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Our school has a "Reality Fair" for finance and business classes, where you basically tell a survey what you want to be when you're out of school and what your plans are, and they'll "Randomly" generate a "Life Profile" for you. (You'll have a randomised household and income based on ballpark numbers and stuff.)

Last year, I was honest, and I did better than most authors who married other authors and cares for two little accidents probably would in real life. My friend, who wanted to be a musician, was "Randomly" given an AIDS credit score, and had to pay child support for, like, 3 kids, which is just too stereotypical to have been an accident. This year, because I want to spice up my simulated experience, I'm going to give the fill-in-the-blank questions a more personal touch...

QUESTION 1:

What career do you plan to have after graduation? What is your career goal? *If you say "Idk" or "I don't know", you will be given the career of a teacher.

A: I'm going to travel to Texas and become a bounty hunter and private detective. I will walk the earth solving crimes and providing kung-fu justice, assisted only by a naive but insightful canine sidekick and a myriad of love interests. With bo staff in hand and a taser at my side, I will challenge every injustice. Criminals will know my name and be mildly annoyed by it, police will look upon my actions and sort of appreciate the attempt but tell me I need to go do something else. But I will not bend to their will. I will be the citizen's arrest that lurks in the night. I will be the nightmare that gumball machine vandals and speeding ticket skippers check their closets for. I will live in a van.

QUESTION 3:

Based on the monthly salary you selected above, what do you think will be your income tax? (I chose <$500)

A: You don't always get paid for being a hero. But you also can't put a tax on Justice. Especially because my van doesn't have a mailing address.

QUESTION 4:

How much do you think your college education will cost?

A: Shaolin Monastery and the University of Hard Knocks are known for many things. High tuition fees are not one of them.

QUESTION 5:

If you had a child, how much do you think Daycare would cost?

A: Whether I have a child or not, care will cost nothing for as long as I remain true to my cause. A real hero cares about everyone for free.

I eagerly await a visit to the counselor's office. Have you guys ever really taken the piss out of an assignment?

I mean for pre tests at the beginning of every year for Writing I skip out on the prompts and make a short fanfiction about a show that I was watching at the time. It was a Minecraft fanfiction for the last one though.

I'm to much of a pussy to make it too horrible with anything graphic. I'm sad though when I never get any recognition from my teachers when they collect them.

Gold! Amazing! You're a talented writer and I commend you, as I often do the same thing. 

Once, I was "processed". It was a dumb thing in middle school where the teachers try to shame bad kids by making them write an essay about why you're bad and how the bad thing you did was bad, because it was not good. I was PE and we were running laps around the torture pits when I witnessed some misguided hooligans TORTURING A WORM. How could they, so I stepped in, picked it up, everyone screamed and I was processed.

I nearly cried because I was so ashamed of being bad (but they were fiery tears, as I had heroically saved a life) and to my surprise, it was FREE WRITE ESSAY TIME, and I love essays! So I wrote 4 pages about how I could definitely understand why I was punished but also how there might be underlying anger issues among our fellow classmates as they had tried to take out their pent-up frustration on the local wild life, and I also offered up solutions for that, because I wanted to leave it on a happy note.

Also, if I don't know the answer on a test, I just try to gracefully, cleverly fail.

That one moment in gym class when I decided to fuck it and play baseball with lacrosse equipment. Of course there's also the time when we were making gliders using straws and loops of paper, and all I did was use two loops to make mine look like a penis. Finally, there was the math project when I made an equation for some kid selling priceless artifacts to a crack dealer for crack.

You can really tell that someone doesn't take school seriously when they don't know what the number 2 is.

Question 2 was multiple-choice and not very comedic. I explained what my answer was in parentheses next to the question. Tasteful editting, getting straight to the point! If they taught that in school, it'd only be half a year long.

One time in science we were looking at sheep brains in plastic bags. In order to simulate what might happen in a car crash, our teacher let us put the plastic bag in another plastic bag and throw it at the wall. It worked the first time. Then when the teacher was gone someone did it again. That time the bag tore open and brain splattered all over the wall.

It was awesome.

How did it taste? Last time I checked, sheep brains are an exquisite dish. Very soft, yes, but also very nutritious.

should've put a sign in front that said "RIP in peace Johnathan. Spreading his knowledge anywhere he could."

or something about a school shooting

It splattered on the wall under the white board so i just wrote on it, "Simulation of a gunshot wound to the head. See results below:" and an arrow pointing to the mess.

It's literally finals week at my University yet I just spent 5 hours playing sim city.

Nothing matters anymore

It's actually kind of awesome how close they got, given what they had, to my "Post College Plan". My 'Character Sheet' for the whole thing was actually pretty awesomely similar:

Walk the earth solving crimes + Dog sidekick + Lives in a van = DNC Warden.

Myriad of Love Interests = Lives with girlfriend, (Police Officer, of course) pays child support for 2.

Car lot options = Choice between used van, beat up old sportster, and some jeeps.

Glad these guys had a sense of humor. xD