maranda

Eh, I'm not seeing anything that warrants calling you a "disgusting pervert". I don't know; maybe I missed a path. There are a few problems, though. "Your" is possessive; "you're" is a contraction. "Football" is one word. In dialogue, you need a comma between the tag line and the dialogue.

You need help.

Pointed in one way. Bad grammer. Otherwise pretty good

I like the way getting shot in the arm made nurses think I was brain damaged but possibly they read this story and assumed I wrote it. If there’s one thing worse than reading someone else’s fantasy it’s reading it without punctuation. Rather than writing any love stories I’d strongly recommend vocally expressing your admiration of Maranda to her rather than us. On the plus side this is cute in a sort of Forrest Gump meets Dumb and Dumber way.

Yeah, fuck this story. Weird ass pervert...

I can't even begin... what is wrong with you?

Wow, friend. You need to get yourself a lady. This seems like either a troll story or a call for help.

Should I be irritated or concerned? =D

It's bad. The spelling makes it difficult to enjoy the story. If you can't spell use a spell checker! Also learn how to use capital letters and other basics of the English language.

The plot isn't great - it lacks credibility. Gameplay is non existant as game is linear and if you pick an option the author couldn't be bothered to expand upon it just asks you to pick the other instead.

I didn't know girls would kiss me after shooting someone, how did I find them? I followed the magical sand that was located in school and kept footprints from days before.

The plot was bad and the grammar wasn't any better.

The writing is sub-par, the premise is a bit creepy, the lack of effort is evident, and it was all around uninteresting to me.