Ages of Tomorrow

Hi, I like your game. But needs to be better. Part 2. Luis gives a 0/10, but the class gives a 5 and Gumiero gives a 10.

This is being taken down for low ratings. Wasn't a bad concept, there's just so little actual writing. The description was by far the most interesting part of the entire game, and almost half the length of it.

Sorry but the bad english makes this story unreadable next time make sure you get a proof reader

I liked the pictures and they should be kept in, and the scripting worked too. Otherwise, you should ask a better English writer to proofread and edit your writing for spelling and grammatical errors for you, not squish your writing next to the pictures, read more stories and see what your favorite stories do better that this story doesn't, and work on adding and polishing details, to improve the story.

Between the very bad writing and the completely incoherent plot, this is almost impossible to read. You really have to work on your English.

This was admittedly a struggle to read through. As someone who is also bilingual, I understand the difficulty of writing a story in a non-native language - it is no easy accomplishment to do so. Even that being said, there's, frankly, little other redeeming traits for this story. Throughout the entire length of it I was utterly confused as to who I was and what I was supposed to do, or why certain events were so crucial (what in the world does planting grapes in ancient Rome have anything to do with the mission I'm embarking on? What mission even AM I embarking on?)

This is in dire need of work, much more than a bit of touching up. I would highly suggest you at least read through some of our library of storygames as you do so for a bit of inspiration. Good luck.

I wasn't going to take off any points for grammar, since this is clearly not written by a native English speaker. However, where's the dialogue? Where's the character development? Where's the foreshadowing? Where are the high stakes? Where is the reason to care about this story and its main character?

I appreciate the difficulty of writing in a second or third language, but that only affects the grammar. The rest? Needs work.