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Dark City Index/Feedback

3 months ago
Figured I'd make this so the main thread doesn't get cluttered up. I wasn't here for the previous version but it's shaping up to be a lot of fun and I'm excited to see where it goes.

Malk's piece on the Thrice Dead Men was fantastic. Everyone else needs to step up their game now.

Dark City Index

3 months ago
Commended by BerkaZerka on 1/22/2017 10:05:29 PM

Context: Work with nuances, do not use overt storytelling (don't explain the cause of the city's madness outright until we reach the conclusion of the storylines). Include the occult within a range of plausible deniability. Can introduce small players willing to fight the darkness, but they must do so without superpowers or any real hope of ultimate success. 

//Dark City//

  • Sprawling metropolis in decline. 
  • Located on the water's edge
  • People who can't move suffer heavily, no one would choose to live here.
  • City still heavily populated (millions)
  • Visual signs of decay all around
  • Some parts of city extremely shady, sane people avoid those places.
  • Nowhere in the city is peaceful 

//History//

  • Current year is 1977
  • Dark City used to be a powerhouse of industry and innovation, now barren - mills and businesses closed 
  • Unknown force behind decline and current state of city
  • Remarkable decline, possibly due to - curses & unholy pacts / corruption & greed / rebuke of an offended god
  • Civic services underfunded till the point of collapse, starting a decade ago
  • Earthquake in 1963 led to sealing off of subway. Currently the aboveground part is working but in utter disrepair.
  • Rich were purged from atleast King's garden in the past (may have been other purges as well)
  • Unknown event years ago caused a staggering number of deaths at one go in the suburbs, leading to the setting up of a separate morgue in the suburbs
  • (Recently) An Ex-High School student, who had been out gathering radio parts for the recyclable metal was shot and left to die in a ditch, for some reason body was not looted.
  • (Recently) 32 people lined up to receive soup for the day were gunned down by a man who had seen too much...
  • Had a monarch at one point of time
  • The City's theme music (Courtesy of Betaband): http://freemp3host.com/play:28944

//Government and Civic Administration//

  • Most neighborhoods belong to a kingpin, an overlord, a feudal government, or even the shroud of darkness itself.
  • A corrupt bureaucracy exists amidst it all
  • Civic services: In ruins, receiving almost no funding. Most have abandoned except old pensioners and young troubleseekers
  • Has port and harbor
  • Hospitals collapsing
  • Inner city has morgues, and there's one in the suburbs since >10 years
  1. Person of interest: Transportation Commissioner - Killed before able to lead peaceful protest against bureaucracy
  2. Person of interest: Saugath, former mayor of what's now Darktown
  3. Person of interest: Coroner - 'always seemed to know more than he told,' anyone in his employ talking to the press ended up dead. He himself was particularly fond to talk to the press. Notable phrase: "such a tragedy" Disappeared after commandeering a news station's broadcast that drove people mad, and no one can remember what was in it (Read post for nuances and further details). His skin was clammy and oily-looking.

Taxation

Toll and checkpoints on the periphery of the city help regulate the influx and immigration of people, and also provide much needed funds via taxation on goods being traded (though the clever will know how to avoid these). Corrupt tolls manned by a city-owned organization are why foreigners can easily be welcomed into the city and subsequently trapped, and peasants who dream of better lives and have the survival skills to make their way as a free man in the city can't just bolt off and escape.

Police Force

  • There is almost no Police presence anywhere in Dark City, outside of Municipal Square (Downtown), and the adjoining Business District on Cypress Hill. 
  • Municipal Square is where the Police Precinct building (known as the Citadel), the Courthouse, and other Government Offices are located - While Cypress Hill hosts the personal businesses ventures, gated communities, and private properties of the Mayor and other City Elites.
  • For more details, see Factions

//Infrastructure//

Subway was sealed off with concrete slabs after earthquake. Aboveground section is functional, but only on prayers (accidents frequent and expected)

Has coal power plant

Has port and harbor


//Factions//
No heroes, no miraculous saviour nor hope (exception: if they're putting up a con)

Thrice Dead Men
Profile: Malice and greed
Highlights: Elaborate induction ritual (read post)
Distinguishing features: Members have scarred faces
Person of interest: 'Man with gunshot wound to the chin' responsible for finding new talent
Leader: 'Ezekiel, Chosen of the Craven Ones - "the picture of a gentleman" Possibly has magical powers. May have survived being shot from close range in the past.

Midtown Mafia

Profile: Goons
The Green Sharks - own half the area from Fourth to Kino
The Reavers - own a chunk from Vinnerva to Ender's Way. 
Everything else is for the little guys to squabble over.

Sisters of the Fallen
Profile: Placid, somber clothing. 1000 yard stare eyes. Tattoo emblazoned on forehead of followers
Highlights: Have bases across city, welcome anyone into order, provide first aid for all around city for free. Large number of members, run farms outside city to fund operations. Secretly uses its beggar network for intel, have exclusive access to information from across city. Being funded by an unknown source (business house?)
Motto: 'Do not think, only help'
Leader: Charismatic lady 'Head Sister' information broker, works through loyal members and cutouts. Kills defectors
Person of Interest: Unknown benefactor,  many impostors would claim to be the benefactor/related to the benefactor/supported by the benefactor. Knows of truth of Head Sister's activities
Relation with other factions: Permitted by all but most powerful warlords, acknowledge existence of Vulture men but not much interaction due to differnce in objectives
Goal: Help city, Head Sister - find out identity of benefactor

Vulture Men
Base of operations: North Darktown Morgue
Leader: A very dangerous blind man in a morgue uniform, with a very dangerous following, does things in the underground levels that nightmares dare not express.  Clearheaded out of all of the Vulture men, but he generally doesn't get out much unless something's very, very wrong
Profile: Heavily armed and poorly washed individuals, nearly as cold and skeletal as the corpses they stalk, babbling on about “Sensuous Oils” and a “Throttled Goddess”. Always quietly mumbling. Unnerving and grim. Given their protective, but not really territorial behavior and their poor conversational skills, they're probably regarded in much the same way a local pack of animals would be, and generally aren't sought out or spoken to unless someone gets curious
Highlights: Ubiquitous wherever death is present, always haunting the alleyways and corners, always perched in safe places overlooking the battlefields and street fights. Always scornfully violent to anything they perceive as being in their way. 
Goal: Collecting eyes from the dead (or nearly dead)

The Freaks/Nausies

Profile: A faction of heavily disfigured individuals, with deformities ranging from burns to skin diseases. The ones who were mutilated are much worse to behold, some even having their bodies rearranged to resemble animals. 
Location: Scattered throughout the vast sewer system of Dark City
Highlights: Kidnapping people off the streets, using the manholes and sewer grates as entrances and exits. Disfigure and indoctrinate their victims to assimilate them into their "family".

Person of interest: Dr Mosef - Skilled surgeon who willfully hurts others
Leader: A heavily bandaged man with grey facial hair poking out here and there, has a mouthful of rotting yellow teeth.
Goal: To eventually "beautify" every person in the city. 

Dark City Police Force (DCPD)

  • Over the years, the Dark City Police Force has become something akin a heavily armed (and officially sanctioned) Gang - brutally protective of its own turf and turning a blind eye to anything outside its immediate interests. 
  • It has become a corrupt institution, selling/extorting "protection" to the highest bidder, and acting as the Mayor's personal guard and all-to-eager squad of storm-troopers. Everyone in Dark City, except the new or naïve, know not to go looking to them for any help and to stay out of their way and off their radar. 
  • The "Brothers In Blue" (or other name?) are an even more corrupt and sinister offshoot of the Dark City Police Force, who wear the uniform, but act independently of apparently everyone (including the Mayor) and taking orders from an unknown source. Like the SS of the Nazi party, even members of the Police Force itself, know better than to question or look to closely at what the Brothers in Blue are doing at any given time.

Warrenites 
Those who live (or more accurately, end up) in The Warrens are called Warrenites, and seem to take on more and more animalistic qualities over time spent there. 
Profile: The majority of Warrenites are unusually large and hairy people - unkempt and feral in both appearance and manner, earning them a few colorful nicknames, such as feral hoboes, cavemen, and junkyard thugs. 
Highlights: Warrenites almost never venture outside The Warrens and do not appear to have an established leader among them. 
Leader or not, the Warrenites are fiercely protective of each other and their trade - human sex trafficking. Unfortunately, the Warrenites have no shortage of depraved clientele to keep them in business for a very long time.

Media

Organ harvesters

Unorganized groups:
People driven mad after Coroner's TV presentation
Local scavengers
James Tovar's friends - killers who kept souvenirs of their prey, and flaunted their ill gotten gains amongst each other.
Bounty Hunters

//Businesses//

Toxicorp

Runs a private section of the otherwise collapsed subway to haul their chemicals into the city. There's a steady demand for their chemicals to use to increase yields from rooftop gardens. For reasons mentioned below, the chemicals are also a good the government wants to clamp down on, hence the smuggling.

Currently unnamed company running coal plant (and obtaining coal for it somehow)


//Places of Interest//

Midtown
Borough. Factions within are at war

Municipal Square (in Midtown) - where the Police Precinct building (known as the Citadel), the Courthouse, and other Government Offices are located 

Business District on Cypress Hill (Midtown)

Hosts the personal businesses ventures, gated communities, and private properties of the Mayor and other City Elites.

Lucky Lanes - bowling alley down on Ender's Way (Midtown)

Roscoe's Food, Drink and Gas - Gas station in Midtown 
Location: On Western and Seventh

Hugo's Tavern (in Midtown)
Location: At the corner of 4th and Vinnerva in Midtown
As close to a neutral territory as can exist in the borough of Midtown. 
Person of Interest: The Bogeyman - Bounty hunter
Known and feared. The only two reasons anyone ever talks to him is if they need someone dead, or they don't know who he is. Righteous, violent, manic, enjoys kills (Read post for nuances). Preferred weapon - baton. Between Lawful and Chaotic Neutral

Darktown
Saugath was mayor here

Park Square - Marketplace for contraband
Location: Darktown, next to Saugath's Way
Person of interest: Blind Old Beggar "wrapped up in so many rags and bandages only the briefest hint of flesh can ever be seen. He's there every day, seemingly just as silent and barely more aware than the statues themselves." Informant for drug traders
Was once a world famous destination for tourists to come and spend their money
Massive square is a strategic place to move drugs and other contraband. 
Has many avenues for escape, should a rival try to take your product by force

North Darktown
Location of morgue

King's Garden - District
Not much is left of the grand old district, its townhouses and palatial towers are in advanced decay. Avenues and plazas that once housed the rich and powerful are now filled with rats. Few human inhabitants. Former residents had a lack of ethics and decency,

Prince's Folly - Bakery in King's Garden
Location: Right off the main road, in the half-toppled shell of a former palace
Person of Interest: Reginald Harper. 
No one really knows at what point Reginald Harper opened up shop, nor where he came from, or how he manages to maintain his business. Some rumours say that he is the only royal to have survived the purges, others say that he is an outside opportunist. If you are desperate for food, and have money to spare, his shop always has freshly baked goods for sale. 
There is a noticeable absence of rodents in the vicinity of the Folly. 

(Defunct) Manufacturing District
Old Warehouse: Venue for Thrice Dead Men inductions (atleast once)

Sundial- One of few remaining towers in city. 
Considered the downtown area of the City in its early days.
Surface streets remain as the only ways to get near it, no subways nor highways were built within five city blocks. Within this radius, no buildings exceed two stories in height. All similar in design; white walls with dusty white floors. All entirely empty for some unknown reason. (Read post for nuances)

The Warrens 
A vast shantytown on the southern slopes of the city dump, inhabited by feral hoboes known as the Warrenites. 
A unique magnetic interference in the locale hampers the use and longevity of electronic devices. 
Harbors an extensive human trafficking ring.

The Waterfront 
The Sealed-off sections of the underground subway 
The Coal Power Plant 
City Dump (Warrens are adjacent to this)

Sewers below City

Home of the Nausies, Lurkers (mutilated, mind broken humans at this point) run free in the more isolated sections

Noteworthy: Agriculture

Rooftop Gardens spread across the roofs of the city, giving residents an extra source of income and a defense against starving. Toxicorp's chemicals are used on the plant life like a fertilizer.  The mutated food that grows on those plants increases cancer risks, and kills slowly over time but keeps the hungry masses alive today. The chemicals boost rooftop farm yields (by 90% but that benefit will dwindle to around 40% after a few years as plants get used to it). Mutated crops can be distinguished by their pale yellow and white colors, instead of normal green.
Noteworthy: Medical
Chronic Fatigue has been a problem in the past

Noteworthy: Toxicorp's Chemicals 

The same chemicals from Toxicorp that mutate food can be converted to be used as as weapons (poisons or explosives). A faction going all out will convert its potential food income from the chemicals into weapons for the fight. So it's a warning sign to other gangs if one gang ISN'T using chemicals on its rooftop farms. Really ruthless gangs eagerly raid civilian communes and take their chemical supplies when they need more food or are expecting a large battle. 

Mishandling the chemicals has caused disfigurement, one of the many ways in which people end up as one with the sewer folk. 

Noteworthy: Medical
Chronic Fatigue has been a problem in the past

Noteworth: Technology
Television exists (News employs anchormen and support staff)
Cars exist
Wired payphones exist

Noteworthy: Weapons
Atleast Flintlocks

Noteworthy: Fashion
Peacoat (Gents)

Dark City Index/Feedback

3 months ago
^Please Do Not Reply to the above Post. All direct Replies to the Index/Master List will be removed to prevent Edit-Lock.

3J quote in reply to Mizal's OP - "Definitely. It will be tough to find a balance between new content and fleshing out the paths we have. I'll try to focus more on cohesion."

BZ quote in reply to Mizal's OP - "Great idea mizal! And man, I really enjoyed Malks contribution too!"

StrykerL quote in reply to Mizal's OP - "Also, the Thrice Dead Men was classy writing"

StrykerL's Whiteboard

3 months ago

StrykerL's whiteboard - Last updated Jan 22nd Morning

Locations: We HAVE a map :)

Boroughs are now fixed, it's the time to start adding things into them, and to make things interact amongst boroughs.

Now would be a good time for everyone to give directions for the existing factions, and start outlining every faction's goals and rough motivations

Economy: 

Are 'Bucks' dollars with more buying power than current dollars? 
Who's printing money? 
Are there large money printing rings, which would justify a cordon and explain a bit about the current finances of the city

The business side could use more love, explaining which companies and industries were important in the rise of the city, and what they're doing now. Currently we only have one, Toxicorp, and the city used to be a hub of innovation. What jobs are open to the people still in the city? How are they getting their food?

Geo-politics: What are the cities linked to the fortunes of Dark City. How does it affect them and vice versa. Are there any wars or other major social events in the world at large that would impact Dark City? (E.g. Wars lead to refugees). What trade happens with other regions?

We need more music in the setting, what do people listen to? What's on the Radio?

Please don't reply directly to this post so I may erase the whiteboard as necessary!

Dark City feedback

3 months ago

Any room for the poor man's equivalent of an assassin?

Dark City feedback

3 months ago

City like this? Hell, there'd be a legion of assassins in the wings, and more than enough work. They'd probably start demanding a union and overtime pay before the summer hunting season is over. And dental too, for good measure.

Dark City feedback

3 months ago

I don't think there'd be a league of assassins in a setting like this.

Cultists, maybe.

Dark City feedback

3 months ago

Oh I didn't imply they were a group, just that in warzones falling to anarchy, bounty hunters crawl out of the woodwork wherever you go. Given that these hunters are humans too, they often don't take all jobs offered to them, but recommend other hunters of their trade to take the task. They share a sense of camaraderie, in being able to cover for each other, similar to how at a much more mundane level retail workers tag out shifts when asked. Nice writing, by the way. The thread's shaping out quite nicely

Dark City feedback

3 months ago

... I thought those were mercenaries.

And thanks!

Dark City feedback

3 months ago

Fair, to be precise mercenaries are more of general management types who can be asked to do anything from area capture, infiltration, recon, and the like. They work in bands with a formal leadership structure and collective negotiation. Switching affiliations is looked down upon but possible. Based on the decisions of the leader, it is possible to walk away from the mercenary life. They work well in an uncivilized environment in which civilized forces are trying to establish a presence but cannot send in their own troops, or when factions do not have enough troops of their own. The thing with mercenaries is that they need conflict to feed, so it's in their best interests to keep fights going, and prolong a conflict where advantageous. 

Bounty hunters are free agent assassins who will take most any job they're offered, which usually involves turning in a person dead or alive. They do not cooperate with others except to take advantage of skills or connections that the other person has but they don't (no one likes splitting bounties). They do however reserve the right to stop their work as they want and usually no one will come after them. Bounty hunters tend to have good general survival skills, with some weapon and tactical preferences to every one. Proficiency wise they'd be better than the average mercenary but worse than the average assassin.

Full grade assassins are managed by a network. The network takes care of getting their education, contracts, payment, targets and maintaining a network of contacts and assets across the world that individual bounty hunters could not manage on their own. These guys are specifically trained to kill and as such may lack more general survival skills (how to make polite conversation), in favor of expertise in the art of killing. However, they will definitely be prepared for social interactions in deep cover missions. Assassin guilds at times run multiple teams for the same goal to build in redundancy. Assassins can not switch domains, once you're in, you're in for life

Assassins work best where there is order, where carrying over weapons would raise alarms. Order makes their targets predictable and keeps the skill level of work high enough that buyers would want their professional skills over choosing bounty hunters. Bounty hunters are more like flies attracted to a dying carcass, they arrive when the animal is wounded and leave after it dies. I.e. they work well when there's enough chaos for gun toting people to be a normal sight on streets. Mercenaries are what you'd use when you want additional manpower for large scale traditional warfare (though note that many may defect when actually put up to the task of risking their lives for someone else, there's a reason Machiavelli strongly recommended avoiding mercenaries as much as possible)

Hope that delineated the three

Dark City feedback

3 months ago

Can we establish a pantheon of things that are worshipped by various cultures within the Dark City? How "real" are they allowed to be?

Dark City feedback

3 months ago
I guess it'd be Berka's call but it feels like planning too much out would ruin some of the fun of the sort of spontaneous collaboration everyone's got going on.

Dark City feedback

3 months ago

I mean, the same sort of thing that would be happening if we wrote down the "Master List" previously suggested, just with gods and monsters and things. Ideally, the pantheon would be something that evolves overtime and gets updated in the story first and the "wiki" second. I don't at all want us to write down the only pantheon we would have here and then write about them in the thread, just a way to keep track of them and have easy places to get establishing info when things start incorporating into each other.

I just want to know, like, how ambiguous are monsters supposed to be? We have anomalous humans, like the Thrice Dead, but are the eldritch monsters all supposed to be shadowy/questionably extant, or could we have those sailors running into talking octopus mountains just off the waterfront? I know we're allowed to imply that deities and creatures with alleged godly aspects might have had a hand in the decay of the city, but do those creatures in and of themselves need to be implied, or can the stories clearly establish that they exist?

Dark City feedback

3 months ago

I think a wiki would be overkill at this point of time. The Master List format is just a one page cheat sheet (where brevity would be the overriding goal) to help spark ideas based on what's already there, and to prevent (literary) ships from bumping into each other accidentally in the night. 

Regarding how ambiguous monsters and how improbably encounters will be, I guess it's first person to suggest the norms wins (unless it'd bork everyone else's worldbuilding). As of now, the setting seems to be moving in the direction of subtle trickster gods and occult behind closed doors, not T-Shirts proudly blaring 'I voted for Cthulu'. Personally, with the current noir tone of what's been going on, layers of intrigue stacked on layer of intrigue and corruption sound like an interesting direction to flesh things out further.

Dark City feedback

3 months ago

Alright. I'm just worried because my new story, and the next one I have planned, have some very culty and supernatural tones, so I'll try to leave fantastical things up to the speculation of madmen until somebody else decides they want to go whole hog on the dirty tentacles, but we could also put things into alternate "Legend" canon if some things get too funkadelic for the more ambiguous Dark City.

Now that you've mentioned noir, I have to listen to this whenever I try to write things here.

Dark City feedback

3 months ago

Brilliant (if a tad eerie) writing, mate, and likewise with the choice of music. Among all else, music seems to have the greatest influence on my writing. Been rocking to various levels of Sci Fi ambient music for my current work (mostly video game ambient tracks).

Now we need to establish the nature of the interaction between the Vultures and the Sisters, do they share notes on violence that day? Do they tell the other where to go for the best pickings/help? Do they have competitions over most bodies picked up / live souls healed, or to be the first to the scene?

The other thing I loved with your new piece is that if you were to try real hard, you could explain his changing eye colors with contacts and the broadcast no one remembers to group delusion. That deniability to his nature adds so much more nuance to the story.

Dark City feedback

3 months ago

Given that they're both shadowy groups, probably cohabitting and encountering similar hidden nooks, I think the Sisters and the Vulture Cult would probably be semi-familiar with each other, but not exactly friendly. They could try to compare notes, maybe even trade or assist each other, but most members generally have a one-track mind and a hard time distinguishing their figurative statements from their literal ones on account of THE MADNESS that they're so prone to. Aside from the Cult Leader, who's probably the most clearheaded out of all of them, but he generally doesn't get out much unless something's very, very wrong. Given their protective, but not really territorial behavior and their poor conversational skills, they're probably regarded in much the same way a local pack of animals would be, and generally aren't sought out or spoken to unless someone gets curious. I should get around to showing this rather than saying all that, though, haha.

I actually didn't think of contacts until you mentioned it. I figured the possibly-cult-leader-Coroner would just be wearing and misplacing different sets of glass eyes. Although, in hindsight, (wordplay in there somewhere) exactly how a blind coroner got hired in the first place is beyond me. He must have been really good at "Feeling around", which I suppose makes him a bizarre and unusual character with or without Cthulhu.

I was also trying to imply that he was possibly wearing the eyes of the people who were murdered before "eating" them, because I wanted to subtly say that he called the Reaver disgusting for skull-boning the blue-eyed woman without outright saying it. After "proofreading", I couldn't really tell if that was clear or not because I don't understand subtlety, but it's not like using the eyehole that way is something you go about doing subtly anyway!

Dark City feedback

3 months ago

The music that starts at the 34th minute mark is addictive

Dark City feedback

3 months ago
One could certainly establish worshippers of Cthulhu, but there needs to be plausable deniability to the actual existence or influence of said Cthulhu.

Sailors may very well return with tales of the tenticled god, but a recent spill of hallucinagenic waste into the harbor and the yearly giant squid migration patterns will tend to undermine the veracity of such wild claims.

(That sort of thing)

Dark City feedback

3 months ago

Nice. I'll write some stuff like this soon.

Dark City feedback

3 months ago

hai guyz

do you know the definition of insanity?

Dark City feedback

3 months ago

Doing everything in a different way but coming up with the same results.

That was a good read.  GJ

Dark City feedback

3 months ago

Thanks, Swift.

I was thinking of what an insane guy would do, but the only guy that was coming to mind was Vaas with the whole "definition of insanity" thing. So I based the story on repetition.

Dark City Index/Feedback

3 months ago
StrykerL has volunteered to maintain an Index/Master List.

Thinking we'll do a little thread surgery to put it here at the top of this thread.

I would edit the name of the thread and remove/quote me and 3J's first posts, which would put StrykerL's post second.

He would edit that post to conain the index and we're good to go. :)

The mods would make sure it doesn't get edit-locked.

Dark City Index/Feedback

3 months ago
It might help StrykerL in maintaining the Index/Master List, if in additional to posting in the Dark City Thread, folks also posted a small Descriptor of their entry here in this thread too.

That way, StrykerL wont inadvertently miss entries or the important details you are trying to establish in the Dark City mythos.

Dark City Index/Feedback

3 months ago
I have a few ideas for the Dark City Police Force, but not the time to flesh them out right now. If anyone feels like running with them and creating an entry, feel free, and I'll just add smaller detail/stories to it later on.

*There is almost no Police presence anywhere in Dark City, outside of Municipal Square (Downtown), and the adjoining Business District on Cypress Hill.

*Municipal Square is where the Police Precinct building (known as the Citadel), the Courthouse, and other Government Offices are located - While Cypress Hill hosts the personal businesses ventures, gated communities, and private properties of the Mayor and other City Elites.

*Over the years, the Dark City Police Force has become something akin a heavily armed (and officially sanctioned) Gang - brutally protective of its own turf and turning a blind eye to anything outside its immediate interests.

*It has become a corrupt institution, selling/extorting "protection" to the highest bidder, and acting as the Mayor's personal guard and all-to-eager squad of storm-troopers. Everyone in Dark City, except the new or naïve, know not to go looking to them for any help and to stay out of their way and off their radar.

*The "Brothers In Blue" (or other name?) are an even more corrupt and sinister offshoot of the Dark City Police Force, who wear the uniform, but act independently of apparently everyone (including the Mayor) and taking orders from an unknown source. Like the SS of the Nazi party, even members of the Police Force itself, know better than to question or look to closely at what the Brothers in Blue are doing at any given time.

Dark City Index/Feedback

3 months ago
Think we should add these bullet points to the Master List, even though a full-fledged entry has yet to be made?

@StrykerL

Dark City Index/Feedback

3 months ago

Adding in some time. Will try and maintain a once a day / twice a day update cycle for the Index (it's faster to chronicle everything at one go)

Dark City Index/Feedback

3 months ago
Understandable and thanks for all your hard work!

Dark City Index/Feedback

3 months ago

The master list is up, and open questions are two posts below it. Need everyone's thoughts on the points on the whiteboard. When new content is added, please put it in a similar format to what's in the Index, it'll make things far more manageable.

For now I've prioritized places over people (as people are stationed in places). Should it be required later, can also make a 'phonebook' of sorts to keep track of people specifically. 

Dark City Index/Feedback

3 months ago

I assumed that we still used money, but it's a lot more valuable now.

Dark City Index/Feedback

3 months ago

Around what point in time would Darktown have lost contact with the outside world, if ever? Near the beginning of my next story there's a guy being introduced to Disco for the first time. We could chalk that up to him having been reclusive, though.

Note: As far as timeline goes, the story definitely takes place at least in 1977, or not that long after '77.

Dark City Index/Feedback

3 months ago
I'm inclined to go more with payphones than cell phones, but it could be after cell phones if everyone else prefers.

Dark City Index/Feedback

3 months ago

I just put a cell phone in my story as an afterthought; I can have the driver use a payphone instead, if needed.

Dark City Index/Feedback

3 months ago

I think cell phones should be a thing, but be more rare since people aren't making them in the city.

Dark City Index/Feedback

3 months ago

Cell phones and modern technology could possibly have been imported, like Disco Music. Public technology like pay phones and transportation would probably be older, though.

Dark City Index/Feedback

3 months ago

Got the rest of my story up, so you guys can all go give it a read if you want.

Dark City Index/Feedback

3 months ago
I think a waterfront was mentioned in one of the entries, so I agree that the city should have at least a harbor and port.

Dark City Index/Feedback

3 months ago
Some Locations worth fleshing out would be -

The Waterfront
The Sealed-off sections of the underground subway
The Coal Power Plant
The Warren's (a shanty town on the edge of the city dump). I got something in mind for this...

Dark City Index/Feedback

3 months ago

Might write something on the sealed-off subway sections, maybe a little society that lives down there away from the rest of the city?

Dark City Index/Feedback

3 months ago
Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Sealed off or not, somebody is bound to get inside to see what's in there.

Dark City Index/Feedback

3 months ago

I kind of did that with mine, only in the sewers. 

Dark City Index/Feedback

3 months ago

Fuck it, I decided to replace the cell phone with a payphone in my story to remove any complications in the timeline.

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3 months ago
Coolness!

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3 months ago
New entry added:

The Warrens
A vast shantytown on the southern slopes of the city dump, inhabited by feral hoboes known as the Warrenites.

A unique magnetic interference in the locale hampers the use and longevity of electronic devices.

Harbors an extensive human trafficking ring.

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3 months ago

Are you guys okay with the idea of the city being cordoned off? Maybe by the military or something. I feel like being caged in would help contribute to the sense of decay and stagnation of the city, but I want you guys' opinion. 

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3 months ago

LIke, I feel like it should be like the border between states, there's no physical barrier, and it's not strictly illegal to go there, but you're strongly encouraged not to go without official sanction, and authorities on either side will attempt to stop anyone getting in or out if they can help it.

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3 months ago

That's not quite what I had in mind. I was envisioning military-style checkpoints that forcibly keep people in and out. I thought that would be a good reason for something like Toxicorp to have to smuggle using the old subway tunnel. 

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3 months ago

I could certainly imagine things like broad wire fence sections and watchtowers in the wilderness/abandonment surrounding the city and monitoring the movements of migrants, but I can't imagine any world powers or police forces would want to touch this place with a million-yard pole.

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3 months ago

You're assuming the rest of the world's in better shape than Dark City. It's possible, but not guaranteed

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3 months ago

If the rest of the world is like Dark City, that gives them even less reason to cordon it off, since there's now millions of people under easily militiarised and violent feudal governments who can not only fortify, but sally out and wreck any powers that attempt to section them off and choke trade and immigration.

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3 months ago

How'd you manage food and water for millions is the problem with a cordon in this size of a city. Mass starvation would set in fast, and while there have been purges in the past, there's no reason to suspect there'd be a cordon in effect today. Also, keeping a cordon up and running is extremely expensive. In the world a couple million is a large number of people, fellow countrymen wouldn't want to starve / wipe a city that big off the map, and I doubt a politician would want to eliminate their power base. 

There very well could be strong 'border controls' at the places where the city connects with the rest of the world, but a fullblown cordon sounds unfeasible

The only modern precedent would be the Berlin wall, but even that was only on one side, closing off an entire city would choke it.

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3 months ago

The city itself could be a bit isolated, like on an island near the mainland or something like that. 

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3 months ago

Like Hong Kong?

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3 months ago

Or Manhattan. That way you'd only need to guard the tunnels. 

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3 months ago

Yeah, exactly. I don't think there's anything set so far that prevents the city from being on an island.

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3 months ago

I'm in favor of an island setting.

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3 months ago

Yeah, me too. Stryker's been enormously helpful though, so I want to let him get the last word in though. 

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3 months ago

I'm fine with what's feasible and looks realistic. Problem with an island is again food, and space for expansion. Islands would have an extreme premium price on land, and the setting has lots of vacant palaces and buildings, which are unlikely for an island.

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3 months ago

Isn't everyone kind of starving, anyway? I got the sense that they were living off of what remained, but I could be wrong. People are eating rats, aren't they? 

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3 months ago

They could have terraced/vertical farms in the ruins of the city, which opens up interesting routes for the feudalism to go since one skyscraper easily becomes a sizable fief full of farming land as well as a fortification.

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3 months ago

Terraced farms are far more bark than bite, and they're not feasible without artificial LED lights and extremely costly even then. Rooftop farming is a more feasible option

http://www.salon.com/2016/02/17/enough_with_the_vertical_farming_partner/

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3 months ago

What about rooftop gardens?  A bunch of ancient civilizations did those. 

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3 months ago

Those check out, they're viable as long as lighting isn't blocked out (say by lots of skyscrapers nearby), and there's enough water to keep them running. Fun fact, agriculture uses 70% of all water used by humans. If the city gets moderate rains now and then, it'd work. Also, there already are farms around the city (some run by the Sisters), but these rooftop farms give additional earning opportunities to the residents so they're a good addition to the story.

BUT keeping in with the gloomy theme, either let's make the city cloudy and dark so the plants often wilt from lack of sunlight OR rainy which prevents them from growing well. Plants growing on rooftops is otherwise a very happy sight

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3 months ago

What if Toxicorp's chemicals do something fucky to the plants? Like, you eat a regular diet of mutant produce and you eventually develop cancer, or something. 

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3 months ago

That works well. The mutant food kills you over time but keep you alive today and boost rooftop farms (say by 90% yields, but that benefit will dwindle to around 40% after a few years as plants get used to it), so there'd be a steady demand for the chemicals as well (justifying their need to smuggle the chemicals). It'd probably also be a fun plot point that the same chemicals can be used as weapons (poisons or explosives), which would make a faction going all out convert its potential food income from the chemicals into weapons for the fight. So it'd be a warning sign to other gangs if one gang WASN'T using chemicals on its rooftop farms. 

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3 months ago

Or maybe if you wanted to set someone up as a really ruthless gang, they'd rob a civilian commune or something and take theirs. 

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3 months ago

I wrote a piece about disfigured people coming down to the sewers to join a faction, the chemicals could have caused that. 

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3 months ago

Manhattan's current population is 1.6 ish million, the story needs atleast two million in a place as of 1977. (Just saying)

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3 months ago

It could be bigger than Manhattan, then. 

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3 months ago

It could be a bunch of islands, which gives us room for different versions of sections of the city. There could be multiple North Darktowns, multiple entirely different cultures across the sub-cities developing away from each other due to the isolation of a water-separated city gone dark...

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3 months ago

Island chains are bad at sustaining large populations. Look at Hawaii today > top 4 cities by population

Also, have updated the whiteboard a bit

  Name Population
1 Honolulu 371,657
2 Pearl City 47,698
3 Hilo 43,263
4 Kailua 38,635

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3 months ago

Isn't Manhattan more than one island? Or did the Spiderman Games lie to me?

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3 months ago

Technically Manhattan is just one island in New York City. Well, the correct term is burough, but who the hell uses that?

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3 months ago

3J, he's the only one to use borough in the entire main thread :)

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3 months ago

Manhattan has 10 extremely small land outcroppings off the main island, they probably make up <15% of its total surface area so they're more for exclusivity and show than functionality. However, a Japan style geography (not necessary to have Japanese culture, just giving a size reference) would work, with large cities supported by thousands of acres of farmland + overactive fishing in their catchment area

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3 months ago

Any particularly industrious faction could easily create thousands of acres of farmland within the cities, since a lot of plebs live in the streets and sewers and glass buildings are really just mismanaged greenhouses.

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3 months ago

Not exactly, the most important thing in growing is light. Skyscrapers and tall buildings only get light for part of the day. I've tried growing edible crops in my (relatively shaded) backyard and can say from experience they suffer from too little light, fields are open for a reason. Ditto for sewers, no light. You could grow fungi, but at an industrial scale those require specific temperature zones (and there for climate controlled growing rooms) to function

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3 months ago

If a person can get the electricity and water pressure running in their building, they can create acres of food. Plants don't strictly speaking need sunlight, just certain hours of light in general, and skyscrapers by their very nature have to be able to carefully control the environment.

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3 months ago

Not entirely correct, check the article, it takes the electricity cost equivalent of running a fridge for one year to grow one Kilo of food, that's mighty unfeasible. Skyscrapers control environments in favor of human living (moderate temperature optimized in favor of increased light) and not for plants. Also, the physical labor in farming is substantial, being forced to also climb up and or go down stairs would in 95% of cases not be worth the effort when you could run rooftop farms in an easier manner

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3 months ago

That's taking human dignity into account. Peasants may not be allowed to even use electricity, and there could just as easily be small farming families assigned to various floors for their entire natural lives with couriers making regulatory/supply runs in between. It's very possible that the ruler's manor and the skyscraper are the only places in the region allowed to use electricity outside of vehicle batteries. There's also plenty of labor to go around. The city has millions of people, available, which is a lot of potential laborers if you can get serfs subjugated. The pyramids were built by a faction where "Millions of people" meant "2 or 3 entire countries". One single region can have the same amount of labor, thousands of slaves, for power and electricity.

A territory with a conquered power plant could well have a Greenscraper or farm basement or two if they wanted, since they keep tons of fridges running anyway. This would serve as an easy backup against sky raiders or other people who attack and raze roof gardens from above to starve out a region.

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3 months ago
Some good points about the logistics and unsustainability of a citywide cordoning off.

Personally, I'm not in favor of an island setting. Though I agree we need a waterfront.

I know a little about what Malk was planning, so ask him, what about some sort of a toll thing rather than blockade?

Pay the toll or pay the price sort of thing?

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3 months ago

I'm putting my cordoning off to the side, for now. I'll work on fleshing out some of the organizations or something, instead. Stryker convinced me lol

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3 months ago

Toll and checkpoints are still feasible (though the clever will know how to avoid them), so that's still on the table

Usually governments want tolls and checkpoints as that's an important revenue source as it's easier to tax things physically moving in and out of the city, especially when government can't enter most of the city itself. Physical goods will be the main value added in the economy, even music was sold in cassette tapes back then so there's no virtual goods being sold. Trade generally being low also explains the low government budgets even before corruption kicks in

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3 months ago

Corrupt tolls given by a city-owned organization could actually explain how foreigners can easily get welcomed in and trapped, and peasants who dream of better lives and have the survival skills to make their way as a free man in the city can't just bolt off and escape.

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3 months ago
Speaking of waterfront, I think it appropriate that it be on the ocean, to easily account for things coming into and out of the city.

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3 months ago

Also, I think we need to come into agreement about the gangs/mafia families in Midtown; I came up with two names off the bat for my story, but will we use those as the canon names or do we want to come up with different names? And will we use 'Midtown Mafia' as a term for both combined, or will that actually be the name of the gang/mafia family?

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3 months ago

The issue isn't your names, those are fine per se. This issue is Malk called the goons in Midtown the 'Midtown Mafia', Are the sharks and the reavers you mentioned the working names of the Midtown Mafia, or is Midtown Mafia the name of one of the factions (in which case you'd have to choose between one of the sharks and reavers to keep, for the sake of continuity)

@Malkalack Input please

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3 months ago

Whatever works dude. They can be called whatever you like. I just threw in a name to make it sound more conversational and  more like part of a larger world. 

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3 months ago

Alright, canonizing Chris' Green Sharks and Reavers. The larger group of all mafia operating in midtown will be known collectively as the midtown mafia

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3 months ago

There's also that whole timeline thing. If you can keep the time ambiguous, you could very possibly have ones before or after the midtown mafia. Or maybe the midtown mafia is just common enough to be a reasonable reference in the part of midtown that ths story was being told, small-time, not very classy, and therefore a more apt comparison for why you should join the Thrice-Dead instead of the Mafia.

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3 months ago

I see the Thrice Dead working more with the Mafia than competing with them. They're hired goons, after all; they're undead(ish), so I'd assume that makes them good hitmen or whatever. 

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3 months ago

Could I get some feedback on my passage?

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3 months ago

I'd like that as well. Wanted to know what I did right and what I did wrong.

As for yours, it was pretty well-written; I liked the idea of a society of disfigured freaks living in the sewers, kind of reminded me of The Hills Have Eyes what with a 'family' of what can be considered mutants living together and capturing people to kill (or in this case, disfigure) them.

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3 months ago

Thanks, glad you enjoyed. 

I liked yours too, it was a simple revenge plot which I liked for its focus on the individual, rather than a sweeping event. It gives a nice look into what life is like for the inhabitants. 

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3 months ago
Thought it was pretty decent and was about to request that you post a short overview of points here so it can be added to the master list.

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3 months ago

Sure, I'll post it in a minute.

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3 months ago
Hey just a thought.

If word/rumors about them have gotten out, can we call them the 'Nausies' after the Nosferatu?

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3 months ago

Nausies sounds really good, I'm terrible at making names so I went for a completely unoriginal one. 

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3 months ago
It still works though, they might call themselves one thing, while the public might call them another.

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3 months ago

The Freaks/Nausies

Profile: A faction of heavily disfigured individuals, with deformities ranging from burns to skin diseases. The ones who were mutilated are much worse to behold, some even having their bodies rearranged to resemble animals. 

Location: Scattered throughout the vast sewer system of Dark City

Highlights: Kidnapping people off the streets, using the manholes and sewer grates as entrances and exits. Disfigure and indoctrinate their victims to assimilate them into their "family".

Leader: A heavily bandaged man with grey facial hair poking out here and there, has a mouthful of rotting yellow teeth.

Goal: To eventually "beautify" every person in the city. 

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3 months ago

That's really helpful, thanks!

Also, you may want to spend a little more time thinking about WHY there are surgeons working with the Nausies. Surgeon is a fairly rare skillset (even in the 70s), and people working to intentionally disfigure others must have some really compelling reason (or madness/depravity) to do so. One or two can join them as outliers, but if you're expecting more than that to be working with the Nausies, have a compelling reason why (it can't be to harvest organs as they're only - artistically? - disfiguring normal people). At the same time, think about what the Nausies bring to the city (as in they're opportunists rather than goons), so do they run smuggling networks through their tunnels? What pays their bills is an important question. I liked the goal > being so insecure to want to bring others down to your level, but unless they gain access to some overwhelming force, they'll most likely be manipulated by other factions, and that's just fine for the story - not everyone has to be king.

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3 months ago

To be fair, they might not be very skilled or qualified surgeons. It doesn't take much to severely fuck a person aesthetically and permanently when you have sharp things. Their "medical training" might extend only to "What can I do that's less than 30% lethal?"

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3 months ago

That also makes sense. Perhaps the Nausies are overvaluing themselves, calling a hack man a 'surgeon' because that sounds better. However, if they are full time surgeons, perhaps they're here to let out their frustrations of the futility of their work, no matter how many they save, there will ALWAYS be more. Those who cracked have now started disfiguring people on the side, they rationalize that if they look that bad, people will stay away from them and no one dies (really shaky logic, but their minds are also that fragile)

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3 months ago

Yep, that was also part of my idea- the first passage is but a narration by the leader, so he would naturally have an inflated view of himself and his faction. 

You make good points on the other issues, and I'll be sure to expand on them in later passages.

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3 months ago

OR, or, they're the kind of people who get off on that kind of thing, because what's a horror setting without the obligatory goremangle fetishist?

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3 months ago

"Forceps?"

"Forceps."

"Scalpel?"

"Scalpel."

"Fleshlight?"

"Fleshlight."

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3 months ago

... I do not think he would need a flesh light.

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3 months ago

That'd probably just be Dr Mosef, who reminds me of Sander Cohen from Bioshock. I suspect he's a rarity

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3 months ago

"Mosef" is derived from the first and last names of Josef Mengele, for your interest. 

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3 months ago

Every horror freakshow has an entire subculture of individuals who want to suck severed fingers and stick their parts in bullet wounds, it's the law.

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3 months ago

Yeah, that was kind of my idea, there would only be one or two professional surgeons in charge of the operations, and the rest of the "doctors" would be amateurs who are only just now learning. Like you said, it doesn't take much to fuck up a person's face. 

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3 months ago
Deleted the post-lock Beta, but it also removed your conversation about your entry following.

Please repost below, thanks.

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3 months ago
Since we are establishing the current timeline as1977, should we change the earthquake date to bring it closer to more realistic subway operations?

I can edit the date, so that's not a problem. What say we make it '63 rather than '03?

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3 months ago

Sounds good, this one was on my mind. Updating in the master

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3 months ago
Cool, fixed it to '63 in the main thread.

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3 months ago
Just noticed in the Master List that the Transportation Commissioner was killed before the protest.

Actually, it was a protester killed by the Transportation Commishioner. Will try to clarify more in the original post.

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3 months ago

Ah, my bad. I thought the story added nuance by pointing out that the bureaucracy regulated itself, and dissension was not allowed. It'd reinforce the point that there are no heroes. 

Will probably add some lore tomorrow about economics/companies and taxes. We're doing well in terms of the street perspective, from various authors. Not as well in the meta perspective and in linking things together, which we should start now. Throw factions into each other's face and let's see who comes up ahead. 

Another thing to consider is are there mobs or anarchists, are Molotov cocktails or RPGs common sightings, who controls the guns in the town? Is are weapons allowed in open carry?

Most important of all is a map though, wouldn't mind just lifting an old map of New York or a coastal British/European city and applying labels where relevant

For a map there are three American eastern seaboard cities that can be references - Baltimore, Philadelphia, and New York. All three had a metropolitan area with a population of atleast 2 Mn in the 1970s/80

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3 months ago
Ooh, Baltimore is an ugly industrial monolith already - let's consider using it as a model!

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3 months ago

Maps Ready! (Is there any way to shrink them though, had to embed via linking to the image's net address via img src, but that precludes resizing, afaik

Food Environment

Note that drug use increases outside the center which is where the high priced homes / buildings are

I say we use this for both Boroughs AND Factional Turf

We could use this one for planning Midtown

 

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3 months ago
^Resized the maps for ya! (just add width="100%")

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3 months ago

Thanks, plotted the districts onto a map, let's decide where the factions are, will color in the map with those colors

Among other things, added a 1x1 mile grid overlay onto the map

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3 months ago
As noted in my PM, I don't envision The Warrens being as big as a full borough.

What if we change the name of northwest area to Powerplant (the coal burning plant could be located up there) and then label the east-most panhandle (after the red line) Landfill and put The Warrens on that south border?

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3 months ago
Also, what about calling the TBD above Cypress Hill, Uptown?

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3 months ago

Feel free to use any of these District/Borough names from my old Zombie City city map. And yes, I was looking for an excuse to post it haha!

ZCiy photo ZCity_zps990ca354.png

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3 months ago
Ooh, we could call the northeastern borough The Sprawl.

Also, Battleborough is a classic in most large cities. Could blug into a TBD.

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3 months ago

I thought the powerplant would be part of the manufacturing district - getting coal from shipments would be easier if it were closer to the ocean

Landfill, warrens, and the powerplant (also the morgue, the city center and all) would be features within a borough, we'll have to come up with different names for the boroughs themselves

Also, what about calling the TBD above Cypress Hill, Uptown?
>Ok

Ooh, we could call the northeastern borough The Sprawl. 
>Instead of North Darktown? How about we make the western brownish one the sprawl?

Also, Battleborough is a classic in most large cities. Could plug into a TBD.
> How about the blue TBD, green TBD, and what's currently called the warrens all become one large superborough called Battleborough, and the three slices are basically factional power bases?

City Docks > part of Waterfront, there are also small anchoring facilities in Irontown

For Parks and Rec, Kings Garden and Cypress Hills have ample parks
Darktown is the suburbs
John Hopkins IRL is in what we're calling Midtown, we could have the College Campus there

The entire exercise reminds me of putting cities on the map in Final Fantasy Tactics Advance, that was fun.

Will update the map in a couple of hours, everyone's welcome to add their thoughts as well

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3 months ago
All good points!

I should point out that I actually meant northwest, not northeast for the Sprawls - meaning the one that was labeled the Warrens.

And I posted my old map more for the few names that might fit, not to suggest we should try to incorporate them all in or match any relative positions on the map.

The giant Battleborough idea is interesting - though I do like the way the map is currently broken up and would prefere/hope we could come up with the last few remaining names before having to go that route.

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3 months ago

Just one thing, the Sprawl doesn't sound like the official name of a borough. It could either be the colloquial name, or we could take it that there was no official district there, shanties just came up on their own (and since law enforcement was corrupt, they were never chased away, instead they were 'taxed' regularly by the Boys in Blue to not be evicted)

Summoning everyone in the discussion till now to take a look at the map for now and suggest changes

 

@ISentinelPenguinI  @ZagHero @betaband @Chris113022 @Riversage @JJJ-thebanisher @SpartacustheGreat @Malkalack @Tim36D @mizal @Swiftstryker @Romulus @WizzyCat

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3 months ago

This looks awesome, and will be useful for more writing/lore.

Also, The Sprawls should be an unofficial district, possibly occupied by the lowest class of people. But they should be very angry because of their situation and brutally attack those that attempt to enter.

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3 months ago
Very nice! And I agree about the Sprawls too, but what for an official name?

Some suggestions and for TBDs -

Rock Point
Quarry
The Shallows
Epsilon
Something Springs

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3 months ago

I think the biege colored TBD with the the parks and greenery should be called Poison Springs? A possible backstory is that the mutated plant life got out of control in this district and caused destruction and water/sewer pipes were destroyed and now sporadically spew their contents out. This could lead to some interseting events.

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3 months ago

How about Hope Springs (again, district authorities would never intentionally call a district Poison on official documents, think how hard it'd be to get funding for schools in Poison Springs)? I like the mutated plant angle, and calling it Hope Springs has an element of irony to it.

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3 months ago
Hope Springs (and iron) is good! XD

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3 months ago
My vote would be to put Hope Springs in the TBD north of Uptown and call the west TBD Outlier, or some other 'boarder-sounding' name.

TBD above King's Garden could be named after original Mayor - such as Saugath's Run.

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3 months ago

Alright, Hope Springs on Top,

Saugath's Run to its left

On the Leftmost TBD: The actual name is Woodlawn, which also works. Otherwise - Oakwood? Ashland? Farmingdale? Edison? Bridgewater? Garrison? Liberty? Three Churches? 

Where the Sprawls is now: (one of the other options)

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3 months ago

Bridgewater sounds really cool! So does Oakwood, Ashland, and Woodland. But if pressed to make a choice...I'd vote for the leftmost TBD to named as either Oakwood or Ashland.

As for The Sprawls, I propose either Bridgewater (Reminds me of Assassin's Creed, I don't have a frickin clue why) or Bellwood or Leafy Hollow. 

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3 months ago
I like Garrison for the Spawls, sounds militant.

Other names sound good for the last TBD too. Woodlawn isn't bad either.

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3 months ago

Final map uploaded into main post :)

Great work everyone, this'll make managing the story a lot easier!

Do we want to start a second thread to continue the discussion? This one's gotten fairly crowded and it'd confuse anyone joining in the story now

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3 months ago
The maps look great, I would only suggest stacking them vertical rather than side by side so the are both easier to read without a lot o zooming ( currently using a phone screen).

As for new Thread, it sounds like a good idea. Just be sure to include the OP, Master List, Whiteboard, and buffer posts; and if you havn't already let's get a link for Beta'originsl piece.

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3 months ago
Going to try my hand at a story entry for the Dark City Police Force.

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3 months ago
Could add to List as Faction:

Warrenites

Those who live (or more accurately, end up) in The Warrens are called Warrenites, and seem to take on more and more animalistic qualities over time spent there. The majority of Warrenites are unusually large and hairy people - unkempt and feral in both appearance and manner, earning them a few colorful nicknames, such as feral hoboes, cavemen, and junkyard thugs.

Warrenites almost never venture outside The Warrens and do not appear to have an established leader among them.

Leader or not, the Warrenites are fiercely protective of each other and their trade - human sex trafficking. Unfortunately, the Warrenites have no shortage of depraved clientele to keep them in business for a very long time.

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3 months ago

Gonna write one final piece about an individual of the city (splitting it up into three parts because I'm lazy), then I'll write something about the sealed off subway segments. Anyhow, enjoy this little piece. Or not I guess.

e: also, introduced three new locations though I hope it doesn't fuck with our already established locations. And the man that Matt sees coming out of Meadowview Heights is the driver from my first story (this is set about a month before my first story as well, figured I'd add that considering I don't want to give a clear answer on the ending), so feel free to include him as a person of interest living there if you want to Stryker.

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3 months ago

Loving what I'm seeing!

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3 months ago

Would it be acceptable to write in an illusory supernatural entity that indirectly kills people? For example, by mental tricks on individuals causing them to kill their loved ones?

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3 months ago

I think grounding it a bit more would help. How about the entity is the delusion of a hypnotist (who's hypnotized himself into believing he's the entity). The entity desires blood, and so it goes on a rampage by hypnotizing random passers-by to attack others. That way the entity is both mystical yet killable (should a dragnet be launched to get it when it gets Cops to attack their own). Interestingly this premise can also be used to talk about sexuality, say some prominent person who's hypnotized ends up killing a 'guy friend' and that unintentionally is a version of coming out. Also, add some thought to how the entity targets victims (say everyone connected to an oil scam, or everyone corrupt, or something of that sort)

(My points are just ideas, feel free to disregard them if they aren't what you had in mind, except the part about making the entity/'s vessel killable)

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3 months ago

Oh yeah, the vessel is vulnerable. It's all in their head, and they want to kill the entity, but end up killing their loved one or whoever.

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3 months ago

Guys could you please give me tips to help improve Eden? Any ideas to contribute? Anything to add? 

Reading the my post would be a great help. 

Thanks!

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3 months ago
Commended by JJJ-thebanisher on 1/23/2017 11:21:11 AM

Alright, I'll focus my feedback on story relevance, not grammar.

Why's it called 'Eden'? If it's the name the building had before it was converted, then that's an opportunity missed to build the lore of the sharks. It's unlikely the Sharks would be out to recreate an idyllic garden of Eden (unless that's what hallucinations they claim their drugs give, in which case - well played). Perhaps something aquatic would be more suited, unless the Green Sharks really are eco-warriors (for some reason in a decaying city, that'd have to be explained as well) or religious zealots (unlikely, as of now they've come across as generic goons). Come to think of it, we should ask Chris why he called them Green in the first place.

'various other equipment and materials required to run the facility' is very generic. When you're trying to hint at the evilness of a lab, perhaps be a bit more specific, such as: Beakers bubbled over and the dim light that filtered in glinted menacingly from tabletop after tabletop loaded with experiments. It gives the mind more to think about, a more vivid picture from which it can make assumptions about what's going on inside.

'residents of the surrounding area ' same thing, it sounds vague and doesn't build a strong impression in the mind of the reader (especially considering how every other faction brought forth till now pretty much does the same in its neighborhood)

Why are the Fumes functionally distinct from the parent Green Sharks? The Police are corrupt enough that the Sharks wouldn't feel the need to make a subsidiary in case they needed to burn ties with the subsidiary in case of raids, so why separate them?

Add more, what kind of drugs do they sell (hallucinogens? anti-depressants? steroids/body modifiers?), and how does Toxicorp feel about their presence (they're also players in the illegal chemical space)?  Do their drugs stand out as uniquely pure or distinct in some other way?

You've put a stable framework up in your three paras, now it's time to build on it and make it unique.

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3 months ago

I just came up with a name I thought was neat, but we can incorporate the 'Green' part of the Green Sharks' name to be more meaningful. I like the idea of them being a gang that, while violent and partaking in gang-ly things, try to help and nurture the environment.

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3 months ago

Funny thing is that just after I'd made that post, I realized that Green Shark could just mundanely mean money lovers/sharks. Sharks can seek a drop of blood a 3 miles away, these guys could just call themselves sharks because they can smell money in a similar manner. 

The challenge with the eco-terrorist angle (unless they're all about population control, and even in that case have a good network outside the city of which they're a branch) is that terrorism makes sense in a David vs Goliath conflict. Here there are no remaining Goliaths, all the industry has fled, the only thing left are humans

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3 months ago
There is Toxicorp though, and a name like that would definitely be a slap in the face to any tree huggers haha!

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3 months ago

That does make sense. Chris, it's your call now. Are they money sharks or tree huggers with machetes and a population problem to solve?

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3 months ago

I like the money sharks idea. I feel it would much more fitting in a city like this.

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3 months ago

Either is fine with me, but I'm leaning towards tree huggers. But if I HAVE to make the call, then the tree hugger angle.

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3 months ago

Tree huggers it is. While money sharks sounds more vicious, I'm really curious to see what part these eco-fanatics play in the upcoming clashes in the city, who do they ally with, and for what purpose

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3 months ago

I'm going to play one game of Vainglory then make an origional composition for the music of Dark City.

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3 months ago

Prepare the hype.

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3 months ago

http://freemp3host.com/play:28944

 

HYPE HYPE WE HAVE AN ORIGINAL SOUND TRACK BOIS.

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3 months ago

Alright... WOW, I'm floored. Anyone remember the original Jurassic Park when Dr. Grant (and the audience) was stunned when he saw a Brachiosaurus for the first time? That's me right now :D

The sound slightly stutters through the playback, maybe an encoding issue

I was honestly expecting darker/more noir ish beats or a disco fusion, but after hearing this, it works just fine. :)

The ending was lovely, though perhaps a bit more optimistic than I'd expected. I was on my guard throughout it all expecting a jarring note somewhere to signal a switch to a darker side to the music (didn't find one though), so that's there

Thanks for this lovely addition to the lore! We were missing music in the story, now we have some IRL! 

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3 months ago

Haha, that was actually intentional. The program I'm using stutters when it get's too many values, and I thought that it would make it sound gritty and organic.

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3 months ago
I can't listen on my dumb phone for more than 7 seconds, but I look toward to checking it out in-full tomorrow.

Pretty cool to make an original piece I must say!

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3 months ago
On your writing entry, can you come up with more than the 'Hills'?

I feel that it doesn't distinguish itself from Cypress Hill enough.

Maybe 'something' Hills or another name altogether?

What about setting in the Sprawls?

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3 months ago

Places:

The Hills: pretty much always a shit hole, once Dark City took a turn for the worst, this got abandoned and forgotten. Home of a few loners, no real groups occupy this area.

The Bowtie Club: Home of one of the radio producers, Calvin, who uses a variety of theremins to create ambient music.

Factions:

The Bard's Cult: Undying celibates who give up all worldly needs for immortality. Seemingly pacifistic, they worship a nameless Indian man who lives in Ull's Bar (Midtown). Their source of immortality is unknown, but each member has lost something dear to them, and gave up all desires to cope with the loss.

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3 months ago

I'm feeling guilty that I made 1977 a landmark date for us without properly establishing why I said that at any point in the real canon. A publishable portion of the story should be done tomorrow. If not, slap me.

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3 months ago

How hard do we get to slap you?

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3 months ago

My safeword is Sonichu. Mostly because it's a universal turnoff.

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3 months ago

It doesn't seem too bad to me.

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3 months ago

Just let it sink in. It'll get bad enough.

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3 months ago

It's tolerable.