Forums » Creative Corner » Read Thread

You are the flamboyant Drag Queen, Eileen Datway -- the ultra-glamorous headliner of the Hide & Seek Disco Cabaret -- on the eve of a Huge Pageant, when things suddenly go crazy and you find yourself thrown into a fantasy world of swords and sorcery! Can you survive the perils, maintain your dignity, and find a way back to the real world in time to win the big show?

You are just a tad bit schizo however, and have all these voices in your head trying to tell you what to do. You are the one in charge though – you just have to convince all the other voices of that! You know, assert yourself! Show 'em who’s boss!

Anyone can post in this thread (as one of the voices in Eileen’s head) – Good luck!

- - -

EILEEN DATWAY
Flamboyant Queen

POSSESSIONS
Pageant Dress of Posing (sans one floofy shoulder ploof)
Eight Inch Heels of Strutting (one broken heel)
Feather Boa of Grappling
Bracelet of Healing
Pearl Necklace 3 Fireballs

You are the flamboyant Drag Queen, Eileen Datway – the ultra-glamorous headliner of the Hide & Seek Disco Cabaret – trying to win the Goddess Magnifique International Pageant in Las Vegas. The prize money will not only help save your struggling cabaret – and the sparkly crown will be fun to do laundry in – but most important, the Winner gets backstage passes to the Barbra Streisand concert in town!

You and your fellow drag artists are from the small Kansas town of Wilson City, where unfortunately, two Drag Cabarets compete against each other to stay in business. In Wilson City Kansas, there is only room for one disco drag cabaret (if that) and you are here in Vegas to put the competition in its place once and for all. Not only will winning the Pageant bring all the fame and glory that such a title would afford, but Eva Destruction – owner of the rival cabaret – Eva Destruction’s Vaudeville Stage – has agreed to close up shop and leave town if you win. Of course, the flip side is that if she wins, you and your girls must all do the same. You’re ‘drag racing’ for ‘pink slips’ here!

You are finishing up in your dressing room, just moments before the call to head out to the stage, and girl, you look fabulous! Wrapping your feather boa around your shoulders, you turn to grab your sunhat – and find that it is gone!

Oh no! Your sunhat is a key component to your absolutely amazing pageant dress! How are you going to be able to work it without your sunhat?!?

This has to be Eva’s doing! The bitch is trying to sabotage you!

Glancing around, you suddenly realize that your sunhat is not the only thing missing. Your handbag and sunglasses are gone as well – and Mr. Kitty Katts (your good luck plushy) is missing!

As if on cue, you hear Eva Destruction cackling loudly outside your dressing room!

WHAT TO DO?

Look in the mirror to see how large of a black man I actually am.

Six foot seven.

Well fucking hell, what did you expect. Just pull a 6 calibre rifle out of your dress pocket and shoot her brains out. I bet that she doesn't have that much left anyways. 

The biggest problem is what to do with her body. Do you really want to drop her in the river in Vegas? That thing is gonna be smelly. Ah well, her five dollar perfume will at least mask some of the initial punginess. 

There is also the acid option, but you wouldn't want your hands dirty. Options, options, options. 

Why don't you just shoot her and see what happens? We will be watching. 

Storm out of the room, confront that skank and do an INTIMIDATION roll.

I agree with this one. We'll need to have some stern words with this Eva Destruction!

LINKIE

What the hell lol.

Although I'm not sure if getting shot at the end is a failed intimidation, or an unexpectedly successful one.

Damn that is some dark chocolate! Dark (and sparkly).

For as long as Eileen Datway could remember, she had been haunted by voices within her head. Some were benign and encouraging, while others were filled with nothing but malice. Over time, each voice gained a distinct and recognizable personality. One of the voices in the benign category was called Mizal, who constantly reminded Eileen of what a big, beautiful black woman she was. On the other hand, there were those like Adolf Hilter who constantly worked against her and sought to bring harm to her fabulous self. They jumped at every opportunity to demean and discourage her, and today was no exception. "Oh no, you've lost your sunhat, handbag, and sunglasses? You'll never win the pageant now! Why don't you just give up and kill yourself?" Adolf exclaimed.

Why, you storm out and slap the s*** out of that b****

Especially Kitty Katts, unforgivable!

You should garrote this second rate queen with your feather boa. 

“Oh, that bitch is gonna pay!” you vow, unconsciously wrapping your feather boa around both hands and storming out of the room.

In the hallway, you see Eva Destruction sneer at you with arrogant disdain, waving a long white crystal at you like some sort of wand.

“Into the crystal you go! Until you find all that is lost!” she jeers – adding “The big dumb ho! Into the well must be tossed!”

At Eva’s strange rhyme, you feel a sudden wave of power wash over you and your rival seems to vanish into shadows right before your eyes! Your vision tunnels and you hear cackling laughter as darkness completely envelops you!

The floor then seems to drop out from under you and you feel yourself falling. A moment later you are blinded by a flash of white light and feel yourself splash down into cold deep water. Flailing around, you feel a rough stone wall nearby and dig your fingers into the gaps between the blocks to keep yourself from being pulled under by your quickly waterlogged pageant dress.

When your vision finally begins to clear, you find yourself bobbing at the bottom of a ten foot wide stone well. The rough block walls of the well climb seventy feet up to the top, where a garish white light can be seen illuminating the area above.

You are absolutely shocked! You can literally feel the mascara running down your face! You must look like a drowned cat!

Bringing a hand up to your chest, you realize that you have also lost your pearl necklace and matching bracelet in the fall, as well as your feather boa – though you can actually see that hanging down the side of the well, as if it is snagged on something outside the well above. It hangs only twenty feet above your reach.

Strange… You don’t remember it ever being that long.

You should feel around with your hands for secret buttons, trap doors, and the like. 

I agree with Mizal, we should try to see how deep this well is. 

Ah, a well. Perfect to drown yourself in now that you've gotten yourself into this miserable mess! You never do learn your place. Should've just accepted that Eva Destruction is a much better drag queen than you'll ever be.

swim down, because you sure can't climb 20 feet

Maybe you'll find some goodies down there...

Climb up this well in eight inch heels? No thank you!

Moving around, you examined the rough stone wall, hoping there might be a secret door or something. All the best bondage dungeons had them after all.

Finding nothing and chipping a nail, you cursed your bad luck, before deciding to see if your necklace and bracelet had sunk to bottom of the well. It couldn't be that deep, could it?

Taking a big breath, you submerged yourself downward, feeling for the bottom with your feet.

The water in the well turned out to be ten feet deep and you swept around the depths with your foot a couple of times, but once again found nothing.

Surfacing, you went back to the wall to catch your breath and lament your pitiful luck, when looking up, you noticed that your feather boa was now ten feet longer than before - now hanging only ten feet above.

Whisper sweet nothings to it, try to coax it to elongate faster.

That does seem to perk it up a bit.

Promise to suck it off if it extends down for you to reach it. Wouldn't be the first time you've made such promises.

You should ask the feather boa for a hand. It has been a stalwart companion and accessory, so far. 

We dived ten feet and it grew ten feet. Kick off our heels and try touching the bottom again, see if it will grow an additional eight inches.

Disclaimer: No innuendo was intended by the previous sentence.

That's what I was gonna say, you took my idea!

How about yelling for help, why are we even trusting this boa to have our best intentions in mind?

We have enough underlings that will help our brilliant ass. 

Your boa was definitely longer now. It must have happened while you were underwater.

Giving your hypothesis a little test, you dunked down a moment and then came back up again to find that the boa was once again a little further down the wall.

“Aha!” you called, “You sneaky little boa!”

“Hiss,” replied the boa.

“W… what?” you gasped.

“I’m a sthnake, a sthlithery sthlithery sthnake!” the boa explained, beginning to sthlither down the wall a few more feet.

“AAAHHH!”

“Hiss?”

“OH GAWD! I HATE SNAKES! THEIR BEADY LITTLE EYES! THEIR POISON FANGS! THEIR WEIRD ASS SCALES!” you panicked – your fear of snakes kicking into high gear!

The feather boa came down and patted you gently on the shoulder a few times in consolation, snapping you out of your hysteria. This was not a snake. This was your prized feather boa. It had no eyes, fangs, or scales.

“Sorry about that,” you told the boa, “you’re a good little boa, aren’t you? We’ve been through some real shit together, haven’t we? We’ll get out of this too!”

“Hiss!”

You then playfully ruffled the feathers of your boa (under its chin?) and asked, “So, can you get a girl out of this well?”

“Hiss!”

Your feather boa, sthlithered down around your waist a few times and pulled you up out of the water. It then returned back to its original size, taking you all the way up and out of the well in the process!

Now standing near the top of the well, you could see that you were in a thirty foot wide octagonal chamber with crystalline walls that sloped inward slightly as they rose to a point another seventy feet above – as if the room itself were the center of a giant quartz crystal. White light emanated from the walls themselves, bathing the area in a harsh glare. On the floor of the chamber near the well you found your bracelet, but there was no sign of your pearl necklace. Picking up the bracelet, you noticed that someone had apparently written on it in black permanent marker – “Potion of Healing.”

“What kind of fool scribbles a person’s bling?!?” you huffed, renewing your vow to make Eva Destruction pay for all this.

Your feather boa, meanwhile had apparently resorted back to normal, so you picked it up and draped it around your shoulders. Inspecting the end, you saw more permanent marker writing on the tag. It read “Rope of Climbing.”

“So, she thinks this is some kind of game?” you yapped, fluffing your pageant dress back out as best you could.

Once you had regained the tiniest shred of your dignity, you brought your attention to the rest of the chamber.

There were arches of some sort in the center of the north, south, east, and west facets of the chamber, though they didn’t seem to lead anywhere – just being set into the flat surface of the chamber’s crystalline walls.

NORTH: The archway to the north appeared to be made entirely of a rose quartz and had three depressions in the top that looked like they could accommodate three large coins. Touching the crystalline wall behind the arch caused a scene to suddenly unfold on its surface like a movie flickering on a screen.

It showed what appeared to be a dressing room, as seen from the counter in front of the dressing room mirror. It isn’t much to look at, until you saw a few things of interest reflected in the mirror itself. The first was a glimpse of the door leading into the dressing room – the very last portion of the nameplate on the door was visible, which read: “CTION”

The second thing of interest was that your point of view appeared to be coming from a long white crystal set in a fancy lacquered box resting on the counter. It had to be the crystal you saw Eva waving at you like a wand. Does this mean you are trapped inside the crystal?!?

Lastly, you could see the spine of a large and ancient-looking book, on the counter next to the crystal – titled: “Soul Trapping for Dummies: Voodoo and Other Evil Spells.”

The other archways seemed to be made of solid copper, silver, and gold, respectively – and maybe they too would show you a scene if touched, but right now, you needed a moment to let this all sink in…

We have to go through the other arches to find the coins. Start with copper.

Screw the copper coins. Girl, you gotta put your beautiful butt and brain to work. Pick up that book and find out what that bitch did to you. 

You are not currently able to pass through the rose quartz arch to reach it.

Touch goddamn everything, time is of essence and that Eva bitch isn’t waiting.

"How the fuck do you know what's north, south, east, and west? Did you grow a compass in your head when you fell in that well? Maybe you should jump back in there, and you'll gain some more superpowers."

The map is clearly labeled.

Map?

Examine one of the other arches, it does seem likely we'll have to go through them. Although Eileen has probably never played anything more thought intensive than the Sims and may not recognize the obvious signs of a key puzzle to solve.

EAST: The archway to the east was made of solid copper. Touching the crystalline wall behind the arch caused the wall to disappear, opening the arch itself to someplace beyond. In the case of this arch, a dusty field of patchy brown grass, wherein lay a disheveled mud-brick hovel of some kind with a thatched straw roof. A warm humid breeze, reeking of cow manure, blew into the crystalline room through the arch – hinting that you could actually go through the arch and right into the scene itself if desired. Indeed, you were able to pass your hand through the arch, which was something you couldn’t do with the rose quartz arch that lead back into Eva Destruction’s dressing room.

Pulling your hand back, the arch closed once again, and you went over to the other arches to see where they would lead.

SOUTH: The archway to the south was made of solid silver. When touched, it opened onto the edge of a murky swamp, dotted here and there with muddy mounds of tall cattails and crisscrossed with deep channels of brackish green water. On one particular mound, a few hundred feet into the swamp, you could see a tall wooden post of some kind, rising up above the surrounding cattails. As you looked at the swamp, a swarm of tiny biting gnats suddenly flew in though the arch and began dive-bombing your head – OMG! They’re going to get stuck in your wig!

You yanked your hand back to close the arch and swatted the gnats away.

WEST: The archway to the west was made of solid gold. Touching the wall, opened the arch to the foot of a tall dark mountain. The air was hot and sulfuric and a low rumbling could be heard from within the mountain itself. Looking up, you could see that the top of the mountain was surrounded in a sooty gray smoke, from which rained a constant shower of fiery orange sparks. As you looked through the arch, you could also hear the occasional screech of some avian creatures, flying unseen in the dark clouds high above.

Well, that’s just great.

You pulled your hand back and the arch closed.

Which one should you go through first?

The west archway. The gold will look great with your costume. There's also the fact that you could recruit these avian creatures as your new underlings. Your old ones were useless anyways.

Despite the strong stench of cow manure reeking from the copper arch, it seems the most harmless out of the three.

East seems to be the safest out of the three. Until we find out more about this place or gather more weapons/ tools/ etc, I personally think it’s best to proceed with caution. South would be my second vote since it’s not as dangerous as the West if we don’t fall into the swamp while getting pestered by the gnats. 

Still, if the volcano is about to explode in the West, perhaps it would be better to explore it before the explosion occurs. It sort of depends on whether everything would stay the same in the arches until we explore them. 

"I know we haven't always seen eye to eye on things, but I think with your new superpower, you can really conquer anything. Let's go through the west archway and climb that volcano. It would be more badass than anything Eva 'Destruction' has ever done. Maybe you can even kill one of those harmless-looking birds and add their feathers to your sunhat when you get back! The exotic flair will surely help you win the pageant," Adolf advises, certainly not trying to get Eileen killed.

If I'm tallying this right, it's 2.5 votes for the volcano and 1.5 votes for the field (so volcano wins) - stand by...

VOLCANO

Opening the gold arch once again, you took courage and stepped through to the foot of the tall dark volcano – amidst a seemingly endless range of surrounding mountains and hills that went off as far as the eye could see. The hot sulfuric air was filled with smoke and the occasional shower of hot sparks falling down around you like orange glowing sleet. These tiny embers alighted in your wig and sizzled the hairs, causing some of them to curl up and melt!

“Oh hell no! Just no!” you said in dismay, turning to step back through the archway – but it was gone! You were now stuck here, on the side of a rumbling volcano – for better or worse – suffering the worst hair-day you could ever have imagined!

Looking up the mountain, you could see a large fissure in the side of the volcano, about a half mile up the steep slope. It spewed out a steady column of smoke, but no sparks.

At least you might be able to save you hair, by taking refuge in there.

‘Sizzle… sizzle…’ went your wig some more.

“MY NIGGA, PLEASE!”

Refusing to go barefoot, you began trudging, in your eight inch heels, up through the gray ash that covered the slopes. Soon, the ash and soot was covering the lower half of your pageant dress too. By that point, it was only your anger and the thought of strangling Eva Destruction with your bare hands that kept you going.

About halfway up to the large fissure, you heard the cry of some avian creatures above; and then saw a large shadow swoop over you. Looking up, you were shocked to see two giant vultures – each as big as a horse – flying down from the plume of smoke that surrounded the volcano!

As they got closer, two things were readily apparent – one: They meant to have you for lunch. And two: Your pearl necklace was wrapped around one of the vulture’s legs, just above the foot…

See? I knew it was a good idea to come here. Those good-for-nothing birds stole your necklace! Kill them and take back what is rightfully yours. Don't forget to pluck a few feathers when you're done. I'm sure the judges will love the vulture feathers on your sunhat. It's never been done before!

Actually, if the boa is a rope and the vultures are the size of horses, lasso the one with the pearls. And once we retrieve what is rightfully ours we will ride it.

I'd still recommend trying to communicate with the wig however.

Get that necklace! Since the only way you can get out of the crystal is to 'find all that is lost', this necklace surely has some importance. Release the sthlithery sthnake and let it fight the vultures as a distraction while trying to get a hint from talking wig. If that's not possible, strangle the vultures by imagining that they're Eva Destruction.

‘Sizzle… Sizzle’ went your wig some more.

“What’s that? You talk too?” you asked.

An orange volcanic ember then blew into your long luxurious eyelashes. ‘Sizzle,’ the ember went, as it caused half the lashes of your left eye to wither in a puff of acrid smoke.

“NOOOOOO!”

It wasn’t your wig talking, it was the embers – each announcing their own ‘sound-effect’, as they did their foul work!

‘Sizzle… Sizzle.’

“ENOUGH!!!”

You had to get out of this volcanic hellscape and fast!

Turning your attention to the two giant vultures diving down, you shrieked – “YOU’RE SCAVENGERS, NOT HUNTERS!”

They did not seem deterred, and you had to dive into the dust as they swooped past, attempting to catch you in their claws.

Pulling your boa from your shoulders, you recomposed yourself and asked, “Can you get that necklace boa?”

“Hiss!” the boa replied – instantly extending toward the vultures, as they banked around for a second pass. Your boa hit its mark and wrapped around the legs of the one that had the necklace!

The boa then tried to pull the vulture down. Unfortunately, your end of the boa was wrapped around your wrist and you weighed less than the horse-size vulture – so up into the air you flew!

“EEEEE!!!”

A moment later you found yourself dangling right under the vulture’s feet – your pearl necklace within reach. Removing it from the vulture’s ankle, you noted some more black-marker vandalism that read: “3 Fireballs.”

It had to mean the three pear-shaped pearls that hung from the string’s central cluster.

With your necklace back in your possession, you looked down to see that the vulture was taking you higher into the air! The other vulture just followed as you ascended, and they both cried to the fast approaching layer of black clouds that surrounded the top of the volcano.

A myriad of avian cries echoed back from the cloud!

You couldn’t let the vultures take you into that black ember-spewing smoke – your wig would never survive!

While you were hundreds of feet in the air at this point, you were still relatively close to the sloping side of the volcano itself – in fact, you were just about to pass the enormous fissure in the side of the mountain. . .

(see OP for running list of possessions gathered)

I'm not quite sure what to do yet, but I just want to point out that these vultures, living in such a place are probably in cahoots with the Embers and immune to fire based attacks.

Don't ya worry! Can't you just use the healing bracelet on your wig afterwards?

Can the boa extend itself far enough and quickly enough for us to safely reach the ground?

Probably not, but with a sufficient swing, you could probably make a jump to the steep slope. It would be like falling twenty feet, but the angle of the slope would help reduce damage (if you managed to not tumble down it upon landing).

That sounds like a better deal than Eva's nail job. I say that we should take the risk. However, before I push ourselves to our unfortunate death, can we get all the voices together and do a democratic vote like last time? I do suggest that we keep our beautiful and fabulous Adolf out of the equation though he had luckily kept his mouth shut for once.

Last time I heard of him, he was ranting about how the vultures weren't 'Aryan' enough before tearily storming out of our operating room. No idea what the slang 'Aryan" was supposed to mean, probably another word for 'fancy' or 'fetch'. 

Our heels will spike themselves firmly into the ground and hold us in place at such a distance. It's simple physics.

I agree with Darius and Mizal. Let's take the risk. Just in case, we'll wear the bracelet of healing to ensure nothing too bad happens. 

I wonder, will we have time to create a makeshift parachute with the excess layers of our pageant dress so we can gently glide to safety? 

You couldn’t help letting loose with a Tarzan yell, as you threw yourself outward and then swung mightily towards the side of the mountain! “AAAAIIII AAAIII AAAIII AAAEEEIIIIAAA!!!” (however you spell it).

The giant vulture wobbled slightly under the tremendous G’s you were pulling with your THICC ebony frame, but held well enough for your feather boa to let go – just at the height of your arc – allowing you to sail through the air across the gap and land like an Olympic gymnast in a classic T pose.

You really stuck the landing though – literally – your eight inch stiletto heels stabbed deeply into the hard-packed ash and were currently held fast! Fortunately, you had landed right next to the massive fissure in the side of the volcano – it being a hundred and seventy feet high and sixty feet wide.

At your escape however, the giant vultures wheeled around with angry cries and were coming at you fast! You weren’t sure whether you should try pulling your heels free or just ditch the footwear – though they did go all the way up to your thighs and each had twenty-seven laces going up the back!

Either way, you had to free yourself and make for the giant slit – or ready yourself to fight!

Knots are the works of the devil, so I guess you try to pull yourself out.

Every queen has gone home carrying only one of her stilettos, at least once. Ditch it, girl. 

Try to pull free first. Break the heels if you have to, because the rest of the boots sound somewhat difficult and time consuming to remove.

Also, the ground is probably really hot around here. As we enter the giant slit.

Well, the boots did save us from death rather recently. It would be better to keep as many possessions as we can. Either way, whether we try to unlace the shoes or pull them out from the ground, we would be delayed greatly.

My vote goes to pulling out the shoes. Wait, does fire do anything to ash? I doubt it will be a good idea but maybe we could use one of the fireballs to burn the ashen ground. Or burn the shoes so we don't have to unlace them, and heal ourself with the bracelet if we catch on fire. Can we burn just the laces?

I don't really get what I'm saying anymore but I guess we could free the boots and use a fireball to stall if we have to. 

Yes, I agree with the fireball to the boot plan.

There was no way you would be able to get the laces loose in time, so you struggled to pull your heels from the packed ash.

No sooner than you had one foot free, a giant vulture swooped in and grabbed you by the shoulders to carry you off once again! As you were abruptly yanked upward, a loud snap came from the bottom of your shoe, followed by a loud ripping noise over your shoulder! Dropping back to the ground, you saw that the vulture had broken you free of your eight inch heel – which was still embedded in the ash – while ripping off one of the floofy shoulder ploofs of your pageant dress!

The fiend!

As the second vulture was also diving in for a run at you, you simply hiked up your ash-streaked mono-shoulder pageant dress – and hightailed it for the fissure in the side of the volcano.

Diving within, you found a conveniently well-illuminated passage there, that dropped downward into the heart of the volcano itself. Fortunately, the two giant vultures did not seem interested in following you inside, and they screeched angrily as they flew back up and into the high layer of dark sooty clouds.

“A good pair of heels never last,” you sighed, now limping along on one heel.

The conveniently well-illuminated passageway descended at a moderate incline, winding its way into the mountain. At length, it opened into to a conveniently well-illuminated large chamber divided by a deep chasm.

The chasm was only thirty to forty feet across, but a hundred or so feet deep. The remnants of a stone bridge that once crossed the chasm could be seen on either side – but the bridge itself had long since collapsed and fallen to the bottom of the chasm.

Some kind of stone monument had been erected on your side of the chasm. Checking it out, you saw a bronze plaque on the monument that read: “The Great Dragon ‘Flaming Puffer’; slain by the Flamingo Witch. Though dead, it yet guards the way to the waking world. Leave it be, or join those who perished in this crystal prison.”

On the other side of the chasm you could see another conveniently well-illuminated tunnel leading further into the volcano – as well as the skeletal remains of someone laying upon the ground in what looked as if it might once have been an extravagantly frilly pageant dress.

I have a plan bitches. What if we rip off some of our pageant dress to make a rope to traverse the chasm? I know, I know, we ruin the dress even more, but on the other side we may get a better one.

Plus, I have a theory cooking up. Our Eva is probably that flamingo witch bitch, no doubt about it.

That plan might work, but if we have the feather boa, can't we use that to get across without ruining the dress? The boa managed to get us out of a seventy feet well so a thirty to forty feet chasm seems reasonable enough.

As for your theory, I feel inclined to agree. It makes sense.

"Hiss!"

Has BZ been CANCELLED?

No, it's just that this thread worked too well and I started writing again on other projects.

The next update here involves a lot of combat description, so I have sort of put it on the back burner for now.

The other stuff is just too awesome to stop doing now. I'll be back to this when writers block strikes once again lol.