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Clunk-Clunk! Clunk-Clunk! Went the uneven shopping cart.

“Hey, you.” You jerk your head up from your phone. There’s a sexually dressed woman in front of you.

“Me?” You say. She rolls her eyes.

“Yes, you. Come over here.”

You abandon the cart and walk closer. Oh shit, she’s curvy. The fish-net stockings add a nice touch too.

“Rate me from one to ten,” she says. She turns around and rubs her butt.

You go closer until you can see every bounce and jiggle.

“Feel free to touch.”



Ok, what do you think?

Normally I'd move this to the section it actually belongs it, but I really think that in this case, it (and you) deserve to be on display in the Lounge.

A brotha's got 99 problems, he don't need no bitch.

I like how realistic it is.

Thanks for the feedback. I’ll post some more later.

Wait, you like making love to and dating the stories here? That's a strange hobby to have.

I think is fun to see the reactions from you guys.

Hey, do you guys want to read more of the story?

I need to know if it’s a good idea to make it into a choose your own story.

I would like to see a story game, but could you put a couple nitrous tanks on the shopping cart? Maybe give the protagonist kids too? Chicks dig fast carts and family.

Absolutely. Everyone knows chicks dig fast farts, especially chicks with cartoon dresses

Like my estranged grandma used to say, "The best cart farts have fast parts."

I thought that was @Suranna 's mom who said that?

My grandma must have stole it from Suranna's mom. I wouldn't put it past her. Sticky fingers, you see.

When I read that she is a sexually dressed woman, I imagine that she has a dress with a bunch of cartoon sex positions on it, using the Wikipedia art style. I don't very much want to touch this woman.

What if the cartoon are doing something you want to do? Then do you want to touch them?

I'm fine with just watching, really.

I'm not sure I really understand the shopping cart. Is it a full-size one, or one of those mini ones? Or does it have the race car around it? And sure, it's uneven, but it is one of those with just one wheel broken? Or is it more like two opposite wheels that are flattened? How much stuff is in the cart? Am I almost done shopping, or did I just get there? And what's on sale just past the beer display at the entrance? Are there some baked goods half off that I might have dropped into the cart?

It’s a full-sized cart. Thanks for the questions, now I can upgrade this story.

Clunk-Clunk! Clunk-Clunk! Went the uneven shopping cart. The flat tire squelched every time it rolled.

You plop a tub of Nutella in the shopping cart. You’re almost ready to check out when you walk past a wonder bread sale.

“Shit,” you say. “Noice.”

“No cursing, daddy,” your little son says.

“Hey, you.” You jerk your head up from your beautiful sale. There’s a sexually dressed woman in front of you.

“Me?” You say. She rolls her eyes.

“Yes, you. Come over here.” You glance at your son, sitting in the car seat.

You abandon the cart and walk closer. Oh shit, she’s curvy. The fish-net stockings add a nice touch too.

“Rate me from one to ten,” she says. She turns around and rubs her butt.

You go closer until you can see every bounce and jiggle.

“Feel free to touch.”



Is that I little better?

I don't know about this. There aren't any N2O tanks on the cart, and the love interest doesn't seem like the kind of girl that's into neglectful dads. :/

Edit: You know what would be cool? The kid gets kidnapped by his evil mom and the protagonist gets to show the chick how much of a chad dad he is by saving his son. Totally awesome plot!

Edit 2: The girl should be a smokin' hawt international SUPER spy.

We're getting there. Here's what jumped out at me from that section:

"Squelched?" I'm not sure where you're from, but where I live, all the carts have these hard wheels. I think most of them are made of some polyester type substance, kind of the same thing that they make some clothes from, but in a more solid form. I think they make the polyester more dense with additional materials, maybe with polycarbon or even some sort of polycarbonite. I have seen them in many different colors: I've seen tan, grey, dark gray, red, and a few other colors. The most common color I've seen is black. I'm pretty sure they use black most often because they're going to get dirty since their only job is to literally drive along the floor their entire lives. I'm not sure what that would be like, but at least they have a job, unlike some other people around here who beg for money for their fancy laptops because they "need" a $2000 laptop in order to write their crappy stories which aren't going to sell anyone because they have such a horrible personality and if you want to write something and sell it, you're going to have to do the selling and promotion yourself. If you just write and list something on Amazon, that's not magic, no one is going to buy your crappy story, and even if they do they're just going to complain about it because it wasn't how they would want to write the story. More likely they'll complain about some minor character that you didn't give any thought to and they'll want you to write about that person that you don't even know. Then, some autist on the Internet will take that character, write some fan fiction and end up more famous than you who came up with the whole idea.

So, yeah, tires on carts can't really squelch because they're made from solid plastic. When they're broken, they're usually just flat on one side.

Umm. Ouch.

I like the Nutella, though

ZOOM! Went the rocket-fast shopping cart. You put N20 tanks on the sides.

You plop a tub of Nutella inside. You’re almost ready to check out when you spot a wonder bread sale.

“Shit,” you say. “Noice.”

“No cursing, daddy,” your little son says.

“Hey, you.” You jerk your head up from your beautiful sale. There’s a sexually dressed woman in front of you.

“Me?” You say. She rolls her eyes.

“Yes, you. Come over here.” You glance at your son, sitting in the car seat.

You decide to take you son with you and push the rocket-cart away.you walk closer. Oh shit, she’s curvy. The fish-net stockings add a nice touch too.

“Your son is so cute,” she says, smiling. “What’s his name?”

“George,” you say.


Better?

This is worse than slitting my wrists and drowning in margarita mix

Well, read the first version before judging, bitch.

Don't listen to Wizzy. This keeps getting better with each iteration, but I do have a few questions. When will the protagonist find out the woman is an international SUPER spy? Can the kid's mom be a SUPER villain? Would it be too much to ask if the kid knows nuclear weapon codes?

Edit: I think at this point it only makes sense that the protagonist is a street racer turned SUPER sexy scientist.

The kid is like, three. Nuclear weapon codes are a bit much.

I think I can add in a bit of spy tech and stuff tho.

Btw, the kids mom is in jail for making fake coupons. Maybe I could make the dad cheat on her, then the woman reveals that she’s a spy.

I mean, the kid is obviously genetically engineered. How can he not be with a SUPER scientist dad and a SUPER villain mom?

Edit: I'm kind of hungry. Can someone make a PB&J with the wonderbread and nutella?

Ok, fine you won.

Btw since you are helping so much I will make you the co-author.

Edit: haha naw you gotta pay for it first

I can't take credit for your ideas :(

But you helped so much! I wasn’t thinking about spy stuff!

The subtext was already there. Seems pretty clear that was your direction even if it was subconsciously.

Wait. Show me the sub text? Because that doesn’t sound right.

That's the problem. You can't see the subtext because it's under the supertext, but it kind of peeks out around the nutella.

I GUESS. Kinda.

Such a poignant and brilliant introduction. If you don't mind me asking, how old are you? I think you have great potential in the writing world.

I’m sorry, but I don’t wish to share my age.

Thank you for the compliment though!

Haven't had a chance to sort through all this shitposting yet, but I just want to point out that this dude is like 13, or some other age where its revolutionary for him to say words like fuck and poop. So don't engage with him in bants or "writing" of a sexual nature no matter how persistantly horny and goblinously moist-palmed a creature he may be.

My mistake, this is Captain Cooltard again. He was pretending to be 15 originally for those of you keeping count, but the consensus then was that he was 12 or 13 too.

But now he loses the FNAF account too, he got greedy.

Always baffling how these kids just can't shut the fuck up. It's actually easier than posting...

Damn

He DMed me this story snippet and now he'll never see my scathing review I replied with

Also, fuck, this kid is obsessed with me. First pickup lines, then DMs of a highly sexual nature... smh

I didn't like it.

Clunk-Clunk. 

 

Because you're an annoying fucktard obviously.

Prolly cause he had three usernames in three days

Take a hint, bro

It's happened plenty of times to End, definitely.

Lace enthroned princess bosom heaving with every-

You know what, this sucks you faggot. Get good.

I was thinking this morning that "a sexually dressed woman" just might enter the vernacular much like the lace enthroned bosums, and still be around long after the source is forgotten. It's just such a funny phrase.

lol it prolly will be