Note: I may be using the wrong term here, but it's clear what I mean.
I was re-reading Shadow of a God-King to see where I can improve it (in order to procrastinate on writing reviews, writing other stuff, and adding branches to SoaGK), and in the process I realized I made an immersion-breaking error. But it's one most readers probably wouldn't catch either. It's the Authorial Familiarity Bleed error.
This is where something the author is very familiar with seeps into the story, the characters, and/or the world, and it ends up screwing up the authenticity of story in some way or another. In my case, I am very familiar with healing magic, because it's all over RPGs, video games, fantasy novels, television and movies. We all are, really. But my character Azalea? Why in the world would she be familiar with it to the point that it holds no novelty to her?
In the story at the wedding, her hand is cut to exchange blood with Amun-Ka, and then she goes over to the magician and is healed. Here is the passage:
"You bow respectfully to the Pharaoh, then swiftly move to the magician, whose whispered incantation immediately seals your wound, leaving only a faint ache. You watch as the remaining Brides all experience what you just did, and after the Pharaoh speaks over Sati as her hand is clasped with Amun-Ka's, the High Priest raises his hands in triumph. Everyone in the courtyard cheers."
The question is, why would a merchant's daughter who lives miles away from any major city, who spent most of her life near a delta, not be amazed at having a wound on her hand healed by magic? Why would she be so nonchalant about it? Even if she knew about it, she would still be pretty astounded, would she not? Because healing magic is NOT something she experiences day-to-day, or ever. That's unrealistic and ridiculous. So, I re-wrote it to this (rough draft):
"You bow respectfully to the Pharaoh, then swiftly move to the magician, offering him your hand as the other Brides before you have done. He clasps it between both of his own, then leans forward and breathes on your skin.
"To your amazement, his whispered incantation immediately seals your wound, leaving only a faint ache. You were told this would happen—you knew the cut would be healed right after—but you hadn't quite believed it. Of all the marvels you have witnessed these last few days, this one is the most incredible. Because you didn't just see it. You felt it.
Glancing around, you notice everyone else seems to take the magic in stride. Maybe Zhara is right—maybe you really are just a country bumpkin. Feeling self-conscious, you take a slow breath and turn your focus back to the ceremony. You watch as the remaining Brides all experience what you just did, and after the Pharaoh speaks over Sati as her hand is clasped with Amun-Ka’s, the High Priest raises his hands in triumph. Everyone in the courtyard cheers."
Now she is properly amazed at having a wound healed on her body. Much better, IMHO.
So, the tl/dr point of all this?
Be careful that things YOU are familiar with don't leak into your story, causing your CHARACTERS to become unjustifiably familiar with them. It reduces their authenticity. Maybe no one will notice it. No one in any of the reviews noticed this in my own story. I didn't until months after publishing. But I feel like if you want your characters to be as authentic as possible, you have to be on your guard to make sure the pieces of yourself that go into your characters are only pieces that would be plausible for your characters to have.
That is all. Resume ignoring this thread.
