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Got a favorite storygame? Can't beat The Wal*Mart Game? If you're here to play storygames, this is the forum for you.

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

10 months ago

I've been tasked with writing 50 com worthy reviews by the end of the year. 

Though it has also been said even though they have to com worthy, they don't have to be featured. Because of this I'm making a thread to store them. 

You may also use this thread to yell at me to get off my lazy ass and write some fucking reviews, or say how this is an impossible task.

The ones I have already written on this account count, and I will number them in order I have wrote them.

This will be fun. Let's see if I can acommplish 50 long reviews on a phone by the end of the year.

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

10 months ago

DO NOT REPLY TO THIS

Progress: 40 reviews

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

10 months ago

1.

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/trash

 

This was an excellent story. Forged from the flames of ink and keyboards it truly is a masterpiece. I love this story with every drop of ember I have in my soul. There are three main things that I love about this story.

One, the branching. If there is one thing I love about this story, it is the branching. It is some of the best I have ever seen. For one, every path is equally important as any other. They are also the same length. Most stories have a true ending, so it is refreshing to see a story that just has a ton of paths, and has no overarching plot. Not only that, but every page has at least two choices that I know of. This is such a shock when you are so used to reading stories with tons of one link pages in a row, only to have a choice that leads straight to a death page. This branching style won't work for all stories, but it is heavily underrated. I would love to see more stories like this, but the reason we don't is because the average reader will read one path, and for a story like this, that would be a very short read. The branching makes this story special. It makes a gem that should not be looked over. Now onto the next thing.

Two, the writing. This one is way more difficult to explain. The writing is what distinguishes a writer. While that may sound stupid, it is hard to put this into words. You can tell someone what makes a story good, but this aspect is not teachable. You can know everything, create a story with perfect grammar, amazing structure, a sublime plot, and engaging characters, but still have it be good. It is this aspect that only comes through talent or practice, that turns that story from good to great. EndMaster has truly mastered this aspect, and that is what makes his stories special.

Three, the humor. This story reeks of randomness, and humor. While most would frown on that kind of story, endmaster executes it perfectly. He writes in a way where these aspects complement his writing, not hurt it. Most would get it wrong. Make a story that tries too hard to be funny, and falls flat on its face. A story so random, that it is frustrating. Though EndMaster falls victim to none of these traps. He steers clear of them and the result is a story that made me laugh out loud several times throughout it.

In short, I love this story. It is an amazing work of art that is criminally underrated. I can't find any fault with it at all. If you are reading this comment before reading the story, go read the story now. You will not be disappointed in the slightest. What we have here is another amazing work by endmaster. While this is to be expected at this point, I still applaud you.

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

10 months ago

2.

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/death-song

 

 

Let me start off by saying how much I love this story it is truly a work of art, and among my favorites on the site. There is just so much to gush about here. The setting, the characters, the ending, the twists. It is just too good! I am a believer that most stories that I write reviews on I am either harsh, or gush forever. This, along with all of your other stories, fall into the second writer. Let me break down everything I love about this story.

The characters: The protagonist is very likable. He is just a guy trying his best to survive in a world like this. It's not his fault that the world is getting messed up, this story comes from a man that has seen the horrors of the world, and has tried running so many times, yet he always comes back. He is put in some of the worst situations, yet he survives. He lives for the sake of living. Protecting his family, and himself is his goal, and he is willing to fight the world to obtain it.

The Perspective: This story takes place from a different perspective on during the events of necromancer. With necromancer being my favorite story on this site, I approve of this. In the main path the main character joins the army. He sees the world, he sees vampires, he watches people die, and comes face to face with death itself on many occasions. The thing that makes this so brilliant is the contrast. Throughout the events of necromancer we are rooting for him. We kill countless, and our actions indirectly kill countless more. In death song we get to see the result of our actions on one man. We see the lives we have torn apart. All the pain and suffering we have caused. This is one of the reasons I recommend reading necromancer first. You get to experience the adventure before being blasted in the face with the pain you have caused. Then when you go back to necromancer, you are more aware of the consequences of your actions.

The secondary path: This path is stunning. It was my favorite until I saw the ending for the main one. By secondary path I am referring to the mercenary one. For a secondary path it is very long. By the end of it I thought it to be the main one, until reading the masterful main path and finding out it's even longer. The main thing that I love so much about this path is that it had an amazing twist that I loved to death. This is the other reason you should read necromancer first. My mind melted when I had the realization that the mercenary captain was the necromancers father. Looking back at the foreshadowing it blew me away.

Conclusion: This story is fucking fantastic. If you have read necromancer read this right now. It is just too good to be ignored. 8 out of 8.

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

10 months ago

3.

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/love-sick

 

This story is just masterful. It is a sick tale that is a perfect example of how you can take the most vile subject, revolting subjects, and turn them into a story that the people of cys can use to introduce noobies on the site to. There are many aspects that make this story special, way too many to list here, but let me go over the main ones.

Subject matter: This is something that will turn away a whole ton of people, and is why it has over 200 ones. Though this is also the biggest selling point of the story. The whole point is that it is supposed to be the most disgusting story you can imagine, and yet there are things that it does just to make sure it doesn’t cross the fine line it is so elegantly dancing one. This story has so much thought out into it that it astonishes me. This is how you write an edgy murder story. As mizal said it how are all these people failing when they have this as an example!

Branching: The branching of this story is amazing as well. In typical EndMaster fashion there is two choices on every page, and when there isn’t there is a end game link. Now why is this style ingenious? Because it makes every read through different from each other. There can be an overarching plot, but there is not going to be very many if any major plot points that every branch hits. An added bonus is that every read through is about the same length too.

Conclusion: This story is amazing for all the reason mentioned above, and then some. If you don’t mind the subject matter then it is then is definitely worth your time, as is any EndMaster story

6/8

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

10 months ago

4.

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/surviving-pre~2dschool

 

This story is phenomenal. It certainly was quite an adventure going through it, and not only was it paced fairly well, the comedy was golden. In fact I dare say it is the main selling point of the whole story. It is clear from this story as well as his others that oger excelles at telling very funny stories. That seems to be his writing style in my eyes. Let me go over two main things that this story does. One well, and one that it could have done better.

Comedy: In my eyes the story nailed this. It took the reader into a world seen through the eyes of a preschooler. While this concept is certainly bizar, the way it is told makes it even more so. Pages like feet show you how a concept like this can be used to its full potential. This concept, along with the author’s distinct writing style make for a story that had me laughing out loud multiple times throughout.

Branching: I feel this could have been handled much better. It boiled down to a very linear story, and if you’re going to do that you need to have at least some short paths branching off. A one page death path at the very least. While there were choices almost every page, most of them boiled down to new text leading to the same next page. There are good liner stories, though most of those consist of at the end giving you an ending based on the choices you made. While this story sort of did that, it did it once. If you did badly then you will get the bad ending. In fact, it can happen at any point near the end of the story, provided you made the bad choices required.

Conclusion: This story is a great one. I love a lot of things about it and you should read it if you are reading this. This story will not disappoint you.

6/8

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

10 months ago
Excellent choices so far. Nice.

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

10 months ago

I'm currently working on UFO in school. Already read it so just have to dedicate 30 minutes to it then we are good.

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

10 months ago
Nice. This is motivating me to get on my own reviews.

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

10 months ago

5.

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/a-ufo-at-school

 

This was a very meh story. Not the best, though it certainly was not the worst. As with every story I review, I did read every ending. My thoughts on this story are hard to find, because with this story I’m very indifferent towards it. Most of the time I review things I’m either gushing with love towards it or despise it. At the very least I love the story, and point out the flaws in it. However here I don’t know what I think.

 

I love the style of branching. It resembles what I loved so much about love sick and trash. Every choice leads to a new path and there is no remerging. This style works for stories with no overarching plot. Just a premise, and a ton of things that happen within that premise. 

 

Though there is not anything I disliked in the story, that goes both ways. There were many things I liked in the story, though there is nothing I love either.

 

This is a solid story that works for what it is. This is a story about a UFO at school. It is intently short, and that works here. While this story is not amazing, I did enjoy it. I was a nice short read, and sometimes that is all you need out of a story. 

 

I want to rated this a 5 out of 8, but I just can’t bring myself to do it. In any case, this story is short enough that there is no reason not to go read all the paths right now. It is around 3k words, and about ten minutes of your time.

 

4 out of 8

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

10 months ago

6.

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/ciara's-game

 

This story was just amazing. I loved it to pieces, and rightfuly so. There are so many things to love about this story I have no idea where to even start. The game is just so full of personality and flair. And for a contest no less! I mean for real, every contest has the few stories that stand out in the pile of rushed stories to escape shame, and this certinly was one of them.

 

The main drawing point for me here was the moral deliemas. I went through it killing everyone in the story, only to find out that all of my choices have conquenses, and that I too am a horiable person. It is just so good at making you think, and learning all of the characters backstories kept me engaged the whole way through. It is filled with twists and turns that are impossiable to see coming. I love how much I hated every character in here, and I even had the delight to talk with the author about the story after the fact.

 

Not only does this story weave a web of amazing plot, characters, and twists, it is also very creative. By creative I mean the ways that it tries to murder you and the games you have to watch. Some of these things are just amazing works of art. Though they may have been taken from saw itself, witch I would have no clue about because…

 

I’ve never seen saw! All these amazing things I’ve said about this story have come from the eyes of a person who has never even seen the source material it is based upon! 

 

Now if you are reading this and have not read this please do so. Even if you have never seen saw, I promise this will not let you down. I love this story so much, and you will too.

 

7 out of 8

 

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

10 months ago

Hey how about reviewing this next? 

https://chooseyourstory.com/story/The_Will_Of_The_Lord.aspx

PS: shameless plug 

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

10 months ago

I’ve tried to stick to shorter stories, but I will do this one next since you asked. 

I’ll try to get it done tomorrow because it is late here right now.

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

10 months ago

Thanks!

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

10 months ago

@ShoujoAddict

I've finished it. Your story gave me a lot to talk about so it is a bit longer than my other review, (477 words,) but TLDR good story, had some problems

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

10 months ago

Thanks!

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

10 months ago

Well since Shoujo recommended a story that gives me an idea. If anyone wants me to read a certain story, or even their own story, just say it in this thread. Keeps things interesting.

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

10 months ago

If you are offering I think this is my better work personally:

Clearstone

It is a western. You can also find a horror game on my account (Inheritance House) if you are running out of ideas--both are shorter.

I appreciate any reviews and feedback.

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

10 months ago

Gower's latest work (Sixteen Words) is also good and very short!

You can play every branch quickly, and reviews are requested to be 16 words as well!

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

10 months ago

I already looked at it, and since the review has to be 16 words I'm not sure mizal will count it.

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

10 months ago

The last page challenge may though! I would ask. It was a fun exercise.

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

10 months ago

7.

https://chooseyourstory.com/story/the-will-of-the-lord

 

This was a very good story. I won’t go on to say that it is an amazing piece of art that deserves to be recommended to every new person joining, but that does not detract from the fact that this story is good. While I may claim that the story was good, I did find some issues with it. Though before I get into that let me talk about something that may go underappreciated

 

The Fights: I loved the fights in this. They are just amazing, and dare I say the most innovative thing in the story!  At first I pictured it as a game of rock, paper, siczores. Though I was very surprised to find that this is not the case. What stance you should take depends largely on the skill and build of your oppoint. Though this is a double edged sword. The more I love it, the more I dislike the fact that it is not used a whole lot in the game. Even so, it is a great mechanic.

 

The Branching: This is a love hate relationship. I loved the entire path of your doom you can end up on twice, but besides that, everything else is issues. First your first choice ends with no difference at all. Second, there are two important choices in the entire game. This is a much bigger problem, as the first is if you go down the ruin path, and the second is if you want to go down the ruin path, and experience the exact same pages differently. If you pick the right choice on both you go through tons of one choice pages to end up at the epilogue. To the stories credit near the end, and in the fights,  it has a few one page death paths, but that is about it.

 

The Ending: This may very well be my biggest issue with this story. In my eyes this story promises much. You get the nobles together, get all but one to support you, then prepare for an epic battle of the ages, and a long hard diplomatic fight with the traitors. Then his brother is introduced, and you get a generic brother take over plot. Not the worst, but disappointing all the same

 

The Writing: This is what I loved most about the story however. It is written so well that any issues with the plot become a lot more bearable. It is very clear that you have a lot of knowledge, and/or passion about what you are writing. 

 

All in all this is a great story. I am torn between a 5 or a 6, and even though I feel it deserves a 5, I can’t bring myself to give it that. If you have read this review, you should go and read this story right now.

 

6 out of 8

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

10 months ago

8.

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/necromancer

 

Well I’m doing it at last. Necromancer was the first game I ever read by EndMaster, and is still my favorite game on this site, though I haven’t read Eternal or Rouges yet. I have put off writing this review on account of the fact that I knew in advance that it would be a very long one, and I didn’t know if I could stop myself from gushing out a 2k word review rambling about how amazing this story is. Well here we are at last, and I’m going to keep this as brief as I can.

 

Okay so let me start off by saying this game is a flawless gem written on parchment crafted from the fire of the underworld, and with a pen made from Hades skull, and even this would not be doing this game justice. If you have not read this game yet then FUCKING DO THAT RIGHT NOW! Out of the big three endmaster stories, Eternal, Necromancer, and Rouges, this is the shortest one. It’s only about 80k words overall, keep in mind that the other two are around 500k to 600k. 80k words is about the length of a warrior cat book. So make a choice, read this free masterpiece that will bring joy to your sad pathetic life, or pay for a literal pile of shit. Hard choice, I know, but I trust you will make the right one.

 

Now let me be a little more specific here. I have went on and on about how this story is one of the best things ever written, but I’m right now the main question going through your mind is why I think so highly of this story. Well I have many reasons for this, and I’ll do my best to explain them without spoiling anything. 

 

One thing that I adore about this story is the concept. The whole idea of raising the dead, taking over land, and murdering everything in the entire world is just great to me. If I was talking about a normal story I would rant and rave about how I was let down that they teases these things and failed to provide them, but because this is fucking necromancer, it gives me all of this and more. This story expands everything it teases and does it in such a wonderful way that only endmaster could pull off.

 

Also it’s not all about the plot. The execution is also very important, luckily for me I’m reading necromancer, so that is covered in spades. I have stated this many times and I will state it again, EndMaster’s writing is fucking magic. May I repeat, it is fucking magic. The perfect amount of detail, word choices, and depth. Writing is something that one can not simply explain, for there are three sides to writing. There is the technical stuff, grammar, spelling, etc. There is the story stuff, character depth. Plot, ect. Then there is the magic. This is the stuff that is just so hard to explain. I don’t know what this is called, but EndMaster has mastered it.

 

In the end I could rant about this story forever. There is just so many things to love about it. Though I’m going to have to end this here. This story is perfect.

 

8 out of 8

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

10 months ago

9.

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/the-apprentice-king

 

Now let me start off by saying that this is a good story. Though while it may be good, it is not great, and it certainly is not amazing. There is not anything that I can say I dislike about this story, just a lot of average things and this is a very stereotypical adventure. This is a rags to riches story that follows every overused plot point, and is mainly to be played for laughs. If I’m looking at it from this standpoint, I would call it a great story.

 

Though reading through it, I found some parts dragged on for far too long, and while I did laugh quite a bit going through it, a lot of the humor and plot points were random. An example that comes to mind would be the dress in the cyclops's cave. Also a side note, I thought there was only one sage. Guess there is three. That just struck me as a little weird.

 

For all of its shortcomings, I will say that it’s branching is superb. So far it is one of my favorite examples of a branch and bottleneck type story. It very often has big branches that just rejoin at a later point. It also mixes in a good bit of cave of time in the final act of the story, having a lot of endings that are similar to the final one, without being the same as you picked different choices.

 

All and all I would say this story is decent. There is a large amount of effort poured into this story considering it is a comedy based story, and from an unknown author no less! Very surprising, and I’m glad this story was brought to my attention. I will have to say though that this story is not my cup of tea at all, and if it were there is no doubt I would have rated this a 6. If you have read most of the other well known stories, like comedy, and have some time to kill then go for it, but if you don’t fit this then it’s a bit of a wildcard if you will like it or not. In any case just try it and see. It shouldn’t take you more than an hour to read. Also HIS DOUGHNUTS.

 

5/8

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

10 months ago
Get off your lazy arse and write some fucking reviews. Or better yet, don't, and you won't get back in the Discord.

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

10 months ago

Thanks. Took a little hiatus, Though now that I'm back I almost have an average of a review a day.

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

10 months ago

10.

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/kelly-unicornstrider-and-friends-(1982~2d1985)-super-quiz

 

God this game is good. Now before I spoil anything, GO PLAY THE FUCKING GAME. It does not matter if you have never seen this amazing show. Don’t look up the show, don’t read any reviews, just pick every single option in this story and come back to this review then. I can not say how important it is to not be spoiled by these reviews. This game is too go to be spoiled so go play it now, or I’ll sacrifice you like Kelly.

Now I have to say, as not only a writer, though also a super fan of this show, I loved this story. It is so enthralling to be consumed by the nostalgia of this show. While I’m not old enough to have seen this when it first aired, a few years ago I was an addict and consumed every piece of media for this show imaginable. Hell, I even have the old plushies, and the kelly one alone set me back a good 60$.

Back whenever I first watched this show I even wrote some fan fiction on it, about ten thousand words of fanfiction to be exact, though there is no way I’m posting it here. It is god awful.

Though in regards to the quiz itself, I loved it. I captured what I loved about the show, while challenging my knowledge of it’s more obscure details. I did get a perfect score though, so I guess I am a superfan after all.

In any case this is one hell of a read, written by another super fan of this amazing show. Your undying commitment to the show and kelly is admireable, and I happen to have a mint condition copy of the issue you were talking about. So if you wish to buy it off me, please pm, though it is not cheap, let me tell you.

I loved this story, and I give it a 6 because while I love it, a quiz can only do so much.

6 out of 8

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

10 months ago

11.

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/the-pie

 

This was a decent story. While I wasn’t the biggest fan of it, I can’t say that the story was bad either, especially for a cys fanfic. I liked how you played as ford looking for some magic crystals, as Ford is an unpredictable site member in general, and he is the perfect candidate for a game like this. While it is good, that is all it is. Nothing more, and nothing less.

I liked the unpredictability of it a fair amount. Most games that are random are bad, though this one is solid. The randomness serves the game well in its endeavors. The writing is good enough to turn this into strength, and makes it better than it would have been otherwise.

The branching wasn’t the best though. The game seems to have tons of super short one choice pages in rows. This is definitely isn’t ideal, and as such you should think about combining a lot of the pages together, and adding more choices. This way there aren’t as many one choice pages in your game, and most pages can matter.

Another aspect of the game is the whole cys fanfic part. I feel it did a solid job getting the tones of most of the site members here down, though as chris said no Tim or Chris made all the difference here.

All things considered I would call this a good game, and a solid fanfic. If read by someone who has never seen the forum it would only be good, though that is not your target audience of course, so I will say for a site fanfic it is solid. It has a nice length, good spelling and grammar, meh branching, good characterization of site personalities, and a hefty dose of randomness. Would I recommend this to someone who has no idea of the sites members? No. Would I recommend it to someone who does? I might.

5 out of 8

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

10 months ago

12.

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/dusty-fist

 

Dusty Fist is a very decent story. I wouldn’t go as far to say it is amazing, though it is quite solid, and I appreciate a story that has a specific goal in mind and seeks nothing beyond that goal. There are a lot of long epics that promise so much and fail to deliver. Though that is not all epics, for some are long epic tales that you love, and are rewarding to read. Those stories will always be the best. 

 

Though if the only amazing stories were long epics, then this site would be quite alianating to the ones who have neither the time nor commitment to spend four hours of there life reading some amazing epic. That is where stories like this one come in. Nice, short, amazing stories that can give anyone a good time. While this one may not be for everyone, this subclass of stories is. It is for the ones who can’t commit to a story like necromancer everytime they feel like reading. Hell even the ones who can need a break from epics from time to time. That is why I’m so fond of stories of this length.

 

Though talking about the story itself, it is just fun. Not deep, not epic, just some fun. To that end the story pulls it off perfectly. The comedy is rich as well. That is so refreshing when compared to the stories who try to be funny and fail. 

 

In conclusion, this story is short. While that is fine, it does restrict me from giving this story a 8. If you are simply looking for a quick good time, read it. I read every path in under 10 minutes. If you had time to read these reviews, then you have time to read the story.

 

5 out of 8

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

10 months ago
I saw that you already reviewed this on your old account, but another try won’t hurt. Write a review on Sir Osis!

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

10 months ago

Good idea. I did though the review was quite short, and It'll be good to re read it. I'll do it after doing all of chris's stories.

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

10 months ago
Cool. I’m sure Cricket will be happy.

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

10 months ago
I am. Thank you. :)

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

10 months ago

13.

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/dusty-fist-2~3a-electric-boogaloo

 

Dusty Fist 2 is a great story, and better than the first one. That sure is good, because the bar the first Dusty Fist set was pretty decent, and I’m surprised that even with an extended length, it didn’t lose that intal charm of the first game. Everything I loved about the first game translates nicely over here. 

 

For one thing, it is amazing for just picking up real quick, reading all the paths, and putting down. There is no major time investment to be had. All you have to do set aside ten minutes, if that, and read it. No multi hour story to sign up for. Just a nice comedic story to fill a lunch break.

 

One thing I like about this story, and good stories of a similar length, is that they are often grounded. They know exactly what they want to talk about and once that has been accomplished the story is over. Sure this one is a bit random, though it hyper focuses on a sand whale heading for a village. Once that is no longer the focus, the story is done. One event that you get to see in massive detail without making the game massive. That is what the best short, “toilet stories” accomplish.

 

In short, this story is great, and better than the first. I hereby dub these kind of amazing, under 5k, stories, “toilet stories.”  The comedy is it’s main drawing point, though I still recommend you read it even if you don’t enjoy comedy stories, as it is so short there is nothing to be lost by doing so. I think this story is solid, though I don’t think there is any way I can give it a higher rating then the first one, on account of it is not quite good enough to deserve a 6.

 

5 out of 8

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

10 months ago
Please explain the reasoning behind "toilet story".

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

10 months ago

A story to read while you are on da pooper

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

10 months ago
There are so many better ways you could have described the story. But I guess “toilet story” was your favorite. You do you.

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

10 months ago

I was referring to a group of stories that are amazing and under 5k words. Not just this one. 

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

10 months ago
I got it instantly.
Not because I often read in the bathroom or anything.

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

10 months ago
I mean I do too, but there are better things he could have called it, so that he didn’t associate a good story with pooping.

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

10 months ago
This is true.

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

10 months ago

No, it's crap

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

10 months ago

14.

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/technoir

 

This story is meh. There are a lot of things that are just okay about it. I ended up with the striper ending the first time I tried, and got a few good endings before getting the perfect one. It just seemed a little too easy. Though I might have just been lucky.

 

Another thing is the vagueness of it all. While I normally like short grounded stories, there were so many things unanswered. Who is this VIP? Who am I working for? And a ton of other things I was wondering all the way through the story. It could have benefited from more information like that. Or it might not, because the next thing I’m going to talk about is…

 

Being grounded. This story nails this. I’m not sure if I had preferred it being grounded, or risking it by going into more detail. I love it when a story can hyper focus on one thing, one event, and end once that is over. Those kinds of stories make for short, amazing experiences. Like this one here. All I know is that Chris is great at this, as are a lot of Ogre’s stories. They can focus on one event from the life of a character and leave it at that. 

 

All in all, I would say this story was alright. It was more of a game then most of Chris’s other stories, and I like that. I didn’t use the items, though they might have been helpful, because I never had a need for them. This story is grounded, and it might even be so grounded that it may be a fault, I’m not to sure. There were some grammatical issues, though I typically don’t mind those too much. In any case, I enjoyed it, and it was short enough that I can recommend it.

 

4 out of 8

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

10 months ago
"Another thing is the vagueness of it all. "

That's also how I'd describe your review... Feels like a lot of padding in this one that doesn't say a whole lot.

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

10 months ago

Does it? That wasn't my intention. There wasn't much I found overwhelmingly good or bad about the story. It was meh. Though I said I don't like the teasing of things and never finding out the answers, though I'm not sure if the revelation of that info would help or hurt the story. I'm undecided, and that was my main focus if the review

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

8 months ago
Just popping in to tell you FUCK YOU FOR RATING TECHNOIR A 4 IT'S BETTER THAN HARD NIGHT SILENT NIGHT AND BOTH DUSTY FIST GAMES

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

8 months ago

Okay boomer

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

10 months ago

15.

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/hard-night

 

This story was decent. I won’t call it amazing or anything, though it works. This is a shock to me on account of the fact that I’ve never even heard of the question beyond these stories. You know it is true fan fiction when it is good to the people who have never even heard of the fan fiction. There is also a pet peeve I have with fan fiction that I’m fairly sure this story did not fall into the trap of, and that is when a fanfiction is nothing but a retelling of the events of the source material. This is a major turn away point for me, for if I start reading a fanfiction only to find that it is just a retelling of the source material it disappoints me. Like there were so many things you could have done, though you are going to show me a story I already know everything about? 

Though this fanfic does not fall into this trap. It is a day in the life type of fan fic and it benefits greatly because of it. Speaking of witch…

 

The story is a day in the life of type of story. It is grounded. It does not shoot for a giant story, just one day in the life of a guy. This allows the author to hyper focus on an event, and say everything there is to be said about it. While this is good there is another thing I think is good and bad.

 

The story is basic. Now this is neither good nor bad. Though I feel it needs to be pointed out. The plot is simple. You are a guy, and this guy is poisoned. Poisoned guy can go beat up some guys or get antidote. Or both if he only does that. The warehouse has no depth to it, the lab boils down to a guessing game puzzle, (that has been fixed, though that just makes the lab have zero depth as well,) and the apartment has the most depth, though it is nothing more than a drawn out fight scene.

 

Now in conclusion I like this game. It is a nice, basic, plot of a superheroes daily life. You should read it because even if you don’t like it, it is too short to ignore the possibility that you will

 

5 out of 8.

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

9 months ago

16.

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/dark-nights

 

This game was decent. I actually quite enjoyed the game, and I think it was good for what it was. I liked that it was a little more ambitious than the other question games, and your other stories in general. You did a good job with this one in establishing all of your plot points, and making a coherent plot. Also if you haven't played the game, then stop being a moron and play it before reading my review. I never will get you people who read the review before the story. Though TLDR it is good. Play it now.

Now one thing I like about this story is nice mix between a grounded story and a epic. There both have advantages and disadvantages attached to them, though they can be overcome. In a grounded story you have the advantage of writing less, meaning you can edit it easier, and that results in a more polished product. Also it appeals to everyone, even if they don't have free time to waste on an epic. Also it will be a lot more of a straightforward plot. The disadvantages are that it will often leave the reader with lots of questions, and also if they enjoyed the story they may be sad to see it end so soon after it started. Though epics have the exact reverse advantages and problems that grounded stories have. This story manages to capture the advantages of both as well as minimizing the disadvantages. Though it will not be able to take part in the full effect of the advantages as a result.

Though talking more about the story itself, I liked the twist. When you learned it and he explained it everything just snaps into place. These are moments I treasure in every story, and this one is no exception.

I wasn't a big fan of the branching however. I didn't like how you had to chase down all these different people before being able to get to the final part. It also was very liner, while also doing the thing where the final choice you make determines your ending. Needless to say, with the length it is it could have used more branching imo.

In conclusion this is a solid game. Everything about it is good and I would say it is my favorite one from you chris. Everyone should read it if they have a half hour to spare and that is all I have to say about that.

6 out of 8

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

9 months ago

17.

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/silent-night

 

This story is okay. I'm not sure if I like it more than the first question, though it is okay. It can mostly be broken down into three stages, so I’ll talk about all of those later. Though this is a warning that this review will spoil all of this game. It is a 5 to 10 minute read so if you are wondering if you should take 5 minutes out of your ever so hectic life, then just do it. 

 

Now at first you have a couple stealing some TV’s. They are some drug addicts and in some ways I sympathize with them. I like how you let them go after they surrender, I mean they were scared shitless after all. I don’t think this should be fleshed out more because it just feels real. Also the soup kitchen was a nice touch.

 

Then you have an illusion of choice with the children. I wish it would have just resulted in a game over with you just never learning about the docks, though I guess it works. Not much to say about this encounter. It is short and sweet and I like it.

 

Though I wish more happened in the docks. The other two things were small scale crimes, though this isn’t. I wish there was some BBEG or just more things that happen on the docks. This is one of my only criticisms of this game.

 

Though on a more general note about the story itself, it is fairly linear, though I like how it is separated to the point that I don’t mind it all that much. This story just sounds like a typical night for questions. Nothing much happened, and it is just a bunch of small things, and while I prefer a big plot were one major thing happens, that is this games major difference from the first one. They are about the same length, and the main difference is that this one is a few small crimes and the other one is one big crime.

 

In conclusion, I like this game about as much as the first question. It is short and fun, and a good read. I enjoy myself a quick, good story and this delivers on that. 

 

5 out of 8

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

9 months ago

18.

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/day-of-the-dead~2d~2done-soul's-all-souls-procession

 

I definitely  enjoyed this story. To think this was written in four hours is astounding to me, on account of you stating that you wrote it in roughly 3 and edited in 1. This story would be good enough without the fact that it was written in 4 hours, though with that fact it makes the story exponentially more impressive. I read this in roughly ten to fifteen minutes, and that is with ever ending, so there is no excuse for you, the dumbass who reads reviews before the story, to not just go and read this story. Right now. Like for real go do that.

 

One thing I love about this story is the concept. I love the whole idea of being dead, and only rising up once a year. It is explained in such detail in the first paragraph too. I also like searching for your killer. The killer feels like a real person with his own motivations, and while they are insane, that just makes it better because I can see a person doing this. It wraps up good too and that brings me to my next point.

 

It is grounded. It knows what it wants to explore. I’ve said this in a lot of my reviews already, though being able to cover something so thoroughly in so few words never ceases to astonish me. This story is about a boy who was killed and while he is a spirt he stops the killer. That is it, no more, no less. What this does is it lets you hyper focus on this concept, and makes a short, focused, and if done well an amazing storygame.

 

I did like the branching. As I stated I got every ending and it branched fairly well. Every choice you make matters and all paths are roughly the same length. I have stated that time cave works great in these types of grounded stories, and this is no exception.

 

In conclusion this is a great game, that was written and edited in no more than 4 hours! Even without that it would have been great, though that makes it excellent. I almost want to give it a 7 because of that, though I can’t quite do that.

 

6 out of 8

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

9 months ago

19.

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/sir-osis

 

Rereading this was a delight. I liked a lot of things in this story, to the point where there is no way I can cover all of them in this review. If you are the kind of autist who reads reviews before storygames, how about you like don’t do that. This story won’t take you more than an hour to read all of it’s paths so just go do that instead of spoiling yourself.

In any case, how should I put this. This story is fucking holarias. The beaver that gnawed off your dick was my favorite thing in this game. This story is just comedic gold, and that within itself justifies reading it. I mean writing a funny game is hard, and even if you do it well, some people won’t find it funny. Though this game certainly did it for me, and chances are it will for most people.

Though this story does focus a lot on comedy, it is very well written as well. Some of the descriptions in this game are just stellar, and if I am willing to use that word you know it’s good. You could write a story that is on paper is amazing in every way, and then fuck up on the writing and create a pile of shit. Thankful, this story is not like that and is able to take advantage of its ideas.

In conclusion, I don't have much to say that already hasn't been said. There is a reason that this game has been reviewed by so many people. I can say with confidence that this is one of the best comedic storygames on this site. It is clear that a lot of passion went into this, and the result is marvelous. While under normal circumstances I would give this game a 6, I won't do that this time on account of how hard it is to make a good game with a focus on comedy. 

7 out of 8

 

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

9 months ago

20.

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/inheritance-house

 

I loved this story. I have been wanting to read a story like this and when you said you were going to do a time travel story, this is what I pictured by it. This is a concept that I am surprised has not been done more, or if it has I must have not seen it. Though more on that later. I think this story is quite good, and I would recommend it any autist who reads the reviews before the story. This story only has 13 ratings and I am quite surprised by that. 

 

I love the concept of this story. It is what I think is the strongest aspect of this story. On my first trip through the house I visited every room, and the house is quite small. Though the looping over and over is fun. In almost every path you restart, then go somewhere to almost die, then do it over again. This may sound bad, though it mixes things up and keeps it fresh throughout the whole story. It also gives you the option to end the game at tons of points along the way 

 

Though the story itself left me with a lot of questions. For one, why the creature try and kill the protag if he needs his soul? I may be if he kills him he gets his soul, though I’m not sure. Also what was happening to the protagonist in the first place? How come he kept leaving and forgetting info until it is convenient that he remembers it? If I was almost dying by a demon, and then narrowly escaping, then I would never go there ever again. Though I could have just missed the answers to these questions, idk.

 

In conclusion I have no idea why this story is rated a 3.6. The reviews I read were very positive as well, so I’m not sure why the rating is so low. Regardless, this is a very well made game, and if I’m mistaken also your first? Though I could be wrong about that.

 

6 out of 8

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

9 months ago

It was published second, but was the first I wrote. My time travel game uses this concept too, this was where I learned how do do the conditional links and looping. This is more extreme than the other game in the looping aspect. Your questions are good and not answered in the story. Partly by design, if you have all the answers it isn't as crazy/creepy, and partly because I was so focused on making it work and not writing super well. I also thought about a sequel to plug the holes, but the format of the game was not popular. The second would be similar in a bigger house with more characters that are trying to kill you. Sort of like if you live you get info about what happened and why, but if you die you don't get the info and they take a part of your soul.

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

9 months ago

21.

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/the-chronomantic-adventures-of-professor-gower~3a-office-hours

 

I enjoyed this story. While a lot of it went over my head, as I’m not that well versed in famous writers, I enjoyed it nonetheless. It was fun to read through and see all of these famous writers interact with Gower, on his amazing adventures through time. This story is made even better as it features a well liked forum personality as it protag. When you take a real person such as a famous author from a long time ago or fourm personality it makes people a lot more drawn to your work as they know of that person.

 

I also noticed that you could go into the last area before going into the third author's time. Not sure if this was a mistake or intentional, though figured I would point it out. Marie’s storyline was my favorite storyline, as I felt the most attached to her. I just liked it, and the fact that she can handle that goweri is from the future is great.

 

I have mixed feelings about the branching. On the one hand the branching exists, and that is nice, though it is pretty limited. The story suffers from trying to pack in 3 storylines that don’t affect each other into the game. Instead of one being super fleshed out, you have three that are sort of fleshed out. Though it wouldn’t have had the same impact as one, I just feel that the storylines feel underdeveloped. 

 

In conclusion, I like this game. It does have some problems, though despite that it is a nice read. It has some decent length to it, and I feel that most will enjoy this story, especially if they frequent the forum or discord. I am between a 5 and a 6 on this one, though I’m not sure what to go for. Guess I’ll go up this time

 

6 out of 8

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

9 months ago
Commended by EndMaster on 11/11/2019 8:59:42 PM

22.

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/repression

 

So on my quest to review a ton of games, I thought, “Hey, why not read another EndMaster story?” So I’m going through his stories, looking for something short and sweet, then I stumble across a story I can’t believe I missed. At long last, I have found the emotional teen story my heart has longed for since I was a young lad, and written by EndMaster no less! Now even with my expectations being as high as they were, this game still manages to blow them out of the water. This is my 5th EndMaster story, and pardoning Necromancer and Death Song, this is my favorite. It may just be the fact that I’m a teenager myself, though I feel like it is something deeper than that. So I will be attempting to analyze this story not just from an enjoyment standpoint, though also from a critical one, though that will be hard seeing how much I love it.

 

I’ll start off with something that is very apparent. This story is fucking comedic gold. I know I say that for a lot of things, though this ranks very highly on my list. It is just another example for EndMaster’s talent to turn the most outlandish into an amazing story. This has the benefit of making whatever it is being some of the funniest shit ever transcribed onto paper. I mean look at some of these paths and tell me they aren’t just masterpieces. You have the low hanging fruit, though executed well path, in the forum of the school shooter path. Also I would like to point out that the path where you kill the mother, and listen to the sister reminded me of a situation similar to Love SICK. I just don’t even know what to say here, because this whole story is just so fucking funny. Also in typical EndMaster fashion, you can fuck your sister, and your mom. Just wanted to add that.

 

I guess I will also point out the branching. It is as amazing as always. Cave of Time style, and that is great because it makes my job easier by making it easy to read every page of this masterpiece. All the paths are very thought out as well. The main paths are the sister path, the mom path, the regular path, and the school shooter path. All of these are very well thought out and if you stay neutral and help the family get back together, you can get the best ending in the game. GROUP HUG!

 

In conclusion, I want to ramble on about this story for so much longer. There is so much I could cover though I’m afraid this review is long enough already. This is how you make an emotional teen story right people! Though it’s not like I tried and fell flat on my face with that before. In any case, I love this story, and critically I would most likely give this a score a point lower, or even 2. Though I love it too much for that

 

8 out of 8

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

9 months ago

Well I would commend this one but I already got 3 good ones that I like.

Enjoy your pointless point secondary reward.

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

9 months ago

23.

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/geek

 

 

Geek was a pretty fun game. I wouldn’t say it was my favorite out of the endmaster games, though it still is a EndMaster game, meaning that this is one of the best games on this site. I have always been a fan of the way endmaster does his little background pages, and while this game only has one, or three depends on how you count it, it is quite lengthy, and I would agree that it is necessary to enjoying this game. While I am giving advice you should take, and before I go into spoilers, I think this is a perfect time to address you people. I am putting the deplorable people who read reviews before playing the game center stage. If you are not bothered by mature content, THEN READ THIS GAME. Don’t read any other review, or anything just read it now. Now that all of them are gone, let's get into the main event. 

 

First off, I liked the branching in this story, though some things put me off. As with any of endmaster’s stories, the branching is great. This one is mainly split up into three paths, the Ringmaster path, the Randal path, and the Charlie path. They are all good, and if I’m not mistaken they all contain 2 “epilogues” of sorts. These were a problem for me. With a story this short, having six endings that revolve around an event that changes with your choices up to this point, it makes it seem like there is less branching. Still an amazing game, though it made it feel more liner because of them all ending up on the same event with death scattered around in between.

 

Besides the branching there isn’t much else I can say I dislike about the story. I love the main character as he just feels great. He reminds me of the protag of TRASH in a lot of ways. I also hate Charlie, though I don’t think he is a bad character, just someone you are supposed to hate. I also like the RIngmaster. Their character interested me, and it was sort of a gut punch to never know their true gender.

 

In conclusion, this game is pretty good. I hold it in high regard, though not as much as some other games, so I can’t give it a perfect score. It is one of the best horror games on the site however, and I think that if anyone can stand mature content, then they should read this.

 

7 out of 8

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

7 months ago

24.

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/when-the-music's-over

 

Holy fuck

 

Going into this I didn’t know what to expect. I’ve been meaning to read it for a while now, and I was not disappointed. It was just over all a great game, I don’t know how else to put it. Overall this game is great, and I don’t even have that many complaints about it. It is just that good. If you haven’t read this game yet, please just do it. It is just amazing, and you won’t regret it.

 

To start off the concept is amazing. What happens to that main character after the great quest. The one who has killed hundreds, lost friends, all in the name of his quest. What happens when he finishes it? What does he have to live for then? It is just go intriguing, and the story explores it well.

 

Now I’m going to talk about the big problem that everyone has already addressed, even you yourself. It is the fact that the king path is so short. It felt like the mission they went on was over before it even started. It shouldn’t have been that easy. It didn’t feel deserved. I wish that it was expanded upon more, but I know it wasn’t the point of the story. This story has a few main paths all around the same length, and while the king one is a little longer, it isn’t by a ton.

 

Another thing I noticed was how some endings ended so quickly. Oh I’m going to go out and do something and change th… end game and leave comments. While I understand while it had to happen, it is still kind of irritating. 

 

My favorite ending/path was the one when you were talking with your dead friends. I LOVED this path. Hearing about his friends in this game in general was great. They interested me a lot, and I love how you explored the fact that it could have been any one of them, and how they would have handled it. It only proves my point more about how does anyone live after they have accomplished the thing they worked so hard for. I just loved it.

 

Also that one path you said no one would get first try? You’re right, I got it second try lol.

 

In conclusion, this game is amazing. I think it definitely deserves its spot in the fantasy feature spot, and while it may not be the best, or second best, or third…While it may not be the best one there, being there at all is a great accomplishment, especially when 4 out 7 of those stories are on a god tier almost by default because of their author. In any case, my real problem here is whether it should be a 6 or a 7, and since it managed to surprise me…

 

7 out of 8

 

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

7 months ago

25.

https://chooseyourstory.com/story/the-sanguine-and-blackbeard's-cutlass

 

This story was pretty good. I’m probably not the demo for this, as I’m not much of a fan of pirates, but I enjoyed it. I’m not going to go over the top and say that it was amazing, but it was solid. For it’s length it branched a decent amount, and the writing was pretty good too. If you are a fan of pirates, or are just wanting to kill time you should read it, AND STOP READING THE REVIEWS.

The first thing I want to address is the dialogue. I think a lot of the time the story nailed it. Most writers struggle with creating good dialogue, or they struggle with describing things in the world. While this story did both those things well, I loved how witty the characters got, and I felt like I was hearing two real people talking. 

Another thing about the story is the branching. Near the start everything funnels down one path, but as it goes on it does have a decent bit of branching. That is always good, and like I said earlier it is impressive when done on a story of this size.

I did notice a few spelling mistakes here and there, but nothing too major that it distracted from the story. 

The characters were also pretty good. They felt real, and combined with the dialogue makes for very interesting conversations between the characters. I liked the first mate, she was pretty entertaining, and the path were she turns on you is great too.

All in all it is an entertaining game, and I had a fun time playing it. I’m sure I would have liked the game a lot more if I was into pirates, but alas that’s not the case. It still was a fun read though, and I liked how you incorporated magic into it.

Overall a solid 6/

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

7 months ago

26.

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/a-pixie-danced

 

Alright, so this was… interesting. Overall, I can see a large amount of passion poured into this story. It is clear that you worked hard on it, and it is of considerable length. 40k is nothing to scoff at. Though I can’t say that I loved this story, and that is a real shame because fantasy is my favorite genre. 

 

I don’t think the issue is the plot. I liked how the story played out. The pacing was pretty slow at times, but it was decent overall. I liked the characters as well. They didn’t grab me, but they weren’t bad, overall their quality was fairly average, and that isn’t a bad thing.

 

I found the branching was more heavy at the start and as the story went on there was less of it, though that wasn’t too bad. All the branches I found were fairly long, and that is good. I’m not sure if I would have prefered shorter branches and more branching, or the way it is. Just a thought.

 

The main problem for me, is that even though your writing is good, it seems like you are trying very hard to be complex. You tend to use at least one adjective to describe everything that happens. I find that the best authors can get their message across using simple sentences. What is happening here by doing this is you are breaking the immersion of the story, and making the reader stop and think a lot about what happened. This also messes with the pacing, and makes readers much more likely to just close the tab and walk away from what is a good story.

 

I think this game could have been solid. The whole immersion thing might just be a me thing, but it is what did it for me. I liked the story, but found myself unable to lose myself in it. Overall if this one thing was fixed I would rate this a 6 without question, and I might even consider a 7, but as it stands I can’t do that.

 

5 out of 8

 

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

7 months ago
Ew, you weren't supposed to actually pull these off.


Why do your last couple of posts in here randomly have black text? Like, it was actually set to black.

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

7 months ago

Pasted from Google docs on a computer. On my phone when I paste from google docs, I make it so it pastes as plain text. On computer I can't 

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

7 months ago

Even though the year is over, going to use this thread to see how many reviews I can amas before this account gets banned.

Last Quarter 2019 Total: 26

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

7 months ago

27.

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/i-went-to-the-graveyard

 

This was very different than what I expected. The whole game has a very unique branching style I wish I would see more. This idea was brilliant, and since you are a good writer overall the execution is great as well. Before reading this review you should play the game. That means you, you bitch who reads the reviews before playing the game and gets spoiled on them. TLDR this game is worth playing. Now go play it.

 

Starting with the idea, this game takes place in a graveyard. Depending on what you take to the graveyard, and what you do with it, you are one of many characters. I like the setting overall, because graveyards are just interesting. I can’t get too much into the idea without describing what the main draw, at least for me, is, and that is…

 

The branching! I love the branching in this game. Like I said earlier on the first page you pick what you take to the graveyard. You can take a knife, casket, flowers, or a bell. Once you pick your item, you have two options on what to do with it. Then the game is over. Each path is only 3 pages, and what this allows is for the author to create 8 paths, witch are very fleshed out for being 3 pages. All of them felt super complete, and the fact that that is every possible in a game with 9.2k words and 13 pages is astonidening. This game feels like 8 short stories connected only by their setting. While some may not like that, I do.

 

In conclusion, this game is great. The only thing that I’m unsure about is what to rate it. As much as I want to give it a 7, I don’t feel I can. With this length, it is almost impossible to write something worthy of a 7. There just isn’t enough room to work with to get to the necessary level. Though I will say this game is great, and I hope you continue writing.

 

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

7 months ago
28.

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/pitka's-fables



This was intriguing. Before I spoil anything, you need to play this game first. Reading a review of it will spoil everything unique about it. So GO PLAY THE GAME. I will tell you right off the bat that it is worth picking up. If you are reading this, then you have some interest in it or the author, so just do it.

With that out of the way this game can be split into two parts. The first part is the fables, and the second is the mental breakdown portion of it. While I prefer the latter, they both were very good.

The fables themselves were fairly well done. I did go back and read all of them, and I liked them all. My favorite was the sages, but they are all worth a read. I'm not sure if you wrote all the fables, but if you did that is even more impressive. While they all are pretty generic, I like that they focused on a particular theme and were normally pretty short. All in all, not bad.

Then there is the depression section. I tend to like the games that introduce meta elements, especially when they are executed well. It sure is a good thing that this story was executed very well. This section makes up a good portion of the story, and nearly all of the branching. The story isn’t very long by any means, but it is enjoyable.

In conclusion I like this story. It is well done, and it combines two concepts I enjoy a lot. I have a fondness for fables, and a fondness for games with meta elements. The branching isn’t very vast, but it works for what it is. This is a story you sit down and read. Then you walk away. It is no masterpiece, but it is solid, and sometimes that’s all a book needs.

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

4 months ago
First Quarter 2020: 2 reviews

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

4 months ago
29.

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/facts-about-the-planet-and-the-solar-system

Let me start off by saying that I love this. I love the state my brain is now in. I have been awakened into my new form by this game. This game has truly enlightened me. I was a only a dumb child before this game. In many regards I still am, but now I KNOW. I know the things. There is so much brillance here I can't fathom it all. It makes me weep with joy now that I know I have been freed. Mizal, just know that you have truly inspired change in me. Because of this story I will wash off all fruit before eating it. I will stop eating while sitting on the floor. And most importantly I will stop posting pics of my food on the discord.

As a turtle myself I'm amazed at the history of my people. To think that we could be responsible for this much is mind boggling. I can not comprehend this anymore. To think for all this time I've been LIED too! Thank you once more for helping me escape the shackles of ignorance and enter the green robes of knowledge. I also like the definitions. It helped me understand the text a lot better. If not for them I wouldn't have learned the word "debunked".

I will show this to all my friends. They WILL believe. If they don't I swear I will kidnap them, and torture them until they do. They WILL know of god. It is for their own good! I will be like those people in bird box tearing off blindfolds, but instead putting random people in my basement. They have to know. THEY HAVE TO. They must know of the sacrifices Turtle Mother went through to keep us safe.

Look Im a ormal uy. I hep them SEE. THey WELL C. I gOt to go hid. Mom trying to force me pills. I no want pills. I SEEEEE.

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

4 months ago
30.

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/a-very-special-choose-your-story

This story was... something. I felt in the mood to read an endmaster story, and I was deciding between this an imagination. Let's just say they are two diferent ends of the spectrum. I didn't know there was a story on this site more revolting than love sick, but here it is. Despite all that I love it. It is a great story and if you haven't read it then go read it right now. Then go read the butter bear, because you will need it after this.

So to start off I don't want to think that a parent decided not to read through this and read it for the first time with their son. Imagine granny and little timmy sitting on the couch, and getting the mutant baby ending. Not a pretty picture. The first ending I got was the cult one, and it was one of the more sicking ones. After reading through every page of this story, I like the endings. They are structured pretty well, and if you go and try to be popular then you choose a thing you want to do and make a choice about that thing. Then you see how you fail. It's very simple. The endings always felt very different, and the morals are sometimes very helpful! Or not, but whatever.

So I get why it is offensive to a lot of people. It has a lot of generalizations about large groups of people. Some who deserve it like the skin heads, but others not so much. That's okay though, because this a story. You don't have to read it, and it wasn't written to be taken serouisly. Believe it or not, you can disagree with someone on the internet and not insult them. It's a thing

This story game also has that endmaster flair to it. I've mentioned this in many reviews, but something about his writing makes everything good. If grammar is how good the burger looks, and plot is the patty, then style is the sauce, and endmaster has the krabby patty secret formula.

All in all, this story was great. I loved it and while I'm not sure I would recommend many people read it, if can handle it and remember that not everyone thinks like you do then you should be fine. It is still a endmaster story after all, and a pretty short one all things considering.

6/8

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

3 months ago
31. http://chooseyourstory.com/story/imagination This story was alright. It is a bit limited seeing as it is a children's story, but it is still better than a lot of the stories on this site. It's hard to gather my thoughts on it, since it's very strange, There are a lot of aspects that I could count as faults, but they aren't because this is a children's game. Looking at it with that in mind makes for a very diffrent expirence overall. Before I go and spoil everything about this story go read it. Even if you are turned off by this being a children's story, it is worth it. This is written by endmaster after all. So starting off I'm going to talk about those "faults" I mentioned. The first is the simplicity of the story. Though this is forgivable because this is a children's story. Even if it wasn't simple stories are often great, because they have a simple premise and narrow focus, Another one is the characters. They seemed very bland. There was the one guy who got talked out of being bad into good, but everyone seems to believe everything the kid says, and it doesn't seem like there is much defining each character, besides a few things on each. Though again, this is a children;s story. Meaning that having a few things to know about each is intended. And this isn't always the case! The palidins each were very defined, and I liked them. To sum up my last two points, they don't matter. These faults that would normally be major factors, but they have no role here, because the type of story excuses them. Now the major part I am confused about this story. Who is this for? This can be enjoyed by people who like deeper fiction, but the target auidence is children. This story is structured in a way like a children's story, and it reads like that. Though most children can't read this. I can say with very confidently that very few kids below forth grade can get through this. In fact most forth graders can't. I would say by fifth grade around 50 percent could get through this if they really liked it. Hell right now, in eighth grade, I know of some kids who wouldn't get through this. Though the kids on this site are into writing, so we can assume a large amount of fifth graders can get through this, and beyond fifth most kids into writing can. In 5th they are like 10-11, and 6th they are like 11-12. This is assuming that fifth graders can read this, and that might be a little bit of a stretch. I would say by the time they go into 7th grade, or even 6th grade they have left the target auidence of this story. All of this to say that it reads very much like a children's story, and it's not like the vocab is too bad, but the pages are dense. They aren't dense compared to teen or adult fiction, but it is very discriptive for a children's story, and I feel by the time they grow old enough that their attention span is long enough to read books that contain actual descriptions they will have been on the verge of leaving the target auidence. I think instead of a children's story this is more of a nice, sweet, wholesome story. Though not something I would try and read to my 2ed grade sister The branching was more liner here, though that isn't too much of a bad thing. There is a decent bit. I feel like there are 4 main branches you can go down, and the rest of the choices lead in death. Though it still branches quite a bit, and does it well. Though while it is simple, as a result it becomes very wholesome. This is a story I would recommend if someone just got done being amazed and horrified at the work of AVSCYS. The protag himself is very lovable, and acts like a believable kid, I still wish I knew how his battle with his toys turned out. All in all this story is wholesome. I'm not sure if I can agree with this being a children's story though. In terms of rating I would rate it a VERY high 5. It might even be a 6, but I can't quite give it that. This story I think is defined by "Fun for everyone" 5/8

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

3 months ago
32. http://chooseyourstory.com/story/paradise-violated Now this story is really good. There is no other way to put it besides that. Sci-Fi isn't my favorite genre, but even so this was a pretty good story. It is good in almost ever aspect, and if you haven't read it, then I emplore you to go and do so. Same goes with any of EndMaster's works. I'm still making my way through the catalog myself, but so far ever single one of his stories is worthy of praise. So before you read my review, go read this story. Now the first thing that that I loved about this story is it's characters. The captain has this sense of personality to him, and I love it. It is all too easy to create a protag that is generic, and bland so that your reader can project theirself onto them. While I'm not say that is a bad idea, and for some games it is even favorable, I like it when the character is his own person. As for the other characters, there are also amazing. Salo is one that I hated and loved at the same path. In fact, the ending where you become an indoctrinator is my favorite. He is my favorite character in this story, though not my most liked. Alyssa is also really good. Her backstory is a little gernic, but that isn't too bad. The character who I didn't really like was LaFluer, who I had to look at his name since I forgot. He kind of irks me, and I never really liked him at all. His backstory was good though, and overall he isn't badly written The branching was pretty good. It had a lot of paths, and it was spread out well. They helped to really establish the world, and the state of everything. The only gripe is that a lot of the endings where you live are pretty simlar, though that is to be expected since all you did was survive and not tell the empire anything To sum everything up, this story was pretty good. I enjoyed it a lot, and that is saying something since I didn't think I would with the premise. I am going to have to rate it a 6 though. 6 is a big catagory, and for me it is for the stories that are great, and that enjoyed, but to get into 7 it has to be one of the best. Though I do recommend this story to anyone who is stupid enough to have read through my review without reading the game. 6/8

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

3 months ago
33. http://chooseyourstory.com/story/soul-thief So this story struck me as very strange. It is very unlike anything I have read on this site, and it was shocking to read it. If you haven't read it and are just reading my comment because you are the kind of person who reads comments before reviews then go read it now. It truly is a very good story, and I think it deserves more attention. Even if you don't like love and dating stories, you should also read it. It is about love, but there is so much more to it then that. So to start things off I'm going to talk about the highlight of the story. The characters. This story is very character based. In fact this story would be awful if they sucked. Characters and the idea of them being gods are really all this story has, so it's a good thing I love them so much. Oberon's lack of quotation marks was something I noticed, and while I understand it was intentional, I didn't really like it. Oberon himself was very cool, and I assume EndMaster was a infulence for him. Irene was also really sweet and I loved her. Her being created by Edol to fall in love with him, only for her to fall in love with her polar oposite was very cool. Speaking of Edol, he makes the read hate him so much and it just works. And when he kills best girl you FEEL Oberon's anger in that moment. You want him dead, and want Oberon to win no matter what. Now with Adora and Despond. I like Despond a lot more, and while I like Adora, the way she is always hurting Despond with no drawbacks iruks me. It gives me a real brother sister vibe, but with Adora being the favorite child. It makes me feel very bad for Despond. Though I wouldn't say this is a fault of the story, and I can get behind the brother sister thing they have going on. It feels very natural between the two. The fact that they each loved a human only for them to die is another thing they have in common. They feel like polar opposites, but at the same time they feel so simlar. They feel like two scared children. Now Athena and Mira. These two are the characters that have the least amount of thing behind them. Athena is very proud and that is shown when she tries to shoot Mira and cries, "No one is immune to my arrows!" I like how much she doesn't care about much more than having fun. She likes the humans sure, but she is a middle ground between Despond and Adora. She is just looking for a good time. Now Mira. There isn't to her character until she becomes Sage. It feels a lot like that was all she was made for. I like how Peace was made from Death and Chaos though, that was a nice touch. She was alright, but she is easily the one I am the least intrested in in this amazing cast of characters. Now stepping away from that we get to what is most strange about this story. The branching, It is so strange! A lot of the time it follows this path. The page you're on normally has two links. A and B. Now page A will lead to page C and D. And page B will lead the Page C and E. And then E and D will either lead to F or C. And C will either lead to D and E or F. This makes someone who wants to see every page very frusterated, but this is not a fault of the story. Now what is a fault in terms of the branching is the lack there of. This story has no real choices, and for the most part any pages you didn't click on still happen. There is also only one ending, and that is something I only consider really acceptable in game or puzzle storygames. The one ending this is the biggest flaw of this game by far, and is it's only real major one. I will say that the game isn't really focused on who the soul thief is. I mean it is, but a lot of the game is just remebering past events. which is fine. It was kind of a let down for it to be Edol all along, like that was some big mystery. Though it doesn't really matter. While this game is called Soul Thief, this is really a game exploring the god realtionships with each other. And that is very good. All in all this is a very good game. I shouldn't give it a 7, since it has no branching, but while I'm hestient to call it branching, the way the choices work deeply surpised me, and I was not expecting it. This review has been by far the longest I have written, ~850 words, but this story had a lot to talk about, I feel like anyone should read it and it deserved it's feature. 7/8

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

one month ago
It's time for epic things at epic stakes!!!

Within the next two weeks, starting tommrow, I will be writing one review for every 2 days. So starting on July 12th, ending on 11:59 PM july 24th I will have finished 7 reviews.

If When I fail please take 1000 points away.

The theme for this review sprint is contest stories, or stories by newer writers. Not a hard rule, just an idea.

NOW LET REVIEW SPRINT #1 BEGIN!!!!!!!

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one month ago
Locked

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

one month ago

the swine draw power from their horrid markings and crude idols; tear them down! 

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

28 days ago
34.

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/aenigma-academy

I'm not exactly sure how to feel about this game. On one hand it definitely has it's shortcomings. There are many of them, and I will go over them at length later. However there is something about it I just can't place. I'm going to try my best to articulate my thoughts on this story.

For starters a lot of the writing, mostly the dialogue, feels… forced. I'm not sure the correct way to describe it but it doesn't feel natural at all. There are also things like how a malnourished thief living on the streets can accomplish the jungle obstacle course. It's not just that the protag can, most of the people at least make it through. That's bullshit, because by the sound of it it is something most people couldn't do even if they trained for it.

Now about the three courses. The one I liked the least was the cipher training. I'm not sure what the author expected you to do here. Like I guess you could copy paste every code into decoders. What I personally did, and what I suspect many others did, is just click ever choice until it worked. The one thing I liked about this though is that seeing lorem ipsum made me laugh. It might be the thing I remember most about this game in the long run.

The fighting one was pretty standard. Just descriptions about what happened. I enjoyed it. Not much else.

Now my favorite one was the logic one. I really liked the puzzles. They were pretty standard, and were easy for me, but I still liked them. I will admit I just clicked through on the last one since that one would have involved me using a piece of paper. It was well designed though.

The branching was pretty good. You have the intro, the three trainings, and the end. It is very much a branch and bottleneck. It is pretty good for what it is.

In conclusion this story gets a 4/8. The main thing holding the story back is the quality of the writing. I liked the plot, I liked the branching, I just didn't like the writing itself and the polishing errors that happened like spelling and grammar. I think your writing will improve in time and you will write something pretty good. When that day comes I look forward to reading it.

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

18 days ago
I have made a small edit to Serpent's post reflecting his current odds of success.

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

17 days ago
35.

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/i-don't-need-air-to-breathe

Now this storygame certainly surprised me. At the time of writing it is rated a 4.61. I'm am of the oppoien that this storygame is very underrated. It isn't the best thing I've ever read, but it sits at a comfortable 12k words, making it a pretty short read and easy to recommend. My main flaws with it stem from this short word count, because there is a lot more that could be done. This was however done for a contest, something that makes me apperate it even more.

The first thing I would like to discuss about this game is something that I think is important to any story, and that is character. I enjoyed the characters in this story. The main character in particular is intresting to me since she has elements of her past self, mixed in with her programming. This makes for an intresting dynamic. There is also Jared. I liked that he moved onto another person within the two years she was gone. It is very realistic, seeing as he looked for something to fill the void. I also like that he already got the new girl pregneant around the 1 year mark as that is filling another void in the form of his daughter that died where she died. Jared lost everything in that car crash, and had to move on. I also really like the protag's reaction to this, as from her perseptive witin a year he had already moved on enough to get another girl pregenant.

Now the second thing I want to talk about is the branching. This is easily the worst thing about the game. The game is short, and there isn't that much branching going on, or at least it doesn't feel like there is. While there may have been six endings, it feels like there was room for so much more. The only path I wasn't a big fan of was the one where you tackled the military with Jared. I just didn't feel like it gelled well with the other paths. The path where you screw that one guy was funny though. I liked how he was outraged because he "fucked a plastic person."

Now there are other things, but that is the main jist of my thoughts on the story. There were a few spelling errors here and there, but overall it was pretty good. I liked the writing, and I don't really see why it is rated so low. I'm torn between a 5 and a 6, but I think i'm going to have to give it a 6.

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

16 days ago
36.

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/the-cottage-and-the-'73-rallye

First I want to say I'm impressed. I've always found that horror is a very hard catagory to write for. In fact of the ones on the site, I'd say the only one harder is romance. The readers know that they are going into this to be scared, and as a result you have to try a lot harder to creep them out. You can't even use cheap tricks like jumpscares or creepy images to scare the reader. You have to paint the atomosphere in the readers mind and scare them that way.

I think this story convey's horror really well. The atmosphere is spot on, and I felt on edge while reading it. It's all about suspense and tension, and this story builds that really well. This story impressed me because I'm used to feeling on the edge of my seat often, and this story acomplished that. I didn't go in expecting anything spectacular, but I was wrong. This story is great.

The writing was really great too, and is a major asset in favor of the story. I was imerssed from the onset. I like your style of writing, and there were a few lines that made me cringe, it is still really good.

The characters feel kind of flat. They were sort of intresting, but I wouldn't say I cared too much about the parents at all. Emma I did though, and that's good.

The branching was pretty good also. There were a decent number of endings, and they were all pretty good, I didn't notice until I read mizal's comment that Emma is never confirmed dead in any of them, so that was a nice touch.

In conclusion this story is great. It has great writing, and I hope you write more stories, since you have a skill for imerssing the reading into the story really well. All in all this is a really high 6, and it might even be a seven if improved upon or if I reread it in the future.

6/8

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

16 days ago
37.

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/the-jungle-book

Alright this story wasn't the worst thing I've ever read. It wasn't the best either. I think that is in large part to do with me not being a huge fan of the setting. I mean the setting was okay, but I don't find the idea of going into a jungle to track down a ape that exciting myself. I mean half the game isn't even in the jungle! Also there is the name. Why? It doesn't seem to be a good idea in any regard. This isn't a fan fiction so I'm unsure why you would name it after a famous movie. There is also the font. I didn't hate it as much as mizal did, but I wasn't that big of a fan of it.

So the branching was the most okay thing about this story. At the start there are many paths, and while they all end pretty early besides the one that takes you into the jungle, they are there and have a lot of endings between them. I think it was about 8, which is really impressive. Now inside the jungle you make all these desiseons, and one path is clearly the true ending, where you find the beast. There are so many endings in this story, and it's pretty impressive given the word count.

There is also the protag. I like his background, and how he wants to break free. A noble who feels restriced and wants to look for a beast. The story has an okay set up, but the setting wasn't really for me.

In conclusion, this story wasn't really for me. I liked the story, but I didn't really love it. It was put together pretty well, but it just wasn't for me. I'm sure there are other people who will get more enjoyment out of this than me, and for that I'm giving this story a ?

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

16 days ago
38.

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/when-johnny-comes-marching-home

This story was really good. I see why it went on to when the noob contest. Out of the ones I have read so far, all of them except the horror one, the writing here is the highest quality. Would I have put it at the top of my list? I'm not exactly sure. Though from a technical standpoint it is really good, espically considering it was written for a contest. I feel it deserves the first place spot, even if it wasn't my of the stories. I'm not even sure if it's my favorite or not. There is one I might have liked more, but I'm not sure.

Now the branching was really good. There were so many endings for the word count. The endings also changed a lot which is good, since varity is very important. I like having a lot of diffrent endings, it keeps the story fresh. The branching also seemed to follow logical choices, Like will you stay with your men or leave them behind. It's better to have choices that would both be made. Unlike having two choices be, walk slowly through the jungle, and rush through the jungle. In that situation we have nothing to go on. In most situations it is better to go slow than fast.

The writing quality was great. The dialouge felt real to me and the prose was great. The writing sucks you in from start to finish, and it didn't really feel like a chore to read like some of the other stories did.

In conclusion this story is great. I really liked it, and it feels compleat. While I would like more in the same setting, I don't think you should flesh out this game any more than it is. It has a sense of closer with the endings, and it is great just how it is.

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

16 days ago
39.

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/following-orders

Honestly, I'm not the biggest fan. I'd be lying if I said that this was really that enjoyable. The whole story just feels so... boring. I'm not sure any other way to put that. I would prefer some goofy mess, that is awful to something that is boring. Boredom in fact is the worst thing you can do as a writer.

The whole story was so bland. I didn't really care about the characters. I didn't care about the world, though that might be because I'm not a huge fan of the setting. It's just hard for me to say really anything about this game. It exists. I will probally forget everything that has happened in it within a days time. Hell, some of the characters don't even have names.

Now another major issue for me is the writing itself. The descriptions are bland, and the writing feels so forced. Like you thought of something then wrote it. If I want to have a, "Mountain that seems impossible to cross," I'm not going to say, "They looked at the mountain, impossible to cross." I'll instead say something like, "They gazed upon the mountain. With the snow piling up, their wagons stand no chance if they were to attempt to cross." Now that isn't the best descriptions, but you see how it's better. You want to be painting a picture in your readers mind. You want to transport them to that world, because that is what reading is about.

Now the branching is okay I guess. I don't see a real problem with it. It seems to be kind of liner, but that's fine. This is the most fine thing about the story.

In conculsion this story is very forgetable. I didn't really enjoy reading it to be honest. Now there is consederable effort, and it isn't garbage, so I'll rate it a 4 out of 8.

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

16 days ago
40.

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/savior

This story is interesting. On one hand it feels like so much more could have been done. There could have been so much more that could have happened with the character in this world. On the other hand it's so... EPIC! Like the whole thing is epic battles of high porpoutions. It has this feeling to it, that you would typically only find in super long stories like eternal.

Now let me talk about the whole epic thing. This is the biggest selling point of the whole story. You go around fight insane battles, against overpowered creatures. This whole thing feels like the final arc of an anime. You go around slaying epic creatures. Speaking of which you start off facing a fucking demon, and slaying him with no effort. Like really? You think after seeing how overpowered the main character is how will he ever lose.

Next is the branching. I wasn't that big of a fan to be honest. It felt pretty good, until you go back and see that most of the choices were nothing choices, that rebranched back into the main story. A benifit to this is that the story ends up feeling a lot longer then normal. It lets a story of it's length have a lot more content then it seems. If this was a cave of time story then there is no way this much stuff could have happened in this little words. So while the branching isn't the best, I can't really fault it too much here,

In conclusion this story is epic. It's biggest downfall is the word count being what it is. As mizal pointed out, I didn't think I was going to get a epic story by reading the description by thankfully I was wrong. I really hope you expand upon this story and make it longer.

6 out of 8

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

16 days ago

Thank you for the review and feedback.

More will come later, right now I'm just fixing some things with the current iteration, although this leads me to believe that you might have missed some things.

I'll add the second half of the game ASAP, but for now, I'll just be fixing things (including a description).

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

16 days ago
I DID IT!!!!!!!!!

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

16 days ago
And all it took was loads of verbal abuse, upping your bet to a thousand without consent, threats of banishment, and locking you in the closet for a week after beating you with a hose!

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

16 days ago
I probably would need all those things to get anything done either, and I'm not even joking.

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

16 days ago

a trifling victory, but a victory nonetheless 

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

16 days ago
A moment of respite. A chance to steel oneself against the coming horrors.

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views

7 days ago
From now on a lot of my reviews won't be super in depth and long. I will give in depth reviews to some games, but for most it will just be my thoughts on them. Unless I post it in this thread I do not consider it an in depth review of the game, and it is just what I think of it. There is a good chance that I will revist a lot of the games I did short reviews on and read them later.