, get the best information out of the witnesses, potential suspects, and trying to comfort the witnesses and the girl that almost got murdered. I also liked how another case was solved in trying to solve this case. Furthermore, I thought the story was very realistic. As far as the characters, I thought there was good development, and I thought there was good contrast in general. One example of this is the difference between the other parents and the mother who already thought her child was dead and announced it suddenly. I also thought there was good contrast between the mostly static character of the first medical examiner who did the autopsies, and other characters such as Pin and Richard. The issues that made this a seven verses an eight were miner proof reading, a bug with a link not taking you where you should go based on the order of how you did something, and it could have used a little more branching in my opinion.
— Future1 on 9/13/2020 5:36:05 PM with a score of 0
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