The Sea of Legends

Disclaimer: to the author, take everything in this review with a grain of salt. I’m not a professional writer and only somewhat of a seasoned reviewer. To the readers, this review will contain some spoilers, so I implore you to read the storygame first.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS

The blurb introduces the main characters, setting and situation. It’s a story of survival set in strange seas. On the first page, the dynamics of the annoyed older cousin babysitting his younger cousins is reflected well through dialogue. Being woken up by my younger siblings was a common occurrence when they were younger, so this feels realistic. Still, as he reminds himself it’s not their fault they are there, and notes that he clearly knows a lot more about sailing than the other two, it sets up the stage for him to be the responsible adult and protect them from the dangers to come.

There’s a small typo of ‘mediterrain’ sea, where it should be Mediterranean (I had to google the right spelling while typing this review tbh). Also, ‘rasie’.

Suspense is crafted quite well. Description of the scene slowly zooms in on the rocks and the protagonist starts to test the wind. Then he realizes there’s none. They’re not moving. And on a new line, the sentence: “The rocks are moving towards you.” Even then, it stretches out the tension for a few more paragraphs, as the protagonist assesses his surroundings and tries to avoid the rocks. It succeeds for just a moment, only to have the rocks move again. This suspense carries on to the first choice.

A quote on the first page that sums up most of the group’s actions throughout the story: “It’s an insane idea. But this is an insane situation to be in in the first place.”

WRITING STYLE

To describe one of this storygame’s strengths, I’ll use a related metaphor: the writing style is an ocean. I like how the dialogue and prose carefully creates the atmosphere of danger lurking beneath the waves, while maintaining deceptively calm on the surface. After all, the “death trap moving rocks” are nowhere in sight, leaving only the ocean. But it signals the calm before the storm. They left behind the ordinary and are now somewhere where the unbelievable occurs. While they aren’t currently in any danger, just being in uncharted territory with unexplained happenings is frightening enough. It creates the fear of anticipation; one that hangs over the reader too.

A nitpick: the description relies too heavily on adjectives. But let me briefly contradict myself first. At some points, it can be used positively to create a specific effect, like juxtaposing their surroundings before and after entering between the moving rocks. The “windless overcast day on calm seas” opposes the “significant breeze”, whilst the sea is a deeper blue. However, this adjective overuse is prevalent throughout the page, with “small choppy waves “ and “deep blue sparkling ocean”.

On the page, ‘try to navigate through the rocks’, Daniel is ‘taping’ the protagonist’s shoulder. Unless it’s some sort of prank involving tape, it’s probably a typo. There are a few typos scattered through the story. Nothing that broke immersion too much though.

I like the way short sentences are used to draw out suspense, but they're paired with longer ones to describe the perilous situations. This gives the writing more rhythm and flow. Although these descriptions utilize longer sentences, each clause is short and can be read quickly, thus keeping up the quick pacing.

CHARACTERS

The cousins are constantly asking questions, which is an accurate portrayal of children. Also, Daniel’s simplistic language (“The rocks are gone”) and Katie’s exaggeration (“insane death trap moving rocks”) contrasts the protagonist’s longer and more strategic dialogue. While the younger two chime in with observations and questions, the protagonist talks more about his plans and acts like a leader in most scenarios.

Daniel being 12 makes sense. He sees a cave and immediately wants to explore it despite their situation. And it’s funny how he wanted to take the bones. He is portrayed as not really having a sense of danger, but this could be considered bravery, especially in the scene where he crawled back into the cave to save the others without showing any signs of fear.

On the other hand, I would have thought Katie was younger based on the way she spoke (“Wow, he really does have only one eye!”) and the eye spy game as a giant prowled nearby. I also thought there wasn’t nearly enough skepticism of the events. My youngest sister is fifteen and she’s my frame of reference, though it could be because my family and social circles place so much emphasis on having to act mature from a young age.

The protagonist’s character arc was one of appreciating family members more, which always makes for a wholesome theme. He started off irritated with his cousins. Then, he was forced to protect them, but felt glad to not have to embark on this adventure alone. Soon enough, he trusted Daniel to help them throw rocks to escape Polyphemus. Later on, it is Katie’s knowledge of Greek mythology that helps them when speaking to Athena. A similar theme runs through the other branches: Daniel sneaks out and comes back in with a tool box, then Katie sends an electric charge through the water.

PLOT

It is a good mix of plot-driven events, which places the characters in life-threatening situations, and character-driven, as their motivations and choices move the story forward. The inciting incident when they enter this strange sea, but the first challenge encountered when Daniel chooses to explore the cave.

In the description, this story is a cave-of-time, but it is somewhat linear with only one path (except later on, where it splits off into one branch). Other choices lead to death. Still, there’s a branching moment depending on whether the reader uses the bottle of wine to disguise their scent. I read a comment which said there was no way to use the wine bottle, which isn't true: using it on the page you found allows you to disguise your scent.

However, the story just ends there abruptly. I would like to have seen more, because the story practically just started. Now we finally have enough information to start this quest, but the story ends. The same occurs on the other two endings, where they escape the cyclops with different methods. Each ending has a different Greek deity: Athena, Ares, and Haphaestus. This probably foreshadows the branching in the next episode, where you embark on the quest with the favor of these three. Overall, it’s a solid storygame, but it feels rather incomplete in its current state; just as the description states, it’s more like ‘episode one’ of a new series, focused on setting up future arcs and conflict, rather than resolving all loose ends. I look forward to reading the rest of the story when it comes out.

Spoilers below.

I would like to note that, while I gave a lot of criticism, the story was quite good.

Plot-5/8
The story states exactly what will happen, an adventure set in a Greek myth, then delivers. However, it does not go any farther than that. There are no plot twists or major realizations to keep the reader engaged after the first two pages. It delivers exactly and only what it said it would deliver.
I agree with Petros in that it was very similar to the Odyssey. It would be better if it was just a bit more unpredictable.
This story was also quite linear. Any straying from the main path resulted in death.
The death endings were also hard to distinguish from one another, as almost all of them involve being killed by a boulder thrown by the cyclops. Still, this is somewhat excusable because more graphic deaths would not be quite as family friendly.
The gameplay was smooth, and it felt like a lot of work was put into the planning.

Characters-6/8
For such a short story, Daniel is well characterized in the way he reacts to the main character telling him to not do something, by just doing it anyway. I also liked how he actually did what the main character told him to do when in life-threatening situations.
Katie is also pretty well characterized, by just tagging along with whatever Daniel is doing or spouting knowledge of Greek myths and electrocution.
The main character could use some work. I felt their only personality trait was caring about Daniel and Katie and being the leader of the group. I also felt his reactions were quite tame, and while Daniel’s and Katie’s somewhat tame reactions are understandable, as they are rather young, the main character is an adult who should be extremely worried about being lost in the middle of the ocean. Still, it is pretty hard to characterize multiple characters in a fairly short story, so this didn’t really lower my rating.

General Writing-6/8
The writing style was consistent throughout, and there were occasional typos, though nothing that distracted from the story.
Honestly, the dialogue was probably the best part of the story. It was entertaining while also revealing important personality traits. It was truly well-written.

I have nothing more to say. Quite a good story, truly. I gave it a 5/8, though just a bit more unpredictability would have made it a 6.

Alright, so obviously, as Gryphon has said, this is the first part of a longer story he has planned. It was obviously at least a little bit rushed, so it’s missing some polish and has the occasional typo. That said, it does have a nice, nostalgic feel to it.

If I were to compare it to anything, this story kind of reads like a Magic Treehouse book. The kids are put in the place of a great hero of the past, they are in grave danger, but a well-read, clever kid with some common sense will come out ahead in the end. Though I’m pretty sure the protagonist is actually supposed to be a young adult. Still kind of feels like a kid though.

(Possible Spoilers)

It feels like the dangers may have been scaled back from the Odyssey to provide a kid sized version or something. Polyphemus is certainly at least less man eating. These differences can sometimes be jarring, but it is important to realize that it’s probably sanitized for a family friendly audience, and that many of the problems in the Odyssey could be avoided by not bring an aggressive idiot.

If I was forced to pick something that I consider a flaw with this story, it would probably be the fact that it is so linear. Honestly, even this would be fine if it didn’t follow the idea of the Odyssey so closely. It almost felt like an adaptation rather than its own story.

All in all though, it was enjoyable and managed the short length well.

Why did it end… just like that? The story was a great Odyssey fanfic and I got quite excited until it came to an abrupt end at what I would expect to be 1/4 of the story.

I loved the writing style. The sentences were easy to read and had a good amount of description to visualise everything. The characterisation was well-applied. I liked how there were lots of available choices on each page. Surviving the giant using my cousins' stealth and book knowledge was really cool. I felt immersed in the situation.

The big problem in this story is that it ended too quickly, making it feel totally incomplete. Supposedly in a dimension-travel story like this one, there should be the initial anomaly like you wrote, and then a few survival scenes, then an explanation of why the dimension-travel occurred, and finally the boss battle to return to the original world. The latter three parts were not included at all, so I couldn’t give this story a high score.

Overall, this story excels in writing style, but it is greatly lacking in the structure of the story. I would definitely read it again if it was lengthened.

Great job, it was really fun! I give it 7/8, as it would be even more better if there were more endings and pages!

Incredible! I generally don't like games from the family friendly category, but this is an exception.

As a lover of Greek mythology, and a fan of novels like the Percy Jackson series, this Greek myths meets modern world premise is an instant favorite of mine.

The fact that the protagonist is originally forced to bring his cousins, only to end up relying on them, is a plot device that was done tastefully. I could feel the initial reluctance, only to end up immediately taking their advice as the story progressed.

Another thing I found to be well done is the beginning, how the story starts off as mundane and then the reader is thrust into the supernatural in a way that is smooth and cohesive rather than jarring. Not too many writers can flawlessly pull that off.

If I had a single complaint to make about this story, it would be the length. However, this does not detract from the story itself whatsoever, but is more due to my disappointment that I wasn't able to keep reading.

Grammar and composition were flawless. I honestly had no choice but to give this an 8/8.

i like this

As a first part of a larger story, I really enjoyed this storygame. It's a bit short, but still enjoyable. As soon as I got past the rocks, I immediately began thinking of the Cyanean Rocks and was very happy that I remembered. This scratches an itch for me as I love studying mythology Present-day characters interacting with ancient stories come-to-life is a great way to get readers interested in this sort of thing.

I never figured out how to use the bottle of wine. Perhaps, I didn't go through enough story pathways, but I originally thought that it would be used as a bargaining chip with Polyphemus. It's nice if it's just a reference, but I was hoping that an interactive item would be able to be used.

This certainly has made me interested in continuing this storyline. It is a bit short, I do hope there is a sequel one day.

this was fun

Not sure how to rate it since it's not finished, but I'm curious what my score is.