The Good:
"I never thought we'd get along so well, being the magical deviant that you are."
And as we gazed into each other's eyes that night, we knew in our hearts that we had become something more than just, "It's complicated".
The Bad:
Yes, Riccio stole all of the silver forks when the waiter wasn't looking, but he did it in such a charming way that Esther couldn't help but tolerate him.
The Ugly:
"Hey now," said Krigagius, putting his greatsword away, "It's okay if you don't agree with my philosophies, but we're on a date, and that guy just groped you, I should at least sever one of his feet!"
"HOW THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN!?" Martin screamed, trying to fight off the violent clowns and rabid horses that had just invaded the bedroom.
Bonus: (Not Finished Yet!)
(I feel ALMOST tempted to make an RP out of this setting… Probably not with Machismos’s tower of Speed-dating as the primary setting, but…)
"I never thought we'd get along so well, being the magical deviant that you are." Maegis the Healer said half-jokingly, his bright yellow High Elven eyes complemented by the candlelight of the labyrinthian restaurant. Elyr smiled at this.
"Me neither," said Elyr, "I thought you were going to be the same nerd that you were in the Mage's College."
"I still am!" Maegis said, almost offended, "Do you dare insinuate that I, Maegis the Healer, have slacked in my studies of magic?"
"No, but you don't wear khaki robes and spectacles anymore."
Maegis was sitting at a romantic little circular table for two, across from a beautiful White Elf necromancer named Elyr. The only reasons they weren't presently trying to kill each other were because they each seemed pleasant and lovely to the other, now that they could actually talk, and there was more than the faintest possibility that this could either lead to true love, or glorious sex.
Maegis and his adventuring party had recently signed up for the services provided by Machismos the Great, a playboy philanthropist teleportation mage. Having an uneven balance of genders and too many interpersonal conflicts to even consider mating amongst themselves, they enlisted the help of Machismos, (for a fee of 1,000 gold each, unless they were to clear out any Giant Rat nests found in his basement...) to set them up with others of relatable class and personality.
Indeed, Machismos the Great was the speed dating website of Kalamarg, and great heroes, detestable villains, and average peasants would often ask (and pay) for his help. Every night he would teleport two consenting adults at random, based on their qualifications, to a table in the labyrinth of his basement, with meals prepared. If the first date didn't work out, the next one would be free. The rat nests, and other oversized vermin that lived in controlled areas, would provide limitless adventure to those who were bored by traditional dinner. And there were so many places to have dinner! Large, open rooms would serve as bistros, and smaller ones would become taverns. The two would simply need to grab a seat at a venue of their choosing.
Machismos became a very rich mage, and a household name. It was not uncommon to hear a couple say, "I met him/her at Machismos'!"
Of course, the Healer and the Necromancer were quite surprised to see each other. They had gone to the same magic school together, but Necromancy was highly discouraged. Needless to say, she was kicked out for practicing it, and became a minor plot-arc villain for a few D-list adventurers, [Adventurers like Maegis and Co., for example] for a few years before people realized that she wasn't actually evil. True Neutral, in fact!
“So,” Maegis began, “How’s the Necromancy business going?”
“Not well. I decided to become an adventurer nowadays, so my thralls can get used to the sunlight and have a higher tolerance for Turn Undead rolls.”
“Oh, good! What are your plans for the future?”
“I think I’ll gather up my gold hoard, settle down, build a cabin, and have a few kids.” said Elyr.
“Oh…” Maegis got quiet. This was a major red flag, as his livelihood (and the livelihood of his “employees”) depended on doing the exact opposite of that.
“Just kidding!” Elyr said, after a few seconds of awkward pause, "Gods, you're serious!"
A half-second of awkward, forced laughter followed. Maegis was not a jolly, sense-of-humor-having Elf… Unlike the Necromancer across from him.
More silence followed, but they soon began to discuss things they did have in common, which devolved into a deep, intimate, and highly advanced discussion on the fundamentals of magic, which no one, not even the Narrator, in all his incredible handsomeness and manly glory, could possibly translate to any reader who was not also a level-30 magic user.
Meanwhile, at one of the more casual dining areas, was Maegis’s colleague, Riccio. Riccio was a rogue, which is a fancy term that people use when they can’t tell whether someone is a thief or an assassin. To be fair, Riccio’s skillset would be a great fit for either occupation, and to be fairer, he did so much thievery and backstabbing and lying in his line of work that he was either a stealthy bandit or just… A rogue?
Clearly it was no mystery why he was single, which made it inevitable that he would have to sign up for Machismos’s program. He figured that now was as good a time as ever, because, as it was Adventurer Party Appreciation Month, he was in the practice of giving out group discounts. He could only wonder who on earth Machismos would send…
