Atlantis

You know that slow loading time in between pages in a storygame? Yeah, it’s a nice break and is welcome in a long, wordy storygame. But when you have to spend more time waiting than actually reading, it gets pretty tedious. This is doubly true when the choices are all arbitrary ‘stay put’ or ‘run’ decisions and every other page looks damn near identical. I often do question whether an author put effort into making a storygame fun when it was written, but in this case it’s almost like you were deliberately making a boring experience for the player. At least you didn't make us play through a really long story like this. Having said that, this is also one of this game’s downfalls.

Because your story was so short, and there was so little plot and zero character development, I felt no investment whatsoever in this. I felt nothing when the player character was shot. Dying or almost dying gave me no emotions of dread, disgust, defeat or even anything, for that mattter. There was no sense of victory when I won. All I got was a crappy non-item (i.e. unusable, useless and not even cosmetically, humorously or otherwise extrinsically rewardig) with the default shit-coloured sack image at the end. It was just click, click, lose, click, click, win.

How do storygames like this get published? Seriously, what does anyone get out of this? Other people don’t enjoy playing rubbish like this. Did you, the author, enjoy making this? I don’t see how you could have fun writing something with so little effort put into it, but I'm hoping that you did have fun. At least someone would have gotten some joy out of this.

Fuck you for making anyone play through this awful, no-thought-given piece of garbage. If you ever do return to this website, which is doubtful, I hope you unpublish this.

You should vary your sentence structure so that all of your sentences do not start with "You". I also noticed it is possible to pick up 3 ray guns. I doubt that was intentional. Proofreading for Grammar errors and story inconsistencies, and having you game play-tested before publishing would have eliminated many of your errors

I want to give you guys higher ratings, I really do. I can see the effort and the desire to make orignal and funny games, which they are. But, you guys didn't really do well in the spelling or descriptions of the story. Things really happend quickly and I really didn't know what was going on.

My advice is too work harder and longer on your stories, at least for two weeks. If you do that, your stories will be much better.

3/8

Random punctuation, misspelled words, and more grammatical errors than I am willing to overlook. If there was a story here instead of just a series of random events, I couldn't find it.

Its truly good but wheres the description?

A little bit mystifying to be honest, I think sentence structuring and coherency are the best things to improve here. Unless the author's young in which case it was a good effort :D

Utter waste of my time.

"You forget to breathe so you suffocate and die"

...seems legit.

A trillion dollars? Damn, I could start my own country.

so good lol