Soul Thief

This was highly touching and delightful.
When I first clicked into this storygame, I took this as a random story I saw on the homepage. You already surprised me with the illustration of a rabbit. I didn't even pay much attention to the fact that this was a contest winner.
I loved how every character was created with their own personality and feelings, as if they were real. You successfully did 'show, not tell' and all of them had their own style of talking and actions.
My favourite character was Athena. Fun, troublesome, observing. I was bummed when she 'killed' Bunni's mother, and from this I can see that gods aren't necessarily perfect. They have a lot to learn, just like humans. Which leads to the second point, Edol. Edol being the 'Soul Theif' really surprised me. Edol is the antagonist, I suppose, so of course at first I didn't like him. He's arrogant and jealous. What makes him interesting is he hid his feelings towards Irene, but Oberon knows.
I was really sad when Irene died, just because of Edol's jealousy. Irene was so sweet and loving. The scene of Irene and Oberon saying goodbye really melted my heart. Every character was explained in great detail and I skipped the concept art so the characters would stay the same, imagined look in my brain.
The settings, each god's domain and each parts of the Earth was described so well that I could imagine them in my head, as if I was there. The fountain, vines, white roses... I got really absorbed!
I'm really satisfied with the grammatical accuracy and the beautiful vocabulary. There were no text slangs and everything was written in complete sentences.
This must have taken an awful lot of work! I really appreciate all the clear effort put into this storygame. 8 marks!

This is certainly a vividly imagined story, part myth-creation and part love story, populated with characters who (sometimes) defy the rigidity of their roles.

Technically, this isn't a storygame, but rather a narrative in which the reader chooses which page to read. The beginning and end is the same no matter what happens. The experience is somewhat having a 50-page story written on loose-leaf paper, when then get scattered into the wind. Five different people go chasing after them, and each walks away with five different versions of the story, the pages not necessarily in order.

At least, this is my impression. I've read through "Soul Thief" twice, with the second read almost completely different than the first (other the common beginning and ending pages, and one or two scenes in between). The effect is that I felt sort of like a butterfly flitting around a park, eavesdropping on various conversations without ever hearing one in its entirety. This leaves little gaps here and there throughout the story that made me want to come back and give it another try.

But at the same time, it is very easy to miss key scenes, including character introductions in which attributes and motivations are revealed. These characters may then appear later, seemingly out of nowhere, and thus the sense that I'm only reading a fifth of the overall story..

Normally, I'd find it difficult to read a story about gods, since gods are by definition two-dimensional characters, at best. For instance, a God of War is inevitably god-like, the Goddess of Love is inevitably beautiful; there is nothing new to reveal about them, just the little morality play about how love can defeat war, or whatever. Long ago, people created myths as a way of explaining the human condition; stories that are simply about the gods are difficult for me to relate to.

In this case, we do have Oberon, an otherwise stereotypical god of death (up to and including the required skeletal frame, black robe, and soul-harvesting scythe) who falls head-over-heels for the goddess of life; one attends every human birth, and the other presides over every human death. The story is very engaging when these two are the focus; I tended to lose interest when the focus wandered.

The issue of "focus" is perhaps my biggest complaint about "Soul Thief," as the narrative voice really doesn't have a perspective. It is omniscient to a fault, told in a long series of mostly one-line paragraphs in which a character speaks, acts, and/or reveals a tidbit of their state of mind (often all three at once). Any one page may have four or more characters involved, each one given the identical amount of attention, and often none emerging as the real star of any given scene. This meant I had to keep track personally of who had a grudge with who -- or just as important, who begat who. And since, as I mentioned previously, these character relationships may not be revealed on any single read-through, I sometimes felt like I was jumping into a grudge match before getting a firm grasp of who the players were.

But what a story, though! When these gods throw punches, entire galaxies and universes are spun away with the impacts (making me wonder about the beings who populate those galaxies and universes, wondering like the rest of us why they were created and what their purpose is). When they are happy, fields grow fertile on Earth. And when the human souls go missing... something about the dead wandering aimlessly? The metaphysical mechanics left me with some questions.

This is undoubtedly a vividly imagined story, and one worth reading at least twice, making a point of finding the pages missed the first time around.

Oh man. I hope I'm wrong, but I feel like this is going to forever be one of the most criminally underread/underrated stories on the site. Our edgelord and ace population avoids the L&D category and the weebs looking for their twu waifu aren't going to have the capacity to appreciate this.

The pantheon you've created here is just lovely, I have always been really fascinated by settings like this, just all types of 'little g gods and their rules and disputes' plots. Some of the names are of course familiar from elsewhere so there may be a tiny bit of confusion there for new readers at first, but all the gods and their appearance, personalities, and roles are so well defined that shouldn't last for long.

The writing is for a lot of this very simple and straightforward, there are so many sentences like 'Oberon thought this. Athena did that.' but it becomes almost rhythmic after awhile and in a weird way works to give it weight. Statements are very decisive and direct, but at the same time the whole thing is colorful and full of imagery.

The characters have all these human qualities like, well, a certain someone being a jealous nice guy incel instead of ancient and wise like I'd have expected, but you don't ever forget they're also wonderfully inhuman too. From endless little visual details like Irene's hair always floating around her like the petals of a rose and flowers blooming as she walks, to all of them flying halfway across the galaxy and influencing entire planets like its nothing, or a sad goddess going off to sit on a faraway star and be alone for awhile.

Oberon's dialogue all lacking quotation marks was effective too, it's hard to explain how it changed the inflection in my mind, but it was just sort of this sense of him uttering things from the darkness, which fit. Also, he was way more fun and sweet than the god of death had any right to be, but obviously Irene brought out a lot of that in him.

The structure of the story, while I feel like it might potentially bug purists for being (ultimately) somewhat linear, reinforces the magical immortal nature of everyone with the way it floats around through time and perspective. You may eventually wind up in the same place, but you can miss a lot along the way if you don't take the time to go back and try other links.

The Rebirth theme for the contest was strong in this one too of course, it was a creative take on it and the win was well deserved.

It's a beautiful story, I hope more people discover it and take the time to read it.

amazing! every choice leads to one ending but it is still great!

Phew. I’ve finally read every word (I think). Great story. Dare I say, epic?


Good:

1. As with other MHD stories that I’ve read, this story is written with very smooth and polished prose

2. The story contains a fairy tale quality, with sweet romance

3. Great dialogue

4. I enjoyed exploring all of the different parts of the story through my choices

5. The continuity with and being referenced in MHD’s other works was enjoyable. This and several other of MHD’s stories are so intertwined that they might as well have the Part of Series tag on them


Bad:

1. There were weak transitions between some pages that made it unclear whether the story was simply relating what had occurred in the past or events were actively happening in the present that slowed the story’s narrative momentum at parts


Finished art for this story would have been great.

I actually think this game is too boring and would rather do smth else bye

This story is one of my first here on CYS, if the stories on this site are like this one, I think I'm going to really enjoy it here! I really love how you wrote the relationship between the two mains, and how quiet but strong their love for each other was right up until the very end. The ending I got was a bitter-sweet one, but in my personal opinion when comes to love stories sometimes those ends tend to be the best ones

Can't wait to read more of your stories! You have a real talent for story telling!

this would of made me cry if i wasnt reading it in class :) its so heartwarming and perfect for a persons whos just started on this website! i love this so much and my heart aches so much knowing that this story cant go on forever. love it :)

I loved this so much it was so good and sweet and all the characters were well written <3

I think it would've been more interesting if Mira could heal Irene. Then the story would leave on a more positive note. The death was so fast-paced, the reader could not recover in time. Also, if Edol was jealous because of Irene's love for Oberon, why did he kill her? This feels inconsistent.